So show me family...

We're going through tough times here in the Ville, and I guess they could be linked directly back to me and my migraine.

My migraine and I missed a day of work this week (unpaid), and my migraine and I missed a day and a half of work last week (unpaid). We've really been spending a lot of time together, my migraine and I.
A 20%+ reduction in my paycheck every week is enough to freak my accountant out, and she doesn't have the benefit of nice calming anti-anxiety pills like I do.

And so every day when she picks me up and takes me to work - my accountant is also my morning chauffeur, who also happens to be my mother - I have to hear in full detail about my money problems and how I don't make it easy on her and if I keep it up I'll just have to move back in with her, and she doesn't take cats.

We can't ever ever let that happen, of course. Because 1) I love my mother, but living with her was really awful!, and 2) I love my kitty, and I could never give her up!

Things were much better before Dwayne got laid off, and then his RA got so advanced. He's still waiting for his disability hearing. He has to use canes, walkers, wheelchairs...it's shocking how much it has progressed in two years, and he's only 45. My grandpa, who is 83 and had brain surgery seven months ago, can still make it across the room faster than Dwayne can. I don't understand how he still hasn't been approved...it's a mystery.

The other thing is that I'm kind of supporting me, Chelsea and her best friend until they get jobs. Chelsea had a job but quit to go to school but then sat out a semester so now she has no job and no school but she is looking for a job now until school starts back. Her best friend was kind of kicked out by his family and had nowhere to go so I said he could stay here until he got a job and found somewhere to go.

I won't mention how long he's been here. Let's just say maybe our Christmas decorations were still up.

I'm kind of his mother figure now. He came out to me yesterday as transgender. So now I have to call her, her. And she.

I had noticed that she had pretty nail polish on her toes for a few weeks now, but you know me...I see something, I think, oh, and then it's gone. IT'S MICHELLE'S WORLD.

I don't know how easy it may be for her job hunting as obviously trans, because she has a deep voice still. I know that Louisville has the Fairness Act, but can employers find ways around that? I'm just worried about her, this is a great town but it isn't New York or San Fran where she might have more help available.

But she has me! Even though we're very low on funds, we have lots of love! And we have, you know, the internet.

p.s. My migraine and I will be going to work together from now on. We will no longer be staying at home. Even if I go and just sit there at my desk in silent death, I will get up and go. So I can bring home that $150/day.

Unless I won the lottery tonight, I'll be sure to let you all know.

Know it'll all be clear...

Life's too short to have migraines.

I've tried to convince myself that the pain's all in my head (haha) but it's. not. working. (sob)

If I was feeling better, I could be putting together a really fabulous entry on what a week we've had!  Wendy Davis rocks!  DOMA is no more!

But the good is tempered by the bad, of course...Rick Perry doesn't seem to understand that no means no.  What is wrong with him?  And DOMA being struck down doesn't affect my Kentucky... I live in Louisville, which is a wonderful city, but there's still a whole lot of bigoted rednecks that live in the rest of the South.

But still, there are two things I picture from this week that almost make my headache go away:

1) Wendy Davis and Leticia Van De Putte on the floor of the Texas Senate - Davis standing for a reported 15 hours, Van De Putte coming straight from her father's funeral - and making me SO PROUD I nearly couldn't stand it.

2) Sitting at my desk at work covertly reading the SCOTUS live blog and seeing Justice Kennedy's beautiful wording and realizing what it meant - DOMA had been struck down. I was so happy I literally wanted to jump for joy but that would have given me away so I had to get up and sedately walk away from my desk into the break room so I could bounce.

I have to believe that things will work out. I haven't stuck around this long for it not to. ... Because obviously, the world revolves around me.

Well, it's coming from my perspective, why shouldn't it?

Just a little silliness...

I sent C off to school this morning, headache-free...still stomach-achy, but I'm attributing that more to going-to-school jitters since I hear that from her roughly every single morning before school, and never on the weekends (!)...
And then I went off to work, with a massive headache...
I had 50 new emails waiting for me when I got there...
A huge stack of paperwork...
In 45 minutes I had three different people come to my desk with major problems that they've apparently been holding onto for me to handle when i got back...my mind swimming with news of a lost $5000 check...a $1.2 million combined shipment...a refund gone awry...
All I wanted to do was finish eating my granola bar (peanut butter and chocolate chunk, please don't think for a minute that it's anything remotely healthy!), drink my first diet Pepsi of the day, and take my three Excedrin Migraines, while scrolling through my emails.
So when I got the following silly email, it made me laugh and I had to post it, even though some of the things NO ONE will understand unless they've lived here, and some of the things are typical of every city, I'm sure...but I still love it!  I have added some disclaimers here and there, though...
You Know You're From Louisville When...
Your "International" airport has only one passenger flight that actually leaves the 48 contiguous U.S. states.
The in-state sports rivalry is given more attention than the national championship.  (1)
You live in an area that occasionally gets considerable snowfalls, floods, and tornadoes... but has no capacity to deal with any of the above. 
You pronounce the name of your city different than anyone else you've heard.  (2)
You ask your doctor for an allergy cure and he tells you to "move."
You've shoveled 10+ inches of snow and worn shorts in the same week.
When people ask what school you went to, they don't mean Vanderbilt, Yale, or Harvard; they mean Male, Manual, Trinity or St. X.  (3)
You know what the Bambi Walk is.
You make an emergency run to Kroger for bread and milk at the first sighting of a snowflake.
At least four times a year, you see a semi truck wedged under the train tracks down by U of L...and the truck driver shaking his head at the clearly marked sign that said his truck wouldn't fit...
You've lived here for years, yet somehow you get hopelessly lost each time you attempt a shortcut through Cherokee Park.
You're convinced turn signals are useless options on a vehicle.
You hold up traffic to let a motorist you don't know into your lane.
You have never been to the Derby, but wouldn't miss the Oaks.  (4)
You call in sick to attend the Oaks and spot your boss - who also called in sick - at the next betting window. 
You think all the REAL hicks live in New Albany.
You think the only thing Southern Indiana is good for is buying pumpkins.
You've built a shrine to Rick Pitino in your basement.  (5)
You want another bridge built over the Ohio River, just so long as it doesn't cut through YOUR neighborhood.
You've experienced a "salt storm" after a two-inch snowfall.
You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Louisville.
disclaimers...: )...
(1) unless, of course, your team has recently won the national championship and lost the in-state game!
(2) and you occasionally pronounce it differently yourself, depending on your mood.  Right now, I'm pronouncing it like this: "LEWUHVUL".
(3) LOL at this one, I went to one of those 'chosen' schools listed and it's true, I'm insufferably proud of it!
(4) Come on, of course I've been to the Derby!  And worked the Derby a few times, too...but the Derby is an occasional thing, tempered by years of getting up the nerve to face the traffic, whereas the Oaks is a MUST, every year.
(5) It's depending on your blue/red affiliation as to whether you STILL have the shrine...
I don't...LOL!
I'm pretty sure we're going to Midnight Madness down in Lexington this Friday...I'm so excited!

Much the same...

The pile is still on top of my monitor...it's kind of leaning over, like it will fall any minute.
I used to live in a city in Germany that had a leaning tower.  The story goes that way back when the tower was being built, there was a drought and so wine instead of water was used to mix the mortar being used to build the tower, and therefore the mortar wasn't as strong as it should be...

It was quite fun to tour the tower.  You would climb and climb stairs to get to the top, and by the time you got up there the tilt was very pronounced and it was very hard to stand up! 
I still miss the little city where I spent part of my growing up years.  I don't know if I'll ever get to go back there.  We lived by a vineyard, where we used to ride our bikes in the summer, and go sledding in the winter.  I would go to school in the winter and, riding in the bus across the new bridge over the Main River, see great sheets of it frozen...when we came back to Louisville in 1986 the Ohio River was so huge, I've never seen it frozen over....
We used to pick plums from our neighbor's yards, and would then get promptly scolded by old German women.  We had schnitzel for dinner almost every night...it was a treat when our parents would take us out to eat and we could get hamburgers and fries...or pommes frites as we called them there.  An even bigger treat was the occasional trip to the big city of Wurzburg, where we could go to McDonald's!
I came back to the States when I was almost thirteen years old...having spent my crucial growing up years in a different country, it was major culture shock!
to be continued...

Replacement assignment

I'm going to have to ditch John Scalzi's weekend assignment, I've wracked my brain all weekend and am coming up with a blank on the bad advice.  I'm doing Anna's assignment, instead.  It's still not easy for me to answer some of these questions, either, and also, my answers all seem pretty bland.  I'm trying to avoid the connection between my answers and what that says about my personality. :(
Here we go:
1. What year was the best year of your life?  See, already this is hard.  I have no idea.  Maybe 1989-1990?
2. One animal or insect that Noah should have left off the ark?  ALL INSECTS ARE BAD.  They can crawl on you while you sleep. 
3. Do you make a wish before blowing out your birthday candles? Yes.  I remember every wish I ever made on my birthday.
4. Do you generally open your bills on the day that you receive them? hahahahahaha
5. How many pillows are on your bed?  Three.  Two regular ones, and one wonderful one that makes me so happy.
6. Favorite ice cream flavor?  Ice cream questions are always hard, since I hardly ever eat it.  I like chocolate-peanut butter milkshakes.  And I like homemade vanilla ice cream once a year on Fourth of July.
7. What is the most dominant color in your wardrobe?  Black.  Everything is black.
8. Have you ever seen a ghost?  No.
9. Would you rather go to a carnival or circus?  A carnival.
10. Favorite meal: breakfast, lunch, or dinner?  Dinner. There's more options, I think.
11. Your favorite fictional animal?  This is another hard question.  A mythical animal like a unicorn?  Or something like Rafiki from "The Lion King"? 
12. Have you ever flown first-class?  No.  I wish.  Especially the long flights to and from Germany.
13. Would you go on a reality show?  Never.  I don't want to be on TV.  And I don't want to eat bugs, camp out, and/or be stuck with the same people for weeks.  Remember Sartre's "No Exit"?
14. Are you more optimistic or pessimistic about the future?  Pessimistic.  What future?
15. Pancakes or waffles?  Nice, crispy waffles.  
16. If you could own a home anywhere in the world, where would it be?  I want that house on that island in "The Thomas Crown Affair".  I would also like a house in the mountains of Eastern Kentucky where my mother's family came from, and a house in Scotland where their family came from.  
17. Your favorite Soup of the Day?  I don't eat soup.  Except for when I'm sick, then I'll eat only Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup.
18. What site is a must see for all visitors to your city?  First, the view from I-65 South crossing the Ohio River into Louisville at night, this is the best view of our beautiful skyline.  Cave Hill Cemetery.  Churchill Downs.  There's also a gigantic baseball bat outside the Louisville Slugger Museum down on Main Street.  And you should go down to the river and visit the Waterfront Park, Slugger Field, and take a cruise.
19. Can you recommend a good restaurant in your city?  My favorite non-chain restaurant in Louisville is the CHINA INN by U of L.  It's the favorite hangout of all police officers and college students.  It's not fancy, but it's awesome. 
20. You go to the zoo; What is the one animal that you want to see?  The penguins and the polar bears. Also the gorillas.
21. Potatoes, rice, or pasta; Whichis your favorite?  Pasta, it's always pasta.  
22. What is the best movie that you've seen this year?  I liked Lost in Translation.
23. One of your favorite books when you were a child?  This is hard, because I read everything, basically, when I was a child, and I still have my old books and I still love to re-read them.  But specifically, I would have to say the Little House books.  I loved Laura Ingalls Wilder so much that I made a pilgrimage a couple of years ago to her childhood homes in South Dakota and Minnesota.   It was thrilling to see all these places I knew by heart from reading her books.
24. What in your life are you most grateful for?  My family.
25. You are home alone and use the bathroom; do you close the door?  Yes.
26. What is your favorite small appliance?  I love my washer and dryer.  Um, that's not very small, is it?  Okay, the only other thing I use is the microwave.
27. Salty snacks or sweet treats?  Both, together.  
28. Are you usually a little early, a little late, or right on time?  Late late late.
29. What is the most daring thing that you have ever done?  The list is too long.  Really.
30. Have you ever met someone famous?  No.
31. What was one of your favorite games as a child?  Now I'm getting depressed.  I can't remember having a favorite game.  I know I must have, but I'm drawing a blank.  I'm really not that old, what is wrong with me?!!!
32. At what age have you looked your best?  18, and 20-21.
33. One person that never fails to make you laugh?  My funny, silly daughter.
34. What was the first music that you ever bought?  AAAAGH!  I have no idea.  It would have had to be something heavy metal...   
35. If you could change one thing about your family life when you were a child, what would it be?  The skeletons are too deep in the closet for me to talk about this one.
36. What is the one thing that you cook that always receives compliments?  Heath Bar cake.
37. From what news source do you receive the bulk of your news?  News radio.
38. In the last calendar year, how many people have you told that you love them?  14, I think.
39. Who received your first kiss?  Terry.
40. The single most important quality in a mate?  That he loves me.
41. What do you value most in a relationship?  Love.  Honesty.  No fear.
42. Do you believe that you have a soulmate?  Yes.  He's a good friend of mine.
43. Do you consider yourself well organized?  At work, yes.  At home, I need help.
44. On average, how many times a day do you look at yourself in the mirror? In the morning.  And, I guess when I'm washing my hands in the bathroom at work.  
45. Did you ever make a prank phone call?  Yes, when I was young before callerID was invented.
46. What one quality do you seek in a friend?  I'm not sure.  We have to be 'kindred spirits'...you know it when you feel it.
47. Have you ever killed an animal?  No.
48. When you were twelve years old, what did you want to be when you grew up?  I didn't know.  I STILL don't know.
49. Do you believe in an afterlife?  Yes.
50. What would you like to accomplish with the remaining years of your life?  I want to successfully raise my daughter to be a beautiful, strong, independent woman.  And I just want to be happy.  Maybe someday...

It's Derby time...

I had to go to an Easter egg hunt at 10 this (Saturday) morning.  I'm rushing, rushing, run out to my car, tear down the street, around the corner, up the street, and...stop.
   
The road is blocked by some kind of race.  I go around a different way and it's blocked there too.  I manage to make a huge backwards square in a way that's not blocked and finally get to where I'm going.

This happens to me every year, and signals the advent of DERBY TIME.  

I live in Louisville, KY, home of the Kentucky Derby.  While most people know about this horse race, most people probably don't know that this city throws a huge three-week party up to the start of the Derby, consisting of festivals, chow wagons, walks, runs, a balloon race, and a huge fireworks display.  There is also no school on the day before the Derby (Derby Eve). The Derby is the big thing here.

I really love this city, it's beautiful.  I didn't always live here, because I was an Army brat and moved around on the average of every 1 to 3 years growing up, in the US and in Germany.  I was very thankful to settle back down here when I was almost 13 and I've been here ever since.  I've lived in other beautiful places, cities with castles and 1000-year histories, but there's really no place like home.

However, for three weeks every year at this time, I'm kind of slightly frustrated being here, when I deal with the inconvenience of living in the South End of Louisville, where Churchill Downs happens to be, and the roads are closed down ALL THE TIME.  

When I was working nights a few years ago, I got off early one morning and actually had to leave my car parked a mile and a half away, and walk home.  Culprit: the mini-marathon.  And I don't even want to talk about OAKS day, when for the past two years my exit off the expressway on my way home from work has been blocked, and backtracking my way home has taken an extra hour.

And I guess I'll stop complaining, because I wouldn't trade the inconvenience for anything... since along with it comes the excitement of being in the middle of something really great!  

This city wouldn't be as charming without all the Derby craziness.  It's springtime, and the trees and flowers are blooming, the drabness of winter is being painted over with greens and pinks and purples, and my city prepares to put its best face forward to the world who watches us for two minutes every year.

And there's lots of helicopters.