Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Being normal...

I didn't go to bed last night until about 2 a.m. ... I had my alarms set for 6 a.m. ... I woke up (I thought) without my alarm and enjoyed a few seconds of smugness, as in, "Ha! I didn't even need my alarm clocks today!", before I realized that I didn't feel the least bit tired and that there was a gray light shining through my windows.
!#$%^&!!!  I overslept!
I knew that I'd be out of sorts the rest of the day. I hate that!  I got my daughter to school late, and she forgot her binder...I had to run out the door to work without blow drying my hair...when I got to work, I realized I had forgotten my daily meds (you know, the ones that keep me sane and pain-free), and, even worse, I didn't have my book to read during my lunch!
And plus, it was doing that cold, rainy, drizzle thing all day.
But, thankfully, I survived the day.  After my hair dried, I went to the bathroom and combed it (it went from long tangly curls to long frizzy curls, but that's okay...).  I had some emergency pills in my purse, not quite as effective but at least they got me through the day...as did the emergency books I had in my car...
I went to the gym tonight...my daughter came with me, climbed the rock climbing wall, did her homework in the teen room and then went swimming while I worked out. Being as it was cold and drizzly and 8:30 p.m., she was the only one in the pool, but she insisted!
Hadn't been to the gym in a while, since I suddenly got busy-er than I was before...so at first tonight my body hated me, and my mind was saying, "Please walk out now!"...but then after I finished my cardio, my body was saying, "Thank you! Thank you!", and my mind was saying, "I am so proud of you, Michelle, now get to that strength training!". Woo-hoo, I love going to the gym...a year ago I would NEVER have thought I would say that!
ANYWAY, I finished strength training, retrieved my daughter from the pool, and as we walked to the car I thought, "Wow, we did some normal things..."  Last night, she went to the skating rink, and I dropped her off and picked her up...and tonight, we did all these activity-things...  It feels like lately with all the worries and the doctor visits and the counselors and the issues and the dramas we've forgotten to do just 'normal' things.  Like venturing out...
It feels really, really nice, kind of like a big accomplishment.  I think it is...

Sunday, November 28, 2004

Big scary world...

What IS that feeling?  When nothing feels right, and may never feel right, and the only possible option is getting in bed and pulling the covers over your head and never coming out...
Why does it come so suddenly?  What triggers it?  What makes it go away, and when it goes away, where does it go? 
Everything's okay here, I'm just having one of those big scary world moments and I have to go to bed now.  Good night...

Saturday, November 27, 2004

A few days late...

I took the beloved child back to the doctor Wednesday...he looked at her ear...and looked some more...said "hmm"...and, "We have a dilemma"...but easily remedied, thank goodness.  New eardrops, this time antibiotic with steroids that DO NOT STING going in, as the Zithromax had not completely cleared up the infection.  Two times a day, and things have been going great so far!
The migraines are back, but now I have medicine to combat them.  If I would only take the medicine properly, I'm sure I would never have migraines at all anymore...
I got off early Wednesday for my doctor appointment, and then I went ahead and took her to the doctor, too.  My appointment was...okay...I thought about cancelling it several times but the last time I had been in my doctor specifically told me to make sure I kept my next appointment.  Every time I picked up the phone to cancel, I could hear his voice in my head saying, "Do NOT cancel this appointment, Michelle!".  How do doctors know this stuff?  It's scary...
My eczema started acting up on my hand Wednesday...it had to be nerves either from the appointment or Thanksgiving...by Thursday morning it was angry red hives...THAT'S a new one, it's never taken that form before...my boyfriend had to stop at Walgreens and get some Benadryl and hydrocortisone for me so I could try to get myself to normal before going to his mom's for Thanksgiving dinner.  It's so embarassing when it flares up...and of course, by Thursday night, it was all back to mostly normal...it's terrible how your body gives you away sometimes!
Thanksgiving day was wonderful...went to D's mom's for dinner....then we went to my grandma's for dinner and stayed the rest of the day (that was a long journey LOL as my grandma lives all the way next door to my house)...All the members of my family were on their best behavior and so, thank goodness, no major drama like there have been at most of the recent family events, just good food and fun and playing with the kids. I'm so very thankful for my family, hard-headed and stubborn though they are, they're mine and I love them all, my daughter and mother and grandparents and brother and SIL and nephew and cousin and aunts...and the rest of my family, my dad and my uncles and aunts and cousins...and D's family, they feel like my own and they love me and my daughter like we're theirs...and I'm thankful for all my wonderful friends, I feel very blessed!

Wednesday, November 24, 2004


I'm stealing time from getting ready to work to write this...that's bad.
I hate not having time to write here. :(
Too bad I'll get in trouble if I access it from work, I have lots of time there! LOL
Well, my daughter is STILL sick...I thought the antibiotic worked, but then her ear started itching uncontrollably...the doctor called her in eardrops...I put the eardrops in last night and she screamed from the pain! I have no idea, the eardrops are supposed to be numbing and RELIEVE pain.  So I will have to call the doctor again today and probably take her in.  Thank goodness it's Wednesday...
It's 8:54 a.m. and I have to leave in six minutes and I still have to get dressed and blow dry my hair.  I can do it!  I can do it!

Saturday, November 20, 2004

I hate it when my eyes won't stay open...

One of my favorite artists is Grimshaw...
Well, my daughter missed school Monday and I took her to the doctor...came home without an antibiotic, I knew we would....just like last time, and I knew she would get sicker and end up on it anyway...sure enough, by Thursday, she had the ear infection to end all ear infections and missed school again, and is back on an antibiotic (sigh)...but by Friday evening she seemed to be feeling a lot better, so that's good.  At least she wasn't on the bed, holding her ear and crying anymore.  I know it's not the doctors' fault, so it's no use being upset with them, right? !!!
I'm done! I'm done! I started painting my daughter's room...two weeks ago...and we're finally done! Last night, I was painting the baseboards and got closer and closer to the end, I kept hearing the "Hallelujah" chorus in my head...I'm done! I'm done!
Well, sort of.  She wants to sponge paint purple and pink designs on the new white walls...that's fine...and all her furniture is still spread throughout the rest of the house...that's fine, too...so okay, I'm MOSTLY done!  I'm MOSTLY done!
I think I slept the whole night through last night.  I'm so proud of myself!  (LOL just like a new baby...)  Well, I vaguely remember getting up once to use the bathroom and then bumping into the wall and saying "Ouch" and then falling back into bed, but that doesn't count since I went right back to sleep. 
The lightbulb is still out in my room.  It's hard to get anything done when it's dark in here all the time.  Will someone change it already?  Do I have to do everything around here?!  Wait...(looking around)....(signs are pointing to 'Yes')...(unless I make the short 12-year old do it)...okay...maybe I'll change it today.
Since it's Saturday and 7:30 a.m., I think I'm going to make myself a Diet Pepsi and get back in bed and read my book for a couple hours...with a flashlight.

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Great Fun

Found this in Becky's journal, and I love it!:
Your Random Mix, 2004
1. Open up the music player on your computer.
2. Set it to play your entire music collection.
3. Hit the "shuffle" command.
4. Tell us the title of the next ten songs that show up (with their musicians), no matter how embarassing. That's right, no skipping that Carpenters tune that will totally destroy your hip credibility. It's time for total musical honesty. You can put the list in the comment thread, or write it up in your Journal and then post a link in the comments.
Here's what I came up with:
1.Redeemer - Nicole C. Mullen
2.Border Song - Elton John
3.Sad But True - Metallica
4.The Legend Spreads-The London Symphony Orchestra ('Braveheart' Soundtrack)
5.Dreaming of You - Selena
6.I'll Be Home With Bells On - Dolly Parton & Kenny Rogers (Hey! Be quiet! I LOVE this song!)
7.I'll Be - Edwin McCain
8.Il Mistero dell'Amore - Andrea Bocelli (Huh?)
9.Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata performed by Bettine Clemen and Richard Patterson
10.Feelin' Groovy - Simon & Garfunkel
So I tried the next ten, hoping to be a little less, I don't know, BLAND, and here's what came up:
1.All This Time - Sting
2.For Whom The Bell Tolls - Metallica
3.Dreams - The Cranberries
4.I'll Try - Jonatha Brooke ('Return to Neverland' Soundtrack) (Definitely my daughter's...but I like it :)...)
5.The Great Gig in the Sky - Pink Floyd
6.Do They Know It's Christmas - Band Aid
7.Hazy Shade of Winter - The Bangles
8.Winnie-the-Pooh - Disney Studio Chorus (My daughter has infiltrated my computer, obviously...)
9.Sad Songs (Say So Much) - Elton John
10.If I Should Fall Behind - Bruce Springsteen
See, great fun!

Tuesday, November 16, 2004


Picture from Hometown
I'm not here...
I've run away to Tahiti.
No, really, I'm just going to work.

Sunday, November 14, 2004

Sunday Minutes...

Picture from Hometown 
It's one of my favorite paintings...:)
The lightbulb is out in my bedroom...it's kind of nice...I probably won't think that in the morning!
It's 11:00 p.m. ... I put my daughter in bed over an hour ago, and she's still awake, up and down, re-tucked in twice, and it seems her sinus troubles are back and I had to give her more medicine...(sigh)...
The mantra of all parents: "I just wish she would go to sleep..." anytime now...and why is she sick again anyway?  Why didn't that Zithromax work?!  I mean, I guess it did work, but only for a couple weeks, it seems...(SIGH)...
My Sunday:
8:00 a.m.: Up and in the shower...
8:30 a.m.: My daughter up and eating breakfast...
8:50 a.m.: Skirmish #1 between daughter and self...(involving hair accessories)...
8:55 a.m.: Skirmish #2 between daughter and self...(involving shoes)...
8:57 a.m.: Sent daughter out of house and next door to grandparents so they could take her to church... (No, I wasn't being mean!  She always goes to church with them.  Something about me being late everywhere I go and her not wanting to be late, I don't know...)
9:05 a.m.: Open door to D, who's come to pick me up for church. 
9:20 a.m.: Actually leaving for church.
9:30 a.m.: In Sunday School, ON TIME I might add, thank you very much.  I go to the 'Single Again' Sunday School Class at my church, which was started for people in our church who had been divorced.  Only one divorced person actually goes to the class, everyone else is part of a couple.  And then there's me, the only single never married mom at my church, that I know of at least...
10:20 a.m.: Going over to church, headed for my usual back row...
10:30 a.m.: Safely ensconced in the back row on the right, with daughter, D, mother, brother (SIL is home sick, unfortunately) :(, and Donna, Steve, and little Mackenzie :) (newly home from China, yay!)...My grandparents and aunt also go to my church, but they sit near the front...no way can I sit up there...nephew is in children's church, which is a very good thing to have...
12 noon: Church is over, it's been a very good time, having spent most of it admiring the beautiful baby Mackenzie...
12:!5 p.m.: Safely in the car, having been sidelined by several people...including the preacher, complimenting me on the decorations for the missions conference we're having this week.  And a couple of people who stopped me to tell me they were going to be at church tonight...(well, DARN, since when did I get so visible? Now I have to be there tonight!  haha  No really, just kidding...sort of...)
12:20 p.m.: On the way to lunch, we saw a boat on the side of the road.  Cool!  I was all for stopping and towing it.  "No," D said, "we don't have a hitch."  Oh.  "Well," I said, "Call your brother, doesn't he have one?"  Then I got a long lesson from D on 'stealing', as in 'just because it's on the side of the ride doesn't mean you can take it, it's just like a car'.  See, I'm one of those non-moral Democrats, I don't know these things! LOL! (Kidding, kidding, well, not about the Democrat part, I AM A DEMOCRAT AND PROUD OF IT!, but about the non-moral part, I didn't REALLY intend to steal the boat, THAT much, I mean, where would I put it?).
Okay, I'm done with this, not even halfway through my day and I'm tired of writing about it!  We went out to lunch, I came home and did dishes, laundry, computer, then we went shopping to fill up more shoeboxes for Operation Christmas Child, went back to church, where I will be spending my life for the next few days for this missions conference, watched the beautiful Mackenzie some more until they turned off the lights and showed a movie and I fell asleep (it's not my fault, it's that migraine medicine I'm taking!), left church, went out to dinner (Mexican), and finally came home (thank goodness!).
I hope my daughter is feeling better in the morning, I think she's finally asleep, I don't hear her tossing and turning anymore...
We had a couple more skirmishes today that I forgot to mention...but even with the skirmishes, I'm very blessed to have such a wonderful, beautiful, generous child.

Friday, November 12, 2004

New York in April?

My sleep patterns are all messed up...since my doctor put me on a million different medicines, my eyes shut at 11 p.m. ... and then I wake up at 4 a.m. ... and then I try to go back to sleep, and then oversleep...
And today, my daughter doesn't have school which SHOULD mean an extra hour of sleep for me (yay!), but instead, here I am, wide awake... :(
I've been way too busy lately...I can't help but think, if I had gone to school this semester like I was supposed to, how in the world would I be managing it?  Even scarier, how will I manage it in January?  Best not to think about things like that, though...Better to just blindly move forward and assume things will work out...they usually do...
Well, my daughter brought home, FINALLY, the information on this year's middle school field trip.  After last year's less than stellar time (for a recap, see here), I'd decided that it didn't matter WHERE they were going, we were not falling for it again.  The thought of watching my tender 12-year old girl be ignored by all the snobby girls who go on the trip (because, as we discovered last year, only the snobby girls go on trips like this, the regular nice girls stay home) is NOT my idea of fun.  But then she brings home this year's destination: New York City...
See, I'm weak, and a traveler at heart, which is a bad combination...
I've been to eight different countries and twenty-three different states...I've been to Windsor Castle and the Black Forest, I've been to the Badlands in South Dakota and Pikes Peak in Colorado...but I've never been to NEW YORK CITY.
So what am I going to do?  She's already begging me, "Please, pleeeaaaasssseeee, Mommy, can we go? Please?".  I've reminded her of how things went last time, but she keeps assuring me that the snobby girls don't matter, as long as we have each other (does my girl know how to work it or what? LOL!). 
I just have a bad feeling that I'm going to cave, what with her constant pressure and my avarice to go somewhere new.  Is caving such a bad thing?
I'm already going around humming songs like "New York State of Mind"...

Thursday, November 11, 2004

What time is it in Iraq?

Scary place, and the name brings fear, and it's all I've been thinking about the past few days...
I love our men and women over there and I'm praying for them and their families.

Sunday, November 7, 2004

Not tonight...

Why is life so hard sometimes?
Okay, wait...is it LIFE that's so hard, or HUMAN LIFE that's so hard?
Because plants are alive, but I refuse to believe that they have a hard life.
I'm also assuming that all human life is hard, when maybe it's just MY human life (as opposed to my non-human life!).  I would ask the question, Why is MY life so hard sometimes?, but it just doesn't sound right.  I KNOW life is hard for EVERYONE sometimes.
Is the answer that most common..."Because if it were easy, everyone would do it!"  Of course not!  Everyone does do it!
It can't be the 'Job' thing (as in Book of, not employment)...can it?  We ALL can't be Job.
I don't know...
Maybe life is so hard sometimes to show what an amazing gift it really is.  Life hurts but it can also be glorious, and it's always REAL.

Friday, November 5, 2004

Call me...Shelly?

There are lots of things to be learned from the baby picture contest currently going on at work.  Today was the last day to bring your picture...the contest will be held Monday.
Scenario: Bring in your baby picture (0-5 years old)...it gets put onto the bulletin board...with no name...
Objective: Be the one to correctly match the most baby pictures to your co-workers.
This is what I learned:
1. I learned that EVERYONE loves baby pictures!  There were about 45 pictures on the bulletin board today, and at all times you couldn't walk past it without five or six people standing there, admiring the pictures and puzzling out who was who.  Not much work was done today, unless you count the intense studying of the bulletin board.
2. I learned that it doesn't matter how old you get...Just about everyone, including me, got their baby pictures by asking their mother to get one out for them. 
3. I learned that great memories can come unexpectedly...I experienced another sweet moment with my grandparents and my great-aunt, when I went over to see if my grandma might have a different picture that my mom didn't.  We started looking at REALLY old pictures, of my great-great and three greats grandparents!  It was great to hear some stories that I'd never heard before.
4. I learned that I could feel a little sad over the loss of a name...Up until I started Kindergarten, everyone called me Shelly...and then suddenly stopped.  I don't remember when everyone called me Shelly, and it's always disconcerting to meet someone from my parent's past who doesn't know that my name has changed..."Shelly?"... "No, Michelle".  My grandfather on my dad's side was the only one who refused to change names, he called me Shelly until the day he died. 
The point is, I pulled out one of my baby pictures and got quite a shock when I turned it over and it said, Shelly, 1 1/2 years. 
Who?  Oh right, that's me...
5. I learned that if I'm going to enter a baby contest and try to stump people, I need to think a little smarter.  I picked out a picture that looked completely different from me now...I THOUGHT.  The picture I picked was me at three years old...with blond hair and bangs, not like me at all now!
So I confidently took the picture in, sure that no one would know it was me.  But guess what?  EVERYONE knew it was me.  People from all over the floor were coming to me...hey Michelle, you're #40, right?
What gave me away?
MY OWN DAUGHTER, apparently, if you listen to anyone that has ever seen my blond-haired, blue eyed daughter, or the pictures of her on my desk! 
So...to stump people on the baby pictures...It would be a good idea to try NOT to enter the picture that shows you as a lookalike to your child!  You WILL be found out!
This contest hasn't even started, and it has been great fun so far!

Tuesday, November 2, 2004

20 questions...

I convinced my daughter to go to bed...it was about 10:30 p.m. (only an hour after her bedtime!)...
I was completely exhausted from the parenting effort this evening.  I climbed in my own bed, telling myself it was for just a minute, and then I would get back up and finish cleaning and then go to sleep.
But...I was watching the pretty pictures on my computer and I fell asleep.  And woke up at 2 a.m., feeling VERY refreshed! LOL  So I took my nighttime meds and I'm waiting to get tired again to go back to sleep...
In the meantime, I saw these twenty questions on Heather's journal, and I haven't done any in a while, so here goes...:
1. What's your favorite Halloween candy?
Anything with chocolate and peanut butter.  I think that means Reese's! 
2.You're stranded on a tropical island with 2 people. One is really attractive but dumb as a post and the other is smart and funny but not that attractive who do you spend your time with? 
But are they NICE?, that's the important thing...
3.What color is your toothbrush?
Dark pink and white
4. Have you or a friend ever seen a ghost?
No, no ghost.  Wait...my friend Heather has!
5. What's your favorite horror movie?
I can't watch horror movies anymore.  They stay with me and terrorize melong after I see them...Wait...I guess I'll have to say Scream 2, I convinced myself to go to the movies and see it even though I had a phobia.  I'm still deeply regretting it, although I really liked the movie.  I haven't been able to see Scream 3 and I don't plan on it!  I instead went to moviespoiler.com and got the scoop on it.
6. Have you ever met the person you thought was the one? 
7. Whose your favorite stand-up comic?
Of all-time?  Janean Garofalo
8. Have you ever asked someone out? 
Romantic-wise? No, I've always been the askee, not the asker.  I'm shy.
9. What's your least favorite color?
I don't have one.
10. Are there any celebrities you have a crush on?
You mean besides Ed Harris?  No...
11. What's your favorite holiday special cartoon?
12. What was the last cd you bought?
Jeff Buckley - Grace
13. What's your favorite song?
Too many to count...
14. Microwave popcorn or potato chips?
15.  If you had one day to do whatever you wanted what would you do?
I have to think about this one...the first thing I think of is to clean off this stupid desk, as it has only gotten worse since the last time I complained about it.  I don't know what's holding me back.
16. What was your favorite tv show as a child?
I didn't watch much TV as a child...my dad had control of the TV...and when we lived in Germany we only got one American channel...I'm going with THE COSBY SHOW.
17. What the first thing you notice about a person?
Their hair, of course.  What, you don't?
18. What was your first date like?
I honestly cannot remember my first date. 
19. Where was the last place you went out to eat or the last place you ordered take out from?
Cracker Barrel...
20. What did you have to eat?
Homestyle chicken, hash browns plain with onion (no cheese), french fries.  The best thing is you get two huge pieces of chicken, so I also had leftover Cracker Barrel for lunch today! Yay!

Monday, November 1, 2004

No buttonholes...

I've been homesick for my journal...all day I think, I must remember to write this in my journal...then events conspire to keep me from composing an entry that night.  So here I am, stealing moments in the morning before I start getting ready for work...

I can't believe it's Monday and tomorrow really is election day.  Thank goodness!  I've kept away from political comments here...or any kind of comments, really...but why not change? It's my journal!

So here goes...

(Politics Lite)...

I had already fallen for D and we were entrenched in our relationship before it was revealed to me that he was a...Republican.  Yes, it turns out that my love is a Republican.  How did that happen?  He's such an easy-going and, well, nice person, my radar didn't catch on to it at all!  He's very low-key about it, so it's hard to spot at first.  But it's definitely there...

It's been very hard.  He's not dyed-in-the-wool...he's more of a moderate-type, I think...I'm not sure, I don't know much about Republicans!  Just that they're not me!  The reason that it's hard is specifically because he IS so easy-going and low-key, I forget sometimes that he is what he is.


The other night, for instance, an ad came on TV for someone running for US Senate.  So of course, I'm thinking, do these people really think we're so stupid as to fall for these ads, come on, I'm researching the issues, leave me alone already!  But then D says, "I'm not voting for so-and-so because he supports THIS", spouting the ad word for word. 


I forgot who I was with! 

So of course, I accused him of being Mr. Party line all the way, and he accused me of being a liberal left-winger, and I called him a Republican sheep, and he called me a tree-hugger...





Life is SO interesting and fun, sometimes.