Monday, March 31, 2014

Time isn't holding us, time isn't after us

I am never ever ever moving again.

I am typing this out on my cellphone since we don't have internet at our new place yet. 

I will be back and blogging soon! I feel so guilty for neglecting everyone and I know I'm missing some fabulous stories. I also have some of my own...

My grandfather is at the rehab place and not doing as well as he should be. STUBBORN...

Floor-sleeper finally left, on MOVING DAY, NOT of his own volition...

We lost three sets of keys in 5 days; I was convinced it was a curse...

I fell down the stairs again, into a bush...

I can't wait for things to get back to normal. 


Tuesday, March 25, 2014

I'm not giving up, I'm just giving in

Chelsea helped me with my room yesterday. We're packing this week, among other things.

When I learned of my grandmother's cancer, back in 2009, that's kind of when things went south for me, and my room reflected that. 

We got through piles of books, DVDs, CDs, papers...the stuff on the bottom was stuff that I'd last seen 5 years ago. It was kind of like an archaeological study on depression symptom #2: not having the energy or the interest to take care of things.

I'm much better now. In the past year, especially, I've come a long way from the dark place that landed me in the hospital back then. I think I've finally hit the right combination of medicine, I have figured out coping mechanisms, I know my triggers...

But this month, I'm desperately wishing to be anywhere else. Isn't that awful? I want to drown my sorrows in something...check myself in the hospital...just lay under my covers and hide forever!

But I can't, because I'm stronger now. My brother has cancer and the pill he takes makes him sick and my grandfather had brain surgery again and he's in the hospital and I have to divide my time between packing up my life to move this week and visiting my grandpa in the hospital.

My grandfather also has cancer again, and this time they can't do anything with it. They're giving him six months to a year.

My mom and my aunt, wimps that they are, sent my brother to tell me the news. He was very no nonsense about it, much like he was when he told me that he himself had cancer.

I just want to cry.

Well okay, I have. But only in my room, late at night. 

I just can't even express how much I hate cancer.

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

We're one, but we're not the same, we get to carry each other...


You know, my mind tries to look at what's going on objectively, and it can' veers away. Weird. My only issues are that this stupid migraine won't go away; also, I'm apparently going to need to pry my floor-sleeper out of the apartment because he hasn't budged. Is he going to just keep sitting there even after we move?

But everything else, I just try to look at from my mother's perspective, and I want to be a better daughter. My grandfather has never quite recovered from his brain surgery last year, and tonight my mom is with him back at the hospital. My brother, in the meantime, is starting his third week of treatment for leukemia. We're still healing from the loss of my grandmother to ovarian cancer, and so learning this about my brother was a blow.

I had three hospital stays in three years, it's my time to be healthy; I just need to get there. I want to support my mom and not be so tired all the time. 

Life's too short.

So now, totally unrelated, I thought I'd cheer us up (or, well, me up) with a film clip! Have you ever seen "O Brother, Where Art Thou?"? You haven't? Why not???!!! This is my heritage, yo! LOLOL

So, this is my very favorite part of the movie, because the guys have been running from the law this whole time and have no idea that the record they made as The Soggy Bottom Boys has become a BONA FIDE hit! And if you feel the need to make fun of the accents or the dancing, go ahead, but tread lightly, because I grew up with grandparents and great-grandparents that sang and danced EXACTLY like this! :)

p.s. The clip isn't perfect but it's the best I could find...and oh, yeah, it's dubbed in French. AHAHAHA

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

I woke up late, guess I'm never really early...


There is just not enough time.

I have twenty-five blog posts to read. Y'all are prolific this week.

I've been lazy. It's not ENTIRELY my fault. I somehow contracted a computer virus and my floor-sleeper has been fixing my computer for two days.

I don't know if I'm thankful or irritated.

We went out to eat with the family on Monday and my brother, after one week of treatment, is showing the effects. His color is terrible, he looks exhausted, his hair looks like it's falling out. He won't tell us, but my sister-in-law told us that he has been experiencing some of the severe side effects of the drug.

But now, the good news - his white blood cell count dropped from 79,000 to 39,000. In just one week. The drug is working.

More good news - my brother was as obnoxious as ever. I never thought I'd be happy about my brother being a big jerk, but I am. If he's arguing with me for an hour and a half across a crowded dinner table at Texas Roadhouse, that means he's feeling well enough to fight this thing.

That is all.

Oh wait.

One last thing...

Something made me think about this movie the other day, and this scene is one of my all-time movie favorites. If you haven't seen The Contender, I highly recommend it, and don't watch this [spoiler alert]! Otherwise, here's the awesome final scene:

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Tonight's the night the world begins again...

There's so many scary things happening right now, and all I want to do is hide.

If I could just stay in bed and cuddle my kitty forever, I'd be content.

I guess I can't do that.

Treasure your family and make time to be with them. Appreciate your good health. If you can walk and run, do it! Drink in the beauty around you and listen to music...and if you are artistically talented, use your talents! Paint, draw, dance, sing and play the piano...the world needs it.

And I meant what I said about family! You blink and they're gone, or different, and all you have left is your memories. Cherish what you have, and make the most of it.

Family = everything.