I have a paper due Monday.
It's a final paper. It's also 100 percent of the grade for the class. All semester long our instructor kept dropping assignments and tests until he finally said, "Well, why don't you just do your final paper and that's all."
Easy for him, terrible for me. I have performance anxiety. I have writer's block. I have a big dark cloud hanging over my head as the days tick by until the day it's due and I still haven't got it done. I can't do it. It's like my mind cannot connect the necessary synapses to write intelligently about this topic (Positive and negative aspects of Naturalist post-Civil War American literature).
And I haven't even been able to keep up with my journal and other journals I visit, because I feel so guilty about writing and commenting on AOL and not on my 14-page imminently due paper.
See? Right now, feeling guilt.
Also despair, fear, inadequacy...
I guess I'll end this cheerful entry now and go to bed. I'll be back in top form by Monday, I hope, having written my stupid paper and going on with my life.
Why did I ever decide to go back to school? I think I've lost brain cells, which explains the lack of synaptic firing and the making of bad decisions...