Monday, June 30, 2014

Keep on moving though the waters stay raging


I'm coming back, I swear.

It's so hard to express what's happening right now...for all that my family is extremely close, we don't spend a lot of time talking about our feelings to each other.

Well, I don't, anyway.

Since my grandfather's brain tumor, he's had surgery and more surgeries, and chemo and relapses and more surgeries, and he's just unrecognizable now from the person he was two years ago.

Losing my grandmother was devastating. Now I'm losing my grandfather, but it's in increments, day to week to month, and the way I feel about it is something I can't describe. He's still here, but not really, and I hate it, I just hate it so much, and I feel so powerless.

When Dwayne was in the hospital I had a taste of what it would be like without my person, and I don't ever want to have to face that again. I wonder if that's how my grandpa feels...kind of at sea, without his person, my grandma, there to anchor him.

Besides Dwayne, my other people are my mom and Chelsea. (I'd kinda include my kitty in there but most people wouldn't call her a person.) I'm sure I'm one of Dwayne's people...I'm not so sure who my mom's and Chelsea's people are.

Your people are the ones you trust, and who text you all the time, and nag at you to do stuff, and you talk to them all week. They're the people you can't do without, and you tell them everything. Mostly. Do you know who your people are?

32 comments:

  1. We learn from loved ones all our lives, even when they're no longer with us. We make a future out of it. We're families --it's what we do. Take good care of the future, Michelle, with all my best wishes.

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  2. Yes I do know who my people are, and I always try to be cognizant of that. I feel that we usually have 2-3 of those people at any given time, rarely more. So they are to be cherished for sure :)

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    1. Now that you say that, it makes me think back to years ago, when my people were a little different...my mom always, of course, but my Chelsea hadn't been born yet! I think cherished is the perfect word to use...

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  3. Sorry if you get this twice - I think Blogger ate it. I believe we have 2-3 of those people at any given time, and rarely more, so they are definitely to be cherished :)

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    1. Hmm...so it's not just me that Blogger does this to, that's a good thing. :)

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  4. Hey, the cats count haha So far just me at my sea and a few close family. Hopefully things look up soon.

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    1. Thank you so much, Pat. :) I think my kitty counts, too! I always call her my little best friend...who knows what she's secretly calling me, though, LOL!

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  5. Did blogger eat my comment, hmmm?

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    1. Blogger seems to definitely be in a mood today!

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  6. It's so lovely to have you here and to 'hear' your voice again.
    That is a really great way to describe that relationship between two people. It is something that just grows (often without knowing); organic and uncontrolled. Thank you, for reminding me to treasure those in my life.

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    1. Thank you so much! You just described what I was trying to say much better than I could - I love the way you write!

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  7. You're one of my blogging people! But it's fine to step away when you need to.

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    1. Thanks, Tony. :) You're one of blogging people, too!

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  8. It's always nice to hear from you -- you're good people. :-)

    I'm keeping my people close, too, especially since we (3) are gearing up for a cross-country move. Not looking forward to every part of that, but it's going to be good in the end.

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    1. Thank you! :)
      Cross-country move, wow...good luck!

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  9. Cats and dogs are certainly go to people! I am sorry to hear about your family's challenge. Your post is a good reminder that the people in our lives matter and should be prioritized.

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    1. Definitely! Including the kitties and puppies...

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  10. I'm sorry you're having to deal with all of this on top of your migraines. It's rough. It's funny, I think I know who my people are: my hubby and my kids, but further thought…my brother, sil, their kids, my aunts and uncles and my cousins. These are all people who I can reach out to in a time of need. I just chose not to. Makes me think I need to do a better job at staying touch with them all.

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    1. I so agree...it goes without saying my other peeps are my brother and his family and my aunts, since my mom's side of the family is freakishly close, but I know I can always depend on my cousins on my dad's side also. I really should do a better job of keeping up with them as well.

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  11. Michelle! Oh my, I know that feeling--watching them go downhill and being unable to do anything. That happened with my dad and my brother. Here's wishing you peace, despite all this.

    You got me thinking...and truthfully, my people live under my roof--mostly. Hubby, oldest kid, and Mom. Occasionally my sister falls into that category too, but no so much since baby 3 is eating her sanity. I should really call her...

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    1. Thanks so much, Crystal. It's really been a struggle. The doctor came in this morning and told us it would be hours, now. It seems so wrong.

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  12. Still thinking of you, Michelle, of course. Wishing you strength and comfort.

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    1. Thank you so much, Geo. - we're needing it this week.

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  13. I'm riding the storm with you and patiently awaiting your return. I completely understand how you feel and please know we'll all be right here when you get back...take your time and keep your people close. They'll help get you through this.

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    1. Thank you so much Karen, you have no idea how much this means to me.

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  14. Hi Michelle,

    Just saw one of your old posts, and thought I'd stop by. Hope you are okay.

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    1. Hi Susie, I'm okay...sort of. I don't know. Not really. But okay. But anyway! Thanks for stopping by! I'm trying to get to a place where I can come back. :)

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  15. Hey Michelle. Back to bother you.... Hope you are okay.

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    1. Hi again Susie! Thank you so much and you never ever could bother me, the fact that you are checking on me is awesome.

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  16. Just to say - you're not forgotten! :)
    I hope all is well with you x

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    1. Thank you for not forgetting me. I'm trying to not forget, too. :)

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