Ten Moments That Changed My Life...

So far...and yes, I totally stole the title.

1. My child was born.

Every parent's going to say that, right? 

Because it's true. There's a clear before and after line in my life - the moment Chelsea was born, and I looked at the beautiful screaming baby in my arms, and said, "Hi." (Profound, wasn't I?)

2. I received the gift of life.

I had been checked into the hospital for emergency surgery, but they couldn't do the surgery until I received blood. 

I was so sick. I remember looking at that blood coming into me and feeling so grateful to whomever had taken time out of their busy life to donate. 

I've donated blood before; but it's a completely different thing to receive it. It's  life, and it's a gift. 

3. I entered the psychiatric hospital (aka The Place).

It was a humbling thing, admitting I needed help. After that, the hits kept coming. A physical, endless interviews, and I had to give up my distractions - no cellphone, e-reader or laptop while I was in there. 

My first days were spent staring at walls, and I wasn't alone. Other 'psych' patients were with me, along with alcoholics and drug addicts. We all stared at the walls, and slept a lot. 

This was my first step in facing my depression instead of hiding from it; in realizing that help was available; in realizing that I wasn't alone. 

4. I got laid off from Ford.

The Ford Experience Of 1998 changed the course of my life. I think. When I got hired there, I was prepared to work the most mind-numbingly boring assembly line job for the rest of my life. 

I was laid off within five weeks; devastated, but secretly relieved. I got hired back at my old company, but in a much better job. I also went back to school and finished my degree two years later, and got my current job a year after that. 

You just never know what's a blessing in disguise. 

5. 9/11/01

Not all changes are good. 

The events on 9/11 didn't affect me directly. But the way I think and act every day are affected by it. I don't ever see myself on a plane again. I can't ever go to work in the morning without thinking about what other workers in other high rise buildings were doing that Tuesday. 

Clear blue skies are the worst. 

6. Dwayne finally asked me out.

Enough said. (Okay, well, read further entries down for reference.)

7. Cancer found its way into the family.

My grandmother was the center of our family, and she molded me into who I am today. The day I found out she had ovarian cancer was the worst day of my life. 

That was 2009. She died in 2011, then my grandpa got brain cancer, and my brother got leukemia. My grandpa died July before last; my brother has just achieved remission. But I still feel like I'm in 2009 - cancer? What?

8. I got a kittycat.

The most rewarding thing I ever did was adopt a kitten. I didn't know at the time that she was a Maine Coon mix and that she would grow to gargantuan proportions! I just knew she was small and fluffy and adorable. 

Now she's nine years old, 18.5 lbs, still fluffy and I love her so much! 

There's nothing like having a pet to remind you to love all animals, and to support shelters, sanctuaries and the ASPCA. 

9. I lost my job.

I'm still in the midst of this one. I'd worked for the same company for nineteen years, and then it was all gone.

I have a new job now, but I'll never get over the loss, and the feeling that I let somebody down.

10. I had to go back to the The Place.

The second time around, I thought I knew what to expect. More of the same, digging into my brain, experiencing lots of shame... 

On my first day back, though, I found I wasn't the only repeater. There were other people there, who had been there with me the first time three years before.

I realized then that there's no shame in admitting I needed help, AGAIN. It changed the way I viewed my disease. There should be no shame in it, because that prevents you reaching out and grabbing a lifeline.

I learned that I can fight and struggle and maybe fall down but I can and will always get back up.

:)

December Photo A Day, Days 11 and 12 - Green and Joy

 

Green

For Photo Challenge Day 11, I give you Green - Chelsea in a floor-length, handmade cape. The outside is black lace, the inside is green felt. It's hand-stitched... 

It took Chelsea forever and ever to make this, I would look inside her room and see her sewing away. I have no idea why she doesn't use a sewing machine! The button is also handmade. My girl is truly talented. :)

Joy

For Day 12, I give you Joy - Me, taking my beautiful baby daughter out in her first snow, 21 years ago. 

My mom took this picture, I'm standing on the front sidewalk, still living at home, of course. I'm still a teenager, fresh out of high school, just started college, still wearing my high school jacket - the one and only RED piece of clothing I've ever owned. :) 

I have to laugh when I look at this picture. Inside the house we had me, my mom, and my grandma all fussing over baby Chelsea to make sure she didn't get a chill on her 1-minute foray into the weather. The result is the wrapped up baby you can barely see here, LOL. :)

ABC's

It's 3:10 a.m.  Why am I still up?
Well, it's because I went to see the 'Spiderman 2' late show (great movie! go see it!), and then, when I got home, I jumped at the chance to use my first free time in a couple of days to journalize.
The world is not going well for my dad's side of the family.  My mom's side is still pretty intact.  Fragmented v. whole, and also redneck southern city v. transplanted country folk.  And that's me in the middle.  The only Philosophy major/space geek/quiet one of the bunch.  I never quite fit in, but they forgave me for that when I produced my daughter, whom both sides adore.
So when my dad gave me Friday's update, I've cried and haven't been good for anything...Why is it that when one thing goes bad, they all go bad?  My dad was busy all week long with the traumas of his sister and two brothers, my aunt and uncles. 
One uncle's issue this week is jail (he's the black sheep), and the other one's is divorce (after 25 years of marriage).  (Don't go thinking my dad's the trauma-free one, as he is the one who ended up in the hospital a few years ago with a gunshot wound.  He drove himself to the E/R.  That's a tough military man for you.  It will take quite a long time for him to live that one down.)
But it was the update on my aunt that stopped me.  The cirrhosis of the liver was caused by...hepatitis, after all.  I don't know how the hospital said that she didn't have it, and now she does.  But she does.  We don't know how.  She did work in a hospital for years and years, so maybe that's how?  The other news is that she only has about 20% of her liver that is actually functioning.
I had so many questions.  What does 20% functioning mean?  Is that good or bad?  How long can it function like that?  Will it get worse?
She goes back to the specialist this week and then we'll know more. 
My cousins still hadn't told my aunt, either, about any of it.  All they have told her now is that something MAY be wrong with her liver and she is going to need more tests.  My dad is going out there to tell her the truth.  I know that the reason my aunt doesn't know yet is because my cousin, who acts as interpreter, just cannot tell her.  I can't imagine having to be the one to do it.  I'm glad that it's going to be my dad, who's known and loved her the longest...
"Life is a joy, and a privilege."  My preacher said that this week.  He is over 70 years old, and lost his beloved wife of over 50 years to cancer, a year ago this week.  He is still ministering to people, still reminding people of what's important.  He's still reminding people of how to LIVE.
Life is a joy, and a privilege.