Roses

Music: Eminem - When I'm Gone

I brought my old journal over and it's here: http://rememberinggraceonce.blogspot.com/...

Don't much feel like journaling tonight...headache.

I did have some pretty good drugs for about a minute, between my car wreck and going to the dentist for a root canal... but then people found out I had the medicine, and they were coming out of the woodwork. There should be a song out there titled, "Everybody's Your Best Friend, When You Have Narcotics!".

So I gave almost all my Vicoprofens and Flexerils away, and now I have a massive migraine and my neck's hurting and I sort of wish I hadn't been so generous.

I really don't wish that. I just sometimes get the feeling that people are taking advantage of me.

It doesn't matter...anything I have that I lend or give was never really mine to begin with.

Forever and ever

Music: The New Amsterdams - Hanging On For Hope

I totaled my car the first of October, on the way to taking my daughter to school, less than five minutes after leaving home... The road I live off of is a tricky one, it's very curvy and hilly and scary at night, and everyone who's ever grown up in Louisville calls it 'Hot Rod Haven'. And for goodness' sake, I've been driving this road ever since I started driving and I KNOW to slow down on that one curve when the road is wet, but my daughter and I were having a lively discussion (the kind that mothers and daughters get into some mornings).

The next thing I know, I'm fishtailing right, then left, then careening off the road, through the brush, under the trees, then right into a tree. We came away with scratches, bruises, a wrenched neck (mine), and a truly impressive black eye (my daughter's). My car was a goner.

So now the bruises are faded and we're all healed up although I'm kicking myself for not getting a picture of C's black eye at it's most colorful. My neck is still giving me pain but I'm taking it as penance for being what must be the WORST DRIVER IN THE UNIVERSE. This makes at least the SIXTH REPORTED accident which was MY FAULT in my life - reported meaning I've had to call the insurance company. And I've only been driving for eighteen years.

I think I can do the math. That's an accident every three years. And that's only REPORTED accidents. That's not counting the time I hit the man on Dixie highway and messed up my car but it didn't hurt his truck so he told me to go on, or the time I hit the man in the parking lot at work but it didn't mess up his car so he told me to go on...

So I admit it, I'm a terrible driver, and I really, really, really don't want to be driving... I need to just have my own driver so society can breathe easy now that I'm no longer out there on the roads.

And as much as I don't want to be driving, my daughter REALLY doesn't want me to be driving anymore. We're still in the rental car waiting on the check from the insurance company. And every morning on the way to school, the litany starts as soon as we pull out onto the road... "Please slow down... Please put both hands on the wheel... Please pay attention to the road..." I've turned my daughter into a nervous wreck when she's in the car with me.

But my airbags deployed and the window shattered and the front end buckled and still my daughter and I walked away from that car in one piece. Even though I'm a terrible driver, I have so much to be thankful for.

So, so much to be thankful for.