Today brought more tornados...yes, I really do feel like I live in Kansas now! At least seven tornado touchdowns in my part of the country, and the tornados sirens by my house went off three times. Scary...
So, after the first storms were over this evening, I had a babysitter, and my boyfriend and I decided to go to the movies. We figured we had at least three or four hours before the second round of storms got here.
What movie did we decide on? 'The Day After Tomorrow', of course! I love mindless disaster movies, and after surviving this week, it seemed a fitting choice.
So we're sitting in the movie theater, and the movie is almost over, and...the lights go out in the theater. Goodbye movie, hello emergency lights.
Yes, it was another tornado! (I can't believe in just a week's time I've become relatively calm about these things.)
How ironic is it that we missed the end of this weather disaster movie...because of a weather disaster?
The theater management made us stay inside until the storm passed. When we finally left, there was no electricity, no traffic lights, and there was debris everywhere.
I was very thankful when I got home and realized that my house was still okay, and I even had electricity. There are those around here who are not so lucky...some with no electricity, and some with no houses.
I hope and pray that things will get better tomorrow for everyone affected by today's storms.
Sunday, May 30, 2004
Green
Some things to be thankful for...
I was thankful Friday morning taking my daughter to camp and myself to work...trees were down, EVERYWHERE, from Thursday night's storms. I only had to think of us, out, the night before, in the middle of it, to be incredibly grateful that we made it home safely.
Today, my 3-year old nephew fell from the top bunk (don't ask what he was doing up there to begin with!), breaking a window in the process, and landed on the floor WITHOUT A SCRATCH ON HIM...he and my daughter were incredibly freaked out about it and I didn't think I'd ever get them to stop crying, but then it was over and he was perfect as ever. Again, incredibly grateful, and humbled...
My boyfriend has had to work long hours this week, including today...all in all I think he ended the week at about 80 hours. (...Yes, I HATE his job, but I'll try not to rant about this now as this is a THANKFUL entry!) When he got off work today, he dragged his old, broken-down body (this is how he describes himself!) out to church so that he could do the weed-eating...I went to help him so he could get done faster...and that's what made me thankful. Tired as we were, our bodies are strong, and relatively healthy, and I'm so grateful I'm alive and well.
And, as much as I'm the hermit leave-me-alone type, I'm so very thankful for my family...who won't ever leave me alone and who sometimes get on my nerves, but I couldn't live without them. My mother is my everything...my grandmother, loves me so much...my grandfather, who I admire more than anyone in the world. I'd be lost without them.
I can go on and on...my beautiful daughter, who brings such joy to my life (and also other great feelings seeing as how she is now a moody, hormonal pre-teen)...my awesome boyfriend, who today surprised me with a brand-new air conditioner (awesome, right?!)...my church, my job...
I'm having a good time, right now. Not getting nearly enough sleep, still having the occasional panic attack, and completely overwhelmed with life stuff, but still...enjoying it while I can. Bad times are always soon to follow a good spell, my depression may come back at any time, and I'm feeling this urgent need to soak in as much happiness as possible, because pretty soon it may all go away...
So, while I can, accepting the hard things and all, I'm so thankful I'm here. Feeling like Hob Gadling these days...I choose life!
I was thankful Friday morning taking my daughter to camp and myself to work...trees were down, EVERYWHERE, from Thursday night's storms. I only had to think of us, out, the night before, in the middle of it, to be incredibly grateful that we made it home safely.
Today, my 3-year old nephew fell from the top bunk (don't ask what he was doing up there to begin with!), breaking a window in the process, and landed on the floor WITHOUT A SCRATCH ON HIM...he and my daughter were incredibly freaked out about it and I didn't think I'd ever get them to stop crying, but then it was over and he was perfect as ever. Again, incredibly grateful, and humbled...
My boyfriend has had to work long hours this week, including today...all in all I think he ended the week at about 80 hours. (...Yes, I HATE his job, but I'll try not to rant about this now as this is a THANKFUL entry!) When he got off work today, he dragged his old, broken-down body (this is how he describes himself!) out to church so that he could do the weed-eating...I went to help him so he could get done faster...and that's what made me thankful. Tired as we were, our bodies are strong, and relatively healthy, and I'm so grateful I'm alive and well.
And, as much as I'm the hermit leave-me-alone type, I'm so very thankful for my family...who won't ever leave me alone and who sometimes get on my nerves, but I couldn't live without them. My mother is my everything...my grandmother, loves me so much...my grandfather, who I admire more than anyone in the world. I'd be lost without them.
I can go on and on...my beautiful daughter, who brings such joy to my life (and also other great feelings seeing as how she is now a moody, hormonal pre-teen)...my awesome boyfriend, who today surprised me with a brand-new air conditioner (awesome, right?!)...my church, my job...
I'm having a good time, right now. Not getting nearly enough sleep, still having the occasional panic attack, and completely overwhelmed with life stuff, but still...enjoying it while I can. Bad times are always soon to follow a good spell, my depression may come back at any time, and I'm feeling this urgent need to soak in as much happiness as possible, because pretty soon it may all go away...
So, while I can, accepting the hard things and all, I'm so thankful I'm here. Feeling like Hob Gadling these days...I choose life!
Thursday, May 27, 2004
Isn't it swell
Wow, Tuesday's storm has nothing on tonight's. My electricity is in imminent danger of going out any time now. There's been at least four confirmed tornado touchdowns in the area so far. And the line of storms keep coming.
I was at the Y and was watching the storm's progression the whole time on the TVs there. It started out up in Indiana so I figured I had time before it got to Louisville. Then I lost track of time and when I came back around with four machines left, the line of storms was at the river.
I quickly whipped through my last sets, ran to the teen room, collected my daughter, and we ran to the car. It wasn't raining yet, but there was a very black ugly wide mass of clouds to the north.
When I got to the car I had about a million calls on my cell phone. In addition to my grandmother (just like last time), this time also my mom, my dad, and my boyfriend had all called me to see why I wasn't at home. They always do that...I know they love me, but sometimes I wonder why they don't call my brother and bug him like the way they bug me. Not sure why there's a difference there, but there is...
So I thought I'd make it home before we got hit, but by the time I was driving by the southwest side of the park leaves and sticks were flying through the air. Then I got to the north side of the park where it's not sheltered by hills and things were crazy. Everyone was stopped on the side of the road but I was too close to home to stop now!
So despite the wind and the rain, we made it home safely, again. It's becoming hazardous to go out in my city anymore!
My poor dad up in Indiana didn't fare so well...his electricity is out, and a tree fell on his car. He's very grumpy right now.
I think I'll go now before I hear the tornado sirens, and not after.
I was at the Y and was watching the storm's progression the whole time on the TVs there. It started out up in Indiana so I figured I had time before it got to Louisville. Then I lost track of time and when I came back around with four machines left, the line of storms was at the river.
I quickly whipped through my last sets, ran to the teen room, collected my daughter, and we ran to the car. It wasn't raining yet, but there was a very black ugly wide mass of clouds to the north.
When I got to the car I had about a million calls on my cell phone. In addition to my grandmother (just like last time), this time also my mom, my dad, and my boyfriend had all called me to see why I wasn't at home. They always do that...I know they love me, but sometimes I wonder why they don't call my brother and bug him like the way they bug me. Not sure why there's a difference there, but there is...
So I thought I'd make it home before we got hit, but by the time I was driving by the southwest side of the park leaves and sticks were flying through the air. Then I got to the north side of the park where it's not sheltered by hills and things were crazy. Everyone was stopped on the side of the road but I was too close to home to stop now!
So despite the wind and the rain, we made it home safely, again. It's becoming hazardous to go out in my city anymore!
My poor dad up in Indiana didn't fare so well...his electricity is out, and a tree fell on his car. He's very grumpy right now.
I think I'll go now before I hear the tornado sirens, and not after.
Wednesday, May 26, 2004
Tired tired tired
And it's raining, raining, raining all the time anymore.
And lightning and thunder, also.
I took my daughter to Penney's last night to get a bathing suit. We also bought a belt for her. It felt like such a normal thing to do... I never go shopping for clothes, but it seems my 11-year old does. I go to bookstores only, usually. I also do midnight visits to Wal-Mart and Walgreens.
After we (thankfully) left the mall, I decided we should go to Barnes & Noble to use the gift certificate I got for Mother's Day.
The nearest Barnes & Noble is on the other side of the world from where I live. I wasn't quite sure how to get there from where I was without backtracking to the Watterson. So I just decided to head east and figured I'd make it there eventually...
Until I made a wrong turn and found myself going towards the freeway. Okay, freeway it is!
We got on the freeway and then the skies opened up and dropped more rain on us. And it was such a beautiful thing...
The freeway we were on runs in a circle around the outside edge of the city...and it's a beautiful drive anytime, really...lots of hills and valleys and meadows and woods to see. Right when the rain started, the sun had set and it was that moment between light and dark...it was soft gray, and the rain made the greens of the trees and the hills stand out.
The semi trucks were causing fogs of mist to hang over the freeway, and we came over a hill and the valley opened up before us. I was so glad we came that way!
We did lots more that evening. We made it to the bookstore, where we couldn't even enjoy ourselves because it got dark and then the winds came at 50-60 mph, making eerie howling noises outside the store...and if I wasn't nervous enough, my grandmother called me three times while I was there, with "Where are you?", and "Did you know there was a flash flood watch?", etc...
We left the bookstore in the middle of the monsoon and drove for a nerve-wracking 30 minutes to get back home.
But before I went to sleep last night, I forgot all about the scariness of the storm...I only remembered the beauty of the twilight!
And lightning and thunder, also.
I took my daughter to Penney's last night to get a bathing suit. We also bought a belt for her. It felt like such a normal thing to do... I never go shopping for clothes, but it seems my 11-year old does. I go to bookstores only, usually. I also do midnight visits to Wal-Mart and Walgreens.
After we (thankfully) left the mall, I decided we should go to Barnes & Noble to use the gift certificate I got for Mother's Day.
The nearest Barnes & Noble is on the other side of the world from where I live. I wasn't quite sure how to get there from where I was without backtracking to the Watterson. So I just decided to head east and figured I'd make it there eventually...
Until I made a wrong turn and found myself going towards the freeway. Okay, freeway it is!
We got on the freeway and then the skies opened up and dropped more rain on us. And it was such a beautiful thing...
The freeway we were on runs in a circle around the outside edge of the city...and it's a beautiful drive anytime, really...lots of hills and valleys and meadows and woods to see. Right when the rain started, the sun had set and it was that moment between light and dark...it was soft gray, and the rain made the greens of the trees and the hills stand out.
The semi trucks were causing fogs of mist to hang over the freeway, and we came over a hill and the valley opened up before us. I was so glad we came that way!
We did lots more that evening. We made it to the bookstore, where we couldn't even enjoy ourselves because it got dark and then the winds came at 50-60 mph, making eerie howling noises outside the store...and if I wasn't nervous enough, my grandmother called me three times while I was there, with "Where are you?", and "Did you know there was a flash flood watch?", etc...
We left the bookstore in the middle of the monsoon and drove for a nerve-wracking 30 minutes to get back home.
But before I went to sleep last night, I forgot all about the scariness of the storm...I only remembered the beauty of the twilight!
Sunday, May 23, 2004
Old Friends
This weekend's assignment:
The summer before second grade I moved to another new place and had to make more new friends...life as an Army brat, you know.
My first day at my new house, I was outside watching the movers take the boxes in, and an older girl stopped by on her bike, and said, "You're the same age as my sister, I'll go get her."
The sister, Carrie, came over, and that was my first best friend in second grade. She lived across the street from me on the Army base, as did my other best friends Eileen and Crystal, and the four of us remained best friends until I moved away after 4th grade.
My memories of that friendship are precious to me, with lots of slumber parties, secret clubs, and gymnastics and skating sessions. Life was good.
I really didn't keep in touch very well with my friends after I moved, but our mothers did, for the most part! I last saw Eileen when she came to visit in 8th grade...she is now a mother living in New Mexico. I last saw Carrie when I went to visit her while I was in high school...she still lived in the same area, and has since married an Army GI (still living the life!). I haven't seen Crystal since my teen years, either, and we've unfortunately lost touch. But I'll always appreciate making such good friends so quickly in a new place, when I really needed it!
And for my extra credit, the 2nd grade me:
The summer before second grade I moved to another new place and had to make more new friends...life as an Army brat, you know.
My first day at my new house, I was outside watching the movers take the boxes in, and an older girl stopped by on her bike, and said, "You're the same age as my sister, I'll go get her."
The sister, Carrie, came over, and that was my first best friend in second grade. She lived across the street from me on the Army base, as did my other best friends Eileen and Crystal, and the four of us remained best friends until I moved away after 4th grade.
My memories of that friendship are precious to me, with lots of slumber parties, secret clubs, and gymnastics and skating sessions. Life was good.
I really didn't keep in touch very well with my friends after I moved, but our mothers did, for the most part! I last saw Eileen when she came to visit in 8th grade...she is now a mother living in New Mexico. I last saw Carrie when I went to visit her while I was in high school...she still lived in the same area, and has since married an Army GI (still living the life!). I haven't seen Crystal since my teen years, either, and we've unfortunately lost touch. But I'll always appreciate making such good friends so quickly in a new place, when I really needed it!
And for my extra credit, the 2nd grade me:
Friday, May 21, 2004
Paths
My daughter's first day of summer was today...I love how the first day of her summer, and my summer, is when school is out...the summer solstice is not for another month!
The weather seemed to know it, also, as it was 90 degrees here, which is unseasonably high, and sooo humid, as befitting living in the Ohio River valley.
A few hundred people around town ran out of gas this week, and it actually wasn't their fault! It seems a local distribution site for a major gas company was selling gas with high levels of sulfur, which messed with people's gas gauges and made them think they had half a tank of gas, right while they sputtered to a stop on the freeway. The gas company has said they will be spending the next few months spending lots of money on fixing people's cars.
Of course, the day the news came out, I had half a tank of gas, and I couldn't remember if I had gotten gas last at the "bad" company or not. It was stressful driving for a while...
I was in the breakroom on the 2nd floor today, and ran into a woman who had been in my class this semester. (She got an A- too, hmmm...). It's amazing we went the whole semester without knowing we both worked for the same company, but we do take several floors in a high rise building so maybe it's more surprising that I ran into her!
Anyway, she asked me if I had done the tuition reimbursement for this semester and last semester. Surprised, I answered "No", as I thought the company only paid for business classes. She just stared at me. "Well", she said, "I'm an English major, and they've been paying for MY classes."
What?!
To make a long story short, I quizzed several people upstairs, and the answer is, "Yes, they would have paid for this"...which made me want to beat my head on the wall for all the money I shelled out for U of L this year, that I really didn't have to...
...but my frustration turned to excitement when I was told that I can still get my money back! Yes! Yes! All I have to do is fill out some forms, along with copies of my grades, and a letter explaining how STUPID I am for not realizing that I should have done this a year ago, and I get my money back!
This means that not only am I going to be able to get my second degree without going broke, but also, if my employer is going to pay for it, I will get a third, and a fourth, and a fifth. They'll most likely be sorry sooner than later that they've hired an eternal student...LOL.
This also highlights what it's like to be me...I'm forever doing stuff, or, should I say, not doing stuff, and paying for it later, unless I somehow get bailed out of it by a miracle of coincidence (if I had not run into this woman, for instance, it never would have crossed my mind that I'd be eligible for this.)
For example, the last time I got a ticket, I put it out of my mind...kept ignoring it...tried not to think about it...until the time came that it was too late to pay it and I had to go to traffic court. So not only was I going to have to pay my ticket, I was going to have to pay court costs on top of it. I meekly went downtown, stood before the judge ready to write my check out for way more than it originally would have been...and the judge dismissed the case! I didn't have to pay anything, no ticket, no court costs!
I usually just passively let life toss me around, and only find out things when it comes to me, and only approach things when I have to. It'll be a struggle to make myself get this paperwork together (no, really), but the $1000 plus that I'll get back is a strong motivator...it'll come in handy toward fixing my car since my car wreck a few months ago (I have a $1000 deductible, don't ask), I've been waiting for money to drop in my lap so I can get my car fixed. See how this works!
The weather seemed to know it, also, as it was 90 degrees here, which is unseasonably high, and sooo humid, as befitting living in the Ohio River valley.
A few hundred people around town ran out of gas this week, and it actually wasn't their fault! It seems a local distribution site for a major gas company was selling gas with high levels of sulfur, which messed with people's gas gauges and made them think they had half a tank of gas, right while they sputtered to a stop on the freeway. The gas company has said they will be spending the next few months spending lots of money on fixing people's cars.
Of course, the day the news came out, I had half a tank of gas, and I couldn't remember if I had gotten gas last at the "bad" company or not. It was stressful driving for a while...
I was in the breakroom on the 2nd floor today, and ran into a woman who had been in my class this semester. (She got an A- too, hmmm...). It's amazing we went the whole semester without knowing we both worked for the same company, but we do take several floors in a high rise building so maybe it's more surprising that I ran into her!
Anyway, she asked me if I had done the tuition reimbursement for this semester and last semester. Surprised, I answered "No", as I thought the company only paid for business classes. She just stared at me. "Well", she said, "I'm an English major, and they've been paying for MY classes."
What?!
To make a long story short, I quizzed several people upstairs, and the answer is, "Yes, they would have paid for this"...which made me want to beat my head on the wall for all the money I shelled out for U of L this year, that I really didn't have to...
...but my frustration turned to excitement when I was told that I can still get my money back! Yes! Yes! All I have to do is fill out some forms, along with copies of my grades, and a letter explaining how STUPID I am for not realizing that I should have done this a year ago, and I get my money back!
This means that not only am I going to be able to get my second degree without going broke, but also, if my employer is going to pay for it, I will get a third, and a fourth, and a fifth. They'll most likely be sorry sooner than later that they've hired an eternal student...LOL.
This also highlights what it's like to be me...I'm forever doing stuff, or, should I say, not doing stuff, and paying for it later, unless I somehow get bailed out of it by a miracle of coincidence (if I had not run into this woman, for instance, it never would have crossed my mind that I'd be eligible for this.)
For example, the last time I got a ticket, I put it out of my mind...kept ignoring it...tried not to think about it...until the time came that it was too late to pay it and I had to go to traffic court. So not only was I going to have to pay my ticket, I was going to have to pay court costs on top of it. I meekly went downtown, stood before the judge ready to write my check out for way more than it originally would have been...and the judge dismissed the case! I didn't have to pay anything, no ticket, no court costs!
I usually just passively let life toss me around, and only find out things when it comes to me, and only approach things when I have to. It'll be a struggle to make myself get this paperwork together (no, really), but the $1000 plus that I'll get back is a strong motivator...it'll come in handy toward fixing my car since my car wreck a few months ago (I have a $1000 deductible, don't ask), I've been waiting for money to drop in my lap so I can get my car fixed. See how this works!
Tuesday, May 18, 2004
I can't stop the world...
I checked my grade online, and I got an A-...yay! I guess that means I got an A- on my paper. It also makes me wonder if my professor actually read my paper, because it was actually 14 pages of desperation and not really deserving of an A. But I'll take it!
Now, my daughter only has two more days left of school, and then, thankfully, school is out for her too! I say thankfully because this has been a VERY hard year for her, and I'm just thankful she made it through okay. She went to the doctor today and we have some new things to try and hopefully this summer will be a good, healing one.
I have her in day camp for most of the summer...I wish so much that I could be home with her right now, but I have to work. The best summer I've had in recent memory was in 1998, when I was laid off in May, had the whole summer off, and then went back to work in August! At first, of course, I didn't view being laid off as a blessing, but it turned out to be just that, as we had a great summer together.
I've been going to the gym and working out pretty faithfully since last December, and now, for once, I'm kind of looking forward to the summer. I was pretty much the most out of shape person in the world when I started working out. The only reason I started was because I was taking my daughter to the Y every time the doors opened, it seemed, and one of the workers there just really badgered me about just sitting there when I could be doing something...(to which I said, I am doing something, I'm READING!)...
Why didn't anyone ever tell me about this whole working out thing before? Maybe they did, actually, but I never paid attention... I can't believe I didn't do it sooner, and I'm so mad at myself for all the time I wasted. After five months, I'm stronger, I have more stamina, I look better, I feel about a million times better, and I'm even more coordinated (had nowhere to go but up, there)!
So this summer, I'm ready! Mother-daughter hiking excursions, here we come! And I'm really excited about whitewater rafting, it's something I always love to do in the summer, but this time I may actually be effective at it (I've been doing the row/rear delt machine, you know!).
Only three problems remain with this summer and my new active outdoor lifestyle, now that we've gotten the whole shortness of breath and gasping for air issues out of the way:
1. THE HEAT. I would prefer to live in Alaska, but since I can't, I'm going to suck it up and be happy. And maybe duck into an air-conditioned room every chance I get.
2. THE BUGS. I guess my problems with bugs are pretty well-documented here. I resolve to use OFF and ignore the smell and stickiness!
3. THE SUN. I usually only go out at night...I'm one of those cave-dwellers. I can use sunblock, but it's the whole principle of the thing...the sun is just far too bright to comfortable be in it. (you know, heavenly hurt...) But I will try very hard to be a sun-lover this summer and leave the cave-dwellers behind!
I hope this summer can be a new beginning for my family, and for anyone else, who really needs this...
Now, my daughter only has two more days left of school, and then, thankfully, school is out for her too! I say thankfully because this has been a VERY hard year for her, and I'm just thankful she made it through okay. She went to the doctor today and we have some new things to try and hopefully this summer will be a good, healing one.
I have her in day camp for most of the summer...I wish so much that I could be home with her right now, but I have to work. The best summer I've had in recent memory was in 1998, when I was laid off in May, had the whole summer off, and then went back to work in August! At first, of course, I didn't view being laid off as a blessing, but it turned out to be just that, as we had a great summer together.
I've been going to the gym and working out pretty faithfully since last December, and now, for once, I'm kind of looking forward to the summer. I was pretty much the most out of shape person in the world when I started working out. The only reason I started was because I was taking my daughter to the Y every time the doors opened, it seemed, and one of the workers there just really badgered me about just sitting there when I could be doing something...(to which I said, I am doing something, I'm READING!)...
Why didn't anyone ever tell me about this whole working out thing before? Maybe they did, actually, but I never paid attention... I can't believe I didn't do it sooner, and I'm so mad at myself for all the time I wasted. After five months, I'm stronger, I have more stamina, I look better, I feel about a million times better, and I'm even more coordinated (had nowhere to go but up, there)!
So this summer, I'm ready! Mother-daughter hiking excursions, here we come! And I'm really excited about whitewater rafting, it's something I always love to do in the summer, but this time I may actually be effective at it (I've been doing the row/rear delt machine, you know!).
Only three problems remain with this summer and my new active outdoor lifestyle, now that we've gotten the whole shortness of breath and gasping for air issues out of the way:
1. THE HEAT. I would prefer to live in Alaska, but since I can't, I'm going to suck it up and be happy. And maybe duck into an air-conditioned room every chance I get.
2. THE BUGS. I guess my problems with bugs are pretty well-documented here. I resolve to use OFF and ignore the smell and stickiness!
3. THE SUN. I usually only go out at night...I'm one of those cave-dwellers. I can use sunblock, but it's the whole principle of the thing...the sun is just far too bright to comfortable be in it. (you know, heavenly hurt...) But I will try very hard to be a sun-lover this summer and leave the cave-dwellers behind!
I hope this summer can be a new beginning for my family, and for anyone else, who really needs this...
Monday, May 17, 2004
Meltdown in the produce section
Who knew?
This latest time, it was at Kroger...late...the store was empty, especially the huge produce section. My boyfriend had wandered off, leaving me to get my daughter's bananas.
Apparently, the stress of picking bananas can trigger a panic attack.
There were rows, and rows, of bananas. Groups of two, three, four, five, etc. Yellow ones, slightly green ones, green ones. Big ones, small ones.
I couldn't decide. The task of actually having to pick something out of this mass of yellow and green suddenly seemed like a matter of life and death, and I couldn't do it...
(and I can't believe, that just sitting here writing this, I'm starting to hyperventilate again.)
I don't know how long I stood there, completely helpless. Finally, I saw my boyfriend staring at me from the other end of the section, with an 'are you dawdling again and hurry up!' look on his face, which was sufficiently normal enough to get me to grab some bananas, any bananas!, and get out of that aisle.
This has been happening to me a lot lately, only not usually with bananas. I even called my doctor about it, but flaked out at the last minute and didn't go to the appointment. It's just too embarrassing...because these moments I've been having are triggered by the silliest things...and then it's over and it's like it never happened.
Except that I don't know if I can ever go to that banana section again. Maybe if I went to a different store it would be okay...does Walgreens carry bananas?
This latest time, it was at Kroger...late...the store was empty, especially the huge produce section. My boyfriend had wandered off, leaving me to get my daughter's bananas.
Apparently, the stress of picking bananas can trigger a panic attack.
There were rows, and rows, of bananas. Groups of two, three, four, five, etc. Yellow ones, slightly green ones, green ones. Big ones, small ones.
I couldn't decide. The task of actually having to pick something out of this mass of yellow and green suddenly seemed like a matter of life and death, and I couldn't do it...
(and I can't believe, that just sitting here writing this, I'm starting to hyperventilate again.)
I don't know how long I stood there, completely helpless. Finally, I saw my boyfriend staring at me from the other end of the section, with an 'are you dawdling again and hurry up!' look on his face, which was sufficiently normal enough to get me to grab some bananas, any bananas!, and get out of that aisle.
This has been happening to me a lot lately, only not usually with bananas. I even called my doctor about it, but flaked out at the last minute and didn't go to the appointment. It's just too embarrassing...because these moments I've been having are triggered by the silliest things...and then it's over and it's like it never happened.
Except that I don't know if I can ever go to that banana section again. Maybe if I went to a different store it would be okay...does Walgreens carry bananas?
Saturday, May 15, 2004
Weekend Assignment #5
Weekend Assignment #5: Recount your most memorable encounter with celebrity.
I CAN'T! I live in Kentucky, the only encounters with celebrities around here involve being cut off by limos during Derby time.
(sigh)
Okay. This celebrity encounter involves, of course, the Derby, and this will hopefully be my last Derby entry until next year.
It was May, 1997, and the night after Silver Charm had won the Kentucky Derby. My boyfriend, my brother, my sister-in-law, and I, had gone out to eat at my favorite place in the world. We're sitting there, enjoying our dining experience, until we hear a sudden uproar and the place, if possible, gets louder than it already was.
What? Who?
Yes, of course, it was BOB BAFFERT and MIKE PEGRAM, plus entourage, enjoying their night on the town after winning the Kentucky Derby. (For the uneducated, Bob Baffert is the trainer, Mike Pegram is the owner.) It was very exciting, particularly for those in our group who had won money on Silver Charm.
And, you ask, where do million dollar winners go to celebrate their Derby victory?
Why, the OUTBACK STEAKHOUSE, of course!
It was a really cool thing.
I CAN'T! I live in Kentucky, the only encounters with celebrities around here involve being cut off by limos during Derby time.
(sigh)
Okay. This celebrity encounter involves, of course, the Derby, and this will hopefully be my last Derby entry until next year.
It was May, 1997, and the night after Silver Charm had won the Kentucky Derby. My boyfriend, my brother, my sister-in-law, and I, had gone out to eat at my favorite place in the world. We're sitting there, enjoying our dining experience, until we hear a sudden uproar and the place, if possible, gets louder than it already was.
What? Who?
Yes, of course, it was BOB BAFFERT and MIKE PEGRAM, plus entourage, enjoying their night on the town after winning the Kentucky Derby. (For the uneducated, Bob Baffert is the trainer, Mike Pegram is the owner.) It was very exciting, particularly for those in our group who had won money on Silver Charm.
And, you ask, where do million dollar winners go to celebrate their Derby victory?
Why, the OUTBACK STEAKHOUSE, of course!
It was a really cool thing.
Thursday, May 13, 2004
What is a Time Mage?
What type of mage are you?
You are the time mage: You have a second site that allows you to see situations from a point of view that others cannot. Although you can't exactly "see the future" you can predict the outcomes of certain situations better than most.
VICE: You tend to be detached or unemotional. You also have a problem with understanding specific viewpoints because you can see a bigger picture than most people.
Most of this is pretty accurate, but...are detached and unemotional the same thing?
The unemotional thing is way off base, of course...I cry too much, for one thing. But detachment is something else. When something is too painful to bear, I think I do detach. Doesn't everybody? I hope? You can't stay detached forever, but it's a very good defense mechanism until you're ready to join life again. I think I've jumped back in, though, haven't I?
I can't believe I'm questioning my life now over the results of a quiz! I'll have to think about this more...
Wednesday, May 12, 2004
Michelle vs. Crickets, or The Crickets Are Winning the War
Since 1996, I have had cricket issues.
I don't know what made 1996 the magic year for them to come and then never really go away.
Inside and outside, they always...are.
I have sprayed, and had professionals come spray, and they always go away for a few months.
But then they come back. They always come back.
Two or three months ago, they came back again. I called my trusty Dad with his bag of tricks, and he came over and sprayed for me. And it worked, for a while. I had won the battle.
But the crickets are winning the war.
For over two months, there was no sign of a cricket anywhere. Life has been good, and peaceful. I even got out of the habit of clearing a room before I walked into it, and stopped leaving the bathroom light on.
And so things have been going great, until this morning, when I walked into the bathroom and felt a suspicious tickling sensation on my foot. A CRICKET WAS ON ME!
After much screaming and yelling around and banging the wall, I finally killed the cricket. Then I collapsed in a quivering heap on the couch and stared blankly at the wall, finally rousing myself to get up and take my daughter to school.
So now I'm back to being the cricket cop, taking my Raid with me everywhere I go in my house, just in case. Other people have termites, or mice...I have crickets.
Eternally, it seems. :(
I don't know what made 1996 the magic year for them to come and then never really go away.
Inside and outside, they always...are.
I have sprayed, and had professionals come spray, and they always go away for a few months.
But then they come back. They always come back.
Two or three months ago, they came back again. I called my trusty Dad with his bag of tricks, and he came over and sprayed for me. And it worked, for a while. I had won the battle.
But the crickets are winning the war.
For over two months, there was no sign of a cricket anywhere. Life has been good, and peaceful. I even got out of the habit of clearing a room before I walked into it, and stopped leaving the bathroom light on.
And so things have been going great, until this morning, when I walked into the bathroom and felt a suspicious tickling sensation on my foot. A CRICKET WAS ON ME!
After much screaming and yelling around and banging the wall, I finally killed the cricket. Then I collapsed in a quivering heap on the couch and stared blankly at the wall, finally rousing myself to get up and take my daughter to school.
So now I'm back to being the cricket cop, taking my Raid with me everywhere I go in my house, just in case. Other people have termites, or mice...I have crickets.
Eternally, it seems. :(
Monday, May 10, 2004
It's May 10....
and after I get some sleep tonight I think I may have my life back!
My daughter gave me a giant balloon for Mother's Day. We were out shopping Saturday (Walgreens, of course), and she comes running and asks to borrow ten dollars so she could get my Mother's Day present, and my keys so she could put it in the car.
I give her the money and the keys, continue shopping, and turn the corner and catch a glimpse of a blond-haired girl wrestling with a giant balloon. I KNEW it was my daughter.
Pretending I didn't see anything, she comes back with my keys, I buy my cards, and we get in the car, where for the whole way home she is holding the balloon down in the backseat and I have to pretend I don't see it, or hear it.
Then she puts it in her room in the closet, where I had to pretend I didn't see it when I was putting her clothes away.
Finally, yesterday, she took it over to my grandparent's house (next door) where we always have Mother's Day, so she could give it to me there. Next thing I know, my 3-year old nephew that I was watching came to me, saying, "Aunt Michelle, the balloon went up in the sky, she dropped it!"
I dashed to the phone to call next door and speak to my daughter, who I knew would be devastated by this. I was going to let her know that I had at least seen the balloon and I thought it was beautiful and it was okay!
But I didn't get to speak to her, because she had dashed through my grandmother's house to the backyard, then dashed back through and said she was coming back home, then into my house yelling, "I need to get into the backyard!"
I unlocked the back door and she ran into the backyard, grabbing the balloon that had flown OVER the house and gotten caught in the BACKYARD FENCE! The balloon was still with us!
About an hour later, with great ceremony, she finally presented the balloon to me. It really is a beautiful gift from my beautiful daughter, and I was so happy to finally get to see it!
My daughter gave me a giant balloon for Mother's Day. We were out shopping Saturday (Walgreens, of course), and she comes running and asks to borrow ten dollars so she could get my Mother's Day present, and my keys so she could put it in the car.
I give her the money and the keys, continue shopping, and turn the corner and catch a glimpse of a blond-haired girl wrestling with a giant balloon. I KNEW it was my daughter.
Pretending I didn't see anything, she comes back with my keys, I buy my cards, and we get in the car, where for the whole way home she is holding the balloon down in the backseat and I have to pretend I don't see it, or hear it.
Then she puts it in her room in the closet, where I had to pretend I didn't see it when I was putting her clothes away.
Finally, yesterday, she took it over to my grandparent's house (next door) where we always have Mother's Day, so she could give it to me there. Next thing I know, my 3-year old nephew that I was watching came to me, saying, "Aunt Michelle, the balloon went up in the sky, she dropped it!"
I dashed to the phone to call next door and speak to my daughter, who I knew would be devastated by this. I was going to let her know that I had at least seen the balloon and I thought it was beautiful and it was okay!
But I didn't get to speak to her, because she had dashed through my grandmother's house to the backyard, then dashed back through and said she was coming back home, then into my house yelling, "I need to get into the backyard!"
I unlocked the back door and she ran into the backyard, grabbing the balloon that had flown OVER the house and gotten caught in the BACKYARD FENCE! The balloon was still with us!
About an hour later, with great ceremony, she finally presented the balloon to me. It really is a beautiful gift from my beautiful daughter, and I was so happy to finally get to see it!
Thursday, May 6, 2004
I miss everything...
I have a paper due Monday.
It's a final paper. It's also 100 percent of the grade for the class. All semester long our instructor kept dropping assignments and tests until he finally said, "Well, why don't you just do your final paper and that's all."
Easy for him, terrible for me. I have performance anxiety. I have writer's block. I have a big dark cloud hanging over my head as the days tick by until the day it's due and I still haven't got it done. I can't do it. It's like my mind cannot connect the necessary synapses to write intelligently about this topic (Positive and negative aspects of Naturalist post-Civil War American literature).
And I haven't even been able to keep up with my journal and other journals I visit, because I feel so guilty about writing and commenting on AOL and not on my 14-page imminently due paper.
See? Right now, feeling guilt.
Also despair, fear, inadequacy...
I guess I'll end this cheerful entry now and go to bed. I'll be back in top form by Monday, I hope, having written my stupid paper and going on with my life.
Why did I ever decide to go back to school? I think I've lost brain cells, which explains the lack of synaptic firing and the making of bad decisions...
It's a final paper. It's also 100 percent of the grade for the class. All semester long our instructor kept dropping assignments and tests until he finally said, "Well, why don't you just do your final paper and that's all."
Easy for him, terrible for me. I have performance anxiety. I have writer's block. I have a big dark cloud hanging over my head as the days tick by until the day it's due and I still haven't got it done. I can't do it. It's like my mind cannot connect the necessary synapses to write intelligently about this topic (Positive and negative aspects of Naturalist post-Civil War American literature).
And I haven't even been able to keep up with my journal and other journals I visit, because I feel so guilty about writing and commenting on AOL and not on my 14-page imminently due paper.
See? Right now, feeling guilt.
Also despair, fear, inadequacy...
I guess I'll end this cheerful entry now and go to bed. I'll be back in top form by Monday, I hope, having written my stupid paper and going on with my life.
Why did I ever decide to go back to school? I think I've lost brain cells, which explains the lack of synaptic firing and the making of bad decisions...
Tuesday, May 4, 2004
Empty entry...
Because I'm so tired, as always. I feel so inadequate, lately, as I seem so busy and yet I can't get anything done, and all I have to show for anything is exhaustion.
We went to the sneak preview of New York Minute today. It was great! Because of the way I love these girly preteen movies, I think my mental age is about 12. And that's okay, because my daughter and I can hang out and stuff. At least, until she gets older than me.
Here's my results from the quiz I took from John Scalzi's page:
WILLOW You are compassionate and independent. You're the kind of tree who wants to help other trees find themselves in a crazy world you know all too well. You love the gentler side of nature and like things simple and elegant. A night owl, you like things peaceful all the time and are often vexed when others invade your solitude. You love the water as much as the land, feeling at home in both. Often shy, you always want to do things right, and crave attention every now and then. You fear that what you love most may one day turn on you, but it doesn't stop you from getting close to others. You are a good listener and other trees often come to you for advice or someone to talk to. You admire others who freely share themselves. When you leave the world, you want others to remember your example and follow it.
What's Your Inner Tree? brought to you by Quizilla
We went to the sneak preview of New York Minute today. It was great! Because of the way I love these girly preteen movies, I think my mental age is about 12. And that's okay, because my daughter and I can hang out and stuff. At least, until she gets older than me.
Here's my results from the quiz I took from John Scalzi's page:
WILLOW You are compassionate and independent. You're the kind of tree who wants to help other trees find themselves in a crazy world you know all too well. You love the gentler side of nature and like things simple and elegant. A night owl, you like things peaceful all the time and are often vexed when others invade your solitude. You love the water as much as the land, feeling at home in both. Often shy, you always want to do things right, and crave attention every now and then. You fear that what you love most may one day turn on you, but it doesn't stop you from getting close to others. You are a good listener and other trees often come to you for advice or someone to talk to. You admire others who freely share themselves. When you leave the world, you want others to remember your example and follow it.
What's Your Inner Tree? brought to you by Quizilla
Sunday, May 2, 2004
Replacement assignment
I'm going to have to ditch John Scalzi's weekend assignment, I've wracked my brain all weekend and am coming up with a blank on the bad advice. I'm doing Anna's assignment, instead. It's still not easy for me to answer some of these questions, either, and also, my answers all seem pretty bland. I'm trying to avoid the connection between my answers and what that says about my personality. :(
Here we go:
1. What year was the best year of your life? See, already this is hard. I have no idea. Maybe 1989-1990?
2. One animal or insect that Noah should have left off the ark? ALL INSECTS ARE BAD. They can crawl on you while you sleep.
3. Do you make a wish before blowing out your birthday candles? Yes. I remember every wish I ever made on my birthday.
4. Do you generally open your bills on the day that you receive them? hahahahahaha
5. How many pillows are on your bed? Three. Two regular ones, and one wonderful one that makes me so happy.
6. Favorite ice cream flavor? Ice cream questions are always hard, since I hardly ever eat it. I like chocolate-peanut butter milkshakes. And I like homemade vanilla ice cream once a year on Fourth of July.
7. What is the most dominant color in your wardrobe? Black. Everything is black.
8. Have you ever seen a ghost? No.
9. Would you rather go to a carnival or circus? A carnival.
10. Favorite meal: breakfast, lunch, or dinner? Dinner. There's more options, I think.
11. Your favorite fictional animal? This is another hard question. A mythical animal like a unicorn? Or something like Rafiki from "The Lion King"?
12. Have you ever flown first-class? No. I wish. Especially the long flights to and from Germany.
13. Would you go on a reality show? Never. I don't want to be on TV. And I don't want to eat bugs, camp out, and/or be stuck with the same people for weeks. Remember Sartre's "No Exit"?
14. Are you more optimistic or pessimistic about the future? Pessimistic. What future?
15. Pancakes or waffles? Nice, crispy waffles.
16. If you could own a home anywhere in the world, where would it be? I want that house on that island in "The Thomas Crown Affair". I would also like a house in the mountains of Eastern Kentucky where my mother's family came from, and a house in Scotland where their family came from.
17. Your favorite Soup of the Day? I don't eat soup. Except for when I'm sick, then I'll eat only Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup.
18. What site is a must see for all visitors to your city? First, the view from I-65 South crossing the Ohio River into Louisville at night, this is the best view of our beautiful skyline. Cave Hill Cemetery. Churchill Downs. There's also a gigantic baseball bat outside the Louisville Slugger Museum down on Main Street. And you should go down to the river and visit the Waterfront Park, Slugger Field, and take a cruise.
19. Can you recommend a good restaurant in your city? My favorite non-chain restaurant in Louisville is the CHINA INN by U of L. It's the favorite hangout of all police officers and college students. It's not fancy, but it's awesome.
20. You go to the zoo; What is the one animal that you want to see? The penguins and the polar bears. Also the gorillas.
21. Potatoes, rice, or pasta; Whichis your favorite? Pasta, it's always pasta.
22. What is the best movie that you've seen this year? I liked Lost in Translation.
23. One of your favorite books when you were a child? This is hard, because I read everything, basically, when I was a child, and I still have my old books and I still love to re-read them. But specifically, I would have to say the Little House books. I loved Laura Ingalls Wilder so much that I made a pilgrimage a couple of years ago to her childhood homes in South Dakota and Minnesota. It was thrilling to see all these places I knew by heart from reading her books.
24. What in your life are you most grateful for? My family.
25. You are home alone and use the bathroom; do you close the door? Yes.
26. What is your favorite small appliance? I love my washer and dryer. Um, that's not very small, is it? Okay, the only other thing I use is the microwave.
27. Salty snacks or sweet treats? Both, together.
28. Are you usually a little early, a little late, or right on time? Late late late.
29. What is the most daring thing that you have ever done? The list is too long. Really.
30. Have you ever met someone famous? No.
31. What was one of your favorite games as a child? Now I'm getting depressed. I can't remember having a favorite game. I know I must have, but I'm drawing a blank. I'm really not that old, what is wrong with me?!!!
32. At what age have you looked your best? 18, and 20-21.
33. One person that never fails to make you laugh? My funny, silly daughter.
34. What was the first music that you ever bought? AAAAGH! I have no idea. It would have had to be something heavy metal...
35. If you could change one thing about your family life when you were a child, what would it be? The skeletons are too deep in the closet for me to talk about this one.
36. What is the one thing that you cook that always receives compliments? Heath Bar cake.
37. From what news source do you receive the bulk of your news? News radio.
38. In the last calendar year, how many people have you told that you love them? 14, I think.
39. Who received your first kiss? Terry.
40. The single most important quality in a mate? That he loves me.
41. What do you value most in a relationship? Love. Honesty. No fear.
42. Do you believe that you have a soulmate? Yes. He's a good friend of mine.
43. Do you consider yourself well organized? At work, yes. At home, I need help.
44. On average, how many times a day do you look at yourself in the mirror? In the morning. And, I guess when I'm washing my hands in the bathroom at work.
45. Did you ever make a prank phone call? Yes, when I was young before callerID was invented.
46. What one quality do you seek in a friend? I'm not sure. We have to be 'kindred spirits'...you know it when you feel it.
47. Have you ever killed an animal? No.
48. When you were twelve years old, what did you want to be when you grew up? I didn't know. I STILL don't know.
49. Do you believe in an afterlife? Yes.
50. What would you like to accomplish with the remaining years of your life? I want to successfully raise my daughter to be a beautiful, strong, independent woman. And I just want to be happy. Maybe someday...
Here we go:
1. What year was the best year of your life? See, already this is hard. I have no idea. Maybe 1989-1990?
2. One animal or insect that Noah should have left off the ark? ALL INSECTS ARE BAD. They can crawl on you while you sleep.
3. Do you make a wish before blowing out your birthday candles? Yes. I remember every wish I ever made on my birthday.
4. Do you generally open your bills on the day that you receive them? hahahahahaha
5. How many pillows are on your bed? Three. Two regular ones, and one wonderful one that makes me so happy.
6. Favorite ice cream flavor? Ice cream questions are always hard, since I hardly ever eat it. I like chocolate-peanut butter milkshakes. And I like homemade vanilla ice cream once a year on Fourth of July.
7. What is the most dominant color in your wardrobe? Black. Everything is black.
8. Have you ever seen a ghost? No.
9. Would you rather go to a carnival or circus? A carnival.
10. Favorite meal: breakfast, lunch, or dinner? Dinner. There's more options, I think.
11. Your favorite fictional animal? This is another hard question. A mythical animal like a unicorn? Or something like Rafiki from "The Lion King"?
12. Have you ever flown first-class? No. I wish. Especially the long flights to and from Germany.
13. Would you go on a reality show? Never. I don't want to be on TV. And I don't want to eat bugs, camp out, and/or be stuck with the same people for weeks. Remember Sartre's "No Exit"?
14. Are you more optimistic or pessimistic about the future? Pessimistic. What future?
15. Pancakes or waffles? Nice, crispy waffles.
16. If you could own a home anywhere in the world, where would it be? I want that house on that island in "The Thomas Crown Affair". I would also like a house in the mountains of Eastern Kentucky where my mother's family came from, and a house in Scotland where their family came from.
17. Your favorite Soup of the Day? I don't eat soup. Except for when I'm sick, then I'll eat only Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup.
18. What site is a must see for all visitors to your city? First, the view from I-65 South crossing the Ohio River into Louisville at night, this is the best view of our beautiful skyline. Cave Hill Cemetery. Churchill Downs. There's also a gigantic baseball bat outside the Louisville Slugger Museum down on Main Street. And you should go down to the river and visit the Waterfront Park, Slugger Field, and take a cruise.
19. Can you recommend a good restaurant in your city? My favorite non-chain restaurant in Louisville is the CHINA INN by U of L. It's the favorite hangout of all police officers and college students. It's not fancy, but it's awesome.
20. You go to the zoo; What is the one animal that you want to see? The penguins and the polar bears. Also the gorillas.
21. Potatoes, rice, or pasta; Whichis your favorite? Pasta, it's always pasta.
22. What is the best movie that you've seen this year? I liked Lost in Translation.
23. One of your favorite books when you were a child? This is hard, because I read everything, basically, when I was a child, and I still have my old books and I still love to re-read them. But specifically, I would have to say the Little House books. I loved Laura Ingalls Wilder so much that I made a pilgrimage a couple of years ago to her childhood homes in South Dakota and Minnesota. It was thrilling to see all these places I knew by heart from reading her books.
24. What in your life are you most grateful for? My family.
25. You are home alone and use the bathroom; do you close the door? Yes.
26. What is your favorite small appliance? I love my washer and dryer. Um, that's not very small, is it? Okay, the only other thing I use is the microwave.
27. Salty snacks or sweet treats? Both, together.
28. Are you usually a little early, a little late, or right on time? Late late late.
29. What is the most daring thing that you have ever done? The list is too long. Really.
30. Have you ever met someone famous? No.
31. What was one of your favorite games as a child? Now I'm getting depressed. I can't remember having a favorite game. I know I must have, but I'm drawing a blank. I'm really not that old, what is wrong with me?!!!
32. At what age have you looked your best? 18, and 20-21.
33. One person that never fails to make you laugh? My funny, silly daughter.
34. What was the first music that you ever bought? AAAAGH! I have no idea. It would have had to be something heavy metal...
35. If you could change one thing about your family life when you were a child, what would it be? The skeletons are too deep in the closet for me to talk about this one.
36. What is the one thing that you cook that always receives compliments? Heath Bar cake.
37. From what news source do you receive the bulk of your news? News radio.
38. In the last calendar year, how many people have you told that you love them? 14, I think.
39. Who received your first kiss? Terry.
40. The single most important quality in a mate? That he loves me.
41. What do you value most in a relationship? Love. Honesty. No fear.
42. Do you believe that you have a soulmate? Yes. He's a good friend of mine.
43. Do you consider yourself well organized? At work, yes. At home, I need help.
44. On average, how many times a day do you look at yourself in the mirror? In the morning. And, I guess when I'm washing my hands in the bathroom at work.
45. Did you ever make a prank phone call? Yes, when I was young before callerID was invented.
46. What one quality do you seek in a friend? I'm not sure. We have to be 'kindred spirits'...you know it when you feel it.
47. Have you ever killed an animal? No.
48. When you were twelve years old, what did you want to be when you grew up? I didn't know. I STILL don't know.
49. Do you believe in an afterlife? Yes.
50. What would you like to accomplish with the remaining years of your life? I want to successfully raise my daughter to be a beautiful, strong, independent woman. And I just want to be happy. Maybe someday...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
