Thursday, July 8, 2004


I miss my life.  Where did it go?
I miss my journal.  Does it miss me?
I've had a sudden influx of being frantically busy the last few days.  Why?  I can't pinpoint it.
And I'm trying to format a brochure to help out my mom (remember HeroQuest?), and I DESPERATELY need a drawing of a little astronaut.  I know exactly what I want, but I can't find it online.  At this rate, it would have been faster to create it myself.  I've been at it for hours. :(
I had another little car accident today.  My rating as the world's worst driver keeps going up and up.  I just get so discouraged, driving, because it's always close calls and people blowing their horns at me.  The man I hit today said, "You need to be more careful, young lady."  The problem is, I think I am careful.  Why can't I drive like a normal person? 
(I had taken my break at work to go across the street to the bank.  I was backing out of my parking space when a car just flew by behind me.  I heard something but I didn't even feel my car move, and I didn't realize we had collided until I finished pulling out and he was stopping at the end of the aisle.  He got out and looked at his car, so I got out and asked if I had hit him.  He said yes, but it was just scratched and he could rub it out.  Then he threw the disparaging comment at me and got in his car and drove away.)
I didn't even think to check my car until after I got back from the bank.  It's just scratched.  It now nicely matches the banged up front end from my wreck a few months ago.  This is a new car, mind you, even though it doesn't look like it.
Only a little over four years, and my daughter will be driving!  I'm thinking it will be like having my own personal chauffeur, we'd both be safer, probably, with her behind the wheel...
I hate that I'm moving at top speed and I don't have time to think or reflect.  I would slow down if only I knew what I'm doing wrong.  My relationships are suffering from it.  My daughter is suffering from it.  I can't get rid of this URGENT feeling inside me.
Enough!  Slow down!  Stop!