Thursday, February 26, 2004


I don't get enough sleep.  I have to be up at 6 a.m. every day and I don't ever get to bed before 1 or 2.  By Friday I'm always exhausted.  

But usually, even though I'm dead tired by this time of night, I force myself to stay awake, and awake, and awake, even though I wish I could sleep all the time.  

Why is that?  Am I afraid to go to sleep?  Am I afraid to go to bed alone?  Or is it that I know when I go to sleep that means I will soon wake up and have to face another day just like the one I had before?

Wednesday, February 25, 2004

Well, I am from Kentucky...

My results came back 86% Dixie, and asked if I had any Confederate ancestors (none that I know of).

Monday, February 23, 2004

What was I thinking?

I'm still feeling the emotional and physical fallout from this horrendous week. With my public display of insecurity yesterday and the constant pain in my right shoulder from Wednesday's wreck, I just want to lay in bed under my covers and hide from everybody. And not drive. 

And while I'm in this (grumbling) mood, let's include not going to work, not taking my 11-year old to school, and not going to work out at the gym.

I guess the above could also be called "sleep".  Good night.

Sunday, February 22, 2004

I don't want to wait...

I can't believe I did this. What possessed me to confront him? What is wrong with me? I was just sitting there with an idea in my head and next thing I know I'm embarrassing myself to no end. He was very gracious and calm about it.  He was probably just waiting until he could get away, and then call it off.

All the doubts and hurts that I've accumulated for the past eight years just came out, all at once. I just didn't feel like pretending anymore.

Saturday, February 21, 2004

Double Take Me

I saw Lost In Translation today, it was a beautiful movie. The characters experienced something real.  It made me wonder about my own life. 

Scarlett Johansson's character graduated with a degree in Philosophy, like me.  Bill Murray's reaction to learning this was priceless - I get that same silence and double take all the time. 

Thursday, February 19, 2004

No pain...

After trying unsuccessfully to get in to see two different doctors today, I decided to go the Y and try to work through the pain from yesterday's wreck.

No one told me that wasn't a good idea.

But at least I've isolated the pain - I thought it might be my back and right shoulder that was most affected - and now I definitely know it for sure.


Wednesday, February 18, 2004

Bad day, bad driver

One thing I regret: Accidentally hitting that man's truck with my car this morning while taking my daughter to school.  We're okay, but my car (and my insurance rate) isn't.  

I don't know why I'm such a bad driver.  I explained to my daughter that when she turns 16 in a few years, she can have the car and just take me to work and back, because I'm quitting driving.

Monday, February 16, 2004

If a tree falls...

One thing I regret: Lurking for eight years and never having the courage to speak up, anywhere.  I'm invisible (and I'm wet).

Of course, tonight in class, with the dear Dr. threatening to give bad class participation grades unless we SPEAK UP, I spoke up.  Against my better judgment and everything I believe in (e.g, keeping my mouth shut).  

And, of course, after I spoke I got the same dumbfounded look I always get when I try to contribute:  

silence...silence...and then, "Okay"..."Huh"..."So anyway...".