I hadn't recovered from our trip...as the days went by, I became more and more tired. I had finally entered a new floaty state of exhaustion by Wednesday. I fell asleep at stoplights, in a meeting at work, and in class Wednesday night.
So I went to bed early Wednesday, and slept for eight hours last night! Who knew the wonders that a good night's sleep can do for your disposition? I should do this more often!
My daughter left her Lizzie McGuire CD in my car, and of course I listened to it all the way to work today. It's so great, full of innocence and joy...it's all about experiencing the moment and taking chances. You know, living. It made me wonder about my own life. How am I living? Am I experiencing the moment and taking chances? I don't think so. I do a lot of stuff, and have a lot of interests, but I'm not experiencing any moments. Everything is a blur, anymore.
I remember my first kiss. I was 16 years old (late starter, I know). It was springtime, outside at Iroquois Park. I remember the time of day, the exact location in the park, everything. My romance with the boy soon ended, but he'll always have a special place in my heart.
It's just telling how I remember this so vividly. In my mind, life seemed to speed up after that, through other relationships and experiences, to my present long-term attachment. (I can hardly ever talk about my boyfriend in here because he would be mortified. He's taking my word that I won't discuss him, because he doesn't even go online, usually.) But the speeding up is the same for everything, first kiss, first day of work, first day of school...
I don't want to be speeding up. I don't want my life to be a blur. I want to be able to wear gold instead of yellow! (Well really, I stick with black, but you get my point... .)
I want to experience every moment like it's the first time.