tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-41877170690591784912024-02-17T00:15:12.208-08:00Remembering GraceStarting over again... We'll see how it works out this time.Remembering Gracehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14760441035721518260noreply@blogger.comBlogger443125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4187717069059178491.post-63372508116495759632024-02-09T22:10:00.000-08:002024-02-09T22:10:49.468-08:00And I'm getting older, too...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxKSonyiMPYLRYUMPHVx8EpnnGvXhyB4AY203NvIyasSGnnHrFgW9sfC_kTSouWgC8Hkl-28ro6VaRKB0BkyQSrb0fp1VYpXT0sFBjlujpw55qSTa9BGmIAVqaKYLFfLrV6EKM_Ba5o-xkQImoawHAcS1BSmTPSepHnxIwVyObZz1cbwOyzE-JpPnIr5Al/s698/on%20aging.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="695" data-original-width="698" height="319" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxKSonyiMPYLRYUMPHVx8EpnnGvXhyB4AY203NvIyasSGnnHrFgW9sfC_kTSouWgC8Hkl-28ro6VaRKB0BkyQSrb0fp1VYpXT0sFBjlujpw55qSTa9BGmIAVqaKYLFfLrV6EKM_Ba5o-xkQImoawHAcS1BSmTPSepHnxIwVyObZz1cbwOyzE-JpPnIr5Al/s320/on%20aging.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p><span style="color: #b4a7d6; font-size: medium;">I posted something on my birthday and Chelsea said it sounded like I lost my motivation for blogging. </span></p><p><span style="color: #b4a7d6; font-size: medium;">How dare she!</span></p><p><span style="color: #b4a7d6; font-size: medium;">So I hid the post and now I’m trying again, happy late birthday to me! </span></p><p><span style="color: #b4a7d6; font-size: medium;">The 20th anniversary of this blog is coming up, and I’m coming up short on ideas. I need to just get over myself. </span></p><p><span style="color: #b4a7d6; font-size: medium;">I was so young when I started this blog. I had a little girl and I adopted a kitty and there was no shortage of things I wanted to talk about. </span></p><p><span style="color: #b4a7d6; font-size: medium;">My little adorable girl is now 31 years old! Same age I was when I started this blog! Lol nothing ages you like having adult children. Chelsea is still beautiful, kindhearted, and my support and my joy. She takes care of me now, even as I’m taking care of my mom. I thank God every day that I’ve had such love in my life. </span></p><p><span style="color: #b4a7d6; font-size: medium;">As I’ve gotten older, my migraines went away, for the most part. Now my pain comes from my knees and my back. I’m old! I get shots in my knees and my back now, just like all the other old people. </span></p><p><span style="color: #b4a7d6; font-size: medium;">My memory is non-existent. Dwayne will bring up stuff that happened and I remember nothing. I think some of it is because of the medication I was on for years (read, Topamax and Ambien), but mostly it’s because I’m old!</span></p><p><span style="color: #b4a7d6; font-size: medium;">My vision is so much worse than it used to be. Years of loud music and concerts mean that I can’t hear anything anymore. I’ve gained weight that won’t go away. </span></p><p><span style="color: #b4a7d6; font-size: medium;">I go to bed at 8:30 now. </span></p><p><span style="color: #b4a7d6; font-size: medium;">I know I should appreciate things because it will just get worse, but I’m bitter! Why didn’t someone tell me about wearing earplugs and putting lotion on my face and watching what you eat! </span></p><p><span style="color: #b4a7d6; font-size: medium;">My mom is 71 now and her skin looks younger than mine. She put lotion on every day of her whole life. She’s still doing it! And I’m not!</span></p><p><span style="color: #b4a7d6; font-size: medium;">Anyway, I’m just not enthused about getting older, and I need to get out of that mindset. I’m not old! Comparatively, anyway!</span></p><p><span style="color: #b4a7d6; font-size: medium;">So now, I’m just going to sit in the rocking chair and try to come up with some ideas. I’m exciting! I’m young-ish! I can do this!</span></p><p><span style="color: #b4a7d6; font-size: medium;">Thank you, for reading my post about nothing, and please forgive the excessive exclamation marks. Goodnight!</span></p><p><span style="color: #b4a7d6; font-size: medium;">p.s. I'm grateful to be alive. I'm grateful for my experiences. I'm so grateful for everyone who has helped me get where I am today.</span></p>Remembering Gracehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14760441035721518260noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4187717069059178491.post-72188820390711660012023-03-30T18:20:00.002-07:002023-03-30T18:20:25.790-07:00Even after all this time...<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEj4g4Jv9RuSE2Fb4tjT71Vh2LW8ovKRNtxyjPWU0OwcxnGCNhNUO_IW824NBp2pIOv_rI3cM1QU9POC7Wn3S5bJ8CnkPpHGfKz5juwMUFRMbKI3onjBxB4d8TMU-Q3TuoyM594c5QltpZ2YuRehr92C9AWbo-M9DciCBmTpVyp4Fp152TkDCeIfaHXAUQ" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="758" data-original-width="895" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEj4g4Jv9RuSE2Fb4tjT71Vh2LW8ovKRNtxyjPWU0OwcxnGCNhNUO_IW824NBp2pIOv_rI3cM1QU9POC7Wn3S5bJ8CnkPpHGfKz5juwMUFRMbKI3onjBxB4d8TMU-Q3TuoyM594c5QltpZ2YuRehr92C9AWbo-M9DciCBmTpVyp4Fp152TkDCeIfaHXAUQ" width="283" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #d5a6bd; font-size: xx-small;">My kitty at 17 years old</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #d5a6bd;"><br /></span></span></div><p></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #d5a6bd; font-size: medium;">We lost our kitty two weeks ago Sunday. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #d5a6bd; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #d5a6bd; font-size: medium;">She lived to to a grand old age of 18, which was approximately 200 years old in cat years. She belied her age though, bossing us around just like she had as a kitten.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #d5a6bd; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #d5a6bd; font-size: medium;">I would get home and tell her about my day and how she was my little best friend. She usually replied with, 'Meow (where's my treat), Meow (isn't it suppertime) and Meow (please move your arm)'.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #d5a6bd; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #d5a6bd; font-size: medium;">She slept with me every night and followed me around the house like a puppy. To my daughter and me, she was pure joy. How could we have disagreements when the kitty was being So Cute? She would stick her chin out so Chels could scratch her Just Right and would nudge her when she stopped.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #d5a6bd; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #d5a6bd; font-size: medium;">She woke me up every morning by poking my face. Poke poke poke. I would cover my face and she would climb up on top of my head. When I finally woke up, she would lead me to the kitchen so I could feed her. She loved being fed.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #d5a6bd; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #d5a6bd; font-size: medium;">As we got older, being a senior cat took its toll on her. We found out she was diabetic and she lost weight at an alarming rate. She couldn't jump so good anymore, so we put steps by my bed. We were so proud when she learned to climb those steps!</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #d5a6bd; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #d5a6bd; font-size: medium;">I woke up one morning and she was unresponsive. We weren't ready for this to happen. Just a day ago she had been happily eating and demanding treats. How did this happen so fast?</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #d5a6bd; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #d5a6bd; font-size: medium;">We took her to the vet and made the agonizing decision to let her go. She gained her angel kitty wings right there, lying in my arms.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #d5a6bd; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: black; color: #d5a6bd; font-size: medium;">I fully realize how lucky we were to have Josie for 18 years. We loved and were loved by a cat. What can be better than that?</span></div><p></p>Remembering Gracehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14760441035721518260noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4187717069059178491.post-39071924959418567652022-10-15T00:22:00.002-07:002022-10-15T11:10:12.208-07:00I hope you're still with me when I'm not quite myself...<p style="text-align: center;"> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1hrDAVXJshmYg8BzhoquoNVqeRhNyeus8gsyLb8BH-JmDQVsWdpSJiTsGPP3D8_FTvgsJybCD2AS16vb4VB4AgkqPoUX4UpVdwFirIpAo-6_7eARi2TejBVbkz-8m7SBW90OJNCp4LILT8KBi_QzrUw1BH6kmPi0yw5-MAeXocnceM11Xcb4RpLabaw/s3500/pexels-photo-5697250.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2333" data-original-width="3500" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1hrDAVXJshmYg8BzhoquoNVqeRhNyeus8gsyLb8BH-JmDQVsWdpSJiTsGPP3D8_FTvgsJybCD2AS16vb4VB4AgkqPoUX4UpVdwFirIpAo-6_7eARi2TejBVbkz-8m7SBW90OJNCp4LILT8KBi_QzrUw1BH6kmPi0yw5-MAeXocnceM11Xcb4RpLabaw/s320/pexels-photo-5697250.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #b6d7a8; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">Crisis mode.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #b6d7a8; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #b6d7a8; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">The car broke down forever. Mom fell, and fell again, and fell and fell. She's just out of the hospital with broken ribs, and now my aunt has fallen and has brain injury and Chelsea and I have just run ourselves ragged between hospital and work and school and hospital again, with just one vehicle.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #b6d7a8; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #b6d7a8; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">Grief.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #b6d7a8; font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #b6d7a8; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">Aunt Sondra, with her brain injury, keeps asking for Moma. It makes us cry.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #b6d7a8; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #b6d7a8; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">Dread.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #b6d7a8; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #b6d7a8; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">My adorable kitty has diabetes. She's 17 years old now and I know she can't stay forever.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #b6d7a8; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #b6d7a8; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">Now.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #b6d7a8; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #b6d7a8; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">Time has sped up and is rushing past in a blur of color and I just want it to slow down.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #b6d7a8; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #b6d7a8; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">I want to spend time with my kitty and my daughter and my mom and my Dwayne.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #b6d7a8; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #b6d7a8; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">I keep going because I remember joy and I want to see it again.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #b6d7a8; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #b6d7a8; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">Joy faith love kindness grace grace grace...</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #b6d7a8; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #b6d7a8; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">I know it's there waiting for me. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #b6d7a8; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #b6d7a8; font-family: verdana; font-size: large;">💜</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #b6d7a8; font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #b6d7a8; font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><br /><p></p>Remembering Gracehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14760441035721518260noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4187717069059178491.post-37958930659100231722021-12-30T11:31:00.001-08:002021-12-30T11:31:30.136-08:00I’ve got the COVID blues…<p>Thoughts on having COVID through the new year:</p><p><br></p><p>No parties. Darn. </p><p><br></p><p>No New Year’s dinner. Darn again. </p><p><br></p><p>I will be cuddled in bed with my kitty, same as always. </p><p><br></p><p>The only difference is cough fever cough body aches cough can’t breathe cough. </p><p><br></p><p>I wish everyone much love and a Happy New Year. </p><p><br></p><p>*cough*</p><p>*cough*</p><p>*cough*</p>Remembering Gracehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14760441035721518260noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4187717069059178491.post-78515734392071955422020-12-04T10:59:00.000-08:002020-12-04T10:59:58.785-08:00"Are there still beautiful things?"<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGE4rxEZKrtHksNwVyOfj4KUl2Y0J9gd1EQmTk-jL8vIHxhaixmlm7p1V8LTsxyhY03q7XucgksaEM8ynJqFgs9UUq80QFJTsckvJGHYqeih6eFppgLAbHDBr9nr1TPc7LSmYACkOZNFTq/s2048/jim-valvano-quote-dont-give-up-dont-ever-give.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="2048" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGE4rxEZKrtHksNwVyOfj4KUl2Y0J9gd1EQmTk-jL8vIHxhaixmlm7p1V8LTsxyhY03q7XucgksaEM8ynJqFgs9UUq80QFJTsckvJGHYqeih6eFppgLAbHDBr9nr1TPc7LSmYACkOZNFTq/s320/jim-valvano-quote-dont-give-up-dont-ever-give.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #01ffff;">Despite everything, I'm still full of hope.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #01ffff;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #01ffff;">Kamala Harris will be the first female vice-president. I can't wait.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #01ffff;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #01ffff;">Hugs will come back one day. I can't wait.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #01ffff;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #01ffff;">Police reform will come, I'm sure of it. I can't wait.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #01ffff;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #01ffff;">Here's a story:</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #01ffff;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #01ffff;"><span> </span>Late last year, my mom had surgery to have a stent put in her subclavian artery. Her follow-up scans incidentally showed a spot in her lung. She had a cancerous tumor, which was removed with a lobectomy. No chemo required.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #01ffff;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #01ffff;"><span> Her follow-up scans for the lobectomy incidentally showed a spot in her colon. She has cancerous tumors. This time chemo is required, and radiation, and surgery.</span><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="color: #01ffff;"><span><br /></span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span><span style="color: #01ffff;"><span> My mom was perfectly healthy when this all started, aside from the atrocious blood pressure in one of her arms. They found all this cancer stuff ACCIDENTALLY. We would never have known about it until it was too late.</span><br /></span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span><span><span style="color: #01ffff;"><br /></span></span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span><span><span style="color: #01ffff;">The moral of my story is that there are still good things. We have to get through this year of cancer, but after that, my mom has a great chance of being completely cured. </span></span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span><span><span style="color: #01ffff;"><br /></span></span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span><span><span style="color: #01ffff;">Things get better. We just need to keep working, and keep hoping. I can feel despair hanging just over there, but I don't plan to give in to it. We can't ever give up.</span></span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span><span><span style="color: #01ffff;"><br /></span></span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span><span><span style="color: #01ffff;">Life will be good again. I can't wait.</span></span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span><span><span style="color: #01ffff;"><br /></span></span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span><span><span style="color: #01ffff;">I love and missed you all! </span></span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span><span><span style="color: #01ffff;"><br /></span></span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span><span><span style="color: #01ffff;">LOVE</span></span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span><span><span style="color: #01ffff;"><br /></span></span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span><span><span style="color: #01ffff; font-size: xx-small;">p.s. Title is a quote from 'Seven' by Taylor Swift, from her album Folklore.</span></span></span></div><p></p>Remembering Gracehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14760441035721518260noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4187717069059178491.post-30605325621867030652019-12-31T17:42:00.000-08:002019-12-31T17:42:40.542-08:00Can you hear the horses?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_3OYu06lxdSSys0MC7yzfNTS9On0SQKpqlyYlmKtlemwzpqk68ZDLQtFAmuBo1amlX4JYIaK7AXsYWvhkbyM4soJSV53yB7cJpNkBFsZSSzlZoka0ZbkYDADiLzaKwdMlanu_Z1G7Vm2Z/s1600/Apple+Tree+1%252C+Gustav+Klimt.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1003" data-original-width="1012" height="317" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_3OYu06lxdSSys0MC7yzfNTS9On0SQKpqlyYlmKtlemwzpqk68ZDLQtFAmuBo1amlX4JYIaK7AXsYWvhkbyM4soJSV53yB7cJpNkBFsZSSzlZoka0ZbkYDADiLzaKwdMlanu_Z1G7Vm2Z/s320/Apple+Tree+1%252C+Gustav+Klimt.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: lime; font-size: xx-small;">Apple Tree 1, Gustav Klimt</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: lime; font-size: xx-small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: lime; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Hello, blog! It's time for my yearly entry!</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: lime; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: lime; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">1. I went to see The Rise of Skywalker Friday. Even though there were several things that bugged me while I was watching, it was still oddly very satisfying. So, just like bad endings ruin a good movie, a good ending can prop up a fair one. Great movie! :)</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: lime; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: lime; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">2. I went to the hospital a few weeks ago because I couldn't breathe. I was admitted because I had pneumonia. I was released five days later, having been diagnosed with heart failure, leaky mitral valve, asthma...and something else I honestly can't remember. I feel much better now, though! I had no idea you could walk around slowly and breathlessly and go to work every day with just a little heart failure. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: lime; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: lime; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">3. Did anybody watch the live YouTube NYE events around the globe today? Hmm. That was probably just me.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: lime; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: lime; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I'm going to bed soon and the New Year will ring in without me. It's hard for me to let 2019 go. I feel increasingly desperate to stop time from moving on. Why can't we just stay?</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: lime; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: lime; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">SO MAUDLIN.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: lime; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: lime; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">p.s. My daughter just pointed out that she can't wait for 2019 to crash and burn behind us. She's the optimistic type.</span></div>
Remembering Gracehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14760441035721518260noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4187717069059178491.post-61979291760341858882018-12-17T16:38:00.000-08:002018-12-17T16:38:24.950-08:00You shone like the sun...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://patreon.com/benandsteph" target="_blank"><img border="0" data-original-height="905" data-original-width="600" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeRWKvBbW8vnUp0scdQx8VdPMPqdEt77TBWMnGdvJm1ZmW-SnT5M8v-9mz5IQvth2XCQN-HiDCpsrjeBsxFtY0PTJbOSAR0Q0VPzR2dWLGnwQzxawevCkE6oUdDxi32WsFj5NZhfA6ThfU/s320/Ben+and+Steph.jpg" width="212" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><a href="http://www.patreon.com/benandsteph" style="background-color: black;" target="_blank">www.patreon.com/benandsteph</a></span></div>
<span style="color: lime; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i>"I was not real.</i></span><br />
<span style="color: lime; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i>Nothing was real.</i></span><br />
<span style="color: lime; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i>I had no feelings.</i></span><br />
<span style="color: lime; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i>Nothing could hurt me.</i></span><br />
<span style="color: lime; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="color: lime; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i>Too much time to think.</i></span><br />
<span style="color: lime; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i>I didn't want to think.</i></span><br />
<span style="color: lime; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i>So I read fan fiction and</i></span><br />
<span style="color: lime; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i>listened to music</i></span><br />
<span style="color: lime; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i>and watched YouTube</i></span><br />
<span style="color: lime; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i>and played games,</i></span><br />
<span style="color: lime; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i>Usually all at the same time.</i></span><br />
<span style="color: lime; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="color: lime; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i>My mind wasn't interested in reality,</i></span><br />
<span style="color: lime; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i>so I made myself a million distractions.</i></span><br />
<span style="color: lime; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="color: lime; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i>And now I've been non-living so long,</i></span><br />
<span style="color: lime; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i>and I really want to try to live,</i></span><br />
<span style="color: lime; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i>but, I don't even know how anymore.</i></span><br />
<span style="color: lime; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="color: lime; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i>Tell me, how do I get out of this hole?"</i></span><br />
<span style="color: lime; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: lime; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"> <span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i> - Me</i></span></span>Remembering Gracehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14760441035721518260noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4187717069059178491.post-30022635731513492942017-02-26T10:48:00.001-08:002017-02-28T07:56:01.043-08:00Build me up, Buttercup...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsurh6RNQ0rTkOirM6Wg8ilinMX7LHrjkTnUUA03i7WcxTrPh0C3bGu5LfNG-mFHUMKzQ_xf0H_NAu-fPJbKxLlmkIBo1yDlL_xwESPuj7YsmGQ44jvnbFATyjUTYHilohefP2NlZHS6Wx/s1600/Hannah+Hillam+1-27.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsurh6RNQ0rTkOirM6Wg8ilinMX7LHrjkTnUUA03i7WcxTrPh0C3bGu5LfNG-mFHUMKzQ_xf0H_NAu-fPJbKxLlmkIBo1yDlL_xwESPuj7YsmGQ44jvnbFATyjUTYHilohefP2NlZHS6Wx/s320/Hannah+Hillam+1-27.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.hannahhillam.com/" target="_blank">HannahHillam.com</a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;">Hi!</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #ea9999;">I don't know why I keep myself away from blogging when I love it so much. I think it's some kind of self-sabotage thing. I have mental issues, you know! </span><span style="color: #ea9999;">If anyone wants to psychoanalyze me, feel free :). My actual psychiatrist fired me and I'm going to a new one next month. Maybe this new one will cure me? I just feel so empty and blank.</span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #ea9999;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #ea9999;"><span style="font-size: large;">I moved again, now I'm back in the house with the purple door. My grandparents left their house to my mom, so she moved into my grandparents' house to take care of my great-aunt, leaving her house free. My brother and his family lived here until they found a house, now they're gone and Chelsea and I live here.</span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #ea9999;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;">So now I'm back in the house I sort of grew up in. I say 'sort of' because I lived here from ages 4-7, then from 13-34, and now I'm back again.</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;">It's really comforting, actually. I live in my mother's old house now, and my mom is right next door living in her mother's old house. Across the street, Mike is living in his mother's old house, and next door is Dwayne (a different one) living in his mother-in-law's old house. I feel completely safe on my little one-block street, because everybody's known each other forever. It's nice.</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;">Being back here reminds me of how much I miss my grandparents. I used to get home and my grandmother would call me as soon as I walked in the house - she knew absolutely everything that was going on in the neighborhood. Nowadays, my mom is calling Chelsea every time she gets home, keeping up the tradition!</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;">Well...I've written as much as I can today. It's hard to write when you're not feeling anything! Mental illness is for the birds.</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;">Please forgive me my brevity. H</span><span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;">ere's a short and sweet conclusion to today's lesson -</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;">These are some things I learned from the past year:</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;">1. I don't ever wanna live anywhere else.</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;">2. The future kinda scares me.</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;">3. My family loves me.</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;">4. You really don't need your gallbladder.</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;">5. Our new President...ugh.</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;">The End.</span></div>
Remembering Gracehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14760441035721518260noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4187717069059178491.post-54936027136461665112016-01-05T18:29:00.000-08:002016-01-05T18:29:35.398-08:00Ten Moments That Changed My Life...<div style="text-align: center;">
<img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlDY0uBKP-BFg8qa62mwb_9kezdrDhoupRLa7xLslFvjOiK0o-Dio4OEul3pxqusE_28w6SK8tsEhJ5kTz3J0Flj9tP4IY0xPP7xHddOaeXd_nAKA9G6YNCgF_AJJycKLwRXONgYwdHUub/s320/amazing+life.jpg" /></div>
<br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">So far...and yes, I totally stole the title.</span><br />
<div>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>1. My child was born.</b></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Every parent's going to say that, right? </span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Because it's true. There's a clear before and after line in my life - the moment Chelsea was born, and I looked at the beautiful screaming baby in my arms, and said, "Hi." (Profound, wasn't I?)</span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>2. I received the gift of life.</b></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I had been checked into the hospital for emergency surgery, but they couldn't do the surgery until I received blood. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I was so sick. I remember looking at that blood coming into me and feeling so grateful to whomever had taken time out of their busy life to donate. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I've donated blood before; but it's a completely different thing to receive it. It's life, and it's a gift. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>3. I entered the psychiatric hospital (aka The Place).</b></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">It was a humbling thing, admitting I needed help. After that, the hits kept coming. A physical, endless interviews, and I had to give up my distractions - no cellphone, e-reader or laptop while I was in there. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">My first days were spent staring at walls, and I wasn't alone. Other 'psych' patients were with me, along with alcoholics and drug addicts. We all stared at the walls, and slept a lot. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">This was my first step in facing my depression instead of hiding from it; in realizing that help was available; in realizing that I wasn't alone. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>4. I got laid off from Ford.</b></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">The Ford Experience Of 1998 changed the course of my life. I think. When I got hired there, I was prepared to work the most mind-numbingly boring assembly line job for the rest of my life. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I was laid off within five weeks; devastated, but secretly relieved. I got hired back at my old company, but in a much better job. I also went back to school and finished my degree two years later, and got my current job a year after that. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">You just never know what's a blessing in disguise. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>5. 9/11/01</b></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Not all changes are good. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">The events on 9/11 didn't affect me directly. But the way I think and act every day are affected by it. I don't ever see myself on a plane again. I can't ever go to work in the morning without thinking about what other workers in other high rise buildings were doing that Tuesday. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Clear blue skies are the worst. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>6. Dwayne finally asked me out.</b></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Enough said. (Okay, well, read further entries down for reference.)</span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>7. Cancer found its way into the family.</b></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">My grandmother was the center of our family, and she molded me into who I am today. The day I found out she had ovarian cancer was the worst day of my life. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">That was 2009. She died in 2011, then my grandpa got brain cancer, and my brother got leukemia. My grandpa died July before last; my brother has just achieved remission. But I still feel like I'm in 2009 - cancer? What?</span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>8. I got a kittycat.</b></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">The most rewarding thing I ever did was adopt a kitten. I didn't know at the time that she was a Maine Coon mix and that she would grow to gargantuan proportions! I just knew she was small and fluffy and adorable. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Now she's nine years old, 18.5 lbs, still fluffy and I love her so much! </span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">There's nothing like having a pet to remind you to love all animals, and to support shelters, sanctuaries and the ASPCA. </span><br />
<span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>9. I lost my job.</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I'm still in the midst of this one. I'd worked for the same company for nineteen years, and then it was all gone.</span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I have a new job now, but I'll never get over the loss, and the feeling that I let somebody down.</span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>10. I had to go back to the The Place.</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">The second time around, I thought I knew what to expect. More of the same, digging into my brain, experiencing lots of shame... </span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">On my first day back, though, I found I wasn't the only repeater. There were other people there, who had been there with me the first time three years before.</span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I realized then that there's no shame in admitting I needed help, AGAIN. It changed the way I viewed my disease. There should be no shame in it, because that prevents you reaching out and grabbing a lifeline.</span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I learned that I can fight and struggle and maybe fall down but I can and will always get back up.</span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">:)</span></div>
Remembering Gracehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14760441035721518260noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4187717069059178491.post-4223612225444796862015-12-31T14:18:00.000-08:002016-01-05T17:52:34.820-08:00Hope that you spend your days and they all add up...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQey00wUUnOa4VvI_KXZ-Zxo2tl1FTXr9iA0JVgF17szBpZNjXVGed0sFhPfpKoZKfLzej2NPVJJosSHKkQSzCEuaneW9DLdbVo0Cohmo0zLg7ClSuqoZnCD8CppoNdFFMg7REV5GnnJJx/s1600/keep_calm_and_celebrate_new_years_eve_wood_wall_art-r02464f00ea5a43a0ab1bcdf432f3ff64_zfolg_324.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQey00wUUnOa4VvI_KXZ-Zxo2tl1FTXr9iA0JVgF17szBpZNjXVGed0sFhPfpKoZKfLzej2NPVJJosSHKkQSzCEuaneW9DLdbVo0Cohmo0zLg7ClSuqoZnCD8CppoNdFFMg7REV5GnnJJx/s320/keep_calm_and_celebrate_new_years_eve_wood_wall_art-r02464f00ea5a43a0ab1bcdf432f3ff64_zfolg_324.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">On August 17, 2015, I missed a day of work. It was due to illness.</span><br />
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">The next day, I went in to work and said to Mark, "I think this is gonna be my last day."</span><br />
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Later that morning, my supervisor came and asked me to come with him, and we took a trip down to the second floor conference room. </span><span style="color: #e06666; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">45 minutes later, I was in my car and crying my eyes out. I had managed to lose my job of 19 years.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">It's still taking some time for me to get over it. I got a new job in October and I'm so, so lucky to have gotten someone to give me a chance and hire me, but it was a real blow to my confidence. I learned, really learned, that I'm replaceable.</span><br />
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">So.</span><br />
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">It's been a year. My dear Aunt Linda died, and my beautiful cousin drank herself to brain damage. I didn't get out of bed for a month after losing my job. I truly thought I wouldn't get through the pain, and I was terrified that I would lose myself to depression again.</span><br />
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">But I didn't. I don't know how it happened. I managed to stick around and tough it out and I'm still here and mostly whole.</span><br />
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I stuck around long enough to find out my brother is in remission! I didn't realize how the worry was hanging over my head until I got the wonderful news. There are still blessings in the world.</span><br />
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">Also, next week, I'm moving. AGAIN. This time, hopefully, I'm moving to my forever home.</span><br />
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">And yesterday, we were finally, FINALLY told that Dwayne can get new knees. The doctors lagged on and on for years because he was too young. Sooo, there's at least one good thing about getting older! He's now 48 years old and soon may be able to walk again. </span><br />
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Hope is a wonderful thing.</span><br />
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">So, on this last day of the year, I'm grateful. I'm so grateful to have my job and my family and a roof over my head. Even though I lost family again this year, I'm ever so grateful to have had them in my life. </span><br />
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I'm counting my blessings, and I'm thankful for possibilities.</span><br />
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Have a wonderful new year.</span>Remembering Gracehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14760441035721518260noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4187717069059178491.post-16994154446683026422015-06-21T21:09:00.000-07:002015-06-21T21:12:54.952-07:00How bad, how good does it need to get?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKZm4l8MsUP1OVaHeXyqeOVZtvU-0rXWKMSHNC5-bNfgdnDj2Crkmw9zWwD5tU47knKtewn1HAw1sJbqp2rnsARxtXMbyTRtfSSjU2Inc_eNFWFJ2FIq2n3wB-qu-5D_F64_Y42DFN3l40/s1600/the+liberty+statue+in+budapest.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="192" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKZm4l8MsUP1OVaHeXyqeOVZtvU-0rXWKMSHNC5-bNfgdnDj2Crkmw9zWwD5tU47knKtewn1HAw1sJbqp2rnsARxtXMbyTRtfSSjU2Inc_eNFWFJ2FIq2n3wB-qu-5D_F64_Y42DFN3l40/s320/the+liberty+statue+in+budapest.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Hello.</span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">My name is Michelle and this is my blog.</span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I really love it here.</span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I may have given the impression that I DON'T love it here, seeing as how I've been gone about ten months. </span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">But I've been trying desperately to come back. </span><span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">It's like I was on the other side of myself, trying to break through to the real side where my life was. </span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I have lots to talk about. When I dropped out of things here, it was initially because I went back to The Place, for about three months this time. Saw some old friends there from last time. Apparently multiple visits is a thing.</span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I moved in January, and then Dwayne got sick and was in the hospital for three months. </span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">And now I'm here and I feel like it's time to go back to my favorite mental health facility.</span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">My doctor did change my medicine again a couple of weeks ago so hopefully my mood will change. I like to write hopeful posts, not hopeless posts!</span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I got more but I'm done boring you. Here's some fluffy notes of things I've liked this month:</span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">1) Chuck (on Netflix): I haven't watched regular TV in years. This show is so great!</span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">2) Leverage (on Netflix): Same thing. Awesome show!</span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">3) Avengers: Age of Ultron: Great movie! Why watch any other movie when you can be watching something Avengers? </span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I meant to put five but I forgot. Love you all, goodnight!</span>Remembering Gracehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14760441035721518260noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4187717069059178491.post-82999299023476943722014-07-31T21:57:00.000-07:002014-07-31T21:57:49.564-07:00With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyPBoIWMYemzNsLfCMkN-g8ncElRhLtVFOFfejWBfm6b-MsR8p7lDdnwWdqBqqttaX_BrfZQMlj_SI1SPmUrZ52AikTBeVj-Qzk3GR-AVUFA_0hTzjkhUm2ofoEGb3XFxPX7vnoqWFLLMV/s1600/popa+alyssa+rev.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyPBoIWMYemzNsLfCMkN-g8ncElRhLtVFOFfejWBfm6b-MsR8p7lDdnwWdqBqqttaX_BrfZQMlj_SI1SPmUrZ52AikTBeVj-Qzk3GR-AVUFA_0hTzjkhUm2ofoEGb3XFxPX7vnoqWFLLMV/s1600/popa+alyssa+rev.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I was in my neurologist's office, talking about the increase in my migraines. She hemmed and hawed and finally said, "Michelle, I think you're depressed again."</span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Something about chronic pain and depression feeding off of each other, blah blah, and all I could think was, I KNOW, I've been here before, but I got better. Aren't I still better? Plus, my psychiatrist seems to think I'm okay... But all I could really do was start crying and say, "It's been a really bad week."</span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">It didn't seem to matter; she said I was as dysphoric as she's ever seen me, so now I have to go to therapy again. I hate therapy - my secrets are perfectly fine hidden down deep where they belong.</span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">...</span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">We buried my grandfather almost two weeks ago, right next to my grandmother, in our family cemetery in Blackwater, Kentucky. It was humbling, to see the number of people who drove 180+ miles from Louisville to a tiny place that's not even on the map, a holler in the Appalachian foothills - all to attend the graveside service for my grandpa.</span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I heard several people say it at the funeral home, but I always feel like I said it first - Popa was the best man I've ever known.</span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">You couldn't ask for a better legacy than that.</span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">...</span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Popa's oldest son and I were in Popa's hospital room when the nurse came in and suggested we should start calling people. Pretty soon we had four more in there, plus our preacher. It was so crowded, and I just wanted everyone to leave - all I could think was, is Popa somehow hearing all this noise?</span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">But there's really no tactful way to kick your own family out of the room.</span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">So we waited, and Popa's breathing got more and more shallow. There were conversations going on around us, but my eyes were glued to Popa's chest - as long as he was breathing, he was okay. I noticed my brother doing the same thing. </span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">My brother and I clash a lot. We're extreme opposites, and also extremely similar, sometimes.</span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">My grandpa's breathing stuttered a few times, which I had read was normal. The Hosparus wing that my grandfather was in was such a helpful, wonderful place. They let us know what was happening and what to look for, every step of the way. We were prepared.</span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Then, Popa took a breath, and then half a breath, and then he didn't breathe again.</span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I wasn't as prepared for it as I thought I was.</span>Remembering Gracehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14760441035721518260noreply@blogger.com44tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4187717069059178491.post-70489743394316788312014-06-30T21:05:00.000-07:002016-01-05T17:56:06.443-08:00Keep on moving though the waters stay raging<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBG-3UapKeT48dUt3Dyl9HbKkERGNqtDT3zZa_Qz5k83TTuBgXRp3BZYMHFi89zPWXpk1yQpvkFi7Alysc3OkcJdnUcUPdrwOA0f_NkdYQgglir1mQ6hCQmBVFlPzHPGbHz4WEiFFWZg4V/s1600/pooh+christopher+robin.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="203" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBG-3UapKeT48dUt3Dyl9HbKkERGNqtDT3zZa_Qz5k83TTuBgXRp3BZYMHFi89zPWXpk1yQpvkFi7Alysc3OkcJdnUcUPdrwOA0f_NkdYQgglir1mQ6hCQmBVFlPzHPGbHz4WEiFFWZg4V/s1600/pooh+christopher+robin.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;">I'm coming back, I swear.</span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;">It's so hard to express what's happening right now...for all that my family is extremely close, we don't spend a lot of time talking about our feelings to each other.</span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;">Well, I don't, anyway.</span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;">Since my grandfather's brain tumor, he's had surgery and more surgeries, and chemo and relapses and more surgeries, and he's just unrecognizable now from the person he was two years ago.</span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;">Losing my grandmother was devastating. Now I'm losing my grandfather, but it's in increments, day to week to month, and the way I feel about it is something I can't describe. He's still here, but not really, and I hate it, I just hate it so much, and I feel so powerless.</span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;">When Dwayne was in the hospital I had a taste of what it would be like without my person, and I don't ever want to have to face that again. I wonder if that's how my grandpa feels...kind of at sea, without his person, my grandma, there to anchor him.</span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;">Besides Dwayne, my other people are my mom and Chelsea. (I'd kinda include my kitty in there but most people wouldn't call her a person.) I'm sure I'm one of Dwayne's people...I'm not so sure who my mom's and Chelsea's people are.</span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;">Your people are the ones you trust, and who text you all the time, and nag at you to do stuff, and you talk to them all week. They're the people you can't do without, and you tell them everything. Mostly. Do you know who your people are?</span>Remembering Gracehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14760441035721518260noreply@blogger.com33tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4187717069059178491.post-51338753321905261672014-05-31T22:36:00.000-07:002014-05-31T22:36:31.095-07:00I fall down sometimes, sometimes I come back flying<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiO2n5ljqKbQp-AxwDkicd987ps0dMcL8vJpTGuEvMPg2QsrtPmhRYaLjLEruiLZYHCvbcQqtxfF1lsm3KpVG4HSm_zoYUZR2pGTpWyucNVG8-hjJ3d6OpCmCmJsjzef7_I68fJreesBscM/s1600/never-give-up2.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiO2n5ljqKbQp-AxwDkicd987ps0dMcL8vJpTGuEvMPg2QsrtPmhRYaLjLEruiLZYHCvbcQqtxfF1lsm3KpVG4HSm_zoYUZR2pGTpWyucNVG8-hjJ3d6OpCmCmJsjzef7_I68fJreesBscM/s1600/never-give-up2.png" height="320" width="198" /></a></div>
<br /><span style="color: magenta; font-size: large;">Longest May ever.</span><br />
<span style="color: magenta; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: magenta; font-size: large;">I missed more days of work than I actually worked. MIGRAINES.</span><br />
<span style="color: magenta; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: magenta; font-size: large;">Dwayne was in the hospital for a week. He's home and doing physical therapy.</span><br />
<span style="color: magenta; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: magenta; font-size: large;">My grandfather is home from the rehab place. He's not really doing better.</span><br />
<span style="color: magenta; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: magenta; font-size: large;">My mom fell down and broke her wrist. She's who I get it from, obviously.</span><br />
<span style="color: magenta; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: magenta; font-size: large;">On my zillionth day or something of missing work this year, my neurologist called and suggested, again, that I have the Botox treatment for migraines. I've been refusing all this time...why would I want to get toxic shots in my head? How could that possibly be good?</span><br />
<span style="color: magenta; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: magenta; font-size: large;">But she caught me at a weak moment. This whole month has been a weak moment, really, and so I agreed. I just wanted to not be in pain anymore.<br /></span><br />
<span style="color: magenta; font-size: large;">I had the procedure last week and did you know that it was 31 SHOTS?<br /></span><br />
<span style="color: magenta; font-size: large;">31 SHOTS?</span><br />
<span style="color: magenta; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: magenta; font-size: large;">I didn't. Not until the doctor walked in and started getting the needles ready. </span><br />
<span style="color: magenta; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: magenta; font-size: large;">So. The three shots to my forehead were the worst - they really, really hurt. The three shots in each temple hurt the least, at the time, but they are really sore now. Three in each shoulder, three at the base of my skull, three behind each ear. I can't remember the rest, I've probably blocked it out.</span><br />
<span style="color: magenta; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: magenta; font-size: large;">My head has hurt all week, and I have another full-blown migraine today.</span><br />
<span style="color: magenta; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: magenta; font-size: large;">My forehead is distressingly numb.</span><br />
<span style="color: magenta; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: magenta; font-size: large;">And to think movie stars do this on purpose.</span><br />
<span style="color: magenta; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: magenta; font-size: large;">I was supposed to go to a wedding today, but I didn't. Migraine.</span><br />
<span style="color: magenta; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: magenta; font-size: large;">I'm hoping that with June, I can start over. </span><br />
<span style="color: magenta; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: magenta; font-size: large;">You know...living.</span>Remembering Gracehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14760441035721518260noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4187717069059178491.post-3441903142825149922014-05-05T22:05:00.000-07:002014-05-05T22:05:24.543-07:00All I know is everything's going to be alright...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9zhVjkSiScR7rDdR0yuQBio8IvznUzpyPuyb7JcnHVWnylIFjpnZPd0umHp0eRzJ0XRU8GatMwnZrx7VkWW2yh9HQJ2DsAWQC1LeGD4rZrmx3qFLA8THuvf41AQzLwgsX56Yitzm4ZQyZ/s1600/no-one-alicia-keys-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9zhVjkSiScR7rDdR0yuQBio8IvznUzpyPuyb7JcnHVWnylIFjpnZPd0umHp0eRzJ0XRU8GatMwnZrx7VkWW2yh9HQJ2DsAWQC1LeGD4rZrmx3qFLA8THuvf41AQzLwgsX56Yitzm4ZQyZ/s1600/no-one-alicia-keys-2.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
<span style="color: magenta; font-size: large;">I was doing my best to catch up on everyone's blogs, but, as usual, life got in my way.</span><br />
<span style="color: magenta; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: magenta; font-size: large;">Most of the time, I can ignore life and keep on doing my thing, but this time, there was no ignoring it, because it was Dwayne.</span><br />
<span style="color: magenta; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: magenta; font-size: large;">Anyway, he's been in the hospital for a week now, and unless they lied, he should be coming home tomorrow. </span><br />
<span style="color: magenta; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: magenta; font-size: large;">So that's why I dropped off the radar...I've been at the hospital.</span><br />
<span style="color: magenta; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: magenta; font-size: large;">He's doing better. The doctors are still not sure what happened to him, but they were all fascinated by whatever it was. They stopped all his medicine, and all his symptoms stopped, so they figured it must be his medicine that caused it.</span><br />
<span style="color: magenta; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: magenta; font-size: large;">There's a lot more to the story, and I know I'm not explaining it well...maybe more tomorrow? I think I'm going to sleep in my own bed tonight for the first time in a week and see how it goes. </span><br />
<span style="color: magenta; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: magenta; font-size: large;">And yeah, the Ambien has kicked in. Goodnight!!! :)</span>Remembering Gracehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14760441035721518260noreply@blogger.com28tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4187717069059178491.post-17784913952780021562014-04-26T23:19:00.000-07:002014-04-26T23:19:29.670-07:00I'm bleeding out...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNrjUjOCFEefWk4yckBApAFLzVKwDDQE93hMjurWflKqoFpF7vfmFCPtrO_Dqg0Vt9MJzfUXWqHTKG01_JuuEPwXqv6bOQA_cMsume_1CZLI2rQR7cf-FcG6wqM_nFN5WXgDoNU5v7f5BZ/s1600/cafe_terrace_at_night+by+van+gogh.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNrjUjOCFEefWk4yckBApAFLzVKwDDQE93hMjurWflKqoFpF7vfmFCPtrO_Dqg0Vt9MJzfUXWqHTKG01_JuuEPwXqv6bOQA_cMsume_1CZLI2rQR7cf-FcG6wqM_nFN5WXgDoNU5v7f5BZ/s1600/cafe_terrace_at_night+by+van+gogh.jpg" height="320" width="252" /></a></div>
<span style="color: yellow;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-size: x-large;">I'm sitting in the living room of my new apartment with my darling daughter...we're both on our computers and watching an awesome comedian named Gabriel Iglesias on TV, and laughing hysterically.</span><br />
<span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-size: x-large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-size: x-large;">The fact that we're in our living room and watching TV is something I still can't quite get over. For over a year, Chelsea and I hadn't been able to relax in our living room and hang out together, and this is just. so. nice!</span><br />
<span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-size: x-large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-size: x-large;">I love our new place. It's full of natural light, and the hardwood floors are so shiny and beautiful, and it has such possibilities. It's true, it needs a lot of work, but I don't care. The feeling of freedom I have here is priceless.</span><br />
<span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-size: x-large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-size: x-large;">We're on the second floor again, but with a huge difference. Just to get up to our building we have to walk up a gauntlet of steps on a very steep hill; by the time I get to the actual steps to get up to my apartment, I have to stop and take a breather. When I'm carrying groceries or something, forget it - I start seeing black spots before my eyes on the last flight of stairs, it's pretty funny.</span><br />
<span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-size: x-large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-size: x-large;">This is the type of place where everyone knows everyone else and hangs with each other. It makes me a little uncomfortable, actually, because I'm not the social type. I've already told Chelsea she will have to do all the socializing for us.</span><br />
<span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-size: x-large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-size: x-large;">So...I think the current school of thought on me is, um, crazy, flaky, scattered, suggestible and absent. That's just the impression I have, anyway.</span><br />
<span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-size: x-large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-size: x-large;">I think it's because I moved, and so quickly. People aren't used to me doing anything, much less in a hurry. I'm definitely more of a turtle type. I've only made a few major decisions in my life:</span><br />
<span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-size: x-large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-size: x-large;">1. I had a daughter.</span><br />
<span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-size: x-large;">2. I decided NOT to work in a factory.</span><br />
<span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-size: x-large;">3. I graduated from college with a degree in Philosophy.</span><br />
<span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-size: x-large;">4. I moved.</span><br />
<span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-size: x-large;">5. I moved again.</span><br />
<span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-size: x-large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-size: x-large;">That's all I can think of.</span><br />
<span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-size: x-large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-size: x-large;">But anyway, this is what I come up with when people ask why I moved:</span><br />
<span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-size: x-large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-size: x-large;">To co-workers: I had to move because my floor-sleeper wouldn't leave.</span><br />
<span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-size: x-large;">To family: Um...because...it's closer to work?</span><br />
<span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-size: x-large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-size: x-large;">Neither of these seem to be an acceptable answer to people. I wonder why?</span><br />
<span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-size: x-large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-size: x-large;">.......................................................................</span><br />
<span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-size: x-large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-size: x-large;">It's 2 a.m., and I've relocated to my bedroom. I'm trying desperately to end this useless post, but my daughter followed me in here and is playing with my kitty. Chelsea isn't going to bed anytime soon, she came home from work at 9 p.m. and this is Happy Hour.</span><br />
<span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-size: x-large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-size: x-large;">I am sooo old!</span>Remembering Gracehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14760441035721518260noreply@blogger.com39tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4187717069059178491.post-65538009096982889882014-04-17T20:49:00.002-07:002014-04-17T20:49:19.422-07:00I have a tendency to wear my mind on my sleeve...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2kfsnnB4Q0pm6YxuQYZ_fj7iE2zV3QUPaS1eFdgB02AnbUMagCS9-Qp4_7teSUOalSgqYIbYP7ZNDDOHNJyIJBpKCpL-TsbXllmp-ApJ45rRJeGJSYmLeMiMU_NOzbG3FqQyrqyiXZBXC/s1600/demotivators_1836_314437+underachievement.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2kfsnnB4Q0pm6YxuQYZ_fj7iE2zV3QUPaS1eFdgB02AnbUMagCS9-Qp4_7teSUOalSgqYIbYP7ZNDDOHNJyIJBpKCpL-TsbXllmp-ApJ45rRJeGJSYmLeMiMU_NOzbG3FqQyrqyiXZBXC/s1600/demotivators_1836_314437+underachievement.jpg" height="268" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #ea9999;">You know, I just looked at this picture and remembered that movie Lawnmower Man from a zillion years ago...I remember actually going to the dollar theater and seeing it with a friend of mine, back when we were in high school.</span></span></div>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;">I'm so old.</span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;">That theater is now a Steak n' Shake, I think.</span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;">So weird, the stuff you suddenly remember out of nowhere. :)</span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;">My week has been filled with migraine, work, rehab place to visit my grandpa, moving boxes around my apartment, moving boxes around some more, migraine, migraine, work, migraine.</span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;">I also fit in some time to watch the MTV Movie Awards, read a little, tweet a little, play Legend of the Cryptids a little, and I felt terribly guilty THE WHOLE TIME.</span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;">And...I went to the basement by myself for the first time to wash clothes and nearly died on the stairs. It was dark, and I managed to miss the last step completely. Luckily, there was a wall right in front of me for me to smash into.</span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;">Staircases - I just don't do well on them, for some reason.</span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;">So...you know my co-worker Mark, right? The one who's now my landlord? Well, we're old cronies at work, we've sat next to each other for years...he's the one I bestowed my window seat to earlier this year.</span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;">We've worked in the same office at the same job for the last 15 years or so, and we're considered 'old-timers' on our team. We recently acquired a new person, who's been with the company maybe 7 or 8 months...and wow, I just don't know how we're going to break her in.</span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;">I've caught her several times asking our supervisor for MORE WORK. Then, I heard that she went and asked ANOTHER team's supervisor for more work. THEN, if that wasn't bad enough, I overheard her bragging about the fact that she had to go and ask for more work.</span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;">Oh, boy.</span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;">But the really funny, awful thing happened on Tuesday.</span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;">Tuesday, I was sitting at my desk, typing up an email, minding my own business, when I heard New Girl walk up behind me and start talking to Mark. So of course, I immediately ceased minding my own business and started listening.</span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><i>New Girl: Hi Mark...</i></span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><i>Mark (warily): Hi...</i></span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><i>New Girl: Um, I was working on some of your accounts...</i></span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999;"><i>(Here's me, thinking, OMG, if you even so much as touch one of MY accounts I will END YOU!!)</i></span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999;"><i>(sorry...I have rage)</i></span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><i>New Girl: And um...don't take this the wrong way...</i></span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999;"><i>(Here it comes, that phrase is never followed by anything good)</i></span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><i>New Girl: <b>But...WHAT do you DO all day?</b></i></span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999;"><i>(??? Oh no she didn't!)</i></span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><i>New Girl: I mean, these are in such bad shape, some of them, and I was just wondering, why...</i></span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;">Mark, after being momentarily stunned into silence, very gracefully told her what he did all day, as he is the leader of our group and does all the things that we don't have to do.</span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;">Finally, New Girl left.</span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;">Seconds pass by, then, at the same time, Mark and I slowly scoot our chairs back until we can see each other behind the cubicle wall.</span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;">Gut-splitting laughter ensues.</span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;">We're trying to talk as we're gasping for air.</span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;">"Did you hear-"</span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;">"Did she just say-"</span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;">Finally, Mark gets it out...</span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;">"If she'd been one of us, I would have told her the truth.</span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;">"What do I do all day?</span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;">"AS LITTLE AS POSSIBLE!"</span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;">This is the mantra of someone who has worked in the same job for years and years and years.</span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;">:)</span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;">Poor New Girl. It's not her fault she's new and gung-ho, but it IS her fault that she asked one of the rudest questions I've ever heard, and jokes have abounded in our pod the last couple of days about what we do all day.</span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;">Besides work, that is.</span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;">Miss you all...</span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-size: large;">:(</span>Remembering Gracehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14760441035721518260noreply@blogger.com28tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4187717069059178491.post-12874141252963127212014-04-08T07:00:00.000-07:002014-04-08T07:00:20.397-07:00If you were an ocean, I'd learn to float<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibPbgTLsKnVn83aa57HRkzeFwAsOwYrhyphenhyphenZJ7V3gSXWT3jn3r7q1_dPQRFiLDJNnB1EvEPQBUKnBm61Q0PdLzOhWizULG6oSAMAzJmJMhfe45HvtjKZDWQcqIgGtX8ySRDOcw34Kv03af7s/s640/blogger-image--621087331.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibPbgTLsKnVn83aa57HRkzeFwAsOwYrhyphenhyphenZJ7V3gSXWT3jn3r7q1_dPQRFiLDJNnB1EvEPQBUKnBm61Q0PdLzOhWizULG6oSAMAzJmJMhfe45HvtjKZDWQcqIgGtX8ySRDOcw34Kv03af7s/s200/blogger-image--621087331.jpg" width="150" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
This is my beautiful living room!</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
As you can see, I have my priorities straight. 5000 boxes to unpack, but the TV and cable are hooked up! :)</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
I'm afraid I'll never get back in the swing of things. I can tell I'm missing some awesome posts...there's just so much to do here. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
But even though I am frantic to get back online and blogging, and we have so much cleaning and unpacking to do - not to mention worrying about Popa and my brother - still yet the biggest thing I've been feeling is RELIEF. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
A little bit of it is that we're done with the move; but really, most of the relief is that the floor-sleeper is gone from our house. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
I didn't realize how much his presence was weighing on me until he was no longer there. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
I mean, yes, obviously, because I MOVED to get rid of him...but I still didn't realize!</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
I'm no longer confined to my room. Chelsea keeps her door open. We can walk around the house and talk to each other and joke and laugh and work and argue - all of which we've done this week. We couldn't do that before. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
Here's a new list:</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
1. No more visitors! Ever!</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
So...I still have a bump on my head from when I fell. And bruises. And hurt feelings because Chelsea laughed at me. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
Well, she laughed AFTER she helped me back up the stairs, pulled the remaining branches out of my hair and brushed the twigs off my face, and let me lay down and head-bleed all over my pillow while she made five more trips up and down the stairs getting stuff out of the car. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
So I guess I had it coming. And I do fall down a lot. But I mean, two or three days later, I was still pulling thorns out of my head! </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
She is such a brat. </div>
Remembering Gracehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14760441035721518260noreply@blogger.com37tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4187717069059178491.post-82890580238395094402014-03-31T21:02:00.000-07:002014-03-31T21:02:23.666-07:00Time isn't holding us, time isn't after us<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhu2wZcnbW19DV0Yd-EQ3__e0FhvogBEWuinAT2DhfjnpGxL_2RrVKqz-7iGe-OPYAIiBqDXHDc1mIp7AaagSceGn1KC6o0vt_EXaNUMeGNBE4InBQ-xmvjvYfI-UVQQWVY4Jf2FPUQs7LU/s640/blogger-image--1885907658.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhu2wZcnbW19DV0Yd-EQ3__e0FhvogBEWuinAT2DhfjnpGxL_2RrVKqz-7iGe-OPYAIiBqDXHDc1mIp7AaagSceGn1KC6o0vt_EXaNUMeGNBE4InBQ-xmvjvYfI-UVQQWVY4Jf2FPUQs7LU/s200/blogger-image--1885907658.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
I am never ever ever moving again.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I am typing this out on my cellphone since we don't have internet at our new place yet. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I will be back and blogging soon! I feel so guilty for neglecting everyone and I know I'm missing some fabulous stories. I also have some of my own...<br />
<br />
My grandfather is at the rehab place and not doing as well as he should be. STUBBORN...</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Floor-sleeper finally left, on MOVING DAY, NOT of his own volition...</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
We lost three sets of keys in 5 days; I was convinced it was a curse...</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I fell down the stairs again, into a bush...</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I can't wait for things to get back to normal. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Soon...</div>
Remembering Gracehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14760441035721518260noreply@blogger.com29tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4187717069059178491.post-23138296589207498022014-03-25T18:45:00.000-07:002014-03-25T19:37:36.260-07:00I'm not giving up, I'm just giving in<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRbqSQcZwrbC1BcZiQ-D4hwM_2PXRnMzneQr4gdYCmwEDmWl2sCOBVxvgqQVDFHoPwURqBNyiuiFB91rxEiB5LdHXfsZnpixT7isVPNQdugNxkaS2VqaTnP_TqiLGqrjZhh7m_6Y6ueZb4/s1600/monet+-+banks+of+the+seine+at+jenfosse.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRbqSQcZwrbC1BcZiQ-D4hwM_2PXRnMzneQr4gdYCmwEDmWl2sCOBVxvgqQVDFHoPwURqBNyiuiFB91rxEiB5LdHXfsZnpixT7isVPNQdugNxkaS2VqaTnP_TqiLGqrjZhh7m_6Y6ueZb4/s1600/monet+-+banks+of+the+seine+at+jenfosse.jpg" height="234" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<span style="color: cyan; font-size: large;">Chelsea helped me with my room yesterday. We're packing this week, among other things.</span><br />
<span style="color: cyan; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: cyan; font-size: large;">When I learned of my grandmother's cancer, back in 2009, that's kind of when things went south for me, and my room reflected that. </span><br />
<span style="color: cyan; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: cyan; font-size: large;">We got through piles of books, DVDs, CDs, papers...the stuff on the bottom was stuff that I'd last seen 5 years ago. It was kind of like an archaeological study on depression symptom #2: not having the energy or the interest to take care of things.</span><br />
<span style="color: cyan; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: cyan; font-size: large;">I'm much better now. In the past year, especially, I've come a long way from the dark place that landed me in the hospital back then. I think I've finally hit the right combination of medicine, I have figured out coping mechanisms, I know my triggers...</span><br />
<span style="color: cyan; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: cyan; font-size: large;">But this month, I'm desperately wishing to be anywhere else. Isn't that awful? I want to drown my sorrows in something...check myself in the hospital...just lay under my covers and hide forever!</span><br />
<span style="color: cyan; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: cyan; font-size: large;">But I can't, because I'm stronger now. My brother has cancer and the pill he takes makes him sick and my grandfather had brain surgery again and he's in the hospital and I have to divide my time between packing up my life to move this week and visiting my grandpa in the hospital.</span><br />
<span style="color: cyan; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: cyan; font-size: large;">My grandfather also has cancer again, and this time they can't do anything with it. They're giving him six months to a year.</span><br />
<span style="color: cyan; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: cyan; font-size: large;">My mom and my aunt, wimps that they are, sent my brother to tell me the news. He was very no nonsense about it, much like he was when he told me that he himself had cancer.</span><br />
<span style="color: cyan; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: cyan; font-size: large;">I just want to cry.</span><br />
<span style="color: cyan; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: cyan; font-size: large;">Well okay, I have. But only in my room, late at night. </span><br />
<span style="color: cyan; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: cyan; font-size: large;">I just can't even express how much I hate cancer.</span>Remembering Gracehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14760441035721518260noreply@blogger.com28tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4187717069059178491.post-506163395466251122014-03-18T20:34:00.000-07:002014-03-18T20:48:47.550-07:00We're one, but we're not the same, we get to carry each other...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqsZ8pFdTBv96bBWAFG-9OS2gsMc5d3XTRUv_rsizB1j5JHNPU49bdvb_qBsN4NwuWJjiSMgmk96VGPo2faEKwqBBhjjjMVdKDjhpRo_iMKxvni-mNgIfmapBNpUbSxlh4fxLaodO2IxGz/s1600/pearl+jam+just+breathe.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqsZ8pFdTBv96bBWAFG-9OS2gsMc5d3XTRUv_rsizB1j5JHNPU49bdvb_qBsN4NwuWJjiSMgmk96VGPo2faEKwqBBhjjjMVdKDjhpRo_iMKxvni-mNgIfmapBNpUbSxlh4fxLaodO2IxGz/s1600/pearl+jam+just+breathe.jpg" height="320" width="243" /></a></div>
<span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-size: large;">Well.</span><br />
<span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-size: large;">You know, my mind tries to look at what's going on objectively, and it can't...it veers away. Weird. My only issues are that this stupid migraine won't go away; also, I'm apparently going to need to pry my floor-sleeper out of the apartment because he hasn't budged. Is he going to just keep sitting there even after we move?</span><br />
<span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-size: large;">But everything else, I just try to look at from my mother's perspective, and I want to be a better daughter. My grandfather has never quite recovered from his brain surgery last year, and tonight my mom is with him back at the hospital. My brother, in the meantime, is starting his third week of treatment for leukemia. We're still healing from the loss of my grandmother to ovarian cancer, and so learning this about my brother was a blow.</span><br />
<span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-size: large;">I had three hospital stays in three years, it's my time to be healthy; I just need to get there. I want to support my mom and not be so tired all the time. </span><br />
<span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-size: large;">Life's too short.</span><br />
<span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-size: large;">So now, totally unrelated, I thought I'd cheer us up (or, well, me up) with a film clip! Have you ever seen "O Brother, Where Art Thou?"? You haven't? Why not???!!! This is my heritage, yo! LOLOL</span><br />
<span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-size: large;">So, this is my very favorite part of the movie, because the guys have been running from the law this whole time and have no idea that the record they made as The Soggy Bottom Boys has become a BONA FIDE hit! And if you feel the need to make fun of the accents or the dancing, go ahead, but tread lightly, because I grew up with grandparents and great-grandparents that sang and danced EXACTLY like this! :)</span><br />
<span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-size: large;">p.s. The clip isn't perfect but it's the best I could find...and oh, yeah, it's dubbed in French. A</span><span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-size: large;">HAHAHA</span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<object width="320" height="266" class="BLOGGER-youtube-video" classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=6,0,40,0" data-thumbnail-src="https://ytimg.googleusercontent.com/vi/6io3wj3pa_E/0.jpg"><param name="movie" value="https://youtube.googleapis.com/v/6io3wj3pa_E&source=uds" /><param name="bgcolor" value="#FFFFFF" /><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true" /><embed width="320" height="266" src="https://youtube.googleapis.com/v/6io3wj3pa_E&source=uds" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true"></embed></object></div>
<br />Remembering Gracehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14760441035721518260noreply@blogger.com34tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4187717069059178491.post-74389820282066462002014-03-12T20:13:00.000-07:002014-03-12T20:13:48.058-07:00I woke up late, guess I'm never really early...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWXYYISNTxeZ7YpNJOVb8VkoCMqFYqoNUdZLbLAfSRG3E3HeF92VLhirxxPUJgRAy5dxKy_rG5tSpjWUDoGIr-B9TaVnyFQly0iMF8EOQ4Eg5znq1JqO5CbeX7nPzeNSUgTmmYvGUfh2iw/s1600/the+story.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWXYYISNTxeZ7YpNJOVb8VkoCMqFYqoNUdZLbLAfSRG3E3HeF92VLhirxxPUJgRAy5dxKy_rG5tSpjWUDoGIr-B9TaVnyFQly0iMF8EOQ4Eg5znq1JqO5CbeX7nPzeNSUgTmmYvGUfh2iw/s1600/the+story.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<span style="color: yellow; font-size: large;">Hello...</span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: yellow; font-size: large;">There is just not enough time.</span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: yellow; font-size: large;">I have twenty-five blog posts to read. Y'all are prolific this week.</span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: yellow; font-size: large;">I've been lazy. It's not ENTIRELY my fault. I somehow contracted a computer virus and my floor-sleeper has been fixing my computer for two days.</span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: yellow; font-size: large;">I don't know if I'm thankful or irritated.</span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: yellow; font-size: large;">We went out to eat with the family on Monday and my brother, after one week of treatment, is showing the effects. His color is terrible, he looks exhausted, his hair looks like it's falling out. He won't tell us, but my sister-in-law told us that he has been experiencing some of the severe side effects of the drug.</span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: yellow; font-size: large;">But now, the good news - his white blood cell count dropped from 79,000 to 39,000. In just one week. The drug is working.</span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: yellow; font-size: large;">More good news - my brother was as obnoxious as ever. I never thought I'd be happy about my brother being a big jerk, but I am. If he's arguing with me for an hour and a half across a crowded dinner table at Texas Roadhouse, that means he's feeling well enough to fight this thing.</span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: yellow; font-size: large;">That is all.</span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: yellow; font-size: large;">Oh wait.</span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: yellow; font-size: large;">One last thing...</span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: yellow; font-size: large;">Something made me think about this movie the other day, and this scene is one of my all-time movie favorites. If you haven't seen The Contender, I highly recommend it, and don't watch this [spoiler alert]! Otherwise, here's the awesome final scene:</span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/HlioUeIUuts?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
<br />Remembering Gracehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14760441035721518260noreply@blogger.com24tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4187717069059178491.post-72976695760395604682014-03-04T17:42:00.000-08:002014-03-04T17:42:11.089-08:00Tonight's the night the world begins again...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtdbjS8OwAKyAjB554iC9znfAgxpnhROAaM45qwobkey_Xwc1Dt9jRh4QrZcNK6InjE6LAV_Xb62eeYa_3MY6nAs7LuhLRe3zdAiISxQ9QGDjfKCKShasluh0H5rcBsjFU9kLxwXDBIRCX/s1600/monet+1872+lilacs+in+the+sun.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtdbjS8OwAKyAjB554iC9znfAgxpnhROAaM45qwobkey_Xwc1Dt9jRh4QrZcNK6InjE6LAV_Xb62eeYa_3MY6nAs7LuhLRe3zdAiISxQ9QGDjfKCKShasluh0H5rcBsjFU9kLxwXDBIRCX/s1600/monet+1872+lilacs+in+the+sun.jpg" height="251" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<span style="color: #f4cccc; font-size: large;">There's so many scary things happening right now, and all I want to do is hide.<br /><br />If I could just stay in bed and cuddle my kitty forever, I'd be content.</span><br />
<span style="color: #f4cccc; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #f4cccc; font-size: large;">I guess I can't do that.</span><br />
<span style="color: #f4cccc; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #f4cccc; font-size: large;">Treasure your family and make time to be with them. Appreciate your good health. If you can walk and run, do it! Drink in the beauty around you and listen to music...and if you are artistically talented, use your talents! Paint, draw, dance, sing and play the piano...the world needs it.</span><br />
<span style="color: #f4cccc; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #f4cccc; font-size: large;">And I meant what I said about family! You blink and they're gone, or different, and all you have left is your memories. Cherish what you have, and make the most of it.</span><br />
<span style="color: #f4cccc; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #f4cccc; font-size: large;">Family = everything.</span>Remembering Gracehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14760441035721518260noreply@blogger.com33tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4187717069059178491.post-70107583664039929662014-02-26T20:13:00.000-08:002014-02-26T20:13:15.690-08:00When the darkness closes in...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjf0gb852WsLE22D3G9DnjjkSlCCdCJAUeHmOxskoVBhKrLnw2lo8vlUcaMsu6_qx8KhoHHgSxTER6h0OupisG495WFjhCdiWC-RN9uoYKYtBRhhzq6NsopPHgEAlY4Y883_z4aJRuLFOze/s1600/my+heart+will+choose.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjf0gb852WsLE22D3G9DnjjkSlCCdCJAUeHmOxskoVBhKrLnw2lo8vlUcaMsu6_qx8KhoHHgSxTER6h0OupisG495WFjhCdiWC-RN9uoYKYtBRhhzq6NsopPHgEAlY4Y883_z4aJRuLFOze/s1600/my+heart+will+choose.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<span style="color: cyan; font-size: large;">I'm furious with my big brother.<br /><br />I've documented in great detail here about how obnoxious and annoying my big brother is; how he's a terrible loser and an even worse winner, how we still pick at each other like we're 5 and 10 years old and no one can stand to be around us because we're so much alike; and how he's the best dad and big brother in the world.</span><br />
<span style="color: cyan; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: cyan; font-size: large;">He's a big jerk.</span><br />
<span style="color: cyan; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: cyan; font-size: large;">On Monday, he told me he had leukemia. Chronic Myelocytic Leukemia.</span><br />
<span style="color: cyan; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: cyan; font-size: large;">My stupid brother has stupid cancer.</span><br />
<span style="color: cyan; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: cyan; font-size: large;">I'm so, so mad at him.</span><br />
<span style="color: cyan; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: cyan; font-size: large;">I'm crying even as I type this. How dare he have this happen to him? We've always been Johnny and Michelle, and now he's going through something I can't help him with.</span><br />
<span style="color: cyan; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: cyan; font-size: large;">My typical brother:</span><br />
<span style="color: cyan; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: cyan; font-size: large;"><i>John: I have leukemia.</i></span><br />
<span style="color: cyan; font-size: large;"><i>Michelle: (crying)</i></span><br />
<span style="color: cyan; font-size: large;"><i>John: Why are you crying? Other than the leukemia, I'm in perfect health!</i></span><br />
<span style="color: cyan; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: cyan; font-size: large;">And later:</span><br />
<span style="color: cyan; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: cyan; font-size: large;"><i>John: (blah, blah, blah)</i></span><br />
<span style="color: cyan; font-size: large;"><i>John:...And no matter what, do NOT ask me how I'm feeling, I'm already sick of it, I feel fine! I mean it! Don't ask me!!!</i></span><br />
<span style="color: cyan; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: cyan; font-size: large;">(sigh)</span><br />
<span style="color: cyan; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: cyan; font-size: large;">The prognosis is good. I just feel a little beat down, what with my grandma's cancer and then my things and then my grandpa's brain tumor and I don't wanna hear the prognosis is good I wanna hear that my brother is going to be perfect as good as new as obnoxious and annoying as ever.</span><br />
<span style="color: cyan; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: cyan; font-size: large;">I love my big brother. I'm not really mad at him...well, no more than usual. :)</span><br />
<span style="color: cyan; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: cyan; font-size: large;">Love y'all, goodnight. :)</span>Remembering Gracehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14760441035721518260noreply@blogger.com30tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4187717069059178491.post-11957801530893763222014-02-23T21:23:00.000-08:002014-02-24T17:11:09.195-08:00I'll never get used to it...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgISx4KDWZ56JROqIAEl9sCwzLah3WXQniMbbrbzW9Ok2IpmtNT_SLcFBd0r4FcOGqgLuYphGvXhCfgQ0PB9XbQFbcHERqqyKXkgFErAnh3cv7t0PU3ODieKaP0y_Wicu9KYjm7zQGB0_oK/s1600/meadow+with+poppies,+1902,+by+Pal+Szinyei-Merse.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgISx4KDWZ56JROqIAEl9sCwzLah3WXQniMbbrbzW9Ok2IpmtNT_SLcFBd0r4FcOGqgLuYphGvXhCfgQ0PB9XbQFbcHERqqyKXkgFErAnh3cv7t0PU3ODieKaP0y_Wicu9KYjm7zQGB0_oK/s1600/meadow+with+poppies,+1902,+by+Pal+Szinyei-Merse.jpg" height="320" width="282" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: red;">Meadow with Poppies, 1902 - Pal Szinyei-Merse</span></div>
<br />
<br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">CAUTION: AMBIEN POST</span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br />I am trying to write with extra care and precision but my eyes are mostly shut and I'm thinking about puppies for some reason, which has nothing to do with my post...<br /><br />Oh dear, it's already gone off the rails!</span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Anyway, just thought I'd provide a weekend update and a promise to do better in regards to my blog. :)</span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Update:</span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">1. Still moving. I have to turn in my letter by Friday. I tend to procrastinate. I need to be out of here by April 1, yay!!!</span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">2. Still sickly. I have discovered that I CANNOT eat dark chocolate. I was given bad information and so for Valentine's Day, certain people gave me some wonderful dark chocolate to eat. It was good. The ensuing migraine was very, very bad.</span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">3. Dwayne finally got his letter on Friday, approving his disability. TWO YEARS and TWO DENIALS later, and two years of no income, before he could get this approval. Because he has not had access to good medicine during this whole time unless he paid for it out of pocket, he has deteriorated to where now he is in a wheelchair 99% of the time. His poor hands and fingers are permanently disfigured, the joints are twisted and knotted...he has the hands, knees and hips of a 90-year old. He is only 46.</span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">4. It's hard not to be angry at the government in this kind of situation. His savings are gone.</span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">5. But I guess all of us are in bad shape. I know the economy is supposed to be getting better (really?), but I'm not feeling it.</span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">6. My brother, for instance, lived with my sister-in-law and their baby at a very nice house that he had owned for years. Then the Recession happened. The house got sold, and my brother moved his family into an apartment. They had another baby, and my brother moved his family again, into the apartments where I live. It's the WRONG WAY. As your family gets bigger, your house is supposed to get bigger...not smaller!</span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">7. As for me, my rent here has gone up and up, but my pay stays the same. Oh excuse me, the company raises our hourly pay every year, but its minuscule, and insignificant since our health insurance goes way up every year and any raise we see is immediately swallowed up by the health insurance.</span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">8. Okay, I gotta wrap this up because I forgot what my original mission was and I've fallen asleep 30 or 40 times now. Ambien 1, Michelle 0.</span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">9. We'll continue later and see if I can stay awake for Round 2. Should be great fun.</span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Goodnightzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz................</span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
Remembering Gracehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14760441035721518260noreply@blogger.com24