Is there anything besides this?...

March Madness (noun) -
1.  The annual college basketball tournament to determine the NCAA champion.
2. A state of mind associated with the NCAA Championship Tournament.
Symptoms are: desire to watch basketball games until 1 a.m.; compulsion to read every word of the sports section; and temptation to participate in office pools.
Help! I have all the symptoms...was there anything besides college basketball going on this weekend? 
Well, not really, not where I live...the city, and, I'm sure, the state, came to a dead stop Saturday evening when my team played (GO BIG BLUE!). 
No one knows what it's like to be caught up in the madness, until you visit Kentucky during basketball season and become infected...it's not a game, it's a religion!
I did manage to tear myself away from the TV a few times this weekend, though...we went to the Macaroni Grill Friday night...my mom called and asked if we wanted to meet her there, and having just been reminded by Angel of how nice it is (what a coincidence!), we had a very nice time...AND I got to draw pretty pictures on the table, that's always a plus!
I took my daughter to the Y Saturday morning, treadmill, strength training (me), rock climbing wall (her! not me!)...then we went to see 'Because of Winn Dixie' at the movies Saturday and was VERY pleasantly surprised at how good it was!  We loved it!  I had avoided going to see it because, you know, it's a 'dog' movie...but no sad ending for this movie, it was all good...
So can we talk about basketball some more? I know I'm a girl and this isn't a sports journal and I never talk about the fact that I watch every single Kentucky game, and that I record every single Kentucky game, every year, in case it might become a classic (e.g. the UK v. LSU 'Mardi Gras Miracle' that I DO have on tape because, yes, I recorded it!)...and I know that I'm actually a Louisville grad and they are also still alive in the tournament (yay) but it's not a conflict at all, I'm glad Louisville wins but I DIE if Kentucky loses...and how about that West Virginia-Wake Forest game? Wasn't that good? Two overtimes...take that, Wake Forest, I don't want to hear anymore whining about how come you were not a number one seed...Texas Tech still in it, I wonder if the players are afraid of Bobby...one last observation about Kentucky, three of the head coaches in the Sweet Sixteen this year are or have been Kentucky's head coach (Tubby, Slick Rick, and Eddie Sutton...pretty rare, if that's even ever happened before...and, okay, one last GO BIG BLUE!
Anyway, I just finished reading a Great Book, Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk...I know that there's a movie out based on it but I've never seen it, but the book was first and it is awesome!  I finished reading it today and immediately started rereading it, which is always a good sign...
I think that's all for now, because I have to go and put some clothes in the dryer and more in the washer...I'm so hungry because I didn't get to have supper tonight, I got home from work and my daughter begged me to take her to the skating party so I had to turn around and go back out...there's poor hungry parents all over town tonight, probably, like me, who were stuck at the skating party with only the prospect of stale chips and candy bars for dinner, whatever was sold at the skating rink...but she had lots of fun, and me sitting at the skating rink for two hours...well, that's how I had two full free hours to finish my book!

Being normal...

I didn't go to bed last night until about 2 a.m. ... I had my alarms set for 6 a.m. ... I woke up (I thought) without my alarm and enjoyed a few seconds of smugness, as in, "Ha! I didn't even need my alarm clocks today!", before I realized that I didn't feel the least bit tired and that there was a gray light shining through my windows.
!#$%^&!!!  I overslept!
:(
I knew that I'd be out of sorts the rest of the day. I hate that!  I got my daughter to school late, and she forgot her binder...I had to run out the door to work without blow drying my hair...when I got to work, I realized I had forgotten my daily meds (you know, the ones that keep me sane and pain-free), and, even worse, I didn't have my book to read during my lunch!
And plus, it was doing that cold, rainy, drizzle thing all day.
But, thankfully, I survived the day.  After my hair dried, I went to the bathroom and combed it (it went from long tangly curls to long frizzy curls, but that's okay...).  I had some emergency pills in my purse, not quite as effective but at least they got me through the day...as did the emergency books I had in my car...
I went to the gym tonight...my daughter came with me, climbed the rock climbing wall, did her homework in the teen room and then went swimming while I worked out. Being as it was cold and drizzly and 8:30 p.m., she was the only one in the pool, but she insisted!
Hadn't been to the gym in a while, since I suddenly got busy-er than I was before...so at first tonight my body hated me, and my mind was saying, "Please walk out now!"...but then after I finished my cardio, my body was saying, "Thank you! Thank you!", and my mind was saying, "I am so proud of you, Michelle, now get to that strength training!". Woo-hoo, I love going to the gym...a year ago I would NEVER have thought I would say that!
ANYWAY, I finished strength training, retrieved my daughter from the pool, and as we walked to the car I thought, "Wow, we did some normal things..."  Last night, she went to the skating rink, and I dropped her off and picked her up...and tonight, we did all these activity-things...  It feels like lately with all the worries and the doctor visits and the counselors and the issues and the dramas we've forgotten to do just 'normal' things.  Like venturing out...
It feels really, really nice, kind of like a big accomplishment.  I think it is...
:)

Two nights in a row? no way...

I was so motivated, too, until Right Now when I realized that I just don't have an entry available...
Some people I'm thinking of right now:
Donna & Steve got their papers and are hoping to travel to China to get their daughter within the next 10 days - it all depends on clearing up the last of the red tape, if they miss this window it will probably push back the trip for over a month, because no one can go there in October...Donna says Steve is ready to swim across the Pacific if he has to...
A good friend of mine has lost her job and is having other family problems and is very discouraged right now.  She's such a great person, I hate to see her so down.
My grandpa doesn't really want to see the farm go and isn't looking forward to it.  I really think that all the work he puts into it helps keep him young...I hope he'll find many other projects to work on.
Not much of an entry...too tired to write or spin...enjoying the cool weather, gentle rain, and soft breezes that the remnants of Frances has brought us...hard to reconcile it...I'm going back to the dentist tomorrow, that's always fun...I'm going to get up before six a.m. so we don't have another morning like this morning, when I ruined my daughter's school day from the very beginning...had a good workout at the Y today - a year ago I would never have believed that those words could come out of my mouth!...now my playlist has shifted and is playing, of all things, "Me and Little Andy" by Dolly Parton...and I'm pretty sure I'll be haunted by Donny and Marie all night long :)...
and how in the world did it get to be 1:27 a.m.?

Miscellaneous...

yawning yawning yawning
Tomorrow I have to work...and then go to my daughter's first volleyball game...and then go help set up for Donna and Steve's baby shower...and then I had promised my nephew he could spend the night with me.  I didn't really mean to sign up for  shower duty and nephew duty on the same night, not to mention the fact that Friday night is my 'crash from lack of sleep' night.  It's just that Donna is such a good friend, and my nephew loves to come over and pester my daughter (he's 3, she's 12), and I miss them both.  It seemed like a good idea at the time...
My daughter's second week of school has been good...at school, anyway...and terrible at home.  The mornings and nights have been so bad, I can't even talk about it.  I think I've aged a few years in just this one week.  Hopefully I'll get over it and she'll grow out of it...I hate being tried like this.
I've been glued to the Olympics and not getting anything else done...
I managed to make it to the Y twice this week, yay!
I've read lots of books this week...nothing involving intelligence, just novels...
I bought my daughter a book the other day...decided it might be too old for her so I read it first...it wasn't too old for her, but I liked it so much, I read it again.  Now I'll finally give it to her.  She picked it up yesterday and wanted to read it, and I told her as soon as I read it she could...I didn't mention that I had read it once already!
I hope this weekend goes well.  I hope Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde go away on vacation. 
I wonder how many times in my life I have said, "I hope things go well."  It must be my mantra...
The engrossing pre-teen must-read, by the way?  It's All-American Girl by Meg Cabot.

Time to think...

Two entries in one night!  I'm feeling very prolific, and I also may even go to bed (relatively) early tonight...
I finished reading Let's Roll by Lisa Beamer...it was so good.  I didn't expect it to affect me so much.  I was determined to go to the Y tonight because I've been slacking, and I also couldn't put down this book.  Finally, I left my house, and drove all way to the Y, reading the book as I drove (which is a very dangerous thing, especially for me, and I'm very ashamed), and then sitting in the Y parking lot, reading it until it was finished.
It was a book that really made me think, and it was fortuitous that I followed it up with 75 minutes of working out, where all you have to do is think!
It made me think, and it made me ask myself questions, and it reminded me of how extraordinary ordinary people can be.

Barriers

I don't have much to say, today...
I saw a most beautiful sunset this evening.  I see sunsets a lot more now, than I used to, since I go to the Y in the evening, and they have big picture windows.  The sunset seemed to last forever, it was orange and pink and purple until the sky finally faded to blue.
But I never get to see sunrises anymore.  I lived in a little town in Germany for a while, based on a hill, and our townhouse was at the very top.  I was treated every morning to a sunrise, looking out over the valley.  I was so sad when we moved away.
I didn't see any more sunrises after that until I started working nights out at the airport.  I would get off at dawn, walking to my car through a huge empty parking lot, and see the most incredible sunrises every day. 
I miss that.
I'm feeling sad, out of it, and so tired.  I think I had too little sleep and too much time to think today, or something, and despair visited tonight.  But for a little while, watching the sun set, I felt so happy and thankful to be alive in a world where such beauty is to be found.  I think watching the sun rise and set every single day would be good for us.
There's always beauty, somewhere...

Isn't it swell

Wow, Tuesday's storm has nothing on tonight's.  My electricity is in imminent danger of going out any time now.  There's been at least four confirmed tornado touchdowns in the area so far.  And the line of storms keep coming.
I was at the Y and was watching the storm's progression the whole time on the TVs there.  It started out up in Indiana so I figured I had time before it got to Louisville.  Then I lost track of time and when I came back around with four machines left, the line of storms was at the river.
I quickly whipped through my last sets, ran to the teen room, collected my daughter, and we ran to the car.  It wasn't raining yet, but there was a very black ugly wide mass of clouds to the north. 
When I got to the car I had about a million calls on my cell phone.  In addition to my grandmother (just like last time), this time also my mom, my dad, and my boyfriend had all called me to see why I wasn't at home.  They always do that...I know they love me, but sometimes I wonder why they don't call my brother and bug him like the way they bug me.  Not sure why there's a difference there, but there is...
So I thought I'd make it home before we got hit, but by the time I was driving by the southwest side of the park leaves and sticks were flying through the air.  Then I got to the north side of the park where it's not sheltered by hills and things were crazy.  Everyone was stopped on the side of the road but I was too close to home to stop now!
So despite the wind and the rain, we made it home safely, again.  It's becoming hazardous to go out in my city anymore!
My poor dad up in Indiana didn't fare so well...his electricity is out, and a tree fell on his car.  He's very grumpy right now.
I think I'll go now before I hear the tornado sirens, and not after.

I can't stop the world...

I checked my grade online, and I got an A-...yay!  I guess that means I got an A- on my paper.  It also makes me wonder if my professor actually read my paper, because it was actually 14 pages of desperation and not really deserving of an A.  But I'll take it!
Now, my daughter only has two more days left of school, and then, thankfully, school is out for her too!  I say thankfully because this has been a VERY hard year for her, and I'm just thankful she made it through okay.  She went to the doctor today and we have some new things to try and hopefully this summer will be a good, healing one.
I have her in day camp for most of the summer...I wish so much that I could be home with her right now, but I have to work.  The best summer I've had in recent memory was in 1998, when I was laid off in May, had the whole summer off, and then went back to work in August!  At first, of course, I didn't view being laid off as a blessing, but it turned out to be just that, as we had a great summer together. 
I've been going to the gym and working out pretty faithfully since last December, and now, for once, I'm kind of looking forward to the summer.  I was pretty much the most out of shape person in the world when I started working out.  The only reason I started was because I was taking my daughter to the Y every time the doors opened, it seemed, and one of the workers there just really badgered me about just sitting there when I could be doing something...(to which I said, I am doing something, I'm READING!)...
Why didn't anyone ever tell me about this whole working out thing before?  Maybe they did, actually, but I never paid attention...  I can't believe I didn't do it sooner, and I'm so mad at myself for all the time I wasted.  After five months, I'm stronger, I have more stamina, I look better, I feel about a million times better, and I'm even more coordinated (had nowhere to go but up, there)!
So this summer, I'm ready!  Mother-daughter hiking excursions, here we come!  And I'm really excited about whitewater rafting, it's something I always love to do in the summer, but this time I may actually be effective at it (I've been doing the row/rear delt machine, you know!). 
Only three problems remain with this summer and my new active outdoor lifestyle, now that we've gotten the whole shortness of breath and gasping for air issues out of the way:
1.  THE HEAT.  I would prefer to live in Alaska, but since I can't, I'm going to suck it up and be happy.  And maybe duck into an air-conditioned room every chance I get.
2.  THE BUGS.  I guess my problems with bugs are pretty well-documented here.  I resolve to use OFF and ignore the smell and stickiness!
3.  THE SUN.  I usually only go out at night...I'm one of those cave-dwellers.  I can use sunblock, but it's the whole principle of the thing...the sun is just far too bright to comfortable be in it.  (you know, heavenly hurt...)  But I will try very hard to be a sun-lover this summer and leave the cave-dwellers behind!
I hope this summer can be a new beginning for my family, and for anyone else, who really needs this...

I think it's time for Prozac

I woke up late today, but not too late.  6 a.m.  But I still didn't get myself ready to go to work.  I did manage to get my daughter up and take her to school.  I came back home and still had time to get ready and make it to work on time.  

Instead, I just sat there.  Finally, I took my shower, came out, and sat on my bed some more.  9 a.m. Finally, the moment came when I was supposed to be at work.  I had to decide whether I was not going, or going in for just a half-day. 

Finally, I hit upon the third option, just be late.  That decided, I called my supervisor, let her know, finished getting ready, and went to work.  I got there at 10 a.m. 

Since January 1 of this year, I've missed five days of work, been late twice, and left early once. 
I went on some shopping sprees and have, literally, dozens of new books that I need to read.  (Some people go shopping for clothes.  I go shopping for books.)  Now I can't stand the sight of them lying around.  They remind me of everything I have to do and that I'm not doing, and also the exorbitant amount of money I spent.

I could go on but I'm now more depressed than I was when I started.  This didn't make me feel better like I thought it would.  I don't know what my problem is, I just know that I'm in a major funk.

I do find it interesting that I've missed lots of work, yet I haven't missed a class this semester, and I'm faithfully going to the gym three days a week.  Maybe not that interesting, after all.  It just means that I hate my job.  Also definitely trying to do too much, between my extracurricular activities, and ferrying my daughter around town to her extracurricular activities. 

I just want to sleep.  All the time.

Good memories, part 1

We spent Memorial Day at my grandparent's farm last summer.  My grandparent's farm - this is the place where I love to go for the peacefulness and the woods and the brilliant night sky.  I guess it's nice during the day, too, if it wasn't for the bugs and the heat and the sun and that since it's a family picnic you're not supposed to stay inside and read your book.

My daughter was doing softball at the time at the Y and I suggested we play baseball so she could get some practice.  My bossy brother heard me and insisted we play kickball instead.  I'm 31 and my brother is 36 and we still regress back to our childhood roles of him being bossy and me being sneaky.

He decided we were going to choose teams, that archaic schoolyard practice that still haunts me - I was always chosen last in elementary school.  But this time, my daughter was picking - she picked me first!  She also picked my 73-year old grandfather. 

This is the part that makes it my favorite memory.  I never knew anything until I saw my grandfather, who I love and admire and who I placed on a pedestal when I was five years old, playing this kickball game.  Determination.  Coaching - "Michelle, you need to run fast!".  Verve.  

And the best moment of all, Popa sprinting around third base and heading for home, with my bossy brother aiming for him, and so my 73-year old grandfather slides into home plate.  SAFE!  And the crowd roared.

It was a perfect moment. 

What was I thinking?

I'm still feeling the emotional and physical fallout from this horrendous week. With my public display of insecurity yesterday and the constant pain in my right shoulder from Wednesday's wreck, I just want to lay in bed under my covers and hide from everybody. And not drive. 

And while I'm in this (grumbling) mood, let's include not going to work, not taking my 11-year old to school, and not going to work out at the gym.

I guess the above could also be called "sleep".  Good night.

No pain...

After trying unsuccessfully to get in to see two different doctors today, I decided to go the Y and try to work through the pain from yesterday's wreck.

No one told me that wasn't a good idea.

But at least I've isolated the pain - I thought it might be my back and right shoulder that was most affected - and now I definitely know it for sure.

Ouch.