Sunday, December 12, 2004

Tears, loneliness, pain, really bad day, just move along...

I took her to the acute care center again today...how many times have I taken her for this ongoing issue now, and it still hasn't gotten better?...
(History of my daughter's ear problems: She's twelve years old now...in her life, she's had tubes in both ears three different times.  The last time was about four or five years ago... She seemed to outgrow the ear problems, except for her right ear...turned out that she had a hole in her right eardrum from the last time the tubes were in, that never healed up... She had to have surgery to repair the hole about three years ago, meaning cartilage taken from the outside of her ear grafted onto the hole in her eardrum... so now she has one cute little ear and one cute little slightly different ear because it's missing that bumpy thing and has a scar on it... and ever since then whenever she has an ear infection, it's always in that bad right ear that she had that fourth surgery in... the worst ear infection she ever had was about two years ago was when she had swimmer's ear...)
So we went to the acute care center today and sat back there for two hours, me with a massive headache (as usual) and herself with a massive earache...and himself sitting in the lobby getting more and more upset as he sees people come in after us and leave before us...and anyway, it turns out she has swimmer's ear again, which is extremely painful and I feel so stupid because she had it before and I should have caught it before now...
She cried alternatively off and on all day, the last time before she went to sleep...I know that this is my fault, every time she goes swimming at the Y this happens and I somehow forgot this, I just feel so terrible.
My brother and I somehow got off speaking terms today...my brother, or, to those who don't know him, BOSSY JERK THAT HE IS, was his regular mean self today...but somehow, the combination of C's pain and my headache and my family members who are sometimes so mean to each other and also that my medicine ran out Friday and I didn't have it yesterday or today culminated in a crying jag with D in the car that lasted a good ten minutes... poor D didn't know what to do, and so he decided toblame my brother, because it usually is him who makes people cry, me, or my mom, or my grandma, or my aunt, or my cousin... my brother just has a special talent for hurting people...
But families do that...particularly a close family like I have, my family members will go to bat for me whenever I need them, but they also feel they have the right to say whatever they want, whenever they feel like it, and who cares if it's true, or if it hurts?
If I can just make it to tomorrow, and get up, and take her to school, and go to Walgreens, and get my medicine, and take it, and get to work on time, I'm pretty sure I'll be okay and out of this funk...
On the plus side, I got to see my two favorite rednecks make it to the final two on Survivor tonight...It was like a dream come true, seeing both Chris AND Twila make it, because they've been my two favorites from way back. WOW! It's like I was psychic or something...