Friday, July 7, 2006


Thursday my mother told me that I "should never have been a mother."  She said that I should look at C's room and at the way C is and it's obvious, I should never have been a mother.
I've spent the last two days in a strange state...I can't explain it.  Hearing my mother say something so hurtful, and so hateful, to me was devastating. 
At first I was asking myself, did I deserve that?  I really don't think I did...that was just a really mean thing to say to me.
Then I started asking myself if she was right...
As a single mom to a child with a disability like C has, I ask myself every single day if I'm doing okay...I question every single decision I make.  I know I've made some wrong ones.  But I really don't think I've been a bad mom.
But my mom thinks I have been.  And I can't do anything more than I already do.  I'm just me.
She broke me when she said that.


  1. What an awful, hurtful thing to say.
    I think from reading this that it's your Mum who needs to take a look at her parenting skills, not you.  
    (((((((((( ))))))))))
    Sara   x

  2. That is was a very unkind thing for you mother to say. YOUR mother. Maybe you could point out that she too, is in fact, a MOTHER.

    Maybe she would get the hint. A sign of a good mother isn't the condition of the house.

    I am so sorry you are hurting. I hope that you can talk to someone about this. Then to your mom.

    ::shaking my head:::


    If I live in a house of spotless beauty with everything in it's place,
    but have not love, I am a "housekeeper"-not a homemaker.
    If I have time for waxing, polishing, and decorative achievements,
    but have not love, My children learn of cleanliness-not godliness.
    Love leaves the dust, and goes in search of a child's laugh.
    Love smiles at the tiny fingerprints on a newly cleaned window.
    Love wipes away the tears before it wipes up the spilled milk.
    Love picks up the child before it picks up the toys.
    Love is present through trials.
    Love reprimands, reproves, and is responsive.
    Love crawls with the baby, walks with the toddler, runs with the child,
    then stands aside to let the youth walk into adulthood.
    Love is the key that opens salvation's message to a child's heart.
    Before I became a mother, I took glory in my house of perfection.
    Now I glory in God's perfection of my child.
    As a mother, there is MUCH I must teach my child,
    But the greatest of these is LOVE.
    (Author Unknown)

    You mom had no right to say that to you...  I think you should show the above poem.  And for the record...I think you are a wonderful Mom to C!!  I know the damage is done...but don't listen to what she said.  

    *huge hugs*

  4. It is so hard when your own Mother says things like that.  She has no right to say that to you.  I don't know you out side of Journalling, but don't let the hurtfull things she said get you down.  I know that is easier said than done.  Keep Looking Up and never forget that You ARE a Good Mom.  You Are a Good Person.  Don't let any one tell ya different.

    Be Good to your self,
    blessings,  ~Rhonda~

  5. I m so did not deserve that at all...hugs to you...

  6. Hi hon. I've been out of the circle of journals for so long and lost contact with so many good people! I hope you and your Mom have healed . My Mom has said some things that were pretty hurtful about my mothering in the past. You love your daughter, you go to work, you provide for her, and you try and take care of her emotionally as well as physically, right? Then you are a good Mom. No Mom is perfect, not even our own! Gasp! I will be damed to hell for that one! LOL So there rooms are a mess! Ok, they are mouthy. They are teens, it goes with the program. There is no one out there that can claim to have raised the perfect child. I've seen children from horrible homes come out terrific and children come from the expensive homes, and come out horrible . So just keep doing the best you can. You ever need to talk, email me. Trust me, my kids aren't perfect, and they are giving me a run for my money right now too! Hang in there ok! hugs! Val