Monday, August 16, 2004

Messed up...

For such a beautiful song about beauty in simple things, it’s seems so poignant sometimes.
Where would I be if I hadn’t started my journal back in February? I thought it would help me make sense of things, and it has. But I never thought that I would meet such wonderful people who would become such good friends to me.
Julie, Jan, Anna, Anita, Mary, everyone, thank you for your friendship.
Although ‘Thank you’ just doesn’t seem like enough.
I just don’t quite know what exactly I did this summer to put me in this position. It’s no one else’s fault but mine.
We’re not ready for this week. We’re not prepared to go to the end of the year.
I’m always fixated on the mistakes I’ve made in the past, even though I know I should let them go…God’s already forgotten them. Now I have another mistake to add to the list.
I’ve dropped the ball.
I’m feeling…frantic. I have to go figure out how to climb myself out of a hole, and in the meantime present a calm front to my daughter, which I haven’t been very successful in doing lately. I wish there were more than me.
I’m sure I’ll figure things out. I hope it gets done sooner than later. I wish I could skip this process and already be There, over There, having jumped over this point to the next point where I don’t feel like such a failure.
More half full later, I hope…


  1. Hi Michelle,

    You don't even have to thank me at all.  It is a real pleasure being your friend.   All I really want is for you to be happy, but as humans we can't always be that way.  

    I am here to listen to you if you ever need to talk and let your feelings pour.  I will always take IMs from you.

    Hugs and XO

  2. This is what I find is true about life, nothing is as bad as it seems in the moment....I always close my eyes and three months from now this will be totally forgotten.  In three months, weeks, days, this will have passed.

    If there is something I can do for you, let me know.  I am very blessed and in a position to help you out if need be.


  3. (((Michelle)))  I wish I could wave the magic wand over you and make it go away.  I know how you are feeling...I am going thru the same thing myself where you get out of that hole...and then you put yourself right back in it again.  But I just keep telling myself it will all work out in the end....
    Hang in there...I am here if you need an ear...and I am praying for you.  
    Love, Julie
    ps...I am so glad that I met you too and God truely blessed me with your friendship.  

  4. I never know what to say, I have always just braced myself and dealt with anything that comes my way. It gets old real fast, painful, and dreadful, but I always survive.  I know you have it in you, you will survive, just close your eyes and say to yourself this time ______________ (fill in the blank, next week, next month, next year, etc) this will all be just a memory.

  5. I'm sorry you're having such a hard time.  Hang in there.