I got DSL and so went to free AOL... and now I love my fast access but HATE free AOL. That's the biggest reason why I never get to check my email anymore or update my journal or keep up with my dear friends' journals... I want my regular AOL back but I don't want to give up fast music downloading to get it..
I had taken my daughter out of the small private Christian school she'd gone to for elementary and middle school and put her in a big public high school for ninth grade, positive I'd made a good decision, and WOW, I was way wrong on that one. By December she was on her way to failing every class except History, and she was begging to go back to the school that she formerly couldn't wait to get away from. She witnessed fights and other icky things and would come home every day just kind of shell-shocked...poor thing.
Oh yeah...How did she get an 'A' in History? Well, let's see, first, the class read Lord of the Flies. And then, for the rest of the semester, the class watched 'Lost'.
Yes...that's correct. You heard me right. That was History class. They watched an episode of 'Lost' every morning.
Is it relevant that her History teacher also happened to be the football coach?
So...
During Christmas break, I made my decision to take her out that school and homeschool her instead, which is what I really wanted to do in the first place back in August but I allowed myself to be talked out of it. It really isn't very practical because I do work 40 hours a week and I am a single mom but I just couldn't let her go on like that...
So what's going on now is that I'm really, really, really, really busy. And I'm trying to do way too much and I feel like I'm not getting anything done at all, and I'm worried that I'm not doing my daughter justice, and I worry that she's not getting enough exercise, and that she's not getting a good enough education, and that she's spending too much time online, and that I'm not spending enough 'just us' time with her, and that she resents me too much to ever get over it, and I worry worry worry all the time.
I take lots of medicine, and coincidentally, lots of Pepcid Complete (Cool Mint). That's my commercial for the evening.
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Tuesday, September 5, 2006
yes... i'm still here...
I can't believe I flaked out and left my poor journal alone all this time...
But in my defense, I did THINK about writing here for the past two months...I just never made it that far...
I've been trying to keep up reading journals, but couldn't get up the gumption to write there, either.
What have I been doing?
(song change: Tell Laura I Love Her - Sha Na Na)
1. Dr.Will just got voted out of the Big Brother house and I'm devastated, even though I knew it was coming...(because I'm one of those internet losers who watch the live feeds)...I've been singing his praises for five years since BB2 and I can't believe boring whiny Erika took THE MAN down! (Janelle traded one puppet master for another...)
(song change: Hero - Nickelback)
2. D and I went to Nashville for the weekend and stayed at the magical hotel down there, and we went to the Opry... I've waited my whole life to go to the Grand Ole Opry, right? But we went to our seats in the balcony and it was really dark and I fell right asleep... ASLEEP!... D had to nudge me awake, like, fifteen times, I was so out of it.
I did wake up for VINCE GILL, though... He's such a cool guy...
(song change: My Name Is - Eminem)
3. I went back to work, finally, after two months on disability ... (sigh) ... Don't you love when you're not at work for two months and no one does your job and when you get back you can't even see your desk, because, NO JOKE, there are piles of work covering it three-feet deep?!
4. I took C to see the American Idols concert at the fair a couple weeks ago...it was only a tiny bit cheesy...okay, maybe moderately cheesy...but Chris Daughtry ROCKED the house, so I was happy. :)
(song change: He's Alive - Dolly Parton)
5. I got C's schooling figured out and all I can do now is wait and hope that things go well this year. I took her out of the private school she was going to and enrolled her in a HUGE public school down the road, and so far her freshman year of high school is working out very well. The size of the school is a plus...for the first time in her life she is blending into the crowd and not being singled out and made fun of all the time.
I wanted to homeschool her... I REALLY wanted to... but ultimately I didn't think I could do it because I'm a single mom who works 40 hours a week. I mean, I could have done it, but I don't know if I could have done it WELL.
I'm just trying not to second-guess myself... and I'm praying very hard that she'll be happier and healthier this year.
(song change: When It Don't Come Easy - Patty Griffin)
6. Like everyone else who watches Animal Planet, I can't believe Steve Irwin is gone. My heart goes out to Terri and their two children. It's just so sad.
(song change: While My Guitar Gently Weeps - The Beatles)
7. I think I've just summed up the last two months of my life...
8. My present state of mind is...dependent on whether I've taken my medicine or not. I'm trying to do better.
and...
9. D is wonderful... C is, um, teenager-ish (mean/nice/mean/nice...), but still wonderful... and Josie the Cat still rules the house.
Seriously, the kitty really does rule the house...she's very spoiled but soooo affectionate (to me, anyway...she has some issues with D...), and she's so soft and cuddly...I love my kitty.
(song change: Hero of the Day - Metallica)
10. grasping at straws now...what's one last thing so I can make ten?... oh yeah... I'm reading Ender's Game again...for the twentieth time or so. What did I ever do before I discovered this book? (circa the summer of 2000)?
For the last six years, I've tried to have everyone I know read this book at least once...
:)
I'm kind of annoying like that, sometimes...
(song change: Kentucky Rain - Elvis Presley)
I just looked at my song list and realized what a redneck I really am...closet redneck with a degree in Philosophy maybe...but a redneck nonetheless.
I AM from Kentucky, you know...
But in my defense, I did THINK about writing here for the past two months...I just never made it that far...
I've been trying to keep up reading journals, but couldn't get up the gumption to write there, either.
What have I been doing?
(song change: Tell Laura I Love Her - Sha Na Na)
1. Dr.Will just got voted out of the Big Brother house and I'm devastated, even though I knew it was coming...(because I'm one of those internet losers who watch the live feeds)...I've been singing his praises for five years since BB2 and I can't believe boring whiny Erika took THE MAN down! (Janelle traded one puppet master for another...)
(song change: Hero - Nickelback)
2. D and I went to Nashville for the weekend and stayed at the magical hotel down there, and we went to the Opry... I've waited my whole life to go to the Grand Ole Opry, right? But we went to our seats in the balcony and it was really dark and I fell right asleep... ASLEEP!... D had to nudge me awake, like, fifteen times, I was so out of it.
I did wake up for VINCE GILL, though... He's such a cool guy...
(song change: My Name Is - Eminem)
3. I went back to work, finally, after two months on disability ... (sigh) ... Don't you love when you're not at work for two months and no one does your job and when you get back you can't even see your desk, because, NO JOKE, there are piles of work covering it three-feet deep?!
4. I took C to see the American Idols concert at the fair a couple weeks ago...it was only a tiny bit cheesy...okay, maybe moderately cheesy...but Chris Daughtry ROCKED the house, so I was happy. :)
(song change: He's Alive - Dolly Parton)
5. I got C's schooling figured out and all I can do now is wait and hope that things go well this year. I took her out of the private school she was going to and enrolled her in a HUGE public school down the road, and so far her freshman year of high school is working out very well. The size of the school is a plus...for the first time in her life she is blending into the crowd and not being singled out and made fun of all the time.
I wanted to homeschool her... I REALLY wanted to... but ultimately I didn't think I could do it because I'm a single mom who works 40 hours a week. I mean, I could have done it, but I don't know if I could have done it WELL.
I'm just trying not to second-guess myself... and I'm praying very hard that she'll be happier and healthier this year.
(song change: When It Don't Come Easy - Patty Griffin)
6. Like everyone else who watches Animal Planet, I can't believe Steve Irwin is gone. My heart goes out to Terri and their two children. It's just so sad.
(song change: While My Guitar Gently Weeps - The Beatles)
7. I think I've just summed up the last two months of my life...
8. My present state of mind is...dependent on whether I've taken my medicine or not. I'm trying to do better.
and...
9. D is wonderful... C is, um, teenager-ish (mean/nice/mean/nice...), but still wonderful... and Josie the Cat still rules the house.
Seriously, the kitty really does rule the house...she's very spoiled but soooo affectionate (to me, anyway...she has some issues with D...), and she's so soft and cuddly...I love my kitty.
(song change: Hero of the Day - Metallica)
10. grasping at straws now...what's one last thing so I can make ten?... oh yeah... I'm reading Ender's Game again...for the twentieth time or so. What did I ever do before I discovered this book? (circa the summer of 2000)?
For the last six years, I've tried to have everyone I know read this book at least once...
:)
I'm kind of annoying like that, sometimes...
(song change: Kentucky Rain - Elvis Presley)
I just looked at my song list and realized what a redneck I really am...closet redneck with a degree in Philosophy maybe...but a redneck nonetheless.
I AM from Kentucky, you know...
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
not today...
I've tried really hard to clean out my email in the last couple of days, at the expense of my arm, which is still in a cast after the surgery I had less than two weeks ago...it's kind of throbbing and in pain. I'm trying to cool it on the Lortabs, though, because I was kind of 'yearning' for them last night...I'm terrified of becoming an addict.
Since January I've had two surgeries and missed tons of work and took a mini-vacation to Nashville and a bigger mini-vacation to Washington D.C (for daughter's field trip). The doctor told me I had a minor heart condition which explained why I was feeling so sick all the time and put me on all this different medication in addition to what I was already taking. The new medication made me feel even worse but apparently 'the benefits outweigh the risks' or something like that. My daughter squeaked through eighth grade and managed to pass all her classes...barely, but not with grades good enough to get into any of the high schools she wanted to go to, and we don't want her to go back to the private school she was going to.
So it's June and what I haven't done is find a school for my daughter. I'm having money issues from when I was off work. And even though I'm on eight million different medications, I still don't feel very well...
Everyone's mad at me all the time. Well, by everyone. I mean my daughter, who is mad at the world - I think it's a teenager thing; my mother - who is just mad at me, constantly and always, ever, ever, and ever, I can't do anything right; and my grandmother - who is mad at me and my mother, because we are always mad at each other. Did I mention that all of us live in two houses, right next door to each other? This four generations of women very close in age, blood, AND proximity thing is about to kill me...
It's too bad I had to come back to my journal to whine and complain...I probably should have taken that Lortab after all, I probably would have been a lot happier!
But D is still as strong and kind as ever...and my daughter is healthy and growing and sure togrow out of this mean streak some day soon :)...and my dear sweet adorable kitty is still the cutest little thing ever. Well, maybe not so little anymore, we took her to vet and she weighed 12 lbs 8 ounces...she's very long and tall and furry, kind of like a horse...she's way bigger than the dogs across the street...but she's still the cutest!
Since January I've had two surgeries and missed tons of work and took a mini-vacation to Nashville and a bigger mini-vacation to Washington D.C (for daughter's field trip). The doctor told me I had a minor heart condition which explained why I was feeling so sick all the time and put me on all this different medication in addition to what I was already taking. The new medication made me feel even worse but apparently 'the benefits outweigh the risks' or something like that. My daughter squeaked through eighth grade and managed to pass all her classes...barely, but not with grades good enough to get into any of the high schools she wanted to go to, and we don't want her to go back to the private school she was going to.
So it's June and what I haven't done is find a school for my daughter. I'm having money issues from when I was off work. And even though I'm on eight million different medications, I still don't feel very well...
Everyone's mad at me all the time. Well, by everyone. I mean my daughter, who is mad at the world - I think it's a teenager thing; my mother - who is just mad at me, constantly and always, ever, ever, and ever, I can't do anything right; and my grandmother - who is mad at me and my mother, because we are always mad at each other. Did I mention that all of us live in two houses, right next door to each other? This four generations of women very close in age, blood, AND proximity thing is about to kill me...
It's too bad I had to come back to my journal to whine and complain...I probably should have taken that Lortab after all, I probably would have been a lot happier!
But D is still as strong and kind as ever...and my daughter is healthy and growing and sure togrow out of this mean streak some day soon :)...and my dear sweet adorable kitty is still the cutest little thing ever. Well, maybe not so little anymore, we took her to vet and she weighed 12 lbs 8 ounces...she's very long and tall and furry, kind of like a horse...she's way bigger than the dogs across the street...but she's still the cutest!
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
Drowning in blue...
I left the house this evening for a quick trip to drop my RX off at Walgreens...then to get gas, pick up dinner, and go back home...
Dropped my prescription off. Everything went bad after that...
I ran out of gas in the gas station parking lot. If only my car had made it just a couple more feet to the pump...
So there I sat, stranded at the gas station...And of course, there must be a run on gas or something, because cars were lined up all around...and everyone was giving me dirty looks for not getting my car out of the way...
I called D, no answer. My grandparents, no answer. My brother, no answer. D again, no answer. I called home to let C know what happened, and she is, of course, online, so I couldn't get through. Finally, I called my mom at work...there was nothing she could do, of course, being at work, but she could at least listen to me cry out of frustration.
She told me to try to push the car. I tried, but I couldn't get it over the hump. She told me to go in and ask for help. I told her that I only saw one worker in there, who was extremely busy with the hundred people who decided to get gas between 7 and 8 p.m. tonight. She said ask a customer for help...
I couldn't possibly have done that...First, because I'm shy...Second, because they were all giving me dirty looks since I was blocking everything...and Third, because I live in a melting pot neighborhood and I swear I didn't hear anyone that could speak enough English to understand me, and my Spanish doesn't extend beyond numbers...
Finally, someone approached my window and asked if I need help. Guess who? Out of all the hundred MEN that came in and out of the gas station parking lot and heard me trying to start my car, after twenty minutes, it's the one and only WOMAN customer who comes and offers help...
So the two of us WOMEN were able to push my car over the hump and out of the way...
Go, girl power...who needs guys anyway?!
...
I left work early yesterday because I was SICK, and didn't go to work today...I went to the doctor and he gave me an antibiotic and told me to stay out of work until Monday.
But then I wouldn't be able to go to Midnight Madness on Friday, and I couldn't possibly miss that...so I'm going to try very hard to get all better tomorrow.
Very hard.
...
I took my daughter out of school last week and told her she wouldn't go back if she didn't want to. I then received opposition from all sides, including...
My mom, who kind of agreed with me, but says it was too sudden...
My grandma, who told me I was ruining my daughter's chance for a good education...
D, who told me that I should have at least made her stay in until fall break (which starts this Monday)...
The really bad part was that, on the very same day, C had her first appointment with her new therapist. Dr. W said that homeschooling would make his job infinitely more difficult...because the last thing socially 'immature' children need is to be completely isolated...etc etc etc.
Well, I hardly think being 'isolated' for a few months would make a huge difference, but anyway...
C and I discussed it and she agreed to go back to school for one more day, so that she wouldn't have an absence on her record, while we went in and spoke with the principal about our issues.
New principal this year. She's really nice.
The next day, C informed me she was going to stay at school after all...mean kids and all...because she wants to go on the eighth grade field trip to Washington D.C.
She's serious, too.
I had no idea a field trip could carry this much weight.
(I should, though, because I still remember my eighth grade field trip...we went to Space Camp...so, so cool...)
So what do I do? She's still miserable, but she actually WANTS to stay.
So I let her go back this week...the principal said she would make some changes and...she actually did...Principal called the ringleaders down to her office individually and 'talked' with them...Principal changed the rules at lunchroom and C can now sit wherever she wants...
Things have been marginally better since then. It encourages me to see these changes being made, just for my daughter. I was looking forward to homeschooling her, but also a little apprehensive about what it meant for my daughter getting into a good high school next year, and how effective I would be at it, seeing that I work full time.
So I guess now I'm just going to wait and see. I hate when life gets like this, and you have no idea what is the best thing to do...
...
Did I say, 'Who needs guys anyway?'
I take it back...this weekend, D paid to get my brakes fixed...$280. I guess I do need my guy! :)
...
So far in the last two weeks, I've had to get the fuel pump replaced and the brakes fixed. The brake people said I need four new tires, too. I'm supposed to try and get those Friday before going to LEXINGTON for MIDNIGHT MADNESS.
All this for a car that is barely three years old.
(sigh)
It's a Ford Focus. Be warned...
Dropped my prescription off. Everything went bad after that...
I ran out of gas in the gas station parking lot. If only my car had made it just a couple more feet to the pump...
So there I sat, stranded at the gas station...And of course, there must be a run on gas or something, because cars were lined up all around...and everyone was giving me dirty looks for not getting my car out of the way...
I called D, no answer. My grandparents, no answer. My brother, no answer. D again, no answer. I called home to let C know what happened, and she is, of course, online, so I couldn't get through. Finally, I called my mom at work...there was nothing she could do, of course, being at work, but she could at least listen to me cry out of frustration.
She told me to try to push the car. I tried, but I couldn't get it over the hump. She told me to go in and ask for help. I told her that I only saw one worker in there, who was extremely busy with the hundred people who decided to get gas between 7 and 8 p.m. tonight. She said ask a customer for help...
I couldn't possibly have done that...First, because I'm shy...Second, because they were all giving me dirty looks since I was blocking everything...and Third, because I live in a melting pot neighborhood and I swear I didn't hear anyone that could speak enough English to understand me, and my Spanish doesn't extend beyond numbers...
Finally, someone approached my window and asked if I need help. Guess who? Out of all the hundred MEN that came in and out of the gas station parking lot and heard me trying to start my car, after twenty minutes, it's the one and only WOMAN customer who comes and offers help...
So the two of us WOMEN were able to push my car over the hump and out of the way...
Go, girl power...who needs guys anyway?!
...
I left work early yesterday because I was SICK, and didn't go to work today...I went to the doctor and he gave me an antibiotic and told me to stay out of work until Monday.
But then I wouldn't be able to go to Midnight Madness on Friday, and I couldn't possibly miss that...so I'm going to try very hard to get all better tomorrow.
Very hard.
...
I took my daughter out of school last week and told her she wouldn't go back if she didn't want to. I then received opposition from all sides, including...
My mom, who kind of agreed with me, but says it was too sudden...
My grandma, who told me I was ruining my daughter's chance for a good education...
D, who told me that I should have at least made her stay in until fall break (which starts this Monday)...
The really bad part was that, on the very same day, C had her first appointment with her new therapist. Dr. W said that homeschooling would make his job infinitely more difficult...because the last thing socially 'immature' children need is to be completely isolated...etc etc etc.
Well, I hardly think being 'isolated' for a few months would make a huge difference, but anyway...
C and I discussed it and she agreed to go back to school for one more day, so that she wouldn't have an absence on her record, while we went in and spoke with the principal about our issues.
New principal this year. She's really nice.
The next day, C informed me she was going to stay at school after all...mean kids and all...because she wants to go on the eighth grade field trip to Washington D.C.
She's serious, too.
I had no idea a field trip could carry this much weight.
(I should, though, because I still remember my eighth grade field trip...we went to Space Camp...so, so cool...)
So what do I do? She's still miserable, but she actually WANTS to stay.
So I let her go back this week...the principal said she would make some changes and...she actually did...Principal called the ringleaders down to her office individually and 'talked' with them...Principal changed the rules at lunchroom and C can now sit wherever she wants...
Things have been marginally better since then. It encourages me to see these changes being made, just for my daughter. I was looking forward to homeschooling her, but also a little apprehensive about what it meant for my daughter getting into a good high school next year, and how effective I would be at it, seeing that I work full time.
So I guess now I'm just going to wait and see. I hate when life gets like this, and you have no idea what is the best thing to do...
...
Did I say, 'Who needs guys anyway?'
I take it back...this weekend, D paid to get my brakes fixed...$280. I guess I do need my guy! :)
...
So far in the last two weeks, I've had to get the fuel pump replaced and the brakes fixed. The brake people said I need four new tires, too. I'm supposed to try and get those Friday before going to LEXINGTON for MIDNIGHT MADNESS.
All this for a car that is barely three years old.
(sigh)
It's a Ford Focus. Be warned...
Tuesday, October 4, 2005
I had a subject...but I lost it...
I've cried a couple of times today.
Most recently, watching Animal Planet's 'Heart of a Lioness'...I can't believe I got hooked into watching it, right to its devastating end...
Dumb show...
The first time I cried was at work today, after hearing over the phone the latest terrible thing that happened at my daughter's school today...
My daughter has never had an easy time of it at school...for some reason the boys and the bullies have decided she's an easy target, and they make her life miserable, every day. But she's been able to stand it because she's had a few friends in the past...
It seems that since school started this year, though, her friends are gone, and she now has no protection from the TERRIBLE kids that are in her class...
Every day, she comes home with worse and worse stories...
Last week, when a girl hit her and cursed at her and threatened her, seemed to be the point of no return. When she came home with this one, I called the school but the principal was already gone...and before I could call them the next morning, C called me and left a message on my work voicemail that the principal already knew about what happened and took care of it.
Turns out that a teacher saw what happened and the girl ended up getting expelled.
But, if anything, things got worse for C, and it seems to have triggered a total disregard for human decency when it comes to how the kids are treating my daughter. They LOCKED her out of a room? They called her a WHAT?
She has an important eighth grade test thing at school tomorrow, and then I'm picking her up after it's over, and I'm never taking her back.
Never.
The really funny thing is that this is a private school, and so I'm actually paying them to have my daughter treated this way. And you have to sign a form when you register that, if for any reason your child is withdrawn from the school, you still have to pay for the whole year.
I will fight to the end before they get any more of my money.
Right now, I'm looking at homeschooling her for the rest of the year, as I've already bought all the books...
But I'm just at a loss, and so sad. She got all A's and B's on her report card last week, which is the best she's done in a year and a half. Her teachers are wonderful. I'm afraid that, academically, this will hurt her.
Her soul is more important to me right now, though. NO ONE could survive in an environment like that.
Crying again...
I guess we'll see what happens.
Most recently, watching Animal Planet's 'Heart of a Lioness'...I can't believe I got hooked into watching it, right to its devastating end...
Dumb show...
The first time I cried was at work today, after hearing over the phone the latest terrible thing that happened at my daughter's school today...
My daughter has never had an easy time of it at school...for some reason the boys and the bullies have decided she's an easy target, and they make her life miserable, every day. But she's been able to stand it because she's had a few friends in the past...
It seems that since school started this year, though, her friends are gone, and she now has no protection from the TERRIBLE kids that are in her class...
Every day, she comes home with worse and worse stories...
Last week, when a girl hit her and cursed at her and threatened her, seemed to be the point of no return. When she came home with this one, I called the school but the principal was already gone...and before I could call them the next morning, C called me and left a message on my work voicemail that the principal already knew about what happened and took care of it.
Turns out that a teacher saw what happened and the girl ended up getting expelled.
But, if anything, things got worse for C, and it seems to have triggered a total disregard for human decency when it comes to how the kids are treating my daughter. They LOCKED her out of a room? They called her a WHAT?
She has an important eighth grade test thing at school tomorrow, and then I'm picking her up after it's over, and I'm never taking her back.
Never.
The really funny thing is that this is a private school, and so I'm actually paying them to have my daughter treated this way. And you have to sign a form when you register that, if for any reason your child is withdrawn from the school, you still have to pay for the whole year.
I will fight to the end before they get any more of my money.
Right now, I'm looking at homeschooling her for the rest of the year, as I've already bought all the books...
But I'm just at a loss, and so sad. She got all A's and B's on her report card last week, which is the best she's done in a year and a half. Her teachers are wonderful. I'm afraid that, academically, this will hurt her.
Her soul is more important to me right now, though. NO ONE could survive in an environment like that.
Crying again...
I guess we'll see what happens.
Tuesday, June 7, 2005
A way...
My daughter woke me up at 1:30 a.m. to tell me she couldn't sleep...
Oh, the drama that ensued...
I finally got her settled down and not crying any more (don't ask me why she was crying, I think it has something to do with being almost 13)...
She finally went to sleep...
But here I am, still awake. Have to work in the morning.
And can I wake anyone up and tell them I can't sleep? Nooo...
The joys of parenting...:)
Oh, the drama that ensued...
I finally got her settled down and not crying any more (don't ask me why she was crying, I think it has something to do with being almost 13)...
She finally went to sleep...
But here I am, still awake. Have to work in the morning.
And can I wake anyone up and tell them I can't sleep? Nooo...
The joys of parenting...:)
Wednesday, May 4, 2005
Wednesday...sheesh...can it be next year already?
24 comments on my Hubble entry...wow...stop the madness! I'm SO not used to people visiting so much, but it was great fun while it lasted... :)
I need a pep talk...I'll give it to myself...
Self! Stop sleepwalking through life...stop living in a fog...WAKE UP!
Since I'm sleepwalking lately, there's not much to talk about...or not much my subconscious wants me to talk about...is there a difference?
I can't find the film for the NY trip. I put them on top of the piano and they disappeared. No one has any idea what happened...
I read the book Angela's Ashes this week (yes, I know the rest of the country read it years ago!), which then led me to read the book 'Tis...it was very enjoyable reading 'Tis, which was set in NY. Now that I've been there I can envision where everything is, it makes everything so much more clear!
I also just finished reading Angels & Demons, which was very very good...okay, I couldn't put the book down, it was THAT good!
I also took a break from serious reading and read a couple of my daughter's teen Meg Cabot books...I like Meg Cabot's grown-up books and since my daughter's teen books were just laying there, I just had to read them...they took about 45 minutes to read but hey! they were still good...stop laughing at me...
My daughter has slept in my bed the past two nights, because she saw a spider on the ceiling in her room. The spider got away.
I have conflicting emotions on this...on one hand, I can TOTALLY sympathize...if the spider had been in my room, most likely I would be sleeping somewhere else, as well. On the other hand, it is SOOOOOOOOO uncomfortable and crowded when C sleeps with me...she kicks me and elbows me (in her sleep!) and finally I get up in the morning an hour early just to get some rest!
I did a lot of talking and finally convinced her the spider was long gone and she could sleep in her room again tonight...
Sometimes it seems like being a parent is all about doing fast talking!
I need a pep talk...I'll give it to myself...
Self! Stop sleepwalking through life...stop living in a fog...WAKE UP!
Since I'm sleepwalking lately, there's not much to talk about...or not much my subconscious wants me to talk about...is there a difference?
I can't find the film for the NY trip. I put them on top of the piano and they disappeared. No one has any idea what happened...
I read the book Angela's Ashes this week (yes, I know the rest of the country read it years ago!), which then led me to read the book 'Tis...it was very enjoyable reading 'Tis, which was set in NY. Now that I've been there I can envision where everything is, it makes everything so much more clear!
I also just finished reading Angels & Demons, which was very very good...okay, I couldn't put the book down, it was THAT good!
I also took a break from serious reading and read a couple of my daughter's teen Meg Cabot books...I like Meg Cabot's grown-up books and since my daughter's teen books were just laying there, I just had to read them...they took about 45 minutes to read but hey! they were still good...stop laughing at me...
My daughter has slept in my bed the past two nights, because she saw a spider on the ceiling in her room. The spider got away.
I have conflicting emotions on this...on one hand, I can TOTALLY sympathize...if the spider had been in my room, most likely I would be sleeping somewhere else, as well. On the other hand, it is SOOOOOOOOO uncomfortable and crowded when C sleeps with me...she kicks me and elbows me (in her sleep!) and finally I get up in the morning an hour early just to get some rest!
I did a lot of talking and finally convinced her the spider was long gone and she could sleep in her room again tonight...
Sometimes it seems like being a parent is all about doing fast talking!
Thursday, September 23, 2004
Peace, quiet, blessings untold
Monday was a very bad day here...we've had bad days every day for three weeks, so I was getting used to it. Then I went to Open House on Monday night, and, wow, did I wish I was somewhere else. The past three weeks of drama have definitely showed up at school, too. All her teachers showed me their records, in which my beautiful girl's grades started out A, A, then...nothing. That's right - weeks worth of assignments not even turned in.
I KNEW something was up, when she came home every day saying she had no homework!
And then Tuesday morning was bad, also...and I just knew I had to do something different. I've already done different things ... I took her to our doctor ... then I took her to a different doctor ... they're evaluating different things and I'm really hopeful about it. But in the meantime, I felt like she was drowning and I needed to do something NOW, instead of waiting for the evaluating to be done with. I was just so tired of, and worried about, the same terrible events happening every morning and evening...
So I didn't go to work Tuesday. I took her to school, went back home, picked her back up from school at 3.
I did the same thing Wednesday, and Thursday (today).
I've realized quite a few things, in these three days off.
1. There are all kinds of great TV programs on during the day. I normally get to watch only one thing throughout the week, so I had a hard time tearing myself away from the TV. 'Charmed', 'MacGuyver', 'Full House' (!), and lots and lots of classic Trek, TNG, DS9...I noticed from the TV Guide that 'Dawson's Creek' and 'Buffy' were also on, but unfortunately I don't get those channels - it's a good thing I have those series already on tape and DVD! I'm a TV fanatic, and it's been a long time...
2. I've been so busy I haven't had time for basic things. Like vacuuming. It was a great relief to be able to do such simple, yet mandatory, stuff...
3. When you get back home after dropping her off at school, that's a really good time for a nap.
4. The main thing is, I realized the effect that my working so much has had on her. I've seen many different things happen over the past few days, the most important of which is that my daughter blossoms under my constant attention and encouragement. The reason I took the last three days off was to spend every waking moment with her...joined at the hip, so to speak. Picked her up from school...heard the day's good and bad things...got home and sat down with her to do her homework - lots and lots and lots of make-up work to do this week! It was kind of like she was in prison, but she seemed so happy.
We've had two full drama-free days, and I KNOW it's because of all the care and attention I lavished on her. There are a few problems, now. A 12-year old shouldn't have to be constantly monitored and lavished with attention...but I'm sure the counseling will help with that. Another problem is that I have to go back to work tomorrow, and she will once again be with less patient people until I get off. I'm really worried about that one. The worst thing, of course, is that I get home around 6 p.m., and there's just not a lot of quality time, when it's just three hours to get homework, supper, and bath...
It's obvious that I have to do something different...I don't know how...we'll work it out, somehow...
I do know that I'm feeling so much better since I went to the doctor myself, and I'm still feeling hope that things can work out, and I've so enjoyed and appreciated the past few days of peace and laughter.
I KNEW something was up, when she came home every day saying she had no homework!
And then Tuesday morning was bad, also...and I just knew I had to do something different. I've already done different things ... I took her to our doctor ... then I took her to a different doctor ... they're evaluating different things and I'm really hopeful about it. But in the meantime, I felt like she was drowning and I needed to do something NOW, instead of waiting for the evaluating to be done with. I was just so tired of, and worried about, the same terrible events happening every morning and evening...
So I didn't go to work Tuesday. I took her to school, went back home, picked her back up from school at 3.
I did the same thing Wednesday, and Thursday (today).
I've realized quite a few things, in these three days off.
1. There are all kinds of great TV programs on during the day. I normally get to watch only one thing throughout the week, so I had a hard time tearing myself away from the TV. 'Charmed', 'MacGuyver', 'Full House' (!), and lots and lots of classic Trek, TNG, DS9...I noticed from the TV Guide that 'Dawson's Creek' and 'Buffy' were also on, but unfortunately I don't get those channels - it's a good thing I have those series already on tape and DVD! I'm a TV fanatic, and it's been a long time...
2. I've been so busy I haven't had time for basic things. Like vacuuming. It was a great relief to be able to do such simple, yet mandatory, stuff...
3. When you get back home after dropping her off at school, that's a really good time for a nap.
4. The main thing is, I realized the effect that my working so much has had on her. I've seen many different things happen over the past few days, the most important of which is that my daughter blossoms under my constant attention and encouragement. The reason I took the last three days off was to spend every waking moment with her...joined at the hip, so to speak. Picked her up from school...heard the day's good and bad things...got home and sat down with her to do her homework - lots and lots and lots of make-up work to do this week! It was kind of like she was in prison, but she seemed so happy.
We've had two full drama-free days, and I KNOW it's because of all the care and attention I lavished on her. There are a few problems, now. A 12-year old shouldn't have to be constantly monitored and lavished with attention...but I'm sure the counseling will help with that. Another problem is that I have to go back to work tomorrow, and she will once again be with less patient people until I get off. I'm really worried about that one. The worst thing, of course, is that I get home around 6 p.m., and there's just not a lot of quality time, when it's just three hours to get homework, supper, and bath...
It's obvious that I have to do something different...I don't know how...we'll work it out, somehow...
I do know that I'm feeling so much better since I went to the doctor myself, and I'm still feeling hope that things can work out, and I've so enjoyed and appreciated the past few days of peace and laughter.
Monday, August 16, 2004
Messed up...
For such a beautiful song about beauty in simple things, it’s seems so poignant sometimes.
Where would I be if I hadn’t started my journal back in February? I thought it would help me make sense of things, and it has. But I never thought that I would meet such wonderful people who would become such good friends to me.
Julie, Jan, Anna, Anita, Mary, everyone, thank you for your friendship.
Although ‘Thank you’ just doesn’t seem like enough.
***
I just don’t quite know what exactly I did this summer to put me in this position. It’s no one else’s fault but mine.
We’re not ready for this week. We’re not prepared to go to the end of the year.
I’m always fixated on the mistakes I’ve made in the past, even though I know I should let them go…God’s already forgotten them. Now I have another mistake to add to the list.
I’ve dropped the ball.
I’m feeling…frantic. I have to go figure out how to climb myself out of a hole, and in the meantime present a calm front to my daughter, which I haven’t been very successful in doing lately. I wish there were more than me.
I’m sure I’ll figure things out. I hope it gets done sooner than later. I wish I could skip this process and already be There, over There, having jumped over this point to the next point where I don’t feel like such a failure.
More half full later, I hope…
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