Saturday, June 17, 2006

lost entry...

am i falling for this again?...
i put my heart and soul into an entry, clicked save, and it disappeared into aol no man's land...
what was it about? something about the cast and stitches on my hand, and how it's affected my typing ability, and how i'm using my hand anyway even though i'm not supposed to and even though it hurts really bad, and we had major drama today and i'm tired of it and i'm having trouble getting out of bed, and how i'm falling into a deep black hole of depression again even though my medicine is supposed to prevent that and that might be a clue that it might need to be changed, and i ran out of heart medicine and oh yeah i was going to go back to bed and get under the covers and not come out again until things got much much better
and then of course my plans got foiled by stupid aol losing my stupid entry.
so i restarted my computer, took a walk into the living room and rescued my kitty and put her where she belongs (you know, in bed with me)
and wrote this
and whether this one works or not, I really am going to sleep now.  Tomorrow's Father's Day and we have to honor my grandpa.  I also have to call my dad.  Father's Day makes me uncomfortable for my daughter's sake...she doesn't have a father, never has had one...I don't know how she feels about it.  I feel terrible about it.