Friday, November 29, 2013

Giving thanks #3; When the world's all as it should be...

So we were at Dwayne's parents' house yesterday, and Chelsea, Halie, (Dwayne's niece), Dwayne and I were sitting at the kitchen table talking.

"You know," Chelsea said, "I was looking at my pictures, and this is the exact same outfit I wore last year for Thanksgiving. Right down to my hair clip."

After we got done laughing, Chelsea continued...

"You know what else? This is also the exact same outfit I wore two years ago at Thanksgiving. Also, the same hair clip."

It was hilarious.

I don't know what it is about Thanksgiving that brings out dysfunction AND humor at family dinners.

Dwayne's little brother, Jermey (yes, that is how it is spelled) has lost 150 pounds in the past couple of years, and in the process he's became a health and fitness freak.

Have you ever had Thanksgiving dinner with a recently converted health and fitness freak?

What happens is, you get a running commentary on everything you put in your mouth, interspersed with moaning and groaning about how he's eaten SO MUCH and he's going to run 9 miles in the morning to make up for it.

I heard the 9 miles thing several times.

And then this happened:

"Dude, you really need to look into acai berries. They really give your colon a good cleansing."

Really? While we're eating? LOLOLOL

So then we escaped to my grandpa's house where things were much, much worse.

We pulled into the driveway about ten seconds before my obnoxious big brother, who gets out of the car and says, "Now I KNOW we're late if we're getting here after YOU!"

He's so kind.

My mom's inside looking kind of busy so I stay out of her way.

Look...I'm slow and clumsy, and trust me, in times of high stress, she can be vicious. It's better for everyone if I DON'T HELP.

After the bad thing that happened last year, mom and Aunt Sondra decided to get turkey and dressing from Cracker Barrel and make everything else.

So Aunt Sondra comes in with the Cracker Barrel stuff and with Alyssa The Perfect, and things kick into high gear, and oh. my. gosh.

After everything calms down, everyone has food and no blood has been drawn, the analysis starts.

Mom: Next year, we're going out to eat. This is ridiculous.
Aunt Sondra: Well, when Moma was here, we all sat down, the food was passed around, and she didn't sit down until everyone got their food.
Mom: Well, I don't wanna do that.
Me: Yeah, and Moma never yelled at us.
John: Yeah.
Me: Yeah, you were really mean.
Mom: I know, I can't help it.

Here's where it gets bad, as if comparing my mother to my grandmother wasn't bad enough.

Me: You and Aunt Sondra are both really mean anymore.
John: Yeah.
John: You know what it is?
Me: What?
Me: Oh no.
John: (to the table at large) You two need to get a man!

I don't even want to talk about the discussion that happened after that.

So, Thanksgiving in a nutshell! The silent ones in these two venues are the ones who are nice and don't start trouble, including and especially Dwayne! 

As you can see, I am an instigator. The world sees me as silent and pure, but I'm really not that nice. I try, I really do. But when I see a pot, I have to stir it. 

That reminds me to tell you all sometime about the meeting at work this week...I don't know why I can't keep my mouth shut? What is wrong with me?!?!?!

I had a wonderful Thanksgiving with my two wonderful families (Dwayne's and mine), bickering and all! I am blessed and I know it!

Happy weekend!


  1. Family... Just the three of us this year which was wonderful. No doubt, we're planning the seeds of dysfunction for our daughter down the line. Even with best intentions, no avoiding it.

    1. Oh, I bet that was nice and peaceful!

      There doesn't seem to be any way to avoid dysfunction...because people aren't perfect! But they do love each other, and that's what's important.

    2. Same here. Just the three of us. Very relaxing. Off to family today.

    3. Even when it's just me, Chelsea and Dwayne, it can be, um, exciting. I can't help myself. Poking at Chelsea until she explodes is part of my joy in motherhood.
      But then Dwayne gets so disappointed in me... :(

    4. You've gotta give them SOMEthing to tell their future therapists, right?

    5. Exactly! LOL Why should I get to have all the fun!

  2. So what bad thing happened last year?
    A friend of mine's mom once blew up their oven on Thanksgiving. I mean that literally.
    Fortunately, no one was in the kitchen when it happened.

    1. Blew up the oven?!?! OMG

      Nooo...just last year, my mom tried to recreate my grandma's recipes for turkey and dressing and something went horribly wrong. We're still trying to figure out how to do things without my grandma, you know?
      Anyway, the dressing was completely inedible, and the turkey was DRY DRY DRY, and so mom's confidence was completely shot and she's refusing to do it ever again. :(
      But wow, at least she didn't blow our oven up!

  3. Ground turkey lasagna and lots of kid calls from San Francisco to Illinois. Couple relatives visited Wednesday without injury. We've finally got it down right! You have a happy weekend too!

    1. I had vegetarian lasagna last week and it was so good.. My mom usually makes me turkey chili and that's good, too. I'll have to ask for turkey lasagna sometime!

  4. Ah! Just like Christmas over here, there is nothing to beat a family get together to do nothing more than relax, eat nice things and celebrate being together to bring out the worst dystopian excesses imaginable!!!!!

  5. lol it is such fun to stir the pot sometimes though and watch their mouth go. Sounds like a fun family time, even if some are mean lol

    1. Yeah, as long as we can laugh about the meanness, I'd say we're doing okay! :)

  6. yes, blew up the oven
    and the ham that was in it

    Dry turkeys are generally caused by overcooking. Or cooking without a covering. Overcooking can be caused by cooking it for too long or cooking it at too high a temp.

    1. Blown up ham...I'm imaging pink bits everywhere! LOL

      Yeah, we were discussing that on Friday, the causes for dry turkey. I kept volunteering Dwayne's mom to make our turkey...hers is always good...I said she'd probably make one for us if we paid her. That didn't go over well at all, at all! LOL

    2. There were pinks bits everywhere. All over the kitchen. The walls, the ceiling, the floor. Everywhere.

    3. LOL LOL LOL Like a murder scene, OMG I can't breathe... I'm so sorry...

  7. Some mouths aren't meant to stay shut. ;)

    Now I'm tempted to designate a Thanksgiving outfit for my daughter--just so we can laugh about it in the future.

    1. Oh yes, and take lots of pictures!

      It's so much better if you make things fun!

  8. We had Thanksgiving with sort of unrelated people and it was all good. I live 1200 miles from my own family, who are barely speaking to one another, and I'm glad we weren't there this year. The distance is something to be thankful for.

    1. Dinner is no fun if no one is speaking to each other! You can make your own family wherever you are...I'm glad your Thanksgiving was good. :)

  9. I love reading other people's stories about Thanksgiving with their families. Thanks for sharing yours!