Wednesday, March 31, 2004

Spring Break

Of all the places we could go...

My daughter's spring break... oh, when will it be over?

I decided against taking her somewhere big since I could only get off work for three days in the middle of the week, and it wouldn't be cost-effective, and we're taking a big trip up to Chicago in a couple weeks.  

But now I know I should have taken her somewhere, anyway, due to the amount of money I'm spending keeping us doing "fun" things around town.

It's really my fault - both of us would rather just lay around the house than do anything else.  But then I would be compelled to pay bills or reorganize my books or something.  

So for two days now, we've gone and gone and gone.  Next time I'll know what to do - take her anywhere that's not here and let her watch Disney Channel all day at the hotel while I read my books.  That way I won't be guilted into being productive like I would be by staying at home, and we wouldn't be running all over town dropping money and getting tired from all the fun we're having.

So far, we've done two movies, the science museum, Chuck E Cheese, two 'fun' restaurants, as well as spending $57 at Barnes `& Noble (books are my downfall every time).  The only free thing we did was spend a couple hours at the Main Library downtown.

Thursday, if it doesn't rain, it will be Six Flags.  And then, though I can't believe I'm saying this, I'll thankfully go back to work on Friday.  I need the money.

It really has been fun just spending time with my daughter - the best part has been talking in the car as we're going from place to place!

Monday, March 29, 2004

Sometimes, there are rainbows...

It was cool and drizzling when I left my class this evening.  

Then I got stopped by the train on the walk to my car.  

As I stood there shivering, I noticed what looked orange glints of light reflecting off the train.  

I turned around and looked to the west and saw a spectacular sunset.  

I had been walking east in the rain and it was completely gloomy, but all I had to do was turn around to see that the sun was out of the clouds and that the sky looked like it was on fire.  

I turned around again to check on the progress of the train when I noticed the double rainbow in the sky.

I pointed out the rainbow to some other people waiting on the train and we all stood in admiration.  Then the train passed and we all continued on our way.

I got to my car slightly damp, chilled, and ten minutes later than usual, and I didn't mind at all.  I would have missed the beauty if it hadn't been for the train forcing me to slow down, and just look.

Sunday, March 28, 2004

The trees, where are the trees?

I don't seem to be doing a very good job keeping up with this journal.  I don't know why i thought that I could do it when I can't even keep up with my private journal.  I'm usually just too tired to even think about trying to form coherent thoughts here...

Winter is my favorite season but every year when spring comes it just takes my breath away by it's beauty.  In the southeast everything all of a sudden is green and the trees are flowering and the daytime is special and the night even more so.  I go outside at midnight and drink in the beauty of the black sky and the smell of the flowers and the sounds of the wind moving through the huge oak and maple trees that line up and down my street.

That is, until the older lady two houses down decided to cut down her oak tree two weeks ago.  That was followed last week by the family the opposite way down the street.  Then my grandparents next door said they were cutting down their huge oak, and yesterday the cute couple across the street said they have also decided to cut down their oak. 

How? Why? WHAT?!!!

No more rustling leaves, no more shade, no more comforting presence surrounding me at night.  No more beauty.

If I wanted to live in a land with no trees, I'd live in the desert.
I guess I'll have to plant four more in my own yard to keep up the balance.  All the birds and squirrels in the neighborhood are going to love me.

Tuesday, March 23, 2004

I`m back

I'm back, for what it's worth.  The light went out in my room, and so I didn't spend much time in here, including computer time.

Yes, I know that you don't need a light to get on the computer.  But there was stuff on my chair, and I couldn't see to put it away, and it was just confusing.

I asked my love to change the lightbulb way back on Friday.  He forgot.  So it went unchanged, until finally my mum took pity on me and changed it.  After I begged her.

I have a good reason for not changing it myself.  Okay, a few good reasons, if you include that I'm just lazy and that I would have had to bring in a different chair to stand on. 

The real reason was that there were dead bugs in the lamp underneath the light.  You know, those little gnats that get obliterated up there by the heat?  There were about six, I think.  I have a real fear of bugs, even dead ones.  If I see a bug in the living room, I go in my room and shut the door and make a phone call to my dad to drive over to my house and kill it. 

So anyway, the light bulb has been changed and it's one less thing...

Sunday, March 14, 2004

Midnight Blue

A very strange weekend, as usual.  There's always things going on that I can sense but have no idea what it's about.  Undercurrents, tension, etc., regarding the people I love, swirling around me while I remain clueless.

Or maybe I'm the one causing the weird things? 

I saw "Hidalgo" this weekend, it was a nice movie.  Kind of long, but nice. 

I haven't been able to talk about seeing "The Passion" last weekend, yet.  It was like seeing truth.

Saturday, March 13, 2004


"First they came for the Jews
and I did not speak out
because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for the Communists
and I did not speak out because I was not a Communist.
Then they came for the trade unionists
and I did not speak out because I was not a trade unionist.
Then they came for me
and there was no one left
to speak out for me."

"First They Came For The Jews" - Pastor Niemoller

Thursday, March 11, 2004

Diet Pepsi and music

It has to be the greatest promotion ever.  I am a diet Pepsi junkie and an internet music junkie - and now my interests are combined.  Free music!  

iTunes is my new favorite place, thanks to their new genius advertising. Every time I buy a diet Pepsi, it seems I win another free song.  Free free free.

Free things make me happy.

Tuesday, March 9, 2004

I think it's time for Prozac

I woke up late today, but not too late.  6 a.m.  But I still didn't get myself ready to go to work.  I did manage to get my daughter up and take her to school.  I came back home and still had time to get ready and make it to work on time.  

Instead, I just sat there.  Finally, I took my shower, came out, and sat on my bed some more.  9 a.m. Finally, the moment came when I was supposed to be at work.  I had to decide whether I was not going, or going in for just a half-day. 

Finally, I hit upon the third option, just be late.  That decided, I called my supervisor, let her know, finished getting ready, and went to work.  I got there at 10 a.m. 

Since January 1 of this year, I've missed five days of work, been late twice, and left early once. 
I went on some shopping sprees and have, literally, dozens of new books that I need to read.  (Some people go shopping for clothes.  I go shopping for books.)  Now I can't stand the sight of them lying around.  They remind me of everything I have to do and that I'm not doing, and also the exorbitant amount of money I spent.

I could go on but I'm now more depressed than I was when I started.  This didn't make me feel better like I thought it would.  I don't know what my problem is, I just know that I'm in a major funk.

I do find it interesting that I've missed lots of work, yet I haven't missed a class this semester, and I'm faithfully going to the gym three days a week.  Maybe not that interesting, after all.  It just means that I hate my job.  Also definitely trying to do too much, between my extracurricular activities, and ferrying my daughter around town to her extracurricular activities. 

I just want to sleep.  All the time.

Wednesday, March 3, 2004

Good memories, part 1

We spent Memorial Day at my grandparent's farm last summer.  My grandparent's farm - this is the place where I love to go for the peacefulness and the woods and the brilliant night sky.  I guess it's nice during the day, too, if it wasn't for the bugs and the heat and the sun and that since it's a family picnic you're not supposed to stay inside and read your book.

My daughter was doing softball at the time at the Y and I suggested we play baseball so she could get some practice.  My bossy brother heard me and insisted we play kickball instead.  I'm 31 and my brother is 36 and we still regress back to our childhood roles of him being bossy and me being sneaky.

He decided we were going to choose teams, that archaic schoolyard practice that still haunts me - I was always chosen last in elementary school.  But this time, my daughter was picking - she picked me first!  She also picked my 73-year old grandfather. 

This is the part that makes it my favorite memory.  I never knew anything until I saw my grandfather, who I love and admire and who I placed on a pedestal when I was five years old, playing this kickball game.  Determination.  Coaching - "Michelle, you need to run fast!".  Verve.  

And the best moment of all, Popa sprinting around third base and heading for home, with my bossy brother aiming for him, and so my 73-year old grandfather slides into home plate.  SAFE!  And the crowd roared.

It was a perfect moment.