yawning yawning yawning
Tomorrow I have to work...and then go to my daughter's first volleyball game...and then go help set up for Donna and Steve's baby shower...and then I had promised my nephew he could spend the night with me. I didn't really mean to sign up for shower duty and nephew duty on the same night, not to mention the fact that Friday night is my 'crash from lack of sleep' night. It's just that Donna is such a good friend, and my nephew loves to come over and pester my daughter (he's 3, she's 12), and I miss them both. It seemed like a good idea at the time...
My daughter's second week of school has been good...at school, anyway...and terrible at home. The mornings and nights have been so bad, I can't even talk about it. I think I've aged a few years in just this one week. Hopefully I'll get over it and she'll grow out of it...I hate being tried like this.
I've been glued to the Olympics and not getting anything else done...
I managed to make it to the Y twice this week, yay!
I've read lots of books this week...nothing involving intelligence, just novels...
I bought my daughter a book the other day...decided it might be too old for her so I read it first...it wasn't too old for her, but I liked it so much, I read it again. Now I'll finally give it to her. She picked it up yesterday and wanted to read it, and I told her as soon as I read it she could...I didn't mention that I had read it once already!
I hope this weekend goes well. I hope Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde go away on vacation.
I wonder how many times in my life I have said, "I hope things go well." It must be my mantra...
The engrossing pre-teen must-read, by the way? It's All-American Girl by Meg Cabot.
Thursday, August 26, 2004
Tuesday, August 24, 2004
Monday, August 23, 2004
I love Alexei Nemov...
Really, a lot. ...
Anyway,
I started taking classes at U of L when I was a junior in high school. It was really my only choice for college, because I didn't want to leave Louisville (in the manner of all silly girls, the truth was that I didn't want to leave my boyfriend at the time!).
So I graduated from high school, went to U of L full time, had a baby in between my first and second years...I finally graduated 11 years after I had taken my first college class.
During that 11 years, I sat out a few semesters, and took every class under the sun for a few semesters. I changed my major several times before I finally picked Philosophy, because I realized I had taken more Philosophy classes than anything else and by that fifth or sixth year I really just wanted to graduate as quickly as possible.
After I graduated, I thought I would go back immediately...it actually took me three years. I finally went back last year. I had to start again with baby steps, one class only, due to time and money. I successfully finished my one class in the fall semester, and pulled myself through the spring semester. I was exhausted but very proud of myself...two classes, two A's...
Then I found out that not only does my employer actually pay for all my college classes (don't ask why I didn't know that, this is clueless Michelle we're talking about), I found out that it would also reimburse me for the two classes I took this past year. Wow!
Thoughts of endless, PAID-FOR school stretched out before me. I could picture myself going back to school forever...what a wonderful dream for wanna-be professional students like me! Last month I took a day off work specifically to go down to U of L and get all my paperwork in order... I was coming back with no limitations!
So what happened to me these past couple of weeks?
I have no idea, but I can talk about one of the balls that I dropped...I didn't register for my classes. I KNEW the time was comingup...I KNEW what I wanted...and I just didn't do it. I didn't forget. I just didn't do it.
There are many other things that I didn't do these past weeks, and many balls that I dropped and I still haven't picked up. I didn't go to appointments, I didn't schedule appointments, I didn't get my daughter's school stuff together in a timely manner, I didn't pay some bills (even though the money was there!). The list goes on and on. I only did SOME things, not ALL things. Just the bare minimum.
I'm working on it. This one in particular, even though it seems so frivolous, just makes me so upset with myself. If I'm not a student, what am I?
*******************************
In John Glenn's autobiography, he talked about some of the tests he went through when he was hoping to be an astronaut. One thing the scientists made them do was sit in a room and write down on paper 100 sentences beginning with the words, "I am...".
What would you say? I would say, "I am Michelle, I am a mother, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a granddaughter, a niece...I am a Christian, a reader, a writer...I am a brunette, a Kentuckian...I am depressed, I am tired...I am a student...".
Take one or all away, and am I still me? Is there a heirarchy of what is me? Or are those just labels that we add on to ourselves?
I can't, and won't, wait to be comfortable again, and back to me, and have things make sense.
And I swear that I am going to try very hard not to write any more depressing journal entries!
Anyway,
I started taking classes at U of L when I was a junior in high school. It was really my only choice for college, because I didn't want to leave Louisville (in the manner of all silly girls, the truth was that I didn't want to leave my boyfriend at the time!).
So I graduated from high school, went to U of L full time, had a baby in between my first and second years...I finally graduated 11 years after I had taken my first college class.
During that 11 years, I sat out a few semesters, and took every class under the sun for a few semesters. I changed my major several times before I finally picked Philosophy, because I realized I had taken more Philosophy classes than anything else and by that fifth or sixth year I really just wanted to graduate as quickly as possible.
After I graduated, I thought I would go back immediately...it actually took me three years. I finally went back last year. I had to start again with baby steps, one class only, due to time and money. I successfully finished my one class in the fall semester, and pulled myself through the spring semester. I was exhausted but very proud of myself...two classes, two A's...
Then I found out that not only does my employer actually pay for all my college classes (don't ask why I didn't know that, this is clueless Michelle we're talking about), I found out that it would also reimburse me for the two classes I took this past year. Wow!
Thoughts of endless, PAID-FOR school stretched out before me. I could picture myself going back to school forever...what a wonderful dream for wanna-be professional students like me! Last month I took a day off work specifically to go down to U of L and get all my paperwork in order... I was coming back with no limitations!
So what happened to me these past couple of weeks?
I have no idea, but I can talk about one of the balls that I dropped...I didn't register for my classes. I KNEW the time was comingup...I KNEW what I wanted...and I just didn't do it. I didn't forget. I just didn't do it.
There are many other things that I didn't do these past weeks, and many balls that I dropped and I still haven't picked up. I didn't go to appointments, I didn't schedule appointments, I didn't get my daughter's school stuff together in a timely manner, I didn't pay some bills (even though the money was there!). The list goes on and on. I only did SOME things, not ALL things. Just the bare minimum.
I'm working on it. This one in particular, even though it seems so frivolous, just makes me so upset with myself. If I'm not a student, what am I?
*******************************
In John Glenn's autobiography, he talked about some of the tests he went through when he was hoping to be an astronaut. One thing the scientists made them do was sit in a room and write down on paper 100 sentences beginning with the words, "I am...".
What would you say? I would say, "I am Michelle, I am a mother, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a granddaughter, a niece...I am a Christian, a reader, a writer...I am a brunette, a Kentuckian...I am depressed, I am tired...I am a student...".
Take one or all away, and am I still me? Is there a heirarchy of what is me? Or are those just labels that we add on to ourselves?
I can't, and won't, wait to be comfortable again, and back to me, and have things make sense.
And I swear that I am going to try very hard not to write any more depressing journal entries!
Saturday, August 21, 2004
Fair Time
We went to the fair today. The State Fair, and it seemed like everyone else that lives in Kentucky decided to go today, also - probably because the weather was perfect, not too hot, clear skies...
The sun went down and the moon was perfect, too, close to the ground so that it seemed so large and friendly, that perfect burgeoning crescent moon...
I had a mild little panic attack at one point, inside in the midst of thousands of people, but it happened just once, and I worked through it. I also went to the post office this morning, and I bought my daughter a new mattress today.
So I did three things.
I love how there are distinct stages that you go through when you take a child to the fair...we get there and park, and she's running out of the car..."Hurry, hurry"...we get inside to the exhibits and she's the maniac bargain-hunter looking for free stuff...she pulls us outside to go to the Midway and she has to have ice cream and lemonade and a corn dog...she has to go in every fun house on the Midway...D wins her a stuffed dog...she hugs the dog and it's her new best friend...then, it's all over..."My tummy hurts, my feet hurt, I want to go hooooooome", over and over...and we trudge back to the car and go home.
It's great fun, and it's comforting, because it's always the same...
The sun went down and the moon was perfect, too, close to the ground so that it seemed so large and friendly, that perfect burgeoning crescent moon...
I had a mild little panic attack at one point, inside in the midst of thousands of people, but it happened just once, and I worked through it. I also went to the post office this morning, and I bought my daughter a new mattress today.
So I did three things.
I love how there are distinct stages that you go through when you take a child to the fair...we get there and park, and she's running out of the car..."Hurry, hurry"...we get inside to the exhibits and she's the maniac bargain-hunter looking for free stuff...she pulls us outside to go to the Midway and she has to have ice cream and lemonade and a corn dog...she has to go in every fun house on the Midway...D wins her a stuffed dog...she hugs the dog and it's her new best friend...then, it's all over..."My tummy hurts, my feet hurt, I want to go hooooooome", over and over...and we trudge back to the car and go home.
It's great fun, and it's comforting, because it's always the same...
Thursday, August 19, 2004
A certain slant of light...
"There's a certain Slant of light,
Winter Afternoons --
That oppresses, like the Heft
Of Cathedral Tunes --
Heavenly Hurt, it gives us --
We can find no scar,
But internal difference,
Where the Meanings, are --
None may teach it -- Any --
'Tis the Seal Despair --
An imperial affliction
Sent us of the Air --
When it comes, the Landscape listens --
Shadows -- hold their breath --
When it goes, 'tis like the Distance
On the look of Death --"
-Emily Dickinson
**********************************************
Friday 2 a.m. resolution:
I will try very hard to take control of this thing. This weekend. I refuse to spend another week like this.
Going to sleep now....have to get up at 6 a.m.
Will also try to get my articulateness back. If ever I was.
Winter Afternoons --
That oppresses, like the Heft
Of Cathedral Tunes --
Heavenly Hurt, it gives us --
We can find no scar,
But internal difference,
Where the Meanings, are --
None may teach it -- Any --
'Tis the Seal Despair --
An imperial affliction
Sent us of the Air --
When it comes, the Landscape listens --
Shadows -- hold their breath --
When it goes, 'tis like the Distance
On the look of Death --"
-Emily Dickinson
**********************************************
Friday 2 a.m. resolution:
I will try very hard to take control of this thing. This weekend. I refuse to spend another week like this.
Going to sleep now....have to get up at 6 a.m.
Will also try to get my articulateness back. If ever I was.
Tuesday, August 17, 2004
Still hiding...
...and not quite wanting to face the fallout yet...and life goes on...
My daughter's first day of 7th grade went well (sigh of relief). Last year was so hard on her, I really hope that this year will be better. You know, middle school was extremely difficult when I went through it. It's almost like I'm reliving those years now with my daughter. I just hope I can be a help to her and not a hindrance...
I went back to the dentist today...I called them on my way out of work.
Me: "Hi, this is Michelle, I was just calling to make sure I had an appointment today."
Them: "Yes, I have you down for 2:20."
Me: "And do you have nitrous ready for me today?"
It was very funny when I got there...everyone apparently now knows about last week's debacle and so were VERY solicitous to me this time...they outfitted me right away with sunglasses, headphones, and nitrous, and three different people were hovering over me..."Are you still okay? Are you still okay?"...
It's like I have my eyes shut as I'm forcing myself forward. Just a little bit further...then I'll stop hiding.
My daughter's first day of 7th grade went well (sigh of relief). Last year was so hard on her, I really hope that this year will be better. You know, middle school was extremely difficult when I went through it. It's almost like I'm reliving those years now with my daughter. I just hope I can be a help to her and not a hindrance...
I went back to the dentist today...I called them on my way out of work.
Me: "Hi, this is Michelle, I was just calling to make sure I had an appointment today."
Them: "Yes, I have you down for 2:20."
Me: "And do you have nitrous ready for me today?"
It was very funny when I got there...everyone apparently now knows about last week's debacle and so were VERY solicitous to me this time...they outfitted me right away with sunglasses, headphones, and nitrous, and three different people were hovering over me..."Are you still okay? Are you still okay?"...
It's like I have my eyes shut as I'm forcing myself forward. Just a little bit further...then I'll stop hiding.
Climbing,...
...still climbing, out of the hole...trying not to see how far I have to go...
And besides that, today is my daughter's first day of 7th grade...I'm so nervous!
And besides that, today is my daughter's first day of 7th grade...I'm so nervous!
Monday, August 16, 2004
Messed up...
For such a beautiful song about beauty in simple things, it’s seems so poignant sometimes.
Where would I be if I hadn’t started my journal back in February? I thought it would help me make sense of things, and it has. But I never thought that I would meet such wonderful people who would become such good friends to me.
Julie, Jan, Anna, Anita, Mary, everyone, thank you for your friendship.
Although ‘Thank you’ just doesn’t seem like enough.
***
I just don’t quite know what exactly I did this summer to put me in this position. It’s no one else’s fault but mine.
We’re not ready for this week. We’re not prepared to go to the end of the year.
I’m always fixated on the mistakes I’ve made in the past, even though I know I should let them go…God’s already forgotten them. Now I have another mistake to add to the list.
I’ve dropped the ball.
I’m feeling…frantic. I have to go figure out how to climb myself out of a hole, and in the meantime present a calm front to my daughter, which I haven’t been very successful in doing lately. I wish there were more than me.
I’m sure I’ll figure things out. I hope it gets done sooner than later. I wish I could skip this process and already be There, over There, having jumped over this point to the next point where I don’t feel like such a failure.
More half full later, I hope…
Sunday, August 15, 2004
Saturday, August 14, 2004
How to spend $100 in one day...
Went to the used bookstore today…with $10 credit…and made the mistake of taking my daughter with me…she picked out more books that I did! I ended up using my credit, and then I had to whip out the debit card.
Spent at bookstore: $23
Then went to Chuck E Cheese…kind of a last weekend before school thing…so she could play games in search of tickets and I could balance my checkbook before we went to the movies (though all I really did was read one of my new books!). We also decided to eat lunch there.
Spent at Chuck E Cheese: $40
Then went to the movies, to see "Princess Diaries 2", which bears hardly any resemblance to the books but was still a good movie. Julie Andrews sings in this one! Of course, to enjoy the movie, we didn’t need just Julie Andrews, we also had to have popcorn (me), and Gummi Bears (my daughter)…
Spent at the movies: $31
And then, after the movie, we stopped back at Chuck E Cheese to get our picture taken, because we didn’t have time to do it before the movie. Of course, once we got there, more money went to "just a few more games". I actually did balance my checkbook the second time we went there, which is when I realized just how much money I had spent today…
Spent at Chuck E Cheese (2nd time): $6
(gulp)
Wasn’t I supposed to make my car payment this week? Oh well…
We had a really nice day. We went out to eat that evening, and by then my boyfriend was done with all his exciting mowing and weed-eating so he could join us, and I no longer had to worry about all the money that was flying away, and we came home to watch the Olympics (that part, at least, was free)…
And you know,
Being one-on-one with your daughter the last weekend before school?: PRICELESS
Patrick's Six...
Patrick's Saturday Six, not quite on Saturday, but it's not REALLY Sunday until after you wake up, so...
1. So no one likes that "Favorite Gadgets" question on AOL's Member Profiles. What would you replace it with?
I never thought about the Favorite Gadgets thing, I just always skipped over it! Hmm…hmm…(three minutes later)…I’m not creative, AT ALL. I can’t think of a thing, so I’ll go with the first thing I see right now and say, "Favorite DVD box set?"
2. How many credit cards do you have at the moment, and of those, how many do you use regularly? I have no credit cards, I learned my lesson during my first year of college! Debit card only for me…
3. It's your chance to "Come on Down!" You decide to be on a game show. Which show do you think you'd win the most on: "The Price is Right," "Match Game," "Jeopardy," "Wheel of Fortune," "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" or "Pictionary?" Jeopardy, provided I can figure out the math part of Final Jeopardy…How DO these people know how to win by $1?
4. A past edition of the "Saturday Six" asked you to list how many states you'd visited. This time around, in the spirit of the "Parade of Nations" in the Olympics, it's time to list any foreign countries you've set foot in. Germany, England, France, Belgium, Netherlands, Austria (mostly courtesy of the US Army, when my dad was stationed over there and took us with him…)
5. READER'S CHOICE QUESTION #16 from Tara: What's the significance of your AOL screenname? M and R are my first and middle initials, C and C are my daughter’s first and middle initials, and GOODY is a variation of my last name. Very easy!
6. READER'S CHOICE QUESTION #17 from Nettie: Did you ever have a "true love" that got away...and have you always regretted it?Yes, and no…there was nothing I could do about my love that went away, and I don’t regret it because I’m very happy with my love today.
Wednesday, August 11, 2004
Who's left?
When I was fourteen years old, I was gawky and geeky...braces, glasses, bad haircut, silly manner...
My brother was nineteen and would bring his hoodlum friends home with him all the time. I hated it! Mostly because I would have to go to my room to get away from them...also because they were "older men" and I was usually lounging around at my unflattering best when they came in, and all I really wanted to do was impress them.
It was in this gawky period that I first met D, one of my brother's best friends. To me, he seemed strange, always making odd comments...and no way did I have a crush on him, because he was shorter than me! There ARE rules, you know...
When I was sixteen, I was out of the gawky stage and also (mostly) out of the geeky stage. This was the era of my group of friends going to EVERY concert that came into town, and playing pool in EVERY seedy bar in the South End, courtesy of my brother who got me into places I would never have been allowed to otherwise due to my overprotective mom.
At this point in time, my brother's friends, including D, became pawns in a matchmaking game with MY friends. The same group of us went to all the concerts and pool halls together. There was still no interest between D and me. For me, he had that whole weird comments thing, and also the short thing. For him, it was the whole my brother is an overprotective maniac thing, and also the tall thing.
I tried to set him up with one of my short friends. Luckily, that fell through.
When I was eighteen, I was sufficiently old enough and so, unbeknownst to me until years later, D nervously asked my brother if I was dating anyone.
By this time, of course, not only did I have a boyfriend, but I was also pregnant...definitely off limits!
The next four years were a rollercoaster for me. I had a full plate of trying to raise a toddler while working and going to college. I went through about four or five boyfriends during that time...not my finest hour now that I look back at it. I didn't know what I was doing.
During that period of time, D was an acquaintance who still hung out with my brother. Still weird...but oddly enough, I didn't have the aversion to him that I used to have. It probably had something to do with the fact that he always played with my daughter when he saw her...
I first got the inkling of something more than acquaintanceship during the reception of my brother's first (very brief) wedding. I had stationed myself against the wall and out of the way, as usual. My daughter (then about two or three years old) was having a ball on the dance floor, and I was content to watch her. D made a point to come and stand beside me several times during the day...it still didn't really mean anything to me until one of my brother's other friends came by and asked if I was still dating the kickboxer (boyfriend #4, I think)...I said no, and he said, D will be happy to hear that.
Being me, I was still kind of clueless. What did he mean? It took days for me to come to a conclusion...
And then, still, nothing happened with me and D, for at least another year...until another wedding, more hanging around me during the whole reception. By this time, I was interested. It had only taken me eight years to come around to this. But would he ever make a move?
(it's been the story of my life ever since...)
Finally, my brother called me one day, MONTHS later, and wanted to know if it was okay to give D my phone number.
Well, duh!
And that is how, nine years after we first met, D and I became a couple...he called me up, asked me out, we fell in love...and now, after eight years together, I don't know what I'd do without him. He's my best friend. I would never have thought, at fourteen years old, that when I was twenty-three years old we would start dating, and that when I was thirty-one years old we'd still be together.
Things are not perfect, of course...there's still some trust issues (mine), and some frustration (mine), and some extreme slowness to the point of moving backward (his).
He still makes weird comments, sometimes...I look forward to hearing them now...
And, on an up note, I think we're almost past the too short/too tall thing!
My brother was nineteen and would bring his hoodlum friends home with him all the time. I hated it! Mostly because I would have to go to my room to get away from them...also because they were "older men" and I was usually lounging around at my unflattering best when they came in, and all I really wanted to do was impress them.
It was in this gawky period that I first met D, one of my brother's best friends. To me, he seemed strange, always making odd comments...and no way did I have a crush on him, because he was shorter than me! There ARE rules, you know...
When I was sixteen, I was out of the gawky stage and also (mostly) out of the geeky stage. This was the era of my group of friends going to EVERY concert that came into town, and playing pool in EVERY seedy bar in the South End, courtesy of my brother who got me into places I would never have been allowed to otherwise due to my overprotective mom.
At this point in time, my brother's friends, including D, became pawns in a matchmaking game with MY friends. The same group of us went to all the concerts and pool halls together. There was still no interest between D and me. For me, he had that whole weird comments thing, and also the short thing. For him, it was the whole my brother is an overprotective maniac thing, and also the tall thing.
I tried to set him up with one of my short friends. Luckily, that fell through.
When I was eighteen, I was sufficiently old enough and so, unbeknownst to me until years later, D nervously asked my brother if I was dating anyone.
By this time, of course, not only did I have a boyfriend, but I was also pregnant...definitely off limits!
The next four years were a rollercoaster for me. I had a full plate of trying to raise a toddler while working and going to college. I went through about four or five boyfriends during that time...not my finest hour now that I look back at it. I didn't know what I was doing.
During that period of time, D was an acquaintance who still hung out with my brother. Still weird...but oddly enough, I didn't have the aversion to him that I used to have. It probably had something to do with the fact that he always played with my daughter when he saw her...
I first got the inkling of something more than acquaintanceship during the reception of my brother's first (very brief) wedding. I had stationed myself against the wall and out of the way, as usual. My daughter (then about two or three years old) was having a ball on the dance floor, and I was content to watch her. D made a point to come and stand beside me several times during the day...it still didn't really mean anything to me until one of my brother's other friends came by and asked if I was still dating the kickboxer (boyfriend #4, I think)...I said no, and he said, D will be happy to hear that.
Being me, I was still kind of clueless. What did he mean? It took days for me to come to a conclusion...
And then, still, nothing happened with me and D, for at least another year...until another wedding, more hanging around me during the whole reception. By this time, I was interested. It had only taken me eight years to come around to this. But would he ever make a move?
(it's been the story of my life ever since...)
Finally, my brother called me one day, MONTHS later, and wanted to know if it was okay to give D my phone number.
Well, duh!
And that is how, nine years after we first met, D and I became a couple...he called me up, asked me out, we fell in love...and now, after eight years together, I don't know what I'd do without him. He's my best friend. I would never have thought, at fourteen years old, that when I was twenty-three years old we would start dating, and that when I was thirty-one years old we'd still be together.
Things are not perfect, of course...there's still some trust issues (mine), and some frustration (mine), and some extreme slowness to the point of moving backward (his).
He still makes weird comments, sometimes...I look forward to hearing them now...
And, on an up note, I think we're almost past the too short/too tall thing!
Tuesday, August 10, 2004
Subjects are akin to sound bites...
It's been a long time since I did one of these, and I really liked this one, so I borrowed this from Anna's journal...
1. WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR KITCHEN PLATES? Some white plates...some Disney plates.
2. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING? I'm reading several right now...In my bag to take to work, I've got Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman (which I'm re-reading), and The Hotel Riviera by Elizabeth Adler. I sometimes take three or four different books to work...it all depends on my mood as to which book I'm going to read.
3. WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? Three wolves , mountains, forest, a crescent moon, and a full earth.
4. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE BOARD GAME? Trivial Pursuit!
5. FAVORITE MAGAZINE? Entertainment Weekly. (I'm on the shallow side...) I also like Outside, I'm always stealing that from work and the Y.
6. FAVORITE SMELL? Chocolate
7. LEAST FAVORITE SMELL? Cabbage. And broccoli and cheese.
8. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING? The first thing that I think of is when I can go back to sleep.
9. LEAST FAVORITE COLOR? I like all colors.
10. HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE? I never answer the phone. I talk on it all day at work. I'd be happy to never see another phone.
11. FUTURE CHILD'S NAME? I would love another child. For a long time, I would think about names...But not lately.
Okay, I would say John for a boy, after my brother and my grandfather...For a girl, I don't know, I already used up the perfect one for my daughter.
12. WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT IN LIFE? I can't answer the question right now. I know what it should be, and what I want it to be, and what it actually is to me. Three different things...which is the right answer?
13. FAVORITE SOUND? My daughter, humming as she does with nearly everything, and she doesn't even realize she's doing it...
14. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA? Chocolate chocolate chocolate.
15. DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL? Sometimes. :)
16. STORMS: COOL OR SCARY? Cool. And scary.
17. WHAT TYPE WAS YOUR FIRST CAR? 1985 Dodge Omni
18. IF YOU COULD MEET ONE PERSON DEAD OR ALIVE? I would like to meet my great-grandfather. My grandma and her sisters still talk about their "Daddy" with such love...
19. WHAT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY? February 7
20. DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI? I don't eat vegetables. Or fruit. So I think the answer to this one would be "no".
21. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB WHAT WOULD IT BE? This is alway such a tricky question. Because the next thing you would say is, you know what, you CAN have any job. What's stopping you?
Why am I working at a job I don't really like? It's okay, but certainly now what I ever dreamed about.
The job I would really like would be to work as a researcher.
22. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY COLOR HAIR, WHAT WOULD IT BE? I kind of like my own hair color. Except for those pesky gray hairs that keep showing up.
23. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE? Yes.
24. IS THE GLASS HALF FULL OR HALF EMPTY? There is no glass.
25. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE MOVIES? I'm a movie junky. I can't choose! Okay, okay...Apollo13, Return To Me, It's a Wonderful Life, Casablanca, Wizard of Oz, The Truth About Cats and Dogs, High Fidelity, The Thomas Crown Affair, The Matrix...I have no idea, really, I'm cheating and looking at my DVD shelf.
26. DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS? Yes.
27. WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED? Dust.
28. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER? In the tradition of Douglas Adams fans everywhere, I'll have to say 42.
29. WHAT IS YOUR SINGLE BIGGEST FEAR? Something bad happening to my daughter. And tornadoes.
30. SAY ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU. Since I found this in Anna's journal...she is a wonderful friend, a wonderful mother, and someone whom I admire very much in her commitment to building up and helping other people.
31. FAVORITE CD? I have several. I can't pick! I really can't pick this one.
Okay, I guess I lied, I'll have to take this opportunity to say that Metallica's 'Ride the Lightning' is the best album ever, so it would probably be my favorite CD.
32. FAVORITE TV SHOWS? All Star Trek. Star Trek Star Trek Star Trek. Buffy. Angel. Dawson's Creek. My So-Called Life. (All my favorites seem to be off the air, but still going strong on DVD...) Survivor. Big Brother. I just discovered The Amazing Race in the last couple weeks, it's really good, I don't know if it's one of my favorites, but it and Big Brother are the only things I'm actively watching that's on the air right now.
33. HAMBURGERS OR HOT DOGS? Neither. I'll take chicken, please.
34. FAVORITE SOFT DRINK? Diet Pepsi!
35. THE BEST PLACE YOU HAVE EVER BEEN? Hard to choose...for me I guess it's a toss-up between the Austrian Alps, and Wyoming.
36. SCREEN SAVER ON YOUR COMPUTER RIGHT NOW? SETI
37. CATS OR DOGS? Dogs
38. WHITE HOLIDAY LIGHTS OR MULTI COLORED? I like white lights on my tree, which reflect off all my red and yellow ornaments. For houses, I love to see the multi-colored lights.
Editor's note: Life just goes along swimmingly until your stupid computer messes up. If the font doesn't work this time, my computer and I are going to have a long, serious talk...
1. WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR KITCHEN PLATES? Some white plates...some Disney plates.
2. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING? I'm reading several right now...In my bag to take to work, I've got Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman (which I'm re-reading), and The Hotel Riviera by Elizabeth Adler. I sometimes take three or four different books to work...it all depends on my mood as to which book I'm going to read.
3. WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? Three wolves , mountains, forest, a crescent moon, and a full earth.
4. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE BOARD GAME? Trivial Pursuit!
5. FAVORITE MAGAZINE? Entertainment Weekly. (I'm on the shallow side...) I also like Outside, I'm always stealing that from work and the Y.
6. FAVORITE SMELL? Chocolate
7. LEAST FAVORITE SMELL? Cabbage. And broccoli and cheese.
8. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING? The first thing that I think of is when I can go back to sleep.
9. LEAST FAVORITE COLOR? I like all colors.
10. HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE? I never answer the phone. I talk on it all day at work. I'd be happy to never see another phone.
11. FUTURE CHILD'S NAME? I would love another child. For a long time, I would think about names...But not lately.
Okay, I would say John for a boy, after my brother and my grandfather...For a girl, I don't know, I already used up the perfect one for my daughter.
12. WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT IN LIFE? I can't answer the question right now. I know what it should be, and what I want it to be, and what it actually is to me. Three different things...which is the right answer?
13. FAVORITE SOUND? My daughter, humming as she does with nearly everything, and she doesn't even realize she's doing it...
14. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA? Chocolate chocolate chocolate.
15. DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL? Sometimes. :)
16. STORMS: COOL OR SCARY? Cool. And scary.
17. WHAT TYPE WAS YOUR FIRST CAR? 1985 Dodge Omni
18. IF YOU COULD MEET ONE PERSON DEAD OR ALIVE? I would like to meet my great-grandfather. My grandma and her sisters still talk about their "Daddy" with such love...
19. WHAT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY? February 7
20. DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI? I don't eat vegetables. Or fruit. So I think the answer to this one would be "no".
21. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB WHAT WOULD IT BE? This is alway such a tricky question. Because the next thing you would say is, you know what, you CAN have any job. What's stopping you?
Why am I working at a job I don't really like? It's okay, but certainly now what I ever dreamed about.
The job I would really like would be to work as a researcher.
22. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY COLOR HAIR, WHAT WOULD IT BE? I kind of like my own hair color. Except for those pesky gray hairs that keep showing up.
23. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE? Yes.
24. IS THE GLASS HALF FULL OR HALF EMPTY? There is no glass.
25. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE MOVIES? I'm a movie junky. I can't choose! Okay, okay...Apollo13, Return To Me, It's a Wonderful Life, Casablanca, Wizard of Oz, The Truth About Cats and Dogs, High Fidelity, The Thomas Crown Affair, The Matrix...I have no idea, really, I'm cheating and looking at my DVD shelf.
26. DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS? Yes.
27. WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED? Dust.
28. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER? In the tradition of Douglas Adams fans everywhere, I'll have to say 42.
29. WHAT IS YOUR SINGLE BIGGEST FEAR? Something bad happening to my daughter. And tornadoes.
30. SAY ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU. Since I found this in Anna's journal...she is a wonderful friend, a wonderful mother, and someone whom I admire very much in her commitment to building up and helping other people.
31. FAVORITE CD? I have several. I can't pick! I really can't pick this one.
Okay, I guess I lied, I'll have to take this opportunity to say that Metallica's 'Ride the Lightning' is the best album ever, so it would probably be my favorite CD.
32. FAVORITE TV SHOWS? All Star Trek. Star Trek Star Trek Star Trek. Buffy. Angel. Dawson's Creek. My So-Called Life. (All my favorites seem to be off the air, but still going strong on DVD...) Survivor. Big Brother. I just discovered The Amazing Race in the last couple weeks, it's really good, I don't know if it's one of my favorites, but it and Big Brother are the only things I'm actively watching that's on the air right now.
33. HAMBURGERS OR HOT DOGS? Neither. I'll take chicken, please.
34. FAVORITE SOFT DRINK? Diet Pepsi!
35. THE BEST PLACE YOU HAVE EVER BEEN? Hard to choose...for me I guess it's a toss-up between the Austrian Alps, and Wyoming.
36. SCREEN SAVER ON YOUR COMPUTER RIGHT NOW? SETI
37. CATS OR DOGS? Dogs
38. WHITE HOLIDAY LIGHTS OR MULTI COLORED? I like white lights on my tree, which reflect off all my red and yellow ornaments. For houses, I love to see the multi-colored lights.
Editor's note: Life just goes along swimmingly until your stupid computer messes up. If the font doesn't work this time, my computer and I are going to have a long, serious talk...
Monday, August 9, 2004
Is your bed your buddy?
My bed is where I want to be, all the time. Specifically, in bed, under the covers. I think about it at work, when I'm driving, even when I'm at home sitting in front of the computer.
It's my safe place.
I wonder why it's my safe place? It's not like it's the place where I spend the most time. It's not a place where I've spent my happiest moments. But it's where I want to be. And it's only MY bed that's my safe place. Beds in hotels are not my safe place. When you're out of town and staying in hotels for days, what's the foremost thought on your mind? Getting home to your own bed...
I wonder what my daughter's safe place is. She hates her bed and has taken to sleeping on the couch until I buy her a new mattress (she says her old mattress is lumpy). I don't think the couch is her safe place! I'll have to ask her, because now I'm really curious...
All I know is that whenever things are going bad, or if I need to hide away from things, or if, like today, I get home from the dentist numb and shaky, it's my bed that I go to. Maybe the attachment has something to do with vulnerability and sleep, but regardless, my bed is my friend.
Going there now...
It's my safe place.
I wonder why it's my safe place? It's not like it's the place where I spend the most time. It's not a place where I've spent my happiest moments. But it's where I want to be. And it's only MY bed that's my safe place. Beds in hotels are not my safe place. When you're out of town and staying in hotels for days, what's the foremost thought on your mind? Getting home to your own bed...
I wonder what my daughter's safe place is. She hates her bed and has taken to sleeping on the couch until I buy her a new mattress (she says her old mattress is lumpy). I don't think the couch is her safe place! I'll have to ask her, because now I'm really curious...
All I know is that whenever things are going bad, or if I need to hide away from things, or if, like today, I get home from the dentist numb and shaky, it's my bed that I go to. Maybe the attachment has something to do with vulnerability and sleep, but regardless, my bed is my friend.
Going there now...
Oh no, it's the depressed dental patient...
My dentist's office KNOWS that I need nitrous any time I'm there.
Today, when I went to get my cavity filled, the assistant acted all surprised when I asked her where my nitrous was. "Oh. I didn't realize you needed it every time. We don't have a room available right now that has nitrous. Do you want to reschedule?"
This is when I should have said, "Yes", but instead, thinking of the fact that I left work early for about the hundredth time this year and it's gotten kind of out of hand, I muttered, "No, that's okay"...
So I put on my dark glasses and my headphones and tried really hard to be cool and calm. And then she started numbing me with Novocaine and it was so painful, and then she kept moving my head around, and there was vibration and water and pressure...
Until she suddenly stopped, took my glasses off and headphones off and said, "Michelle, when I ask you if you're okay, I really need to hear a true answer. I shouldn't have to wait to see your cheeks wet and realize that you're crying before I realize something's wrong."
Yes, that was me in the dental chair, crying and shaking. But they were very silent tears, I didn't think she'd notice with the dark glasses on.
She went on to say that she didn't want me to leave thinking about what a horrible experience this had been...and I know I immediately assumed a guilty look on my face because that is EXACTLY what I had been thinking.
So, she handed me tissues, waited for me to stop crying, assured me that it was almost over. I put my headphones back on and tried to lose myself in the music. It was rough, but I managed to stay until it was all over.
Now I have to go back next week to repair the cavity on the other side.
I'm pretty sure that next week they will have a nitrous room waiting for me!
Today, when I went to get my cavity filled, the assistant acted all surprised when I asked her where my nitrous was. "Oh. I didn't realize you needed it every time. We don't have a room available right now that has nitrous. Do you want to reschedule?"
This is when I should have said, "Yes", but instead, thinking of the fact that I left work early for about the hundredth time this year and it's gotten kind of out of hand, I muttered, "No, that's okay"...
So I put on my dark glasses and my headphones and tried really hard to be cool and calm. And then she started numbing me with Novocaine and it was so painful, and then she kept moving my head around, and there was vibration and water and pressure...
Until she suddenly stopped, took my glasses off and headphones off and said, "Michelle, when I ask you if you're okay, I really need to hear a true answer. I shouldn't have to wait to see your cheeks wet and realize that you're crying before I realize something's wrong."
Yes, that was me in the dental chair, crying and shaking. But they were very silent tears, I didn't think she'd notice with the dark glasses on.
She went on to say that she didn't want me to leave thinking about what a horrible experience this had been...and I know I immediately assumed a guilty look on my face because that is EXACTLY what I had been thinking.
So, she handed me tissues, waited for me to stop crying, assured me that it was almost over. I put my headphones back on and tried to lose myself in the music. It was rough, but I managed to stay until it was all over.
Now I have to go back next week to repair the cavity on the other side.
I'm pretty sure that next week they will have a nitrous room waiting for me!
Sunday, August 8, 2004
Why should I compartmentalize?
I feel like it's been years since I've been able to write in this thing, of sound mind (I'm not really of sound body right now).
That elusive creature, sleep, finally caught up with me Saturday night, and all day Sunday. That foggy, frantic feeling is gone, for now!
The late weekday nights, culminating in Thursday night's Metallica lovefest, extended into Friday as I had to get things ready for my daughter's volleyball yard sale fundraiser on Saturday. Up again, at 4 a.m. Saturday...at the yard sale all day...sunburned face.
Also, an injury - during cleanup time, one of the moms suggested that the last two tables on the far side of the parking lot could be retrieved and carried by three of us.
WRONG! Three girls, carrying two tables at once? WRONG!
My back is killing me now. pain pain pain. But the good thing is, I've been so uncomfortable all I've done is lay down, and I've actually gotten lots of sleep as a result. Which is why I'm up now, still very uncomfortable but AWAKE, it feels like for the first time in a long time.
I have located my position, now that I'm alert...I'm in a valley. And I didn't make those phone calls this week. I didn't pay the bills. I didn't do any of the important things I was supposed to take care of. Except that I did manage to go to work every day, get my daughter to volleyball practice, do the laundry and the dishes, and I bought my daughter's new clothes for school. All with a dark cloud hanging over my head that I can't get rid of...I feel like Eeyore.
I'm going to take some more Advil now, and try to do some things.
For a good news update, my dear friends have pictures posted on their website of their beautiful baby, Mackenzie. They need our thoughts and prayers as they prepare for their journey to China to bring Mackenzie home!
That elusive creature, sleep, finally caught up with me Saturday night, and all day Sunday. That foggy, frantic feeling is gone, for now!
The late weekday nights, culminating in Thursday night's Metallica lovefest, extended into Friday as I had to get things ready for my daughter's volleyball yard sale fundraiser on Saturday. Up again, at 4 a.m. Saturday...at the yard sale all day...sunburned face.
Also, an injury - during cleanup time, one of the moms suggested that the last two tables on the far side of the parking lot could be retrieved and carried by three of us.
WRONG! Three girls, carrying two tables at once? WRONG!
My back is killing me now. pain pain pain. But the good thing is, I've been so uncomfortable all I've done is lay down, and I've actually gotten lots of sleep as a result. Which is why I'm up now, still very uncomfortable but AWAKE, it feels like for the first time in a long time.
I have located my position, now that I'm alert...I'm in a valley. And I didn't make those phone calls this week. I didn't pay the bills. I didn't do any of the important things I was supposed to take care of. Except that I did manage to go to work every day, get my daughter to volleyball practice, do the laundry and the dishes, and I bought my daughter's new clothes for school. All with a dark cloud hanging over my head that I can't get rid of...I feel like Eeyore.
I'm going to take some more Advil now, and try to do some things.
For a good news update, my dear friends have pictures posted on their website of their beautiful baby, Mackenzie. They need our thoughts and prayers as they prepare for their journey to China to bring Mackenzie home!
Friday, August 6, 2004
Metallica highs
The movie was wonderful! And it kind of highlighted the feeling that I've always had, that Kirk Hammett is an angel of lightness and truth surrounded by two angry men!
But no, it's really more than that, definitely worth watching...it seemed kind of long, but I think that's because we were both conscious of the fact that we have to get up in a couple of hours to go to work!
Okay, it's 3:12 a.m. ... I have to get up at 6:58 a.m. ... Tomorrow I work ... then my daughter's softball game ... then get ready for her volleyball fundraiser yard sale Saturday ... have to be at the yard sale Saturday morning 6:30 a.m. ... When do I get to sleep?
Oh, right now, I guess!
But no, it's really more than that, definitely worth watching...it seemed kind of long, but I think that's because we were both conscious of the fact that we have to get up in a couple of hours to go to work!
Okay, it's 3:12 a.m. ... I have to get up at 6:58 a.m. ... Tomorrow I work ... then my daughter's softball game ... then get ready for her volleyball fundraiser yard sale Saturday ... have to be at the yard sale Saturday morning 6:30 a.m. ... When do I get to sleep?
Oh, right now, I guess!
Wednesday, August 4, 2004
Not quite yet
I was going to try to go to bed early tonight because I'd be out late tomorrow...didn't work...
I was at work yesterday, standing by the printer waiting for my stuff, when one of the managers came up and stood beside me, waiting for her stuff...I could feel her studying me. You know how it is when you can feel people studying you? Usually something bad comes after it. I thought it might be about what I was wearing...I usually come right to the edge of 'business professional' dress with my black pants, black shirts, and black Skechers...
But instead, it was my hair. She wanted to know if I was just never going to get it cut again.
What? All I could do was stare at her. Then she asked me if I had ever had it short. What? (answer: yes). And THEN she asked me if I was part of that religion where the women weren't allowed to cut their hair. WHAT? (incidentally, answer: no).
Okay.
It bothered me all night long. I thought it was kind of...rude? Wasn't that rude? Why is she asking me judgmental questions about my hair, in such a manner as to make me feel VERY self-conscious about it?
But now that I've talked about it, I'm over it now. I think. Hopefully.
Some wonderful news today: Two dear friends of mine are adopting a beautiful baby girl from China...it's been almost a year since they started the proceedings...and they FINALLY got their referral and a picture of their daughter today. With that came the news that they will definitely be able to go to China and get her next month! This was wonderful news for everybody, we've waited a long time and now she's almost here...
Life is good and it's REAL and I want to hold on to that...
I was at work yesterday, standing by the printer waiting for my stuff, when one of the managers came up and stood beside me, waiting for her stuff...I could feel her studying me. You know how it is when you can feel people studying you? Usually something bad comes after it. I thought it might be about what I was wearing...I usually come right to the edge of 'business professional' dress with my black pants, black shirts, and black Skechers...
But instead, it was my hair. She wanted to know if I was just never going to get it cut again.
What? All I could do was stare at her. Then she asked me if I had ever had it short. What? (answer: yes). And THEN she asked me if I was part of that religion where the women weren't allowed to cut their hair. WHAT? (incidentally, answer: no).
Okay.
It bothered me all night long. I thought it was kind of...rude? Wasn't that rude? Why is she asking me judgmental questions about my hair, in such a manner as to make me feel VERY self-conscious about it?
But now that I've talked about it, I'm over it now. I think. Hopefully.
Some wonderful news today: Two dear friends of mine are adopting a beautiful baby girl from China...it's been almost a year since they started the proceedings...and they FINALLY got their referral and a picture of their daughter today. With that came the news that they will definitely be able to go to China and get her next month! This was wonderful news for everybody, we've waited a long time and now she's almost here...
Life is good and it's REAL and I want to hold on to that...
Monday, August 2, 2004
Time to think...
Two entries in one night! I'm feeling very prolific, and I also may even go to bed (relatively) early tonight...
I finished reading Let's Roll by Lisa Beamer...it was so good. I didn't expect it to affect me so much. I was determined to go to the Y tonight because I've been slacking, and I also couldn't put down this book. Finally, I left my house, and drove all way to the Y, reading the book as I drove (which is a very dangerous thing, especially for me, and I'm very ashamed), and then sitting in the Y parking lot, reading it until it was finished.
It was a book that really made me think, and it was fortuitous that I followed it up with 75 minutes of working out, where all you have to do is think!
It made me think, and it made me ask myself questions, and it reminded me of how extraordinary ordinary people can be.
I finished reading Let's Roll by Lisa Beamer...it was so good. I didn't expect it to affect me so much. I was determined to go to the Y tonight because I've been slacking, and I also couldn't put down this book. Finally, I left my house, and drove all way to the Y, reading the book as I drove (which is a very dangerous thing, especially for me, and I'm very ashamed), and then sitting in the Y parking lot, reading it until it was finished.
It was a book that really made me think, and it was fortuitous that I followed it up with 75 minutes of working out, where all you have to do is think!
It made me think, and it made me ask myself questions, and it reminded me of how extraordinary ordinary people can be.
Happy days are here again...
When my daughter was born, I put aside most of the music I liked to listen to...I didn't particularly want my child growing up listening to it...I don't know if that was hypocritical of me? I don't think so...there's a difference between forming your musical tastes in your teenage years, and being five years old and spouting off some bad words and phrases that you heard in your parent's music!
So my Metallica tapes got put up, for the most part. I had to listen to them covertly...it's hard to be covert with an active child around!
But even with the hypocrisy and the being quite old now (31) and the sporadic covert listening and with the differences in opinion on music downloads between Lars and me, I'm still the huge Metallica fan that I was back when we were young teens in scruffy jeans and black concert shirts and long curly hair, a fan even before they became huge, going on 20 years of adoration now...
So when this new documentary was released, I was so excited! I don't care if I'm old! I have to go see it! I scoured my newspaper's movie listings and it wasn't in there. I went online to look for it and it wasn't in there. I tracked it for 200 miles either way and still, no movie. Finally I realized it was only playing in Los Angeles and New York. For at least three or four weeks I've been monitoring its progress toward the middle...
So today, I got in the car and drove to work, changing the station from the Christian station my daughter listens to exclusively (yes, our roles are reversed in this case, my 12-year old always lectures me on the evils of rock and roll) and scanning for a good song, any good song...stopped it on a Metallica song...went in to work...left a little after noon to go to the bank, back in the car...and I heard this DJ say, 15th caller gets free passes to see Metallica: Some Kind of Monster at the Louisville premier, midnight Thursday...
I stopped the car in the middle of the bank parking lot. The movie's coming! It's finally coming! Then for some reason I grabbed my cell phone, called the station, was the 15th caller, and now I have to go see it at midnight, which really wasn't my first choice, and my boyfriend is especially mad atme because he's MUCH older than me (36) and is already complaining about how much his old body is going to feel the sleep he's going to miss out on because he HAS to go with me.
But of course I'm going...it's like fate or something. Even though I'm sure I'll be the oldest person there. (after my boyfriend, of course!)
(p.s. There's nothing wrong with the Christian station! I love the Christian station! But I am well-rounded and listen to other things too. I'm enjoying my daughter's exclusivity while I can, I wonder how much longer it will last...the upcoming years are so scary to think about!)
So my Metallica tapes got put up, for the most part. I had to listen to them covertly...it's hard to be covert with an active child around!
But even with the hypocrisy and the being quite old now (31) and the sporadic covert listening and with the differences in opinion on music downloads between Lars and me, I'm still the huge Metallica fan that I was back when we were young teens in scruffy jeans and black concert shirts and long curly hair, a fan even before they became huge, going on 20 years of adoration now...
So when this new documentary was released, I was so excited! I don't care if I'm old! I have to go see it! I scoured my newspaper's movie listings and it wasn't in there. I went online to look for it and it wasn't in there. I tracked it for 200 miles either way and still, no movie. Finally I realized it was only playing in Los Angeles and New York. For at least three or four weeks I've been monitoring its progress toward the middle...
So today, I got in the car and drove to work, changing the station from the Christian station my daughter listens to exclusively (yes, our roles are reversed in this case, my 12-year old always lectures me on the evils of rock and roll) and scanning for a good song, any good song...stopped it on a Metallica song...went in to work...left a little after noon to go to the bank, back in the car...and I heard this DJ say, 15th caller gets free passes to see Metallica: Some Kind of Monster at the Louisville premier, midnight Thursday...
I stopped the car in the middle of the bank parking lot. The movie's coming! It's finally coming! Then for some reason I grabbed my cell phone, called the station, was the 15th caller, and now I have to go see it at midnight, which really wasn't my first choice, and my boyfriend is especially mad atme because he's MUCH older than me (36) and is already complaining about how much his old body is going to feel the sleep he's going to miss out on because he HAS to go with me.
But of course I'm going...it's like fate or something. Even though I'm sure I'll be the oldest person there. (after my boyfriend, of course!)
(p.s. There's nothing wrong with the Christian station! I love the Christian station! But I am well-rounded and listen to other things too. I'm enjoying my daughter's exclusivity while I can, I wonder how much longer it will last...the upcoming years are so scary to think about!)
Sunday, August 1, 2004
Sometimes, I wanna be Forrest Gump...
One a.m., again -
Maybe it's not ONLY the laundry.
We took my daughter to see 'A Cinderella Story' this weekend. It was great! But soon she'll be too old and won't want to see these innocently romantic and slightly cheesy pre-teen movies anymore, and I'll have to wait until they come out on video to see them. :(
My city is hopefully overcoming a shameful weekend to go on to better things...we hosted a boxing tournament Friday night starring a certain convicted rapist. Why in the world did my wonderful city want to do this? I can't understand it... Hopefully we'll go on from it and continue to become renowned as a city of the arts, and as the hometown of "The Greatest" and most wonderful Muhammed Ali, and that other boxer will be forgotten...
I need to make some phone calls this week to some doctors, I'm working up to it...
Sometimes, lately, I just have this urge to put on my running shoes and run out the door, and, like Forrest Gump, just keep on runnin'. Wouldn't it be great to be able to do that?
Maybe it's not ONLY the laundry.
We took my daughter to see 'A Cinderella Story' this weekend. It was great! But soon she'll be too old and won't want to see these innocently romantic and slightly cheesy pre-teen movies anymore, and I'll have to wait until they come out on video to see them. :(
My city is hopefully overcoming a shameful weekend to go on to better things...we hosted a boxing tournament Friday night starring a certain convicted rapist. Why in the world did my wonderful city want to do this? I can't understand it... Hopefully we'll go on from it and continue to become renowned as a city of the arts, and as the hometown of "The Greatest" and most wonderful Muhammed Ali, and that other boxer will be forgotten...
I need to make some phone calls this week to some doctors, I'm working up to it...
Sometimes, lately, I just have this urge to put on my running shoes and run out the door, and, like Forrest Gump, just keep on runnin'. Wouldn't it be great to be able to do that?
Thursday, July 29, 2004
I'm going to sleep now. Really.
No matter how late I stay up, I still have to get up at 7 a.m. It'll be earlier than that when school starts next month. Why can't I go to bed earlier?
I swear, it's the laundry.
I took my mom out to eat for her birthday today, to her favorite restaurant (Tumbleweed). She wanted to go to the one that's really far away...as my daughter and I were driving there to meet her, we figured out why...there's a bookstore in the same shopping center, to which Mom received about $150 worth of gift certificates for at her birthday party Saturday. She thought she was being slick...so my daughter and I got to the restaurant first, ordered our drinks, and as soon as Mom came in and sat down, we asked her what time the bookstore closed.
The guilty look on her face was priceless! We collapsed in laughter...
I'm so thankful for my mother, and for my daughter, and for today.
I swear, it's the laundry.
I took my mom out to eat for her birthday today, to her favorite restaurant (Tumbleweed). She wanted to go to the one that's really far away...as my daughter and I were driving there to meet her, we figured out why...there's a bookstore in the same shopping center, to which Mom received about $150 worth of gift certificates for at her birthday party Saturday. She thought she was being slick...so my daughter and I got to the restaurant first, ordered our drinks, and as soon as Mom came in and sat down, we asked her what time the bookstore closed.
The guilty look on her face was priceless! We collapsed in laughter...
I'm so thankful for my mother, and for my daughter, and for today.
Wednesday, July 28, 2004
Don't try this at home...
Here is the perfect way to lessen your workload and alienate your customers in one fell swoop:
When I went on vacation for three days last week, I set my email at work to notify people that I would be out. I TRIED to set my voicemail to do that also...
When I got back to work, my voicemail box was full, with mostly hangups! The first clue that I had that maybe something went wrong was on one of the few messages I did receive, when my customer specifically said that there was no greeting so she hoped I would get her message.
Hmmm...
So, obviously, I don't know how to work this whole newfangled voicemail thing...when I changed my outgoing message, I apparently didn't save it, and the old one was on the other menu...so people would hear nothing but a click, and hang up.
This was a good thing, I thought, because that was fewer calls I had to return when I got back!
But apparently, everyone in the known universe tried to call me when I was out. I can't count the number of people I talked to today who complained because they couldn't reach me last week when my voicemail was messed up. It seems that I'm indispensable!
Oh well, it could only work once, anyway... :o)
When I went on vacation for three days last week, I set my email at work to notify people that I would be out. I TRIED to set my voicemail to do that also...
When I got back to work, my voicemail box was full, with mostly hangups! The first clue that I had that maybe something went wrong was on one of the few messages I did receive, when my customer specifically said that there was no greeting so she hoped I would get her message.
Hmmm...
So, obviously, I don't know how to work this whole newfangled voicemail thing...when I changed my outgoing message, I apparently didn't save it, and the old one was on the other menu...so people would hear nothing but a click, and hang up.
This was a good thing, I thought, because that was fewer calls I had to return when I got back!
But apparently, everyone in the known universe tried to call me when I was out. I can't count the number of people I talked to today who complained because they couldn't reach me last week when my voicemail was messed up. It seems that I'm indispensable!
Oh well, it could only work once, anyway... :o)
Monday, July 26, 2004
I was going to post a quiz tonight, but I just can't...maybe tomorrow...
I'm going to bed...I might get six hours of sleep if I go right now...which of course I can't do if I'm sitting here...
It's been an interesting summer so far - not quite what I expected when it first began...
Last year around this time, my daughter had surgery and was stuck at home in bed, and for those few weeks I was off work to take care of her. In spite of the hardship, we had a great time with it. We spent lots and lots of time together...I discovered the huge expense of having to change bandages every day...but eventually we grew to look forward to that daily chore, because I changed bandages every night at 10:30 p.m., and we would watch X-Men Evolution together. (I haven't seen this cartoon on lately, it was really great!) She would lay on her bed and read, and I would lay on the couch beside her and read...sometimes we would read to each other. When she got a little better and stronger, we borrowed our church's wheelchair and ventured out into the world...she eventually made a complete recovery, for which we were so thankful.
It's amazing that, sometimes, such hard times can hold such good memories.
This summer has been harder than I expected, in different ways...I'm still waiting for the perspective to come to tell me what the good things were, and are, this year...I know it's there...it'll come to me!
I'm going to bed...I might get six hours of sleep if I go right now...which of course I can't do if I'm sitting here...
It's been an interesting summer so far - not quite what I expected when it first began...
Last year around this time, my daughter had surgery and was stuck at home in bed, and for those few weeks I was off work to take care of her. In spite of the hardship, we had a great time with it. We spent lots and lots of time together...I discovered the huge expense of having to change bandages every day...but eventually we grew to look forward to that daily chore, because I changed bandages every night at 10:30 p.m., and we would watch X-Men Evolution together. (I haven't seen this cartoon on lately, it was really great!) She would lay on her bed and read, and I would lay on the couch beside her and read...sometimes we would read to each other. When she got a little better and stronger, we borrowed our church's wheelchair and ventured out into the world...she eventually made a complete recovery, for which we were so thankful.
It's amazing that, sometimes, such hard times can hold such good memories.
This summer has been harder than I expected, in different ways...I'm still waiting for the perspective to come to tell me what the good things were, and are, this year...I know it's there...it'll come to me!
Sunday, July 25, 2004
Wanted: Rest
I'm really hopeful that maybe sometime by the middle of this week I'll have some time to rest...
I fell asleep yesterday in the car in the parking lot at Meijer. I held on long enough to park, and then I fell asleep. My daughter was reading her book, and read for another five minutes before starting the, "Um, Mommy, are we going in?".
I fell asleep at my grandmother's house yesterday as we were celebrating my mom's birthday.
I fell asleep in my boyfriend's car today, in the parking lot at Cracker Barrel, of all places...he let me rest until they called our name, then he woke me up to go and eat lunch.
I fell asleep again on the couch watching "The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe" with my daughter tonight, and finally in my room a couple of hours ago, while waiting for a website to pull up.
I have to go the dentist Monday afternoon for my final root canal appointment (I'm getting the permanent crown put in), and it's a safe bet that I'll fall asleep in the dentist's chair.
I've been so tired that I've been skipping writing in my journal and catching up with others, and I hate missing out! Plus my housekeeping has gone by the wayside...
The main culprits of my sleep deprivation have been the birthday celebrating, and working on VBS (which ended officially today, to great success!), and work, and ferrying my daughter to softball AND volleyball practices AND games.
I think Thursday I don't have anything going on, I'm going to try and rest then!
Now to celebrate a successful HeroQuest, here is a look at the much-loved and coveted Bruce Lee poster:
I fell asleep yesterday in the car in the parking lot at Meijer. I held on long enough to park, and then I fell asleep. My daughter was reading her book, and read for another five minutes before starting the, "Um, Mommy, are we going in?".
I fell asleep at my grandmother's house yesterday as we were celebrating my mom's birthday.
I fell asleep in my boyfriend's car today, in the parking lot at Cracker Barrel, of all places...he let me rest until they called our name, then he woke me up to go and eat lunch.
I fell asleep again on the couch watching "The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe" with my daughter tonight, and finally in my room a couple of hours ago, while waiting for a website to pull up.
I have to go the dentist Monday afternoon for my final root canal appointment (I'm getting the permanent crown put in), and it's a safe bet that I'll fall asleep in the dentist's chair.
I've been so tired that I've been skipping writing in my journal and catching up with others, and I hate missing out! Plus my housekeeping has gone by the wayside...
The main culprits of my sleep deprivation have been the birthday celebrating, and working on VBS (which ended officially today, to great success!), and work, and ferrying my daughter to softball AND volleyball practices AND games.
I think Thursday I don't have anything going on, I'm going to try and rest then!
Now to celebrate a successful HeroQuest, here is a look at the much-loved and coveted Bruce Lee poster:
Friday, July 23, 2004
Ebullience
There is a local radio station in town that is perfect. Perfect!
They play whatever...with no regard to musical genres, or eras...
It's a high school radio station across the river! They don't have a very wide listening area...their deejays are high school students...they operate on grants, no commercials...
The song playing right now is "Bad, Bad Leroy Brown". Before that it was "Dream Weaver". I have also heard REM, The Supremes, and The Wallflowers tonight. And lots of songs that I've never heard before, but I like...
Ahhh, and now we have Journey's "Who's Crying Now"...
See? Perfect!
They play whatever...with no regard to musical genres, or eras...
It's a high school radio station across the river! They don't have a very wide listening area...their deejays are high school students...they operate on grants, no commercials...
The song playing right now is "Bad, Bad Leroy Brown". Before that it was "Dream Weaver". I have also heard REM, The Supremes, and The Wallflowers tonight. And lots of songs that I've never heard before, but I like...
Ahhh, and now we have Journey's "Who's Crying Now"...
See? Perfect!
Thursday, July 22, 2004
I want a lazy river...
Around and around we went yesterday, in the Congo River at Holiday World. My newly 12-year old daughter and I, resting up from doing lots and lots of water slides...
"Ah, this is the life...", and "Mommy, steer me away from the water mushroom", were the most we could manage for conversation...
Except for the discussion about where we would put our lazy river if we were billionaires...I said outside in the backyard...she said inside...I said this is what we would do all day, she said that if we were billionaires we would have to work sometime to make all that money...
And we went around and around...without a doubt this was our favorite moment of the day!
"Ah, this is the life...", and "Mommy, steer me away from the water mushroom", were the most we could manage for conversation...
Except for the discussion about where we would put our lazy river if we were billionaires...I said outside in the backyard...she said inside...I said this is what we would do all day, she said that if we were billionaires we would have to work sometime to make all that money...
And we went around and around...without a doubt this was our favorite moment of the day!
Monday, July 19, 2004
Feeling much better...
thanks to the wonderful comments and encouragement I've received over the past few days. I'm very behind in my journalizing, but I'll be catching up over the next couple of days, since I'm off work!
(Well, I'm off Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday...yay!)
It feels like I've dropped off the face of the earth since last week...I took Friday off to get the birthday shopping done and I was sooo sick...and Saturday (birthday party day) seemed the longest day in history:
Saturday 11 a.m.: Having dragged myself through the shower, I'm sitting at the kitchen table with a diet Pepsi and several different types of cold medicine, choosing the drug cocktail that will get me through the day...
Noon: Baking birthday cake while my cousin dropped by to bring my daughter her birthday present early...
1 p.m.: Stressing out as I realize I need to get ready for another cousin's wedding (scheduled for 2 p.m.)...
2:01 p.m.: Showing up for the wedding late, very embarrassed as my daughter and I walk into the church right in front of the wedding party...
4:00 p.m.: Wrapping presents...
4:37 p.m.: Sprinting out of the house as I remember that I was supposed to pick up the chicken from the Wal-Mart deli at 4:30 p.m....
5:15 p.m.: Still in line at the deli...
5:40 p.m.: I get to the party late, where my entire family is waiting, veeerrrryyyy grumpy and hungry. I hear lots of, "Why did you tell us the party started at 5:00? Why did we get here at 5 and you weren't even here?"...I respond with a glare to my bossy big brother, and collapse on a couch in the family room...
7 p.m.: Lying on the couch again, snickering helplessly, as the same bossy big brother accidentally takes a drink out of my cup and frantically demands some rubbing alcohol or other disinfectant to gargle with so as to get rid of my "sick germs"...
9 p.m.: My daughter has opened all her presents, and she's once again been hopelessly spoiled by my family...okay, and by me, too...but she's happy and loved and that's what's important...
11 p.m.: My daughter, my grandmother, and I, are out at the gym helping my mom decorate some more...my mom only ever wants us to help her, and no one else...she exclaims out loud at how smoothly it goes when my grandma and I help her, to which I reply (but in a nice way)..."That's because you're a control freak and we let you boss us around", and my grandma and my daughter concur...
11:40 p.m.: In the middle of the night in Fairdale, Ky., yanking up weeds (by hand!) on a long hilly church driveway...Don't ask!
Midnight: Collapsed in bed.
I did it! I made it through that day, and thank goodness my daughter's party turned out well...and the big 12 is coming up Wednesday for 'just us' to celebrate, and my nose isn't running at all anymore! (um, was that too much information?)
We can always find something to be thankful for...!
(Well, I'm off Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday...yay!)
It feels like I've dropped off the face of the earth since last week...I took Friday off to get the birthday shopping done and I was sooo sick...and Saturday (birthday party day) seemed the longest day in history:
Saturday 11 a.m.: Having dragged myself through the shower, I'm sitting at the kitchen table with a diet Pepsi and several different types of cold medicine, choosing the drug cocktail that will get me through the day...
Noon: Baking birthday cake while my cousin dropped by to bring my daughter her birthday present early...
1 p.m.: Stressing out as I realize I need to get ready for another cousin's wedding (scheduled for 2 p.m.)...
2:01 p.m.: Showing up for the wedding late, very embarrassed as my daughter and I walk into the church right in front of the wedding party...
4:00 p.m.: Wrapping presents...
4:37 p.m.: Sprinting out of the house as I remember that I was supposed to pick up the chicken from the Wal-Mart deli at 4:30 p.m....
5:15 p.m.: Still in line at the deli...
5:40 p.m.: I get to the party late, where my entire family is waiting, veeerrrryyyy grumpy and hungry. I hear lots of, "Why did you tell us the party started at 5:00? Why did we get here at 5 and you weren't even here?"...I respond with a glare to my bossy big brother, and collapse on a couch in the family room...
7 p.m.: Lying on the couch again, snickering helplessly, as the same bossy big brother accidentally takes a drink out of my cup and frantically demands some rubbing alcohol or other disinfectant to gargle with so as to get rid of my "sick germs"...
9 p.m.: My daughter has opened all her presents, and she's once again been hopelessly spoiled by my family...okay, and by me, too...but she's happy and loved and that's what's important...
11 p.m.: My daughter, my grandmother, and I, are out at the gym helping my mom decorate some more...my mom only ever wants us to help her, and no one else...she exclaims out loud at how smoothly it goes when my grandma and I help her, to which I reply (but in a nice way)..."That's because you're a control freak and we let you boss us around", and my grandma and my daughter concur...
11:40 p.m.: In the middle of the night in Fairdale, Ky., yanking up weeds (by hand!) on a long hilly church driveway...Don't ask!
Midnight: Collapsed in bed.
I did it! I made it through that day, and thank goodness my daughter's party turned out well...and the big 12 is coming up Wednesday for 'just us' to celebrate, and my nose isn't running at all anymore! (um, was that too much information?)
We can always find something to be thankful for...!
Saturday, July 17, 2004
It all comes to this...
When there's really nothing else to say:
I'm miserable with the world's worst headcold, and I'm dizzy from the cold medicine I'm taking.
I've been getting ready for my daughter's birthday party today. Her birthday's Wednesday, but since most of my family has to work on Wednesday, I'm having her party today. Then Wednesday I can have her all to myself!
I've been helping my mom decorate for 'HeroQuest' this coming week. Lots and lots of different types of 'hero' posters. The point is to stress to the kids who their hero really should be, but still...
...the Bruce Lee poster is really really cool. I'm thinking of bringing it home after VBS is over, and framing it. Just looking at it makes you want to take a Kung Fu stance and start doing jumping kicks in the air.
I'm off to bake a cake, wrap presents, etc., even though, with this cold, I really just want to lie down.
Play through the pain!
I'm miserable with the world's worst headcold, and I'm dizzy from the cold medicine I'm taking.
I've been getting ready for my daughter's birthday party today. Her birthday's Wednesday, but since most of my family has to work on Wednesday, I'm having her party today. Then Wednesday I can have her all to myself!
I've been helping my mom decorate for 'HeroQuest' this coming week. Lots and lots of different types of 'hero' posters. The point is to stress to the kids who their hero really should be, but still...
...the Bruce Lee poster is really really cool. I'm thinking of bringing it home after VBS is over, and framing it. Just looking at it makes you want to take a Kung Fu stance and start doing jumping kicks in the air.
I'm off to bake a cake, wrap presents, etc., even though, with this cold, I really just want to lie down.
Play through the pain!
Tuesday, July 13, 2004
Typhoon? Tropical Storm? I do live in Kentucky, right?
This may sound redundant, but the weather keeps happening:
My daughter's softball game was at 6:30 this evening, about 45 minutes away in another county. When it was over, we decided to go to one of our favorite restaurants down on the river for dinner. My grandparents decided to go straight home...my boyfriend didn't go to the game because he had to work late...my daughter and I had gone with my mom since I try not to drive anymore, ever (and it's a good thing I wasn't driving for this...).
We take the turn onto River Road, happily oblivious to the darkening sky, admiring the trees and the water and the houses and the boats, going on our way...
And then, the wind picks up and I see leaves and twigs flying around in the air above us. Immediately, I knew.
We kept our calm for a few seconds, kept driving, until suddenly we were in a bad remake of the movie "Twister", only we would have to replace the tornadoes with a hurricane.
The problems with driving on River Road in bad weather are:
1. The road is, amazingly enough, right next to the really, really big Ohio River.
2. It is lined with lots of trees.
3. There are no commercial businesses at which to stop for help. It's mainly private property, boat docks, and country clubs.
These things are not necessarily bad things, unless you happen to be driving along it when the worst storm in 30 years comes out of nowhere, and there you are.
The wind slammed into us at 80 miles per hour, thanks to the fact that it was coming down from Indiana and had picked up speed going across the really big river. The trees bent sideways and, I swear, the river looked like the pictures you see of beaches during hurricanes...it was blowing in waves over the docks.
The trees started falling down. Remember the movie "Twister"? We reenacted it in the car. My mom driving, me yelling "Left!", "Right!", "Tree!"...and my mom even said at one point, completely without irony and with total fear, "We have to get offthis road."
I really thought, for a while there, that we were not going to make it home. It's probably moved to the top of the list of the most terrifying things I've ever experienced. Especially because my daughter was in the car...I just knew we were going to either get crushed by a tree, or be blown off the road.
And we were just lucky, because some cars were.
When we were both completely panicked and sure we were going to die because we didn't know where to go to get away from the falling trees, I remembered to call my boyfriend, because he knows everything (well, about that area at least, since he works down there)...he directed me to the expressway, where the rain was falling in sheets and we couldn't see and the leaves and twigs were still flying through the air and everyone else on the road had pulled over under the overpasses...except us, of course, because after the terrifying experience we had on River Road, we were in complete panic, running mode.
When we finally made it home, every channel was covering the unexpected fury of this storm. The final tallies:
Hundreds and hundreds of trees down, including over 100 down on River Road itself, and over 100,000 people in the area without power, the worst outage since the F5 tornado of 1974.
All I could do when we got safely inside the house was cling to my daughter and thank God that we were alive, with the images in my head of all those falling trees that managed to miss us.
Note: It's starting to rain again and I see lightning through the window, so I guess I'll shut down for the night while I still have power.
Life tastes better, right now...
My daughter's softball game was at 6:30 this evening, about 45 minutes away in another county. When it was over, we decided to go to one of our favorite restaurants down on the river for dinner. My grandparents decided to go straight home...my boyfriend didn't go to the game because he had to work late...my daughter and I had gone with my mom since I try not to drive anymore, ever (and it's a good thing I wasn't driving for this...).
We take the turn onto River Road, happily oblivious to the darkening sky, admiring the trees and the water and the houses and the boats, going on our way...
And then, the wind picks up and I see leaves and twigs flying around in the air above us. Immediately, I knew.
We kept our calm for a few seconds, kept driving, until suddenly we were in a bad remake of the movie "Twister", only we would have to replace the tornadoes with a hurricane.
The problems with driving on River Road in bad weather are:
1. The road is, amazingly enough, right next to the really, really big Ohio River.
2. It is lined with lots of trees.
3. There are no commercial businesses at which to stop for help. It's mainly private property, boat docks, and country clubs.
These things are not necessarily bad things, unless you happen to be driving along it when the worst storm in 30 years comes out of nowhere, and there you are.
The wind slammed into us at 80 miles per hour, thanks to the fact that it was coming down from Indiana and had picked up speed going across the really big river. The trees bent sideways and, I swear, the river looked like the pictures you see of beaches during hurricanes...it was blowing in waves over the docks.
The trees started falling down. Remember the movie "Twister"? We reenacted it in the car. My mom driving, me yelling "Left!", "Right!", "Tree!"...and my mom even said at one point, completely without irony and with total fear, "We have to get offthis road."
I really thought, for a while there, that we were not going to make it home. It's probably moved to the top of the list of the most terrifying things I've ever experienced. Especially because my daughter was in the car...I just knew we were going to either get crushed by a tree, or be blown off the road.
And we were just lucky, because some cars were.
When we were both completely panicked and sure we were going to die because we didn't know where to go to get away from the falling trees, I remembered to call my boyfriend, because he knows everything (well, about that area at least, since he works down there)...he directed me to the expressway, where the rain was falling in sheets and we couldn't see and the leaves and twigs were still flying through the air and everyone else on the road had pulled over under the overpasses...except us, of course, because after the terrifying experience we had on River Road, we were in complete panic, running mode.
When we finally made it home, every channel was covering the unexpected fury of this storm. The final tallies:
Hundreds and hundreds of trees down, including over 100 down on River Road itself, and over 100,000 people in the area without power, the worst outage since the F5 tornado of 1974.
All I could do when we got safely inside the house was cling to my daughter and thank God that we were alive, with the images in my head of all those falling trees that managed to miss us.
Note: It's starting to rain again and I see lightning through the window, so I guess I'll shut down for the night while I still have power.
Life tastes better, right now...
Monday, July 12, 2004
The perfect hour...
The perfect hour is that time of the night when you've forced yourself to stay up way too late, even though your body is so tired, and your eyes don't want to stay open...
And finally, on your own terms, you turn off the light, and take off your glasses, and collapse on your bed...
And you turn over on your pillows, and cover up with your comforter (because your bedroom is nice and cold thanks to new air conditioner)...
And you think...
There, did you see it? That was the perfect hour. After you lay down, and before your mind remembers that you probably have things to worry about...there is that time when it's dark and you're resting and you can think about whatever you want, for free.
And finally, on your own terms, you turn off the light, and take off your glasses, and collapse on your bed...
And you turn over on your pillows, and cover up with your comforter (because your bedroom is nice and cold thanks to new air conditioner)...
And you think...
There, did you see it? That was the perfect hour. After you lay down, and before your mind remembers that you probably have things to worry about...there is that time when it's dark and you're resting and you can think about whatever you want, for free.
Sunday, July 11, 2004
Mad rush to finish haiku before deadline...
Weekend Assignment: HAIKU
Diet Pepsi, oh!
For breakfast in the morning-
It wakes me up so.
Whew! Obviously, a LOT of thought went into this one...
Diet Pepsi, oh!
For breakfast in the morning-
It wakes me up so.
Whew! Obviously, a LOT of thought went into this one...
Thursday, July 8, 2004
Enough!
I miss my life. Where did it go?
I miss my journal. Does it miss me?
I've had a sudden influx of being frantically busy the last few days. Why? I can't pinpoint it.
And I'm trying to format a brochure to help out my mom (remember HeroQuest?), and I DESPERATELY need a drawing of a little astronaut. I know exactly what I want, but I can't find it online. At this rate, it would have been faster to create it myself. I've been at it for hours. :(
I had another little car accident today. My rating as the world's worst driver keeps going up and up. I just get so discouraged, driving, because it's always close calls and people blowing their horns at me. The man I hit today said, "You need to be more careful, young lady." The problem is, I think I am careful. Why can't I drive like a normal person?
(I had taken my break at work to go across the street to the bank. I was backing out of my parking space when a car just flew by behind me. I heard something but I didn't even feel my car move, and I didn't realize we had collided until I finished pulling out and he was stopping at the end of the aisle. He got out and looked at his car, so I got out and asked if I had hit him. He said yes, but it was just scratched and he could rub it out. Then he threw the disparaging comment at me and got in his car and drove away.)
I didn't even think to check my car until after I got back from the bank. It's just scratched. It now nicely matches the banged up front end from my wreck a few months ago. This is a new car, mind you, even though it doesn't look like it.
Only a little over four years, and my daughter will be driving! I'm thinking it will be like having my own personal chauffeur, we'd both be safer, probably, with her behind the wheel...
I hate that I'm moving at top speed and I don't have time to think or reflect. I would slow down if only I knew what I'm doing wrong. My relationships are suffering from it. My daughter is suffering from it. I can't get rid of this URGENT feeling inside me.
Enough! Slow down! Stop!
I miss my journal. Does it miss me?
I've had a sudden influx of being frantically busy the last few days. Why? I can't pinpoint it.
And I'm trying to format a brochure to help out my mom (remember HeroQuest?), and I DESPERATELY need a drawing of a little astronaut. I know exactly what I want, but I can't find it online. At this rate, it would have been faster to create it myself. I've been at it for hours. :(
I had another little car accident today. My rating as the world's worst driver keeps going up and up. I just get so discouraged, driving, because it's always close calls and people blowing their horns at me. The man I hit today said, "You need to be more careful, young lady." The problem is, I think I am careful. Why can't I drive like a normal person?
(I had taken my break at work to go across the street to the bank. I was backing out of my parking space when a car just flew by behind me. I heard something but I didn't even feel my car move, and I didn't realize we had collided until I finished pulling out and he was stopping at the end of the aisle. He got out and looked at his car, so I got out and asked if I had hit him. He said yes, but it was just scratched and he could rub it out. Then he threw the disparaging comment at me and got in his car and drove away.)
I didn't even think to check my car until after I got back from the bank. It's just scratched. It now nicely matches the banged up front end from my wreck a few months ago. This is a new car, mind you, even though it doesn't look like it.
Only a little over four years, and my daughter will be driving! I'm thinking it will be like having my own personal chauffeur, we'd both be safer, probably, with her behind the wheel...
I hate that I'm moving at top speed and I don't have time to think or reflect. I would slow down if only I knew what I'm doing wrong. My relationships are suffering from it. My daughter is suffering from it. I can't get rid of this URGENT feeling inside me.
Enough! Slow down! Stop!
Tuesday, July 6, 2004
If you only knew...
My daughter begged and begged to be allowed to watch an episode, ANY episode, of Buffy...her reasons being that she is a big fan of the Once More, With Feeling soundtrack, and she is almost 12 now, and ALL her friends are allowed to watch the show, except for her, etc...
So I thought, well, the first season was pretty tame, I'll let her watch Welcome to Sunnydale/The Harvest. I even made her close her eyes through the bad parts and turned the sound down.
She seemed to take it well enough, until bedtime. Here are the top five reasons why letting your immature almost-12-year-old watch Buffy is not a good idea:
5. There is no question, this time, about whose bed she is sleeping in tonight.
4. You get drawn into a long, drawn-out treatise on why vampires really do exist. Even when you say, "They're not real. Period." You get asked back, "How do you KNOW?". "You can't be sure." The child then proceeds to tell you where in the Bible it says that demons walk the earth, and vampires are demons, right? Um...
3. She immediately makes plans to ask our preacher to bless some holy water for her.
2. She rearranges the kitchen cabinets looking for garlic powder.
And, even though I've assured her that a) vampires aren't real, and b) they couldn't get in the house anyway without being invited in, the top reason against letting her watch this is:
1. She slept last night with a wooden 'Medieval Times' stake under her pillow.
So I thought, well, the first season was pretty tame, I'll let her watch Welcome to Sunnydale/The Harvest. I even made her close her eyes through the bad parts and turned the sound down.
She seemed to take it well enough, until bedtime. Here are the top five reasons why letting your immature almost-12-year-old watch Buffy is not a good idea:
5. There is no question, this time, about whose bed she is sleeping in tonight.
4. You get drawn into a long, drawn-out treatise on why vampires really do exist. Even when you say, "They're not real. Period." You get asked back, "How do you KNOW?". "You can't be sure." The child then proceeds to tell you where in the Bible it says that demons walk the earth, and vampires are demons, right? Um...
3. She immediately makes plans to ask our preacher to bless some holy water for her.
2. She rearranges the kitchen cabinets looking for garlic powder.
And, even though I've assured her that a) vampires aren't real, and b) they couldn't get in the house anyway without being invited in, the top reason against letting her watch this is:
1. She slept last night with a wooden 'Medieval Times' stake under her pillow.
Sunday, July 4, 2004
ABC's
It's 3:10 a.m. Why am I still up?
Well, it's because I went to see the 'Spiderman 2' late show (great movie! go see it!), and then, when I got home, I jumped at the chance to use my first free time in a couple of days to journalize.
The world is not going well for my dad's side of the family. My mom's side is still pretty intact. Fragmented v. whole, and also redneck southern city v. transplanted country folk. And that's me in the middle. The only Philosophy major/space geek/quiet one of the bunch. I never quite fit in, but they forgave me for that when I produced my daughter, whom both sides adore.
So when my dad gave me Friday's update, I've cried and haven't been good for anything...Why is it that when one thing goes bad, they all go bad? My dad was busy all week long with the traumas of his sister and two brothers, my aunt and uncles.
One uncle's issue this week is jail (he's the black sheep), and the other one's is divorce (after 25 years of marriage). (Don't go thinking my dad's the trauma-free one, as he is the one who ended up in the hospital a few years ago with a gunshot wound. He drove himself to the E/R. That's a tough military man for you. It will take quite a long time for him to live that one down.)
But it was the update on my aunt that stopped me. The cirrhosis of the liver was caused by...hepatitis, after all. I don't know how the hospital said that she didn't have it, and now she does. But she does. We don't know how. She did work in a hospital for years and years, so maybe that's how? The other news is that she only has about 20% of her liver that is actually functioning.
I had so many questions. What does 20% functioning mean? Is that good or bad? How long can it function like that? Will it get worse?
She goes back to the specialist this week and then we'll know more.
My cousins still hadn't told my aunt, either, about any of it. All they have told her now is that something MAY be wrong with her liver and she is going to need more tests. My dad is going out there to tell her the truth. I know that the reason my aunt doesn't know yet is because my cousin, who acts as interpreter, just cannot tell her. I can't imagine having to be the one to do it. I'm glad that it's going to be my dad, who's known and loved her the longest...
"Life is a joy, and a privilege." My preacher said that this week. He is over 70 years old, and lost his beloved wife of over 50 years to cancer, a year ago this week. He is still ministering to people, still reminding people of what's important. He's still reminding people of how to LIVE.
Life is a joy, and a privilege.
Well, it's because I went to see the 'Spiderman 2' late show (great movie! go see it!), and then, when I got home, I jumped at the chance to use my first free time in a couple of days to journalize.
The world is not going well for my dad's side of the family. My mom's side is still pretty intact. Fragmented v. whole, and also redneck southern city v. transplanted country folk. And that's me in the middle. The only Philosophy major/space geek/quiet one of the bunch. I never quite fit in, but they forgave me for that when I produced my daughter, whom both sides adore.
So when my dad gave me Friday's update, I've cried and haven't been good for anything...Why is it that when one thing goes bad, they all go bad? My dad was busy all week long with the traumas of his sister and two brothers, my aunt and uncles.
One uncle's issue this week is jail (he's the black sheep), and the other one's is divorce (after 25 years of marriage). (Don't go thinking my dad's the trauma-free one, as he is the one who ended up in the hospital a few years ago with a gunshot wound. He drove himself to the E/R. That's a tough military man for you. It will take quite a long time for him to live that one down.)
But it was the update on my aunt that stopped me. The cirrhosis of the liver was caused by...hepatitis, after all. I don't know how the hospital said that she didn't have it, and now she does. But she does. We don't know how. She did work in a hospital for years and years, so maybe that's how? The other news is that she only has about 20% of her liver that is actually functioning.
I had so many questions. What does 20% functioning mean? Is that good or bad? How long can it function like that? Will it get worse?
She goes back to the specialist this week and then we'll know more.
My cousins still hadn't told my aunt, either, about any of it. All they have told her now is that something MAY be wrong with her liver and she is going to need more tests. My dad is going out there to tell her the truth. I know that the reason my aunt doesn't know yet is because my cousin, who acts as interpreter, just cannot tell her. I can't imagine having to be the one to do it. I'm glad that it's going to be my dad, who's known and loved her the longest...
"Life is a joy, and a privilege." My preacher said that this week. He is over 70 years old, and lost his beloved wife of over 50 years to cancer, a year ago this week. He is still ministering to people, still reminding people of what's important. He's still reminding people of how to LIVE.
Life is a joy, and a privilege.
Wednesday, June 30, 2004
I was going to post the moon, but...
I can't seem to get my pictures to work. Maybe next time...
My grandparents went to Derby Dinner for their anniversary, to see 'Guys and Dolls'. I just love the fact that they're 74 and 70 years old and they're still going out on dates!
I'm getting ready to go to bed, and I'm sooo tired and my body just aches, when in comes my daughter, convinced someone is breaking into the house. I go check...no, no one is breaking in! She heard the sound of the clothes dryer. But it's all over by this point, and she wants to sleep in my bed tonight.
(groan)
There goes my sleep! It's hard to sleep when you're hanging for dear life on the side of the bed while your kid is sprawled horizontally over the whole bed. Usually, I bravely lie down, go to sleep for about 15 minutes, wake up when she shoves me off the bed, climb back up and sleep for another 15 minutes, wake up when she shoves me off, etc...until finally about 4 a.m. I wake up enough to realize that it isn't working, and I go either to her room to lie down, or to the couch.
But there's no way in the world I would ever refuse to let her sleep in here, because I know one day soon she's going to turn into a teen and start acting like she doesn't need me anymore, and I'll be, "Hey, where'd you go?...Come back, come back!".
My grandparents went to Derby Dinner for their anniversary, to see 'Guys and Dolls'. I just love the fact that they're 74 and 70 years old and they're still going out on dates!
I'm getting ready to go to bed, and I'm sooo tired and my body just aches, when in comes my daughter, convinced someone is breaking into the house. I go check...no, no one is breaking in! She heard the sound of the clothes dryer. But it's all over by this point, and she wants to sleep in my bed tonight.
(groan)
There goes my sleep! It's hard to sleep when you're hanging for dear life on the side of the bed while your kid is sprawled horizontally over the whole bed. Usually, I bravely lie down, go to sleep for about 15 minutes, wake up when she shoves me off the bed, climb back up and sleep for another 15 minutes, wake up when she shoves me off, etc...until finally about 4 a.m. I wake up enough to realize that it isn't working, and I go either to her room to lie down, or to the couch.
But there's no way in the world I would ever refuse to let her sleep in here, because I know one day soon she's going to turn into a teen and start acting like she doesn't need me anymore, and I'll be, "Hey, where'd you go?...Come back, come back!".
Tuesday, June 29, 2004
Top 1 reason against Lasik...
The big fuzzy, floating balls of lights that I see when I don't have my glasses on.
It's especially impressive when I'm riding on the highway at night (as a passenger, of course!), and during Christmas time. You have a Christmas tree, and then, take off your glasses and poof!
You have no tree, just a tiered, multicolored, beautiful fuzzy thing.
Why would I want this to go away?
It's especially impressive when I'm riding on the highway at night (as a passenger, of course!), and during Christmas time. You have a Christmas tree, and then, take off your glasses and poof!
You have no tree, just a tiered, multicolored, beautiful fuzzy thing.
Why would I want this to go away?
Sunday, June 27, 2004
Good memories, Part 2
When I was at the hospital Friday to see my aunt, the rest of the family left and it was just us and my cousin, Amy.
We left my aunt while the nurses came in to help her, ostensibly to go downstairs, but really to go to the waiting room and talk about things we couldn't talk about in front of her.
We settled down on the waiting room couch, me on the right, Amy on the left, and my mom in front of us. And while Amy gave us the updates, I couldn't help but think about how thankful I was, to Amy, and to my aunt, for being in my life, and how often through the years Amy and I had slouched, in those same positions, next to each other on a couch, through good times and bad.
We were born within a month of each other, and were always together growing up, interrupted only by my frequent moves around the world as an Army brat. When I came back home for good in 1986, we were best friends.
All through middle school and high school, we were a constant presence in each other's house. She always wanted to come to mine, because it was cleaner, and I always wanted to go to hers, because there was less supervision. I spent days on end at her house...I was my aunt's fourth daughter, and she was my second mom, only without the constant monitoring I got from my real mom!
Amy and I were with each other when we learned our grandmother had died, and again when our grandfather died. We got in trouble all through high school together. Courtesy of Amy, who fixed me up with my first boyfriend, I got my first kiss...and also my Junior Ring Dance date with a different guy, when I no longer had a boyfriend!
We continued in this vein, through a lot of ups and downs and tragedies, and through my one girl and her three boys, not seeing each other nearly as often, but, when we do talk on the phone or see each other, as comfortable and comforting as always.
I'm so proud of her for what she's accomplished. Also a little worried, as most of the burdens of this are falling on her shoulders, even though she has two sisters. It's Amy who always goes to every doctor visit with my aunt and uncle, because she acts as their interpreter (my aunt and uncle are deaf). I could tell she was unraveling there, in the waiting room, even as she made us laugh as usual. You know one of those people who can always make you laugh? That's Amy.
So anyway, I felt that one moment of grace when I was sitting there, as usual, beside my lifelong best friend, who saved my life many times as I was growing up. Tears, and uncertainty, but also grace, which hopefully she felt as well. I know she'll always be there for me, and I will always be there for her.
Here we are, circa 1973:
Thank you all so much for the kind words and prayers, you have no idea how much it meant to me that you were thinking about and praying for us. I'm truly grateful.
We left my aunt while the nurses came in to help her, ostensibly to go downstairs, but really to go to the waiting room and talk about things we couldn't talk about in front of her.
We settled down on the waiting room couch, me on the right, Amy on the left, and my mom in front of us. And while Amy gave us the updates, I couldn't help but think about how thankful I was, to Amy, and to my aunt, for being in my life, and how often through the years Amy and I had slouched, in those same positions, next to each other on a couch, through good times and bad.
We were born within a month of each other, and were always together growing up, interrupted only by my frequent moves around the world as an Army brat. When I came back home for good in 1986, we were best friends.
All through middle school and high school, we were a constant presence in each other's house. She always wanted to come to mine, because it was cleaner, and I always wanted to go to hers, because there was less supervision. I spent days on end at her house...I was my aunt's fourth daughter, and she was my second mom, only without the constant monitoring I got from my real mom!
Amy and I were with each other when we learned our grandmother had died, and again when our grandfather died. We got in trouble all through high school together. Courtesy of Amy, who fixed me up with my first boyfriend, I got my first kiss...and also my Junior Ring Dance date with a different guy, when I no longer had a boyfriend!
We continued in this vein, through a lot of ups and downs and tragedies, and through my one girl and her three boys, not seeing each other nearly as often, but, when we do talk on the phone or see each other, as comfortable and comforting as always.
I'm so proud of her for what she's accomplished. Also a little worried, as most of the burdens of this are falling on her shoulders, even though she has two sisters. It's Amy who always goes to every doctor visit with my aunt and uncle, because she acts as their interpreter (my aunt and uncle are deaf). I could tell she was unraveling there, in the waiting room, even as she made us laugh as usual. You know one of those people who can always make you laugh? That's Amy.
So anyway, I felt that one moment of grace when I was sitting there, as usual, beside my lifelong best friend, who saved my life many times as I was growing up. Tears, and uncertainty, but also grace, which hopefully she felt as well. I know she'll always be there for me, and I will always be there for her.
Here we are, circa 1973:
Thank you all so much for the kind words and prayers, you have no idea how much it meant to me that you were thinking about and praying for us. I'm truly grateful.
Friday, June 25, 2004
I need the hope...
Not a very fun day...
When I got home from work this evening, my dad called me. He was upset with me, because he had been leaving me voicemails since yesterday and I hadn't called him back, and it was bad...my aunt is in the hospital. Not the same aunt that was in the hospital a few weeks ago, this time it's my dad's sister.
I haven't been listening to my messages lately.
My aunt went to the hospital with pains. They thought it was her heart, and so they did a heart cath. Her heart was fine. Then they thought it was her gallbladder. She had her gallbladder removed this morning. During the surgery, they saw her liver.
They came out of the surgery, saying everything went fine, but...
And they showed my cousin, my aunt's middle daughter and my best friend, a picture of my aunt's liver.
They said, "Your mother will have to stop drinking. We're going to schedule some programs for her...".
She has cirrhosis of the liver.
The doctors didn't know then that my aunt doesn't ever drink.
And they didn't know that those were the only words that had the ability to put my family in a tailspin and strike fear in our hearts.
My aunt's dad, my grandfather, died of cirrhosis of the liver. He actually was an alcoholic. He hemorrhaged to death in his apartment. It was...terrible. Terrible.
My aunt doesn't drink. She doesn't have hepatitis. But she has cirrhosis of the liver. It may not be that advanced, and it may be manageable. We'll know more when the real doctor comes in tomorrow.
But the gut reaction of my family was the reaction of a family who has already been torn apart by this disease. My dad, sobbing over the phone, wondering why his sister, who has never done anything wrong, has this. My uncle, hovering in the hallway. My cousins, disbelieving and in tears.
They haven't told my aunt yet. She was devastated when my grandpa died the way he did. My cousins decided she wasn't in any condition, after her surgery today, to hear this. I don't agree with their decision, but there's nothing I can do about it. I felt horribly guilty sitting by her bed and knowing something she didn't.
I hope that tomorrow the doctor will come in and say, this is not as bad as that, this can be managed...
I just didn't realize that the pain of my grandfather's violent death, over fourteen years ago, still had the ability to destroy us this way.
When I got home from work this evening, my dad called me. He was upset with me, because he had been leaving me voicemails since yesterday and I hadn't called him back, and it was bad...my aunt is in the hospital. Not the same aunt that was in the hospital a few weeks ago, this time it's my dad's sister.
I haven't been listening to my messages lately.
My aunt went to the hospital with pains. They thought it was her heart, and so they did a heart cath. Her heart was fine. Then they thought it was her gallbladder. She had her gallbladder removed this morning. During the surgery, they saw her liver.
They came out of the surgery, saying everything went fine, but...
And they showed my cousin, my aunt's middle daughter and my best friend, a picture of my aunt's liver.
They said, "Your mother will have to stop drinking. We're going to schedule some programs for her...".
She has cirrhosis of the liver.
The doctors didn't know then that my aunt doesn't ever drink.
And they didn't know that those were the only words that had the ability to put my family in a tailspin and strike fear in our hearts.
My aunt's dad, my grandfather, died of cirrhosis of the liver. He actually was an alcoholic. He hemorrhaged to death in his apartment. It was...terrible. Terrible.
My aunt doesn't drink. She doesn't have hepatitis. But she has cirrhosis of the liver. It may not be that advanced, and it may be manageable. We'll know more when the real doctor comes in tomorrow.
But the gut reaction of my family was the reaction of a family who has already been torn apart by this disease. My dad, sobbing over the phone, wondering why his sister, who has never done anything wrong, has this. My uncle, hovering in the hallway. My cousins, disbelieving and in tears.
They haven't told my aunt yet. She was devastated when my grandpa died the way he did. My cousins decided she wasn't in any condition, after her surgery today, to hear this. I don't agree with their decision, but there's nothing I can do about it. I felt horribly guilty sitting by her bed and knowing something she didn't.
I hope that tomorrow the doctor will come in and say, this is not as bad as that, this can be managed...
I just didn't realize that the pain of my grandfather's violent death, over fourteen years ago, still had the ability to destroy us this way.
Thursday, June 24, 2004
Barriers
I don't have much to say, today...
I saw a most beautiful sunset this evening. I see sunsets a lot more now, than I used to, since I go to the Y in the evening, and they have big picture windows. The sunset seemed to last forever, it was orange and pink and purple until the sky finally faded to blue.
But I never get to see sunrises anymore. I lived in a little town in Germany for a while, based on a hill, and our townhouse was at the very top. I was treated every morning to a sunrise, looking out over the valley. I was so sad when we moved away.
I didn't see any more sunrises after that until I started working nights out at the airport. I would get off at dawn, walking to my car through a huge empty parking lot, and see the most incredible sunrises every day.
I miss that.
I'm feeling sad, out of it, and so tired. I think I had too little sleep and too much time to think today, or something, and despair visited tonight. But for a little while, watching the sun set, I felt so happy and thankful to be alive in a world where such beauty is to be found. I think watching the sun rise and set every single day would be good for us.
There's always beauty, somewhere...
I saw a most beautiful sunset this evening. I see sunsets a lot more now, than I used to, since I go to the Y in the evening, and they have big picture windows. The sunset seemed to last forever, it was orange and pink and purple until the sky finally faded to blue.
But I never get to see sunrises anymore. I lived in a little town in Germany for a while, based on a hill, and our townhouse was at the very top. I was treated every morning to a sunrise, looking out over the valley. I was so sad when we moved away.
I didn't see any more sunrises after that until I started working nights out at the airport. I would get off at dawn, walking to my car through a huge empty parking lot, and see the most incredible sunrises every day.
I miss that.
I'm feeling sad, out of it, and so tired. I think I had too little sleep and too much time to think today, or something, and despair visited tonight. But for a little while, watching the sun set, I felt so happy and thankful to be alive in a world where such beauty is to be found. I think watching the sun rise and set every single day would be good for us.
There's always beauty, somewhere...
Tuesday, June 22, 2004
Who's your hero?
My mom is directing this year's VBS at our church. This year's theme: HERO QUEST. She's going around asking everybody who their hero is. She wants examples of lots of different types of heroes...superheroes, sports heroes, musical heroes, historical heroes, etc.
My favorite superhero is, of course, Buffy.
Sports hero: Richie Farmer.
Musical hero: Dolly Parton.
Historical heroes: Too many to count. How would I pick? From what era? For what reasons? From what part of the world? The number of people who have lived and died working to make our world a better place...it's countless. They are all my heroes.
Specific hero: Gus Grissom, astronaut.
Hero on a pedestal: My grandfather.
My daughter, of course, wowed us when we asked her these questions. When asked, "Who do you most admire?", and "Who do you most want to be like?", my beautiful girl immediately said, "Jesus".
Hero above all.
My favorite superhero is, of course, Buffy.
Sports hero: Richie Farmer.
Musical hero: Dolly Parton.
Historical heroes: Too many to count. How would I pick? From what era? For what reasons? From what part of the world? The number of people who have lived and died working to make our world a better place...it's countless. They are all my heroes.
Specific hero: Gus Grissom, astronaut.
Hero on a pedestal: My grandfather.
My daughter, of course, wowed us when we asked her these questions. When asked, "Who do you most admire?", and "Who do you most want to be like?", my beautiful girl immediately said, "Jesus".
Hero above all.
Monday, June 21, 2004
Mundane Monday
Things I did today (I live a VERY exciting life):
1. Went to work.
2. Took my daughter to softball practice.
3. Worked out at the Y. (a)
4. Made a dentist appointment to get the permanent filling and crown on top of the root canal (cost after insurance: $189.00). (b)
5. Opened my cell phone bill and nearly died of shock (this month's bill: $105.60). (c)
Quite a fun, fulfilling day!
(a) It felt great to be back at the Y, after an 11-day-vacation and root canal-inspired absence.
(b) I normally have great insurance. Except, apparently, for root canals, for which my insurance only pays 80%. Adding this $189.00 with the emergency doctor's visit and the procedure, the root canal has cost me $500 this month!
(c) I haven't got the hang of this cell phone thing, I guess. The secret to having a cell phone is to NEVER EVER USE IT.
I also had several deep thoughts today...the same ones as usual, though.
1. Went to work.
2. Took my daughter to softball practice.
3. Worked out at the Y. (a)
4. Made a dentist appointment to get the permanent filling and crown on top of the root canal (cost after insurance: $189.00). (b)
5. Opened my cell phone bill and nearly died of shock (this month's bill: $105.60). (c)
Quite a fun, fulfilling day!
(a) It felt great to be back at the Y, after an 11-day-vacation and root canal-inspired absence.
(b) I normally have great insurance. Except, apparently, for root canals, for which my insurance only pays 80%. Adding this $189.00 with the emergency doctor's visit and the procedure, the root canal has cost me $500 this month!
(c) I haven't got the hang of this cell phone thing, I guess. The secret to having a cell phone is to NEVER EVER USE IT.
I also had several deep thoughts today...the same ones as usual, though.
Saturday, June 19, 2004
Counting the days...
I measure the memories of my childhood based on where my dad was stationed that year.
High school was a fun, glorious, constant time (four years in one place!).
After my first year of college, I found myself with a baby and suddenly single, both on the same day.
The years after that I measure by the different relationships I was in.
Until I fell in love with my boyfriend, eight years ago (long time, not married, I've already heard this!).
Since then I measure time by the different jobs I've had in the large corporation I work for (I transfer every two years or so to a different department, my company likes us to be well-rounded!).
So does this mean that I'm defined by where I live, who I love, where I work?
What does it mean to be defined by...me?
High school was a fun, glorious, constant time (four years in one place!).
After my first year of college, I found myself with a baby and suddenly single, both on the same day.
The years after that I measure by the different relationships I was in.
Until I fell in love with my boyfriend, eight years ago (long time, not married, I've already heard this!).
Since then I measure time by the different jobs I've had in the large corporation I work for (I transfer every two years or so to a different department, my company likes us to be well-rounded!).
So does this mean that I'm defined by where I live, who I love, where I work?
What does it mean to be defined by...me?
You are...GILES
"You should never be cowed by authority. Except, of course, in this instance, where I am clearly right and you are clearly wrong."
What "Buffy" Character Are You?
"You should never be cowed by authority. Except, of course, in this instance, where I am clearly right and you are clearly wrong."
What "Buffy" Character Are You?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
