Happy Father's Day 2013

We had Father's Day for my grandpa today.  He was diagnosed with a brain tumor in December, had emergency surgery, then radiation, and has had lots of complications since then.  The doctor said this week that he has pneumonia again.  Is it because we went out of town last weekend?  I don't know, but I'm so grateful he's still here.

Popa, Father's Day 2008

My daughter never met her father.  I have the distinction of being one of those girls who managed to give birth AND get dumped by their boyfriend on the same day.  I was the clear winner, however, because that day I met the person who I would love more than anyone else in the whole world.

Michelle and Chelsea, 1992

I've always been a single mom, but not.  Chelsea grew up with me AND my mother AND my grandmother...and Dwayne and I started dating when she was four so she really had me plus two other moms plus a kind of stepdad. So I always had help, and HELP, but it still has always felt like me and Chelsea vs. the world.  I wonder if my mom felt like that with me?

Michelle and Chelsea 1994

Michelle and Chelsea 1995

Michelle and Chelsea 2004

Us, now

Sunday Minutes...

 
It's one of my favorite paintings...:)
The lightbulb is out in my bedroom...it's kind of nice...I probably won't think that in the morning!
It's 11:00 p.m. ... I put my daughter in bed over an hour ago, and she's still awake, up and down, re-tucked in twice, and it seems her sinus troubles are back and I had to give her more medicine...(sigh)...
The mantra of all parents: "I just wish she would go to sleep..." anytime now...and why is she sick again anyway?  Why didn't that Zithromax work?!  I mean, I guess it did work, but only for a couple weeks, it seems...(SIGH)...
My Sunday:
8:00 a.m.: Up and in the shower...
8:30 a.m.: My daughter up and eating breakfast...
8:50 a.m.: Skirmish #1 between daughter and self...(involving hair accessories)...
8:55 a.m.: Skirmish #2 between daughter and self...(involving shoes)...
8:57 a.m.: Sent daughter out of house and next door to grandparents so they could take her to church... (No, I wasn't being mean!  She always goes to church with them.  Something about me being late everywhere I go and her not wanting to be late, I don't know...)
9:05 a.m.: Open door to D, who's come to pick me up for church. 
9:20 a.m.: Actually leaving for church.
9:30 a.m.: In Sunday School, ON TIME I might add, thank you very much.  I go to the 'Single Again' Sunday School Class at my church, which was started for people in our church who had been divorced.  Only one divorced person actually goes to the class, everyone else is part of a couple.  And then there's me, the only single never married mom at my church, that I know of at least...
10:20 a.m.: Going over to church, headed for my usual back row...
10:30 a.m.: Safely ensconced in the back row on the right, with daughter, D, mother, brother (SIL is home sick, unfortunately) :(, and Donna, Steve, and little Mackenzie :) (newly home from China, yay!)...My grandparents and aunt also go to my church, but they sit near the front...no way can I sit up there...nephew is in children's church, which is a very good thing to have...
12 noon: Church is over, it's been a very good time, having spent most of it admiring the beautiful baby Mackenzie...
12:!5 p.m.: Safely in the car, having been sidelined by several people...including the preacher, complimenting me on the decorations for the missions conference we're having this week.  And a couple of people who stopped me to tell me they were going to be at church tonight...(well, DARN, since when did I get so visible? Now I have to be there tonight!  haha  No really, just kidding...sort of...)
12:20 p.m.: On the way to lunch, we saw a boat on the side of the road.  Cool!  I was all for stopping and towing it.  "No," D said, "we don't have a hitch."  Oh.  "Well," I said, "Call your brother, doesn't he have one?"  Then I got a long lesson from D on 'stealing', as in 'just because it's on the side of the ride doesn't mean you can take it, it's just like a car'.  See, I'm one of those non-moral Democrats, I don't know these things! LOL! (Kidding, kidding, well, not about the Democrat part, I AM A DEMOCRAT AND PROUD OF IT!, but about the non-moral part, I didn't REALLY intend to steal the boat, THAT much, I mean, where would I put it?).
Okay, I'm done with this, not even halfway through my day and I'm tired of writing about it!  We went out to lunch, I came home and did dishes, laundry, computer, then we went shopping to fill up more shoeboxes for Operation Christmas Child, went back to church, where I will be spending my life for the next few days for this missions conference, watched the beautiful Mackenzie some more until they turned off the lights and showed a movie and I fell asleep (it's not my fault, it's that migraine medicine I'm taking!), left church, went out to dinner (Mexican), and finally came home (thank goodness!).
I hope my daughter is feeling better in the morning, I think she's finally asleep, I don't hear her tossing and turning anymore...
We had a couple more skirmishes today that I forgot to mention...but even with the skirmishes, I'm very blessed to have such a wonderful, beautiful, generous child.

Midnight in Chicago

I brought my laptop along just in case I had time.  My beautiful girl crashed asleep as soon as we got back to the hotel tonight.
Going on a four-day field trip with a bunch of middle school kids (average age: 13) has been all kinds of fun so far. 
That was a joke.
I'm separate from the other parents, and I'm not quite sure why.  I have my theories.  A lot of it is on purpose, on my part.  I tend to hold people at arm's length.  I've always been a loner, but lately it's been rather extreme. 
Also, this is a small, private, Christian school that my daughter goes to.  The other moms are, for the most part, older than me and married, and they have short coiffed hair.  I feel massively inferior and different on this trip.  I was a mother at 19, I've never been married (though I have been with my boyfriend for eight years now, which is a very long time and I've heard the "when are you getting married" thing about a million times now), I haven't had short hair since eighth grade, and I don't usually wear pastels. 
Being separate has never bothered me before.  But now, I see my daughter going through the same thing with the other girls that did come on this trip.  I'm watching her, and she's separate from them.  And it really bothers her.
And it makes me feel terrible, because it has to be my fault. 
Chicago is such a great city and I hate to be feeling like this while we're here.  I don't know how to fix it, or if it can be fixed.  It's times like this, when watching her heart be broken is breaking my heart, that really makes me feel the loneliness of being a single parent.  I wish I didn't have to worry over this alone.
Hopefully Friday will be a better day.  We'll be visiting some of our favorite places, and I'll try harder to keep her company so maybe she'll forget that she was on the outside.  It's always about good memories.  What else will you have when it's all over?  This will be my mission for her for the rest of this trip.
I'll try my hardest.  Good memories.