Friday, July 7, 2006

None...

Thursday my mother told me that I "should never have been a mother."  She said that I should look at C's room and at the way C is and it's obvious, I should never have been a mother.
I've spent the last two days in a strange state...I can't explain it.  Hearing my mother say something so hurtful, and so hateful, to me was devastating. 
At first I was asking myself, did I deserve that?  I really don't think I did...that was just a really mean thing to say to me.
Then I started asking myself if she was right...
As a single mom to a child with a disability like C has, I ask myself every single day if I'm doing okay...I question every single decision I make.  I know I've made some wrong ones.  But I really don't think I've been a bad mom.
But my mom thinks I have been.  And I can't do anything more than I already do.  I'm just me.
She broke me when she said that.