Once in a lifetime...

Yogi Berra, Don Larsen - Moments after Don's perfect game, 1956 World Series, Game 5

Way back a long, long time ago, Dwayne and I were on a bowling league. Every Saturday night, we bowled. We had our own bowling balls, bags and shoes - we were serious!

But even though I loved bowling, I wasn't very good at it. My average was only 112, and that was after lots of practice and studying. 

Yes, studying...I always study up when I do something, even a new sport. So when I started bowling, I went to the library, and got bowling books. It's well established - I'm geeky that way.

One bowling Saturday, though, I blew my average out of the water. I hit 'the zone' that night. To this day I have no idea how I did it, but from my first few practice shots until my last shot of the third game, I couldn't miss.

THE ZONE.

What I remember specifically about that night is how focused I was. I KNEW that I wouldn't miss. Every time I grabbed my ball and walked up to the lane, the world narrowed and I knew exactly what was going to happen.

So...what WAS that? The next week things were back to normal, I was just me again with my 112 average. I don't know if I've ever experienced anything like that ever again. I don't know if I want it to happen again, either...it's a little unsettling to think about, like it was someone else doing this awesome thing, not me.

Have YOU ever been in 'the zone'? Have you ever been able to recapture it? Would you want to?

Keep your head up...

Lollapalooza is streaming live this weekend...it's almost as good as being there.

Going to concerts, something I used to love to do, is a thing of my past. My life is work, home, sleep.

I feel like I live a false existence. I've always had a lot of things - I spread my interests around. Books. Art. Writing. Music.

But in the past few years, while my world crumbled, all of my things went away.

Who was I?

I'm not saying that we're defined by what we do or what we like...but it's been a struggle to stay awake when I bore myself to sleep.

I used to be able to sit in silence for hours...but that was my choice. When the choice was taken from me because my mind couldn't come up with anything, it was agony.

I've been building myself back up.

I thought books would come back to me first, because they were my first and greatest love. But books have been holding out on me. I can reread my favorites...and short stories are easy. But anything new that requires any deep thinking is still beyond me.

Art is a distant memory. My new self has shaky hands and blurry vision. I can appreciate art, but I can no longer create it.

The writing is coming back to me. It's unexpected...I thought I would be blocked forever. I don't know how long it will last, and I'm taking advantage of it while I can.

I miss my music. I miss it so much. My keyboard and my violin and my guitar all sit in the corner of my room, collecting dust. I haven't touched them in over two years. I CAN'T.

I would sit and play for hours. It seems like it's one of my biggest hurdles. How hard can it be to just grab an instrument and start playing?

I'm working on it.

Now I'm going back to pretending I'm at Lollapalooza... live feeds are wonderful things.

To your hearts

Music: Come Undone - Duran Duran

My grandma's still in the hospital...last night she needed a blood transfusion. She seems to be getting sicker, the longer she's in there.
I'd rather talk about how amazing my grandma is...I've covered a lot of ground here, though, so I may repeat myself.

1. My afghan. You have to see it to appreciate it. It's huge, every color of the rainbow, and some kind of complicated pattern...Moma has made many afghans over the years, but mine is the most special and beautiful thing ever. You would think I was the favorite, it's that beautiful. She loves me, and every night when I sleep under the afghan she made for me so many years ago, I'm reminded of it.

2. My books. My parents moved me away to Germany when I was ten and it devastated me to be away from my grandma, and it devastated her, too. She sent me letters, and tapes, and books... Every single book was a special, huge classic book, with an inscription inside from her telling me how much she loved me. The Little House books, Little Women, Heidi, Ballet Shoes, and more, these books still populate my bookshelf, and remind me of the time when we may have been separated by distance, but she refused to let me forget how much we loved each other.

3. Travel. I've seen so many different places, most of it thanks to my grandmother. She herself has been to 46 states and nine countries. She decides she wants to see a place and just...goes there. And sometimes, if I'm around, I'm lucky enough to get to go, too. Otherwise, I might catch her when she gets back and she says, oh, I drove to so-and-so for the week, it was great. !!!

4. Hair. I have very long, curly brown hair. My grandmother is directly responsible for this, as she kept cutting all my hair off every time she ever got me alone. You can see in photo albums from my childhood when my summer-long stays at Moma's house were, because the 'before' pictures always showed me with long tangled hair, and the 'after' pictures were always me with short hair looking like a boy, with a very sad look on my face. I rebelled at eighth grade and said no more haircuts and I meant it, I've never had short hair again. And it's all her fault.

And she is still trying to this day, I don't think a conversation goes by without her mentioning haircut this or haircut that, or how good I'd look with short hair, etc. When my grandma doesn't get her way she never stops trying until she does get her way. Every conversation, every day, forever.

5. Inspiration. She didn't go beyond the eighth grade, but she studied and got her GED. She was the daughter of a tobacco farmer, born and raised in the holler, and she married and divorced and at twenty-two was a single mom. She made the hard decision to leave the babies with her mom while she left the holler and went north to work, and then when she had made enough to buy a house, she moved the babies and her mom up north to Louisville to live. My grandma was the original working, single mom, way before it became fashionable. She's the strongest person I know.

Yes, we just have to remember that...she's the strongest person we know.

Some book...

There are 11 different reading books listed for my class this semester…and when I went to buy them, Gray’s was sold out of one of them.
"That’s okay", I thought, "I’ll try the U of L bookstore…"
Sure…
No bookstore in town had the book…I went online to order it, and Amazon.com said it would take five to six weeks to get, since it was OUT OF PRINT.
What?
Why did my teacher assign an out of print book for reading in this class?
(sigh)
I called every new and used bookstore in town, TWICE, and they didn’t have it. Either time that I called.
No one had ever even heard of the book.
Except the guy at Twice-Told Books in the Highlands…he said, "Oh, about the Wobblies?," and I excitedly said, "Yes!", and he said, "No, if I had that I would probably keep it."
Oh.
The public library didn’t have it.
The U of L library had two copies, one already checked out, one lost.
I was too embarrassed to contact my teacher about it, since I’m already on the high maintenance list, having emailed him twice so far this semester…
Then…
My supervisor overheard me telling Barnes & Noble that I would drive to the edge of the earth if I had to, if they could just tell me where I could get this book (I’m exaggerating slightly here), and told me to find out if the University of Kentucky library had it…if they did, she would tell her son who goes to school there to check it out for me if I was willing to drive down to Lexington to get it.
She was probably just joking, but I did it anyway.
And that’s how I ended up driving to Lexington and back last night after work just to pick up a book for school.
In the car, for four hours.
While it snowed, rained, and sleeted.
I can’t decide whether I should be frustrated at professors who assign out of print books for class and bookstores who don’t/can’t buy enough of those books to supply the students…
or if I should be delighted at the kindness of regular people, like my supervisor’s son, who doesn’t know me and still checked out a book on his card for some flaky girl, and my sister-in-law, who, instead of me driving alone in the dark and not knowing where I was going, agreed to go along for the ride…
We had a pretty good time.
When I got the book in my hands, it was like the skies opened up and the angels were singing…
Usually when I go to Lexington, it’s only to go to Rupp Arena … this time, we went via Versailles Road … and, I’ve heard of this, and seen pictures of it, but it was still disconcerting, when…
We drove by a castle.
We finally got home about 11 p.m.
I fell asleep reading the book. I think I made it to page 2. That’s not the book’s fault, though, because the book is really great, I know now why he assigned it.

Rebel Voices: An IWW Anthology by Joyce Kornbluh

Living today...

Do you ever let a day go by and realize that it held no meaning? What did I do today? I don’t know…
My daughter was sick again this morning and couldn’t go to school, so my aunt came over and stayed with her and I went in to work late. What did I do? I tried to make sense of work…I haven’t worked a full day in so long, there’s piles and piles of paperwork and emails and voicemails and faxes to work on…but that’s okay, I love a challenge…
One of my co-workers asked me for help on a problem and then broke down and cried at her desk…I hugged her, commiserated, and offered her a game plan…
I went on break early so that I could go to the bank, and to the radio station to pick up my free movie tickets, and to get some gas, and while I was out I got something to eat, and I read some of my book…
I reluctantly went back in to work, called my daughter’s doctor, emailed my professor and let him know I wouldn’t be at school tonight…and continued working…
At about four o’clock, I went into the bathroom at work and stood at the sink…with the worst headache in the world…and I looked absolutely haggard. I leaned on the sink and ran some cold water and held my hands underneath it, thinking for some reason that it would help…
It didn’t help my headache, but it did succeed in making a few of my co-workers think that I’m even more strange than they already thought…also, it made my hands nice and cold and tingly…
When I finally left work, it was dark, and cold, and beautiful, but I was unaffected…I came home…what did I do? Talked to my daughter…nagged her to do her homework (big argument there – I had her call and get her assignments so she wouldn’t be behind when she went back to school…) and straighten up the bathroom…tucked her in bed. Mainly, I just read and finished my book.
So…here I am, at the end of the day, and I didn’t really do anything. Nothing meaningful, nothing deep…no lasting conversations…nothing happened that really meant anything. I wasted a whole day.
I was so tired today, working on about three hours of sleep. Can I blame nothing-ness on being tired? There’s no excuse…
I have to try harder, to LIVE.

The story...

Yesterday was ENT day! My daughter wasn’t miraculously healed that day, unfortunately, but the doctor we saw was still wonderful and I left there feeling better about things. She put my daughter on a different medicine and we have to go back in two weeks. It sounds a lot like what we have been doing the last couple months! But this time, it’s not the same old doctor going, "I think this and I think that"…at least this doctor KNOWS what’s going on and what to do next. THANK GOODNESS!
I’ve seriously slacked in my journal lately, and so, I thought I’d write this:
This is what I do:

1. I’m a single mom, to a beautiful 12-year old daughter. I don’t usually talk much, unless someone asks about her, and then it’s like a fountain (you know, PLEASE shut me up!)…so that everyone who knows me knows everything about her…
2. I work full-time…Monday – Friday, 9 a.m. to 5:30 p.m. (or 9:15 to 5:45, really just when I happen to manage to make it in)…in the international brokerage accounting department of a really big package delivery service.
3. I’m a perpetual student…I’m taking one class this semester, ‘Radical Fiction’, with a bunch of really young, good-looking kids…I don’t know when I started getting older than my classmates...It’s a little depressing…
4. I’m an Awana leader Sunday nights…I love it…
5. Okay, now I’m bored, I was going to go on about the nights I work out at the Y, and being D’s girlfriend, and a ‘Cats fan, and a reader…I also apparently have a short attention span because I just can’t stick with this list anymore!

So, what to do, when you’re inspired to write an entry, and then get bored with it? It reminds me of when I saw Metallica in concert a few years ago…they started singing "Shortest Straw" and were at least a third of the way through the song when James Hetfield just stopped and said…"I’m bored."
Did I have a point? I think we’re back to that attention span thing again…
And so now, because I really miss writing here but I can’t get my mind to focus on a proper entry, here is the list of paperbacks I have in the little bookcase by my bed (how many bookshelves and bookcases do I have? I can’t count them all…this little one is the smallest and cutest…):
Okay, there a few videotapes in the shelf, too, because they are conveniently almost the same size as paperbacks, yay! We’ve got:

1. 11 recorded videotapes worth of ‘Angel’, season 5…(I’ve got to hang on to them until it comes out on DVD J …)
2. UK v. U of L December 2004 (college basketball for those not in the know…I record most games, and keep them forever and ever if they turn out as wonderful as this one did…)
3. Movies: For Love of the Game, Reality Bites, Dazed and Confused…

Books:
(Not all, but certainly a lot of my favorite books are on this bookshelf, which is why it’s close to my bed…)

• Ender’s Game
by Orson Scott Card (The BEST BOOK EVER always goes to the top of the list…)

Ender’s Shadow

by Orson Scott Card

Shadow of the Hegemon

by Orson Scott Card

Shadow Puppets

by Orson Scott Card

Speaker for the Dead

by Orson Scott Card

Xenocide

by Orson Scott Card

Children of the Mind

by Orson Scott Card

Seventh Son

, Red Prophet, Prentice Alvin, Alvin Journeyman, Heartfire, and Crystal City by Orson Scott Card

The Memory of Earth

, The Call of Earth, The Ships of Earth, Earthfall, and Earthborn, by Orson Scott Card

The Abyss

by Orson Scott Card

The Worthing Saga

by Orson Scott Card

Pastwatch: The Redemption of Chistopher Columbus

by Orson Scott Card (OKAY, the advertisement for OSC is over now, back to regularly scheduled programming…)

God Game

by Andrew M. Greeley

For the Roses

by Julie Garwood (I'm pretty sure this is the best historical romance novel I've ever read. And trust me, I've read...um...most of them!)

Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood

by Rebecca Wells

Lucy Sullivan is Getting Married

by Marian Keyes

Watermelon

, Rachel’s Holiday, and Angels by Marian Keyes

The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe

, Prince Caspian, The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, The Silver Chair, The Horse and His Boy, The Magician’s Nephew, and The Last Battle by C. S. Lewis

Good Omens

by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett

Neverwhere

by Neil Gaiman

Stardust

by Neil Gaiman (Okay, another commercial, this one for Neil Gaiman…all of his other books, as well as the Sandman graphic novels, are in hardback on another bookshelf…)

The Prophet

by Kahlil Gibran

Persuasion

by Jane Austen

The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook

by Joshua Piven and David Borgenicht

Ultimate Pocket World Factfile

The Declaration of Independence

The Constitution of the United States of America

The Hobbit

, The Fellowship of the Ring, The Two Towers, and The Return of the King by J. R. R. Tolkien

Webster’s New World Dictionary

Cassell’s New Compact German Dictionary

Harper Collins Spanish Dictionary

The Natural Remedy Bible

by John Lust, N.D. and Michael Tierra, C.A., O.M.D.

Laura: The Life of Laura Ingalls Wilder

by Donald Zochert (Laura’s actual books are on a different bookshelf…but this is a great biography of her life from an outsider’s view. I’m going to write sometime of my visit in June 2000 to De Smet, SD, and Walnut Grove, MN, where she grew up…it was a dream come true for me!)

Leap of Faith: An Astronaut’s Journey Into the Unknown

by Gordon Cooper

Apollo 13

by Jim Lovell and Jeffrey Kluger

Genesis: The Story of Apollo 8

by Robert Zimmerman

The Steel Albatross

by Scott Carpenter

Jupiter

by Ben Bova

Moonwar

by Ben Bova

All Quiet on the Western Front

by Erich Maria Remarque

Anne Frank: The Diary of a Young Girl

Earthlight

by Arthur C. Clarke

Dolphin Island

by Arthur C. Clarke

Our Town

by Thornton Wilder

The Outsiders

by S.E. Hinton
Okay!  Now that I've had my fun, I have to go put some eardrops in my daughter's ear now.  Story of my life...
Good night.

Just taking up space...

I cleaned my desk off...(HUGE MOMENTOUS EVENT)...it looks really pretty...it's been a long time since I've seen the surface of it, you know? 
I actually did a sort-of overhaul to try to make room for more books in here...It didn't really work.  I have limited space (a VERY small house) so I'm constantly trying to weed out my books to make room for new ones.  The problem is, I usually don't buy a book unless it's something I plan on keeping, so, invariably, more comes in than goes out.
The class I'm taking this semester (Radical Fiction) is taught by the same guy I had last year...and the first two books he's having us read are the same ones he made us read last time: Jack London's The Iron Heel (great book, I kept this one) and Emma Goldman's Anarchism and Other Essays.  I'm not an Emma Goldman fan, so she was in the Salvation Army bag ready to go when I first went to the class this week...thank goodness they hadn't picked up yet, I saved $$$...the moral is you should keep ALL books and just rent a warehouse to keep the excess.  Wouldn't that be awesome?
Update on daughter's ear:  Went to the doctor this week and he took the wick out with a skinny tweezer type thing...my daughter was very VERY nervous and scared, and this nurse didn't help: "Why are you here today?", and then, "Oh my goodness, that is terrible, I've never heard of this happening!"  What kind of nurse says something alarming like this in front of a child?
Doctor said to keep giving her the antibiotic eardrops until they're gone, as ear is still not better...her ear has gotten more and more swollen every day this week...I'm going to stop now because it's depressing me even more to write about this...I've latched on to January 24th as THE DAY that all of our problems will be solved!
Here's my results to this quiz, I thought it was pretty funny and accurate:

What box do you get put in? brought to you by Quizilla

I hate it when my eyes won't stay open...

One of my favorite artists is Grimshaw...
Well, my daughter missed school Monday and I took her to the doctor...came home without an antibiotic, I knew we would....just like last time, and I knew she would get sicker and end up on it anyway...sure enough, by Thursday, she had the ear infection to end all ear infections and missed school again, and is back on an antibiotic (sigh)...but by Friday evening she seemed to be feeling a lot better, so that's good.  At least she wasn't on the bed, holding her ear and crying anymore.  I know it's not the doctors' fault, so it's no use being upset with them, right? !!!
I'm done! I'm done! I started painting my daughter's room...two weeks ago...and we're finally done! Last night, I was painting the baseboards and got closer and closer to the end, I kept hearing the "Hallelujah" chorus in my head...I'm done! I'm done!
Well, sort of.  She wants to sponge paint purple and pink designs on the new white walls...that's fine...and all her furniture is still spread throughout the rest of the house...that's fine, too...so okay, I'm MOSTLY done!  I'm MOSTLY done!
I think I slept the whole night through last night.  I'm so proud of myself!  (LOL just like a new baby...)  Well, I vaguely remember getting up once to use the bathroom and then bumping into the wall and saying "Ouch" and then falling back into bed, but that doesn't count since I went right back to sleep. 
The lightbulb is still out in my room.  It's hard to get anything done when it's dark in here all the time.  Will someone change it already?  Do I have to do everything around here?!  Wait...(looking around)....(signs are pointing to 'Yes')...(unless I make the short 12-year old do it)...okay...maybe I'll change it today.
Since it's Saturday and 7:30 a.m., I think I'm going to make myself a Diet Pepsi and get back in bed and read my book for a couple hours...with a flashlight.

Curious sense of inertia

I can't get moving...
I've gotten back into playing Solitaire, Vegas style.  I'm currently -$653.  I just need one more hand, one more hand, so I don't lose my house...
My daughter didn't go to school Tuesday, or Wednesday.  I stayed home with her, even though I didn't have any days left at work.  Who needs a job?
She went back to school today and I thought, okay, why not take another day off (and really be poor)?  This way, I can get rid of some stuff in her room!  I can never get rid of anything in there while she's home, because she absolutely NEEDS everything she has.  She has stuff in there she hasn't looked at in ten years.  So I got a garbage bag for all the McDonald's toys and scrap paper, and a box to put books in.  She has the same book problem I do, too many books and too little space.
I was really getting somewhere, too, but then I got a call from school to go pick her up, still sick.  So I go get her, bring her back home, and WWIII starts when she realizes I've messed with her books. ! ! ! 
I don't know what I was thinking.  I'm very possessive of my books, and, guess what, so is she!
She was very mad at me.
85% of the books that I had packed to go to Salvation Army are now back on the shelves.  She begrudgingly let me have the other 15%, only because they are books that she either had duplicates of, or never finished because she didn't like them..
I hope she feels better tomorrow...I'm a little worried because she's complaining of a headache, and that's rare for her, especially off and on for two days now.  I hear tummy ache often, but not headache.  I'm taking her to the doctor tomorrow if she still doesn't feel well in the morning.
Otherwise, things are going okay...still having some problems but I'm working through them.  I have a beautiful daughter, and wonderful family and friends.  I'm very blessed and thankful to be here!
 

Woo hoo! It's Sunday...

And my daughter just left town with my grandparents to spend the night at their farm -
Free time! Free time! Whatever will I do?
I’m thinking that maybe I’ll start cataloging my books and weeding some out of my bookshelves to make room for the piles of books on my desk and on the floor. I have to do this every so often because I just don’t have enough room, and I hate it! I don’t want to part with ANY of them…
I’m also thinking maybe I’ll try to do the weekend assignment for a change – the problem is that all my favorite pictures are of my daughter, and I just don’t feel comfortable right now posting her picture, so I’ll have to find something else I like…we’ll see…
I just saw the movie ‘Love Actually’, and it is wonderful.
Hey! My daughter’s gone, and I can watch whatever I want on TV, or take a nap, or go out for a jog…wait, I can go out, period, wherever I want…
I just don’t know what to do with myself, it’s like the reverse of when you were a teenager and your parents went out of town (LOL)…
I’m off now, to try and be irresponsible for a few minutes, it’ll be hard but I’ll give it my best shot!
***
p.s.  D's birthday went very well...apparently it doesn't matter what I get him, he loves it, and me, regardless.  :)

How to spend $100 in one day...

Went to the used bookstore today…with $10 credit…and made the mistake of taking my daughter with me…she picked out more books that I did! I ended up using my credit, and then I had to whip out the debit card.
Spent at bookstore: $23

Then went to Chuck E Cheese…kind of a last weekend before school thing…so she could play games in search of tickets and I could balance my checkbook before we went to the movies (though all I really did was read one of my new books!). We also decided to eat lunch there.
Spent at Chuck E Cheese: $40
Then went to the movies, to see "Princess Diaries 2", which bears hardly any resemblance to the books but was still a good movie. Julie Andrews sings in this one! Of course, to enjoy the movie, we didn’t need just Julie Andrews, we also had to have popcorn (me), and Gummi Bears (my daughter)…
Spent at the movies: $31
And then, after the movie, we stopped back at Chuck E Cheese to get our picture taken, because we didn’t have time to do it before the movie. Of course, once we got there, more money went to "just a few more games". I actually did balance my checkbook the second time we went there, which is when I realized just how much money I had spent today…
Spent at Chuck E Cheese (2nd time): $6
(gulp)
Wasn’t I supposed to make my car payment this week? Oh well…
We had a really nice day. We went out to eat that evening, and by then my boyfriend was done with all his exciting mowing and weed-eating so he could join us, and I no longer had to worry about all the money that was flying away, and we came home to watch the Olympics (that part, at least, was free)…
And you know,
Being one-on-one with your daughter the last weekend before school?: PRICELESS

I'm going to sleep now. Really.

No matter how late I stay up, I still have to get up at 7 a.m.  It'll be earlier than that when school starts next month.  Why can't I go to bed earlier? 
I swear, it's the laundry.
I took my mom out to eat for her birthday today, to her favorite restaurant (Tumbleweed).  She wanted to go to the one that's really far away...as my daughter and I were driving there to meet her, we figured out why...there's a bookstore in the same shopping center, to which Mom received about $150 worth of gift certificates for at her birthday party Saturday.  She thought she was being slick...so my daughter and I got to the restaurant first, ordered our drinks, and as soon as Mom came in and sat down, we asked her what time the bookstore closed. 
The guilty look on her face was priceless!  We collapsed in laughter...
I'm so thankful for my mother, and for my daughter, and for today.

Tired tired tired

And it's raining, raining, raining all the time anymore. 

And lightning and thunder, also.

I took my daughter to Penney's last night to get a bathing suit.  We also bought a belt for her.  It felt like such a normal thing to do... I never go shopping for clothes, but it seems my 11-year old does.  I go to bookstores only, usually.  I also do midnight visits to Wal-Mart and Walgreens.

After we (thankfully) left the mall, I decided we should go to Barnes & Noble to use the gift certificate I got for Mother's Day.

The nearest Barnes & Noble is on the other side of the world from where I live.  I wasn't quite sure how to get there from where I was without backtracking to the Watterson.  So I just decided to head east and figured I'd make it there eventually...

Until I made a wrong turn and found myself going towards the freeway.  Okay, freeway it is!

We got on the freeway and then the skies opened up and dropped more rain on us.  And it was such a beautiful thing...

The freeway we were on runs in a circle around the outside edge of the city...and it's a beautiful drive anytime, really...lots of hills and valleys and meadows and woods to see.  Right when the rain started, the sun had set and it was that moment between light and dark...it was soft gray, and the rain made the greens of the trees and the hills stand out.

The semi trucks were causing fogs of mist to hang over the freeway, and we came over a hill and the valley opened up before us.  I was so glad we came that way!

We did lots more that evening.  We made it to the bookstore, where we couldn't even enjoy ourselves because it got dark and then the winds came at 50-60 mph, making eerie howling noises outside the store...and if I wasn't nervous enough, my grandmother called me three times while I was there, with "Where are you?", and "Did you know there was a flash flood watch?", etc...

We left the bookstore in the middle of the monsoon and drove for a nerve-wracking 30 minutes to get back home. 

But before I went to sleep last night, I forgot all about the scariness of the storm...I only remembered the beauty of the twilight!

Replacement assignment

I'm going to have to ditch John Scalzi's weekend assignment, I've wracked my brain all weekend and am coming up with a blank on the bad advice.  I'm doing Anna's assignment, instead.  It's still not easy for me to answer some of these questions, either, and also, my answers all seem pretty bland.  I'm trying to avoid the connection between my answers and what that says about my personality. :(
Here we go:
1. What year was the best year of your life?  See, already this is hard.  I have no idea.  Maybe 1989-1990?
2. One animal or insect that Noah should have left off the ark?  ALL INSECTS ARE BAD.  They can crawl on you while you sleep. 
3. Do you make a wish before blowing out your birthday candles? Yes.  I remember every wish I ever made on my birthday.
4. Do you generally open your bills on the day that you receive them? hahahahahaha
5. How many pillows are on your bed?  Three.  Two regular ones, and one wonderful one that makes me so happy.
6. Favorite ice cream flavor?  Ice cream questions are always hard, since I hardly ever eat it.  I like chocolate-peanut butter milkshakes.  And I like homemade vanilla ice cream once a year on Fourth of July.
7. What is the most dominant color in your wardrobe?  Black.  Everything is black.
8. Have you ever seen a ghost?  No.
9. Would you rather go to a carnival or circus?  A carnival.
10. Favorite meal: breakfast, lunch, or dinner?  Dinner. There's more options, I think.
11. Your favorite fictional animal?  This is another hard question.  A mythical animal like a unicorn?  Or something like Rafiki from "The Lion King"? 
12. Have you ever flown first-class?  No.  I wish.  Especially the long flights to and from Germany.
13. Would you go on a reality show?  Never.  I don't want to be on TV.  And I don't want to eat bugs, camp out, and/or be stuck with the same people for weeks.  Remember Sartre's "No Exit"?
14. Are you more optimistic or pessimistic about the future?  Pessimistic.  What future?
15. Pancakes or waffles?  Nice, crispy waffles.  
16. If you could own a home anywhere in the world, where would it be?  I want that house on that island in "The Thomas Crown Affair".  I would also like a house in the mountains of Eastern Kentucky where my mother's family came from, and a house in Scotland where their family came from.  
17. Your favorite Soup of the Day?  I don't eat soup.  Except for when I'm sick, then I'll eat only Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup.
18. What site is a must see for all visitors to your city?  First, the view from I-65 South crossing the Ohio River into Louisville at night, this is the best view of our beautiful skyline.  Cave Hill Cemetery.  Churchill Downs.  There's also a gigantic baseball bat outside the Louisville Slugger Museum down on Main Street.  And you should go down to the river and visit the Waterfront Park, Slugger Field, and take a cruise.
19. Can you recommend a good restaurant in your city?  My favorite non-chain restaurant in Louisville is the CHINA INN by U of L.  It's the favorite hangout of all police officers and college students.  It's not fancy, but it's awesome. 
20. You go to the zoo; What is the one animal that you want to see?  The penguins and the polar bears. Also the gorillas.
21. Potatoes, rice, or pasta; Whichis your favorite?  Pasta, it's always pasta.  
22. What is the best movie that you've seen this year?  I liked Lost in Translation.
23. One of your favorite books when you were a child?  This is hard, because I read everything, basically, when I was a child, and I still have my old books and I still love to re-read them.  But specifically, I would have to say the Little House books.  I loved Laura Ingalls Wilder so much that I made a pilgrimage a couple of years ago to her childhood homes in South Dakota and Minnesota.   It was thrilling to see all these places I knew by heart from reading her books.
24. What in your life are you most grateful for?  My family.
25. You are home alone and use the bathroom; do you close the door?  Yes.
26. What is your favorite small appliance?  I love my washer and dryer.  Um, that's not very small, is it?  Okay, the only other thing I use is the microwave.
27. Salty snacks or sweet treats?  Both, together.  
28. Are you usually a little early, a little late, or right on time?  Late late late.
29. What is the most daring thing that you have ever done?  The list is too long.  Really.
30. Have you ever met someone famous?  No.
31. What was one of your favorite games as a child?  Now I'm getting depressed.  I can't remember having a favorite game.  I know I must have, but I'm drawing a blank.  I'm really not that old, what is wrong with me?!!!
32. At what age have you looked your best?  18, and 20-21.
33. One person that never fails to make you laugh?  My funny, silly daughter.
34. What was the first music that you ever bought?  AAAAGH!  I have no idea.  It would have had to be something heavy metal...   
35. If you could change one thing about your family life when you were a child, what would it be?  The skeletons are too deep in the closet for me to talk about this one.
36. What is the one thing that you cook that always receives compliments?  Heath Bar cake.
37. From what news source do you receive the bulk of your news?  News radio.
38. In the last calendar year, how many people have you told that you love them?  14, I think.
39. Who received your first kiss?  Terry.
40. The single most important quality in a mate?  That he loves me.
41. What do you value most in a relationship?  Love.  Honesty.  No fear.
42. Do you believe that you have a soulmate?  Yes.  He's a good friend of mine.
43. Do you consider yourself well organized?  At work, yes.  At home, I need help.
44. On average, how many times a day do you look at yourself in the mirror? In the morning.  And, I guess when I'm washing my hands in the bathroom at work.  
45. Did you ever make a prank phone call?  Yes, when I was young before callerID was invented.
46. What one quality do you seek in a friend?  I'm not sure.  We have to be 'kindred spirits'...you know it when you feel it.
47. Have you ever killed an animal?  No.
48. When you were twelve years old, what did you want to be when you grew up?  I didn't know.  I STILL don't know.
49. Do you believe in an afterlife?  Yes.
50. What would you like to accomplish with the remaining years of your life?  I want to successfully raise my daughter to be a beautiful, strong, independent woman.  And I just want to be happy.  Maybe someday...

My 2nd favorites: the list

I'm turning my assignment in on time now, some of these really gave me trouble.  Now I'll go do my real homework that's due tomorrow...
John's Weekend Assignment #2: Describe your second-favorite of the following:
(Here's my Disclaimer: Second favorites may change at any time as tastes change and people grow up.  That said, here is my pretty juvenile list:)
Movie:
The Shawshank Redemption
This was a hard decision, but I'm basing this on the number of times I've seen it.  And nothing can top the last 20 minutes of the movie.
Book:
I'm a reader and it's very hard to pick favorites when I love them all.  Ask me any day my second favorite and I will tell you a different book.  Today I'm going to say
Dolphin Island by Arthur C. Clarke
Album:
Buffy The Vampire Slayer: Once More, With Feeling.  We listen to it the most because it's something my daughter and I both enjoy. 'Under Your Spell' is my favorite track, 'I've Got A Theory' is hers.
School teacher:
Mrs. Graham, 2nd & 3rd grades.  I'll never forget how caring she was.
Ice cream flavor:
I'm not a real ice cream fan, and I hardly ever eat it, but...I like Reese's Blizzards from Dairy Queen.  Does that count?
Sports team:
Chicago Cubs - It's probably Wrigley Field that does it for me.
Comfort food:
The thing I make most often after peanut butter & jelly?  That would be KRAFT Original Macaroni Cheese.
Celebrity crush:
Ed Harris.  You know why.  He's ED HARRIS.
Cartoon character:
Lilo from Lilo & Stitch.  She's so cute, and she loves Elvis.
Way to relax:
Playing the piano.  You forget all your worries and just play.

Spring Break

Of all the places we could go...

My daughter's spring break... oh, when will it be over?

I decided against taking her somewhere big since I could only get off work for three days in the middle of the week, and it wouldn't be cost-effective, and we're taking a big trip up to Chicago in a couple weeks.  

But now I know I should have taken her somewhere, anyway, due to the amount of money I'm spending keeping us doing "fun" things around town.

It's really my fault - both of us would rather just lay around the house than do anything else.  But then I would be compelled to pay bills or reorganize my books or something.  

So for two days now, we've gone and gone and gone.  Next time I'll know what to do - take her anywhere that's not here and let her watch Disney Channel all day at the hotel while I read my books.  That way I won't be guilted into being productive like I would be by staying at home, and we wouldn't be running all over town dropping money and getting tired from all the fun we're having.

So far, we've done two movies, the science museum, Chuck E Cheese, two 'fun' restaurants, as well as spending $57 at Barnes `& Noble (books are my downfall every time).  The only free thing we did was spend a couple hours at the Main Library downtown.

Thursday, if it doesn't rain, it will be Six Flags.  And then, though I can't believe I'm saying this, I'll thankfully go back to work on Friday.  I need the money.

It really has been fun just spending time with my daughter - the best part has been talking in the car as we're going from place to place!

I think it's time for Prozac

I woke up late today, but not too late.  6 a.m.  But I still didn't get myself ready to go to work.  I did manage to get my daughter up and take her to school.  I came back home and still had time to get ready and make it to work on time.  

Instead, I just sat there.  Finally, I took my shower, came out, and sat on my bed some more.  9 a.m. Finally, the moment came when I was supposed to be at work.  I had to decide whether I was not going, or going in for just a half-day. 

Finally, I hit upon the third option, just be late.  That decided, I called my supervisor, let her know, finished getting ready, and went to work.  I got there at 10 a.m. 

Since January 1 of this year, I've missed five days of work, been late twice, and left early once. 
I went on some shopping sprees and have, literally, dozens of new books that I need to read.  (Some people go shopping for clothes.  I go shopping for books.)  Now I can't stand the sight of them lying around.  They remind me of everything I have to do and that I'm not doing, and also the exorbitant amount of money I spent.

I could go on but I'm now more depressed than I was when I started.  This didn't make me feel better like I thought it would.  I don't know what my problem is, I just know that I'm in a major funk.

I do find it interesting that I've missed lots of work, yet I haven't missed a class this semester, and I'm faithfully going to the gym three days a week.  Maybe not that interesting, after all.  It just means that I hate my job.  Also definitely trying to do too much, between my extracurricular activities, and ferrying my daughter around town to her extracurricular activities. 

I just want to sleep.  All the time.