Thursday, February 3, 2005
Some book...
There are 11 different reading books listed for my class this semester…and when I went to buy them, Gray’s was sold out of one of them.
"That’s okay", I thought, "I’ll try the U of L bookstore…"
Sure…
No bookstore in town had the book…I went online to order it, and Amazon.com said it would take five to six weeks to get, since it was OUT OF PRINT.
What?
Why did my teacher assign an out of print book for reading in this class?
(sigh)
I called every new and used bookstore in town, TWICE, and they didn’t have it. Either time that I called.
No one had ever even heard of the book.
Except the guy at Twice-Told Books in the Highlands…he said, "Oh, about the Wobblies?," and I excitedly said, "Yes!", and he said, "No, if I had that I would probably keep it."
Oh.
The public library didn’t have it.
The U of L library had two copies, one already checked out, one lost.
I was too embarrassed to contact my teacher about it, since I’m already on the high maintenance list, having emailed him twice so far this semester…
Then…
My supervisor overheard me telling Barnes & Noble that I would drive to the edge of the earth if I had to, if they could just tell me where I could get this book (I’m exaggerating slightly here), and told me to find out if the University of Kentucky library had it…if they did, she would tell her son who goes to school there to check it out for me if I was willing to drive down to Lexington to get it.
She was probably just joking, but I did it anyway.
And that’s how I ended up driving to Lexington and back last night after work just to pick up a book for school.
In the car, for four hours.
While it snowed, rained, and sleeted.
I can’t decide whether I should be frustrated at professors who assign out of print books for class and bookstores who don’t/can’t buy enough of those books to supply the students…
or if I should be delighted at the kindness of regular people, like my supervisor’s son, who doesn’t know me and still checked out a book on his card for some flaky girl, and my sister-in-law, who, instead of me driving alone in the dark and not knowing where I was going, agreed to go along for the ride…
We had a pretty good time.
When I got the book in my hands, it was like the skies opened up and the angels were singing…
Usually when I go to Lexington, it’s only to go to Rupp Arena … this time, we went via Versailles Road … and, I’ve heard of this, and seen pictures of it, but it was still disconcerting, when…
We drove by a castle.
We finally got home about 11 p.m.
I fell asleep reading the book. I think I made it to page 2. That’s not the book’s fault, though, because the book is really great, I know now why he assigned it.
Rebel Voices: An IWW Anthology by Joyce Kornbluh
Tuesday, February 1, 2005
Living today...
Do you ever let a day go by and realize that it held no meaning? What did I do today? I don’t know…
My daughter was sick again this morning and couldn’t go to school, so my aunt came over and stayed with her and I went in to work late. What did I do? I tried to make sense of work…I haven’t worked a full day in so long, there’s piles and piles of paperwork and emails and voicemails and faxes to work on…but that’s okay, I love a challenge…
One of my co-workers asked me for help on a problem and then broke down and cried at her desk…I hugged her, commiserated, and offered her a game plan…
I went on break early so that I could go to the bank, and to the radio station to pick up my free movie tickets, and to get some gas, and while I was out I got something to eat, and I read some of my book…
I reluctantly went back in to work, called my daughter’s doctor, emailed my professor and let him know I wouldn’t be at school tonight…and continued working…
At about four o’clock, I went into the bathroom at work and stood at the sink…with the worst headache in the world…and I looked absolutely haggard. I leaned on the sink and ran some cold water and held my hands underneath it, thinking for some reason that it would help…
It didn’t help my headache, but it did succeed in making a few of my co-workers think that I’m even more strange than they already thought…also, it made my hands nice and cold and tingly…
When I finally left work, it was dark, and cold, and beautiful, but I was unaffected…I came home…what did I do? Talked to my daughter…nagged her to do her homework (big argument there – I had her call and get her assignments so she wouldn’t be behind when she went back to school…) and straighten up the bathroom…tucked her in bed. Mainly, I just read and finished my book.
So…here I am, at the end of the day, and I didn’t really do anything. Nothing meaningful, nothing deep…no lasting conversations…nothing happened that really meant anything. I wasted a whole day.
I was so tired today, working on about three hours of sleep. Can I blame nothing-ness on being tired? There’s no excuse…
I have to try harder, to LIVE.
Sunday, January 30, 2005
Sunday Morning, Coming Down...
I'm working myself up to making a meaningful entry...I've been doing fluff for so long, I don't know if I can remember how to do anything else...but I'm working up to it.
It's unfortunate that the first time I've been clear-headed since Thursday has to be at 3:21 a.m. on a Sunday morning. Well, I'm not really clear-headed, since I'm actually still kind of stopped up, but at least my nose isn't running and I'm not in a medicated fog (that Tylenol Nighttime Flu medicine packs quite a punch!).
I was still the walking dead Friday night...fell asleep on the couch...I had to wake up, give my daughter her medicine, tuck her in bed, fell back asleep, woke up Saturday morning with my daughter complaining she was sick...me thinking, "I know that, you've been sick for months"...and then she threw up in the bathroom..."Oh, that kind of sick."
So all day my poor baby ran a fever and had nausea...and then, about six p.m., it's like a switch turned off and she started feeling better. I don't know what it was, but thank goodness it's over.
We went to my aunt's birthday party today at my grandma's house...which my daughter missed all of as she went upstairs to 'her' room as soon as we got there and slept the whole time. It was a great party, for once...no family arguments, no one got mad at anyone else and left...no one made anyone else cry. It was great! Probably I enjoyed it so much because I wasn't actually there, I spent most of the time upstairs watching my daughter sleep, because the minute I tried to leave 'her' room she would wake up and say, "Mommy? Where are you?" LOL It's like she knew I was trying to go and get some birthday cake!
My dad bought me a new scanner for Christmas, and I finally opened the box tonight...I think I might hook it up tomorrow. It's actually a scanner/printer/copier, so, last weekend, I set up my daughter's computer in her room, and hooked up my old printer in there. I think I've mentioned before, she is ARTSY, you should see what she's creating in paint and printing out! I tried to tell her, print cartridges are expensive...(sigh)...I guess I know who's going to buy the new cartridges...I'll tell my boyfriend to get right on that! LOL!
Friday night, I was sooo sick and miserable, and D came in and brought us supper, and he had bought me a bouquet of flowers...red roses and yellow and pink and purple flowers (I don't know what the other ones were)...but they were oh so pretty and so unexpected!
I couldn't even smell their pretty fragrance, because, you know, I couldn't breathe, but it was so sweet...
I'm going to try and go to sleep, now...
Good night.
It's unfortunate that the first time I've been clear-headed since Thursday has to be at 3:21 a.m. on a Sunday morning. Well, I'm not really clear-headed, since I'm actually still kind of stopped up, but at least my nose isn't running and I'm not in a medicated fog (that Tylenol Nighttime Flu medicine packs quite a punch!).
I was still the walking dead Friday night...fell asleep on the couch...I had to wake up, give my daughter her medicine, tuck her in bed, fell back asleep, woke up Saturday morning with my daughter complaining she was sick...me thinking, "I know that, you've been sick for months"...and then she threw up in the bathroom..."Oh, that kind of sick."
So all day my poor baby ran a fever and had nausea...and then, about six p.m., it's like a switch turned off and she started feeling better. I don't know what it was, but thank goodness it's over.
We went to my aunt's birthday party today at my grandma's house...which my daughter missed all of as she went upstairs to 'her' room as soon as we got there and slept the whole time. It was a great party, for once...no family arguments, no one got mad at anyone else and left...no one made anyone else cry. It was great! Probably I enjoyed it so much because I wasn't actually there, I spent most of the time upstairs watching my daughter sleep, because the minute I tried to leave 'her' room she would wake up and say, "Mommy? Where are you?" LOL It's like she knew I was trying to go and get some birthday cake!
My dad bought me a new scanner for Christmas, and I finally opened the box tonight...I think I might hook it up tomorrow. It's actually a scanner/printer/copier, so, last weekend, I set up my daughter's computer in her room, and hooked up my old printer in there. I think I've mentioned before, she is ARTSY, you should see what she's creating in paint and printing out! I tried to tell her, print cartridges are expensive...(sigh)...I guess I know who's going to buy the new cartridges...I'll tell my boyfriend to get right on that! LOL!
Friday night, I was sooo sick and miserable, and D came in and brought us supper, and he had bought me a bouquet of flowers...red roses and yellow and pink and purple flowers (I don't know what the other ones were)...but they were oh so pretty and so unexpected!
I couldn't even smell their pretty fragrance, because, you know, I couldn't breathe, but it was so sweet...
I'm going to try and go to sleep, now...
Good night.
Thursday, January 27, 2005
Aches, pains...
...stuffy head, runny nose, headache, did I mention runny nose?
I'm miserable. I'd cry but it would only make my nose run more. I guess it's a sinus infection, as I've had this pressing pain behind my eye and buzzing in my ears for about a week...I knew this was coming.
:(
I have to go feel sorry for myself some more...
I'm miserable. I'd cry but it would only make my nose run more. I guess it's a sinus infection, as I've had this pressing pain behind my eye and buzzing in my ears for about a week...I knew this was coming.
:(
I have to go feel sorry for myself some more...
Tuesday, January 25, 2005
The story...
Yesterday was ENT day! My daughter wasn’t miraculously healed that day, unfortunately, but the doctor we saw was still wonderful and I left there feeling better about things. She put my daughter on a different medicine and we have to go back in two weeks. It sounds a lot like what we have been doing the last couple months! But this time, it’s not the same old doctor going, "I think this and I think that"…at least this doctor KNOWS what’s going on and what to do next. THANK GOODNESS!
I’ve seriously slacked in my journal lately, and so, I thought I’d write this:
This is what I do:
- I’m a single mom, to a beautiful 12-year old daughter. I don’t usually talk much, unless someone asks about her, and then it’s like a fountain (you know, PLEASE shut me up!)…so that everyone who knows me knows everything about her…
- I work full-time…Monday – Friday, 9 a.m. to 5:30 p.m. (or 9:15 to 5:45, really just when I happen to manage to make it in)…in the international brokerage accounting department of a really big package delivery service.
- I’m a perpetual student…I’m taking one class this semester, ‘Radical Fiction’, with a bunch of really young, good-looking kids…I don’t know when I started getting older than my classmates...It’s a little depressing…
- I’m an Awana leader Sunday nights…I love it…
- Okay, now I’m bored, I was going to go on about the nights I work out at the Y, and being D’s girlfriend, and a ‘Cats fan, and a reader…I also apparently have a short attention span because I just can’t stick with this list anymore!
Did I have a point? I think we’re back to that attention span thing again…
And so now, because I really miss writing here but I can’t get my mind to focus on a proper entry, here is the list of paperbacks I have in the little bookcase by my bed (how many bookshelves and bookcases do I have? I can’t count them all…this little one is the smallest and cutest…):
Okay, there a few videotapes in the shelf, too, because they are conveniently almost the same size as paperbacks, yay! We’ve got:
- 11 recorded videotapes worth of ‘Angel’, season 5…(I’ve got to hang on to them until it comes out on DVD J …)
- UK v. U of L December 2004 (college basketball for those not in the know…I record most games, and keep them forever and ever if they turn out as wonderful as this one did…)
- Movies: For Love of the Game, Reality Bites, Dazed and Confused…
(Not all, but certainly a lot of my favorite books are on this bookshelf, which is why it’s close to my bed…)
- Ender’s Game by Orson Scott Card (The BEST BOOK EVER always goes to the top of the list…)
Okay! Now that I've had my fun, I have to go put some eardrops in my daughter's ear now. Story of my life...
Good night.
Sunday, January 23, 2005
The time has come...
And I never thought I would say it, but…I need to get a second phone line. My daughter has morphed into a teenager-type person, seemingly overnight. She and her little giggly friends are on the phone with each other for HOURS and HOURS, talking about who-knows-what…
I can’t even get online until after she goes to bed, and my journaling has been severely affected by this!
I’m just so happy that she finally has a group of friends to talk to, that’s why I’m willing to just let her talk, it’s wonderful to see her so happy!
Oh, and the time has also come…
For the ENT appointment! Yay! Tomorrow, we FINALLY go to the new ENT and will find out (hopefully?!) exactly what is going on with her ear and what to do next… (The latest update: Last week, the doctor took her off the eardrops, thinking that maybe there was some kind of fungal thing causing it to not heal, as she had regressed and her ear was just as swollen and draining as it was a month ago…so he put her on an oral steroid and an oral anti-fungal medicine, she also is taking Tylenol with codeine at night for the pain.)
(sigh)
I had a little meltdown the other night, as I was tucking her into bed and thinking that her ear was never ever going to get better…I know that is not true, but in the middle of the night when you’re alone and stressed, your mind does bad things to you sometimes…my family was asleep and I desperately needed someone to talk to…and I remembered that I had the most wonderful friends online who are always there for me…Thank You to all my dear friends who think about and pray for us and send healing thoughts our way, and thank you especially, Julie, Angel, and Anna, you really, really helped me this week when I needed it, I love you all.
Monday, January 17, 2005
January 17...
"Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere…" – Martin Luther King, Jr.
When I was younger, I was convinced that he was one of the best men who ever lived...right up there with Jesus, and my grandpa. :)
Now that I'm older, I don't just believe it, I KNOW it.
Sometimes I try to figure out what things would be like today if he had never been...or if any other person has ever had such an impact on the course of a nation...but mostly, I'm just grateful...humbled...and always inspired.
Saturday, January 15, 2005
Just taking up space...
I cleaned my desk off...(HUGE MOMENTOUS EVENT)...it looks really pretty...it's been a long time since I've seen the surface of it, you know?
I actually did a sort-of overhaul to try to make room for more books in here...It didn't really work. I have limited space (a VERY small house) so I'm constantly trying to weed out my books to make room for new ones. The problem is, I usually don't buy a book unless it's something I plan on keeping, so, invariably, more comes in than goes out.
The class I'm taking this semester (Radical Fiction) is taught by the same guy I had last year...and the first two books he's having us read are the same ones he made us read last time: Jack London's The Iron Heel (great book, I kept this one) and Emma Goldman's Anarchism and Other Essays. I'm not an Emma Goldman fan, so she was in the Salvation Army bag ready to go when I first went to the class this week...thank goodness they hadn't picked up yet, I saved $$$...the moral is you should keep ALL books and just rent a warehouse to keep the excess. Wouldn't that be awesome?
Update on daughter's ear: Went to the doctor this week and he took the wick out with a skinny tweezer type thing...my daughter was very VERY nervous and scared, and this nurse didn't help: "Why are you here today?", and then, "Oh my goodness, that is terrible, I've never heard of this happening!" What kind of nurse says something alarming like this in front of a child?
Doctor said to keep giving her the antibiotic eardrops until they're gone, as ear is still not better...her ear has gotten more and more swollen every day this week...I'm going to stop now because it's depressing me even more to write about this...I've latched on to January 24th as THE DAY that all of our problems will be solved!
Here's my results to this quiz, I thought it was pretty funny and accurate:
What box do you get put in? brought to you by Quizilla
I actually did a sort-of overhaul to try to make room for more books in here...It didn't really work. I have limited space (a VERY small house) so I'm constantly trying to weed out my books to make room for new ones. The problem is, I usually don't buy a book unless it's something I plan on keeping, so, invariably, more comes in than goes out.
The class I'm taking this semester (Radical Fiction) is taught by the same guy I had last year...and the first two books he's having us read are the same ones he made us read last time: Jack London's The Iron Heel (great book, I kept this one) and Emma Goldman's Anarchism and Other Essays. I'm not an Emma Goldman fan, so she was in the Salvation Army bag ready to go when I first went to the class this week...thank goodness they hadn't picked up yet, I saved $$$...the moral is you should keep ALL books and just rent a warehouse to keep the excess. Wouldn't that be awesome?
Update on daughter's ear: Went to the doctor this week and he took the wick out with a skinny tweezer type thing...my daughter was very VERY nervous and scared, and this nurse didn't help: "Why are you here today?", and then, "Oh my goodness, that is terrible, I've never heard of this happening!" What kind of nurse says something alarming like this in front of a child?
Doctor said to keep giving her the antibiotic eardrops until they're gone, as ear is still not better...her ear has gotten more and more swollen every day this week...I'm going to stop now because it's depressing me even more to write about this...I've latched on to January 24th as THE DAY that all of our problems will be solved!
Here's my results to this quiz, I thought it was pretty funny and accurate:
What box do you get put in? brought to you by Quizilla
Monday, January 10, 2005
A week?
My phone line has been messed up for a couple of weeks now.
And it wouldn’t matter at all, at all, to those of us who hate talking on the phone…
Except that I still connect to AOL by modem…and it takes me at least five tries to get connected…and I haven’t been able to stay online long enough to get through my emails without getting kicked off…and I’ve pretty much given up visiting any journals until my phone line is fixed, because by the time I’ve pulled up a page, the line has kicked me off again.
I’m writing this offline and then I’m going to try to post it QUICK, just in and out!, so we’ll see if it works…
The phone company, whom we called way back before the new year (!) started, is supposed to come out tomorrow and fix it.
Today was first day of classes at U of L…and by some miracle, I managed to get my stuff together and make the right phone calls and get the right info and actually get registered, as opposed to last semester!
So, I took the day off from work to get all this stuff done. The last thing to do was my daughter’s doctor appointment at 4:00 p.m. The plan was to leave the doctor, go on down to U of L, and my mom would meet me down there so she could get my daughter, since my class started at 5:30 p.m. and I wouldn’t have time to take C anywhere else.
Except that my mom got caught in traffic and couldn’t meet me after all. I had to take my 12-year old with me on my first day of school.
LOL! You had to be there…I sat her down in the study area right outside my class, with a Happy Meal for supper, her GameBoy for entertainment, and my cell phone in case she got nervous.
On the walk back to the car after class was over, she had lots of questions about college and what kind of classes you could take. I told her that she could take whatever she wanted within the requirements of the major that she chose…she immediately said, "Well, MY major is going to be ART."
::groan::
Even though I cringed, I didn’t say a word about Art degrees and the possibilities for gainful employment…after all, who am I to talk, with the degree I already have in Philosophy (and no philosophical jobs to be found!)? J
All in all, though I was a little apprehensive about taking her with me, it turned out to be a fine evening!
P.s. Ear update: the ear wick worked great for a few days but then didn’t fall out, instead it slipped down inside her ear and now is blocking the medicine from going on. She’s back to itching and pain and yet another doctor appointment tomorrow. That ENT appointment on the 24th can’t come fast enough!
P.p.s My dad called me this evening…he has a house up in Southern Indiana on the White River where all the terrible flooding was…I felt really bad after I talked to him because I WONDERED why he hadn’t called me…turns out he had gone up there to check on the house then got trapped by the rising water all around the area and was stuck through the weekend until some people on a boat came and picked him up and took him to dry land. It’s a house on stilts (well, not really on stilts, but you know what I mean, built up real high) because it’s on the river, and the water STILL came up three feet into the first floor of the house. I’m so thankful he made it home okay!
Dad took this picture from the roof area of the house:
Sunday, January 2, 2005
New year, same story...
Well, I had a whole entry written and then AOL kicked me off, so now I'm rewriting this and not in nearly as good a mood as I was in...I knew I should have written it offline and copied and pasted...
Here's the update on my daughter's ear...by Thursday night it was completely swollen again, so the eardrops wouldn't go in at all...I took her to the doctor Friday morning and he was very concerned, to say the least. This is the first time we've seen her regular doctor in a while, because every time we went back the last few times we had to see the on-call doctors and he wasn't there...
Anyway, it was great to see him, it just made me feel better knowing how concerned he was about her. He put a 'wick' in her ear...it looks exactly like what it sounds like, a candle wick...so that the eardrops can actually make it inside her ear by traveling through the wick...it's supposed to fall out within the week. He also prescribed her new, different antibiotic eardrops.
(I've lost count of the total doctor visits and different prescriptions this has come to so far. My insurance is good, but I still have to pay co-payments: $15 for each office visit, and $25 for each RX. $$$! But I would pay anything if she would only get better...)
He also wants her to see her ENT when this clears up, because this has dragged on so long, something definitely isn't right. I was so happy to say, yay, I finally did something right, because I already scheduled the appointment with the ENT for January 24th. SURELY this will be cleared up by then?!
I'm feeling very hopeful now, for the first time in a while, because her ear is much less swollen now than it was on Friday. Also, the draining has stopped, thank goodness! (Some draining is good...except her ear was draining going on three weeks without stopping...causing an oozing sore on the outside of her ear where it was draining...). She's still having some itching but on the whole things are looking better...cautiously optimistic here...this newfangled wick thing seems to be working...
I'm going to close this with a quiz I found in Angel's journal...I love these wonderful quizzes, because 1) they can help you think about where you are and what you're doing with your life, and 2) well, no explanation needed, the best kind... :) :
THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Michelle
2. Mommy
3. Hey! (That's my boyfriend's specialty LOL!)
THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
I can't answer this one, I've only had one screen name the whole time I've been on AOL...
THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. I like that I learned how to play piano.
2. I like that books are my friends.
3. I like that sometimes I'm a little funny.
THREE THINGS YOU HATE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. I hate that sometimes I let things slip away...there it goes...bye...
2. I hate that sometimes I have trouble getting started...getting moving...getting motivated...
3. I hate that I forget things...all the time...what? when?
THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. Scottish
2. Irish
3. Cherokee
(in other words: that of anyone with ancestors from the Appalachian mountains)
THREE THINGS YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND:
1. The stock market
2. Mechanics
3. Did I mention the stock market?
THREE THINGS THAT ANNOY YOU:
1. Having to talk on the telephone when I'm at home.
2. People that come over, unannounced.3. People that say they're leaving and then stand at the door for another hour.
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:1. Tornados
2. World War II / The Holocaust
3. Windows at night that don't have curtains
THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:1. Diet Pepsi
2. Chocolate
3. A hug from my daughter
THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:1. Gray sweat pants
2. Blue t-shirt
3. Hair clip
THREE THINGS ON YOUR DESK:
1. Trivial Pursuit electronic game
2. My daughter's mood ring (she discovered tonight that it turned her finger green so she left it on MY desk. Then she debated wearing it on her thumb so she could have a 'GREEN thumb.' LOL! She cracks me up...)
3. Gus Grissom Memorial Brochure (in Spring Mill State Park, Mitchell, Indiana)
THREE THINGS YOU SAY THE MOST:
1. Wow...
2. Cool...
3. Hmmm... (insert proper vagueness in there, so the person talking is never sure if I'm listening or if I'm in Michelle-fantasy-land...with my daughter, she never doubts that I'm listening, she's a narcissistic twelve-year old! With my boyfriend, he's pretty sure I'm NOT listening, even if Iam, so he'll repeat everything twice...)
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS AT THE MOMENT:
1. The Beatles
2. U2
3. Metallica
(I know, I'm not exactly in the moment here...)
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITES SONGS AT THE MOMENT:
1. Both Sides Now - Joni Mitchell
2. Out of this World - Bush
3. Ain't No Sunshine - Bill Withers
THREE PEOPLE YOU SPEND THE MOST TIME WITH:1. My daughter
2. My boyfriend
3. My mom
THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOUR CLOSE FRIENDS:1. They know me. I can relax.
2. I know them. They can relax.
3. We make each other laugh.
THREE THINGS YOU WOULD WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:1. Love
2. Trust
3. Respect
THREE THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:1. Humor
2. Honesty
3. Intelligence
THREE THINGS YOU CAN'T DO:1. Can't... figure out what I'm doing wrong here...2. Can't... seem to get this desk cleaned up once and for all...
3. Can't... get up in the morning for work if I don't go to bed soon...
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:1. Reading
2. Playing piano
3. Hmmm...what do I put for this third one...whitewater rafting?...memorizing things?...learning new languages?...(or rather, attempting to learn new languages)...or the really embarrassing one, going to the Y and working out?
THREE THINGS YOU WANT REALLY BAD RIGHT NOW:1. Solutions and an end to the suffering over there.
2. My daughter's ear to be all better.
3. Sleep.
THREE CAREERS YOU'VE CONSIDERED:1. You name it...
2. I considered it...
3. That's why it took me nine years to graduate from college.
THREE PLACES YOU WOULD GO ON VACATION:1. The Arctic Circle
2. Scotland
3. Peru
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Maybe possibly get married. Maybe.
2. See my daughter grow up into a beautiful young woman.
3. I would really, really like to see a human land on Mars.
Here's the update on my daughter's ear...by Thursday night it was completely swollen again, so the eardrops wouldn't go in at all...I took her to the doctor Friday morning and he was very concerned, to say the least. This is the first time we've seen her regular doctor in a while, because every time we went back the last few times we had to see the on-call doctors and he wasn't there...
Anyway, it was great to see him, it just made me feel better knowing how concerned he was about her. He put a 'wick' in her ear...it looks exactly like what it sounds like, a candle wick...so that the eardrops can actually make it inside her ear by traveling through the wick...it's supposed to fall out within the week. He also prescribed her new, different antibiotic eardrops.
(I've lost count of the total doctor visits and different prescriptions this has come to so far. My insurance is good, but I still have to pay co-payments: $15 for each office visit, and $25 for each RX. $$$! But I would pay anything if she would only get better...)
He also wants her to see her ENT when this clears up, because this has dragged on so long, something definitely isn't right. I was so happy to say, yay, I finally did something right, because I already scheduled the appointment with the ENT for January 24th. SURELY this will be cleared up by then?!
I'm feeling very hopeful now, for the first time in a while, because her ear is much less swollen now than it was on Friday. Also, the draining has stopped, thank goodness! (Some draining is good...except her ear was draining going on three weeks without stopping...causing an oozing sore on the outside of her ear where it was draining...). She's still having some itching but on the whole things are looking better...cautiously optimistic here...this newfangled wick thing seems to be working...
I'm going to close this with a quiz I found in Angel's journal...I love these wonderful quizzes, because 1) they can help you think about where you are and what you're doing with your life, and 2) well, no explanation needed, the best kind... :) :
THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Michelle
2. Mommy
3. Hey! (That's my boyfriend's specialty LOL!)
THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
I can't answer this one, I've only had one screen name the whole time I've been on AOL...
THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. I like that I learned how to play piano.
2. I like that books are my friends.
3. I like that sometimes I'm a little funny.
THREE THINGS YOU HATE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. I hate that sometimes I let things slip away...there it goes...bye...
2. I hate that sometimes I have trouble getting started...getting moving...getting motivated...
3. I hate that I forget things...all the time...what? when?
THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. Scottish
2. Irish
3. Cherokee
(in other words: that of anyone with ancestors from the Appalachian mountains)
THREE THINGS YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND:
1. The stock market
2. Mechanics
3. Did I mention the stock market?
THREE THINGS THAT ANNOY YOU:
1. Having to talk on the telephone when I'm at home.
2. People that come over, unannounced.3. People that say they're leaving and then stand at the door for another hour.
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:1. Tornados
2. World War II / The Holocaust
3. Windows at night that don't have curtains
THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:1. Diet Pepsi
2. Chocolate
3. A hug from my daughter
THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:1. Gray sweat pants
2. Blue t-shirt
3. Hair clip
THREE THINGS ON YOUR DESK:
1. Trivial Pursuit electronic game
2. My daughter's mood ring (she discovered tonight that it turned her finger green so she left it on MY desk. Then she debated wearing it on her thumb so she could have a 'GREEN thumb.' LOL! She cracks me up...)
3. Gus Grissom Memorial Brochure (in Spring Mill State Park, Mitchell, Indiana)
THREE THINGS YOU SAY THE MOST:
1. Wow...
2. Cool...
3. Hmmm... (insert proper vagueness in there, so the person talking is never sure if I'm listening or if I'm in Michelle-fantasy-land...with my daughter, she never doubts that I'm listening, she's a narcissistic twelve-year old! With my boyfriend, he's pretty sure I'm NOT listening, even if Iam, so he'll repeat everything twice...)
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS AT THE MOMENT:
1. The Beatles
2. U2
3. Metallica
(I know, I'm not exactly in the moment here...)
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITES SONGS AT THE MOMENT:
1. Both Sides Now - Joni Mitchell
2. Out of this World - Bush
3. Ain't No Sunshine - Bill Withers
THREE PEOPLE YOU SPEND THE MOST TIME WITH:1. My daughter
2. My boyfriend
3. My mom
THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOUR CLOSE FRIENDS:1. They know me. I can relax.
2. I know them. They can relax.
3. We make each other laugh.
THREE THINGS YOU WOULD WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:1. Love
2. Trust
3. Respect
THREE THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:1. Humor
2. Honesty
3. Intelligence
THREE THINGS YOU CAN'T DO:1. Can't... figure out what I'm doing wrong here...2. Can't... seem to get this desk cleaned up once and for all...
3. Can't... get up in the morning for work if I don't go to bed soon...
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:1. Reading
2. Playing piano
3. Hmmm...what do I put for this third one...whitewater rafting?...memorizing things?...learning new languages?...(or rather, attempting to learn new languages)...or the really embarrassing one, going to the Y and working out?
THREE THINGS YOU WANT REALLY BAD RIGHT NOW:1. Solutions and an end to the suffering over there.
2. My daughter's ear to be all better.
3. Sleep.
THREE CAREERS YOU'VE CONSIDERED:1. You name it...
2. I considered it...
3. That's why it took me nine years to graduate from college.
THREE PLACES YOU WOULD GO ON VACATION:1. The Arctic Circle
2. Scotland
3. Peru
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Maybe possibly get married. Maybe.
2. See my daughter grow up into a beautiful young woman.
3. I would really, really like to see a human land on Mars.
Thursday, December 30, 2004
It's December 31st...
It’s just another day…but it doesn’t feel like that, does it? Going from December 31st to January 1st is a good thing…you have a whole new year to get it right…
2004 ... lessons learned
1. What did you do in 2004 that you'd never done before? Started an online journal.
2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I never make any resolutions…I have no willpower.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? No
4. Did anyone close to you die? No
5. What countries did you visit? None besides my own...
6. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004? Some semblance of order in my life…
7. What dates from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? Dec.26…I still can’t believe the enormity of what happened…
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? I made it through, still mostly sane…
9. What was your biggest failure? I hate to lose. And if I do, I never talk about it. Next question, please…
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? No…my daughter did and still is suffering with her ear, I wish it was me instead of her…
11. What was the best thing you bought? My DVDs…few, but so cool…
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? I don’t know…
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? I don’t know…
14. Where did most of your money go? Practically? Bills… Frivolously? Books, as usual…
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? It may be superficial, but every time I got an unexpected check in the mail, my daughter and I did the ‘happy money yay!’ dance…
16. What song will always remind you of 2004? 2004? I’m still stuck in 1984 and have the playlist to prove it…
17. Compared to this time last year, you are: One year older…stronger…sheesh, everything else is the same!
18. What do you wish you'd done more of? Sleep
19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Waste time
20. How will you be spending Christmas? Oops…I’m answering this after Christmas…I spent Christmas with my family, grandparents, aunts, cousins and all…
21. How would you rather be spending Christmas? After experiencing Christmas with my family, grandparents , aunts, cousins and all…I’d rather be spending Christmas ALONE
22. Did you fall in love in 2004? No, I’m already in love…
23. How many one-night stands? None!
24. What was your favorite TV program? I discovered Charmed this year! Why didn’t anyone tell me sooner!?
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? I don’t hate anyone.
26. What was the best book you read? I can’t pick just one…
27. What was your greatest musical discovery? Randy Travis! Wow!
28. What did you want and get? Buffy Season 7 to complete my collection…
29. What did you want and not get? Still frivolous…this question probably wasn’t meant to be about material things…but I so need a sustainer pedal for my keyboard…my family keeps dodging the hints…
30. What was your favorite film of this year? I don’t know…I have to think about it…
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I took the day off…can’t remember what I did, I think my mindset was, "I’m doing whatever I want because it’s my birthday"…but I’m sure I still had to get up early, take my daughter to school, pick her up from school, help her with her homework, do laundry…I was 31.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? To have been able to hold my family and myself together a little better towards the end of the year…
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004? I have no fashion concept!
34. What kept you sane? Pills…LOL!
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? None
36. What political issue stirred you the most? Locally, this stupid ‘Say Yes’ amendment (defining marriage between one man and one woman)…there were bumper stickers and signs in yards and it was without a doubt the most mean-spirited, terrible thing…I couldn’t believe it was even on the ballot, and then I really couldn’t believe that my state voted for it…
37. Who did you miss? Mrs. Barbara, a wonderful person who’s in heaven now…
38. Who was the best new person you met? I met many awesome new people this year!
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004: Go to the doctor, they can help…children blossom under your attention…and…strength training not only makes you stronger and more toned, it makes you more coordinated so you don’t knock things over as much as you used to!
2004 ... lessons learned
1. What did you do in 2004 that you'd never done before? Started an online journal.
2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I never make any resolutions…I have no willpower.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? No
4. Did anyone close to you die? No
5. What countries did you visit? None besides my own...
6. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004? Some semblance of order in my life…
7. What dates from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? Dec.26…I still can’t believe the enormity of what happened…
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? I made it through, still mostly sane…
9. What was your biggest failure? I hate to lose. And if I do, I never talk about it. Next question, please…
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? No…my daughter did and still is suffering with her ear, I wish it was me instead of her…
11. What was the best thing you bought? My DVDs…few, but so cool…
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? I don’t know…
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? I don’t know…
14. Where did most of your money go? Practically? Bills… Frivolously? Books, as usual…
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? It may be superficial, but every time I got an unexpected check in the mail, my daughter and I did the ‘happy money yay!’ dance…
16. What song will always remind you of 2004? 2004? I’m still stuck in 1984 and have the playlist to prove it…
17. Compared to this time last year, you are: One year older…stronger…sheesh, everything else is the same!
18. What do you wish you'd done more of? Sleep
19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Waste time
20. How will you be spending Christmas? Oops…I’m answering this after Christmas…I spent Christmas with my family, grandparents, aunts, cousins and all…
21. How would you rather be spending Christmas? After experiencing Christmas with my family, grandparents , aunts, cousins and all…I’d rather be spending Christmas ALONE
22. Did you fall in love in 2004? No, I’m already in love…
23. How many one-night stands? None!
24. What was your favorite TV program? I discovered Charmed this year! Why didn’t anyone tell me sooner!?
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? I don’t hate anyone.
26. What was the best book you read? I can’t pick just one…
27. What was your greatest musical discovery? Randy Travis! Wow!
28. What did you want and get? Buffy Season 7 to complete my collection…
29. What did you want and not get? Still frivolous…this question probably wasn’t meant to be about material things…but I so need a sustainer pedal for my keyboard…my family keeps dodging the hints…
30. What was your favorite film of this year? I don’t know…I have to think about it…
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I took the day off…can’t remember what I did, I think my mindset was, "I’m doing whatever I want because it’s my birthday"…but I’m sure I still had to get up early, take my daughter to school, pick her up from school, help her with her homework, do laundry…I was 31.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? To have been able to hold my family and myself together a little better towards the end of the year…
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004? I have no fashion concept!
34. What kept you sane? Pills…LOL!
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? None
36. What political issue stirred you the most? Locally, this stupid ‘Say Yes’ amendment (defining marriage between one man and one woman)…there were bumper stickers and signs in yards and it was without a doubt the most mean-spirited, terrible thing…I couldn’t believe it was even on the ballot, and then I really couldn’t believe that my state voted for it…
37. Who did you miss? Mrs. Barbara, a wonderful person who’s in heaven now…
38. Who was the best new person you met? I met many awesome new people this year!
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004: Go to the doctor, they can help…children blossom under your attention…and…strength training not only makes you stronger and more toned, it makes you more coordinated so you don’t knock things over as much as you used to!
Last day...
It's my last day of work until 2005...yay! I've been waiting for this day since...um...July, I think, when I used up the last of my vacation days...they start all over again in January.
How's this for a New Year Resolution? I WILL NOT USE ALL MY DAYS TOO QUICKLY!
I have a real problem...it's called, if I have a day off available, I WILL USE IT! What else is it for!? LOL...
So, off to work I go...last night when I came home, I got stuck coming into my driveway...it's been above freezing and melting the foot of snow which isn't as good as it sounds, because now there's no traction, hence, my getting stuck...
I ended up parking half in my grandparent's driveway and half on the sidewalk, that's as far as I could go, so hopefully I won't get stuck trying to get out today...
HI HO!
How's this for a New Year Resolution? I WILL NOT USE ALL MY DAYS TOO QUICKLY!
I have a real problem...it's called, if I have a day off available, I WILL USE IT! What else is it for!? LOL...
So, off to work I go...last night when I came home, I got stuck coming into my driveway...it's been above freezing and melting the foot of snow which isn't as good as it sounds, because now there's no traction, hence, my getting stuck...
I ended up parking half in my grandparent's driveway and half on the sidewalk, that's as far as I could go, so hopefully I won't get stuck trying to get out today...
HI HO!
Monday, December 27, 2004
Well, Hello...
Christmas Blessings 2004:
1. I am blessed by all my wonderful J-land friends, who prayed for and sent healing thoughts for and asked about my daughter...
2. I am blessed by my daughter, who, even with her leaky, itchy ear, dived right into enjoying every minute of Christmas...
3. I am blessed by Him, who managed to look over me in the past seven days and helped me take care of getting my insurance card, my license tags, my traffic ticket, my Christmas presents, my brother's birthday present, my daughter's doctor appointment...I managed to finish decorating my tree...my daughter had her oral antibiotic twice a day all week, as well as her antibiotic eardrops twice a day all week, I caught and got over a terrible headcold and cough that stuck me in bed for a day, and we had a blizzard that dumped ice and snow on the ground and then brought subzero temperatures and my car wouldn't get out of the driveway and there's still cars getting stuck around town...and yet I'm still making it...
4. I am blessed by Himself, the reason for it all...
5. Special recognition goes out this year for the most useful blessing: That of an SUV in the family when a blizzard hits the Ohio Valley three days before Christmas...The 9-12 inches of ice then snow then ice then snow meant that the roads of my city were impassable by all but four-wheel drive vehicles...my mom and her Ford Escape became very, very popular this week...
I've been extremely neglectful of my journal this past week...just too, too much to deal with...My daughter is doing okay...her ear has been draining for almost two weeks now, but it's less swollen than it was...I have no idea if this is good or bad...her ENT appointment will be Jan. 10. She has been having a real problem with it itching, especially at night! We've had several sleepless nights lately, with her crying and wanting me to hold her ear...I feel like this has been going on forever...I think it has, right?
And the combination of the foot of snow outside and the girl who loves to sled and make snow angels inside was almost too much for me to take...I couldn't let her go out because of her ear...that was a rough one!
But things are good! I drove my car today for the first time since last Monday...and didn't even get stuck in the snow, like many people in my city are still doing on a daily basis...My daughter has jumped into decorating for the next holiday, Valentine's Day, and already has hearts all over her room (don't ask me what happened to New Year's, I don't know...)...We went to my brother's house for his birthday party and enjoyed a nice, restful evening (always a pleasant surprise when my brother's involved!)...my favorite moment of the day was watching my nephew play with my grandpa...my nephew is named after my grandpa...it was quite a wonderful sight, seeing the 74-year old J.W. sprawled on the floor playing GI Joes with his great-grandson, the 3-year old J.W....and best of all, I caught up on my journals and even got to make a journal entry!
I am...accomplished!
1. I am blessed by all my wonderful J-land friends, who prayed for and sent healing thoughts for and asked about my daughter...
2. I am blessed by my daughter, who, even with her leaky, itchy ear, dived right into enjoying every minute of Christmas...
3. I am blessed by Him, who managed to look over me in the past seven days and helped me take care of getting my insurance card, my license tags, my traffic ticket, my Christmas presents, my brother's birthday present, my daughter's doctor appointment...I managed to finish decorating my tree...my daughter had her oral antibiotic twice a day all week, as well as her antibiotic eardrops twice a day all week, I caught and got over a terrible headcold and cough that stuck me in bed for a day, and we had a blizzard that dumped ice and snow on the ground and then brought subzero temperatures and my car wouldn't get out of the driveway and there's still cars getting stuck around town...and yet I'm still making it...
4. I am blessed by Himself, the reason for it all...
5. Special recognition goes out this year for the most useful blessing: That of an SUV in the family when a blizzard hits the Ohio Valley three days before Christmas...The 9-12 inches of ice then snow then ice then snow meant that the roads of my city were impassable by all but four-wheel drive vehicles...my mom and her Ford Escape became very, very popular this week...
I've been extremely neglectful of my journal this past week...just too, too much to deal with...My daughter is doing okay...her ear has been draining for almost two weeks now, but it's less swollen than it was...I have no idea if this is good or bad...her ENT appointment will be Jan. 10. She has been having a real problem with it itching, especially at night! We've had several sleepless nights lately, with her crying and wanting me to hold her ear...I feel like this has been going on forever...I think it has, right?
And the combination of the foot of snow outside and the girl who loves to sled and make snow angels inside was almost too much for me to take...I couldn't let her go out because of her ear...that was a rough one!
But things are good! I drove my car today for the first time since last Monday...and didn't even get stuck in the snow, like many people in my city are still doing on a daily basis...My daughter has jumped into decorating for the next holiday, Valentine's Day, and already has hearts all over her room (don't ask me what happened to New Year's, I don't know...)...We went to my brother's house for his birthday party and enjoyed a nice, restful evening (always a pleasant surprise when my brother's involved!)...my favorite moment of the day was watching my nephew play with my grandpa...my nephew is named after my grandpa...it was quite a wonderful sight, seeing the 74-year old J.W. sprawled on the floor playing GI Joes with his great-grandson, the 3-year old J.W....and best of all, I caught up on my journals and even got to make a journal entry!
I am...accomplished!
Saturday, December 18, 2004
Help Wanted...
Not just wanted...help is needed...
My beautiful daughter not only still has an ear infection...she has the worst ear infection she's ever had...and that's saying something from one who's had four surgeries in that ear...
Took her back to the follow-up appointment Wednesday...she was NOT better at all, at all...she was in fact much worse than she was when she went to acute care on Sunday. The doctor changed her antibiotic...
I think this has gone on for five or six weeks now...at least four different antibiotics...three different types of eardrops...four or five different doctor appointments...numerous phone calls to the doctor...
It's so bad now that it's obviously swollen, from the outside you can see it...as well as a raw spot on the outside of her ear from where it keeps draining...
Since it's her weak ear I'm also worried about her eardrum possibly rupturing, but her doctor said we can't worry about it now since her ear canal is so swollen we cannot see in there to do anything about it anyway, and we have to heal that first before doing anything else.
I'm calling an ENT on Monday...not her old one that put her through all those surgeries, this time a different, highly recommended doctor...her pediatrician said not to worry about an ENT but I can't help it, I think weeks of this is just too much, given her history.
I'll feel a litle better later on tonight, I'm just a little upset right now, having just spent a half hour doctoring her ear for the night...I'm so discouraged and worried.
We need lots of prayer...please...
My beautiful daughter not only still has an ear infection...she has the worst ear infection she's ever had...and that's saying something from one who's had four surgeries in that ear...
Took her back to the follow-up appointment Wednesday...she was NOT better at all, at all...she was in fact much worse than she was when she went to acute care on Sunday. The doctor changed her antibiotic...
I think this has gone on for five or six weeks now...at least four different antibiotics...three different types of eardrops...four or five different doctor appointments...numerous phone calls to the doctor...
It's so bad now that it's obviously swollen, from the outside you can see it...as well as a raw spot on the outside of her ear from where it keeps draining...
Since it's her weak ear I'm also worried about her eardrum possibly rupturing, but her doctor said we can't worry about it now since her ear canal is so swollen we cannot see in there to do anything about it anyway, and we have to heal that first before doing anything else.
I'm calling an ENT on Monday...not her old one that put her through all those surgeries, this time a different, highly recommended doctor...her pediatrician said not to worry about an ENT but I can't help it, I think weeks of this is just too much, given her history.
I'll feel a litle better later on tonight, I'm just a little upset right now, having just spent a half hour doctoring her ear for the night...I'm so discouraged and worried.
We need lots of prayer...please...
Sunday, December 12, 2004
Tears, loneliness, pain, really bad day, just move along...
I took her to the acute care center again today...how many times have I taken her for this ongoing issue now, and it still hasn't gotten better?...
(History of my daughter's ear problems: She's twelve years old now...in her life, she's had tubes in both ears three different times. The last time was about four or five years ago... She seemed to outgrow the ear problems, except for her right ear...turned out that she had a hole in her right eardrum from the last time the tubes were in, that never healed up... She had to have surgery to repair the hole about three years ago, meaning cartilage taken from the outside of her ear grafted onto the hole in her eardrum... so now she has one cute little ear and one cute little slightly different ear because it's missing that bumpy thing and has a scar on it... and ever since then whenever she has an ear infection, it's always in that bad right ear that she had that fourth surgery in... the worst ear infection she ever had was about two years ago was when she had swimmer's ear...)
So we went to the acute care center today and sat back there for two hours, me with a massive headache (as usual) and herself with a massive earache...and himself sitting in the lobby getting more and more upset as he sees people come in after us and leave before us...and anyway, it turns out she has swimmer's ear again, which is extremely painful and I feel so stupid because she had it before and I should have caught it before now...
She cried alternatively off and on all day, the last time before she went to sleep...I know that this is my fault, every time she goes swimming at the Y this happens and I somehow forgot this, I just feel so terrible.
My brother and I somehow got off speaking terms today...my brother, or, to those who don't know him, BOSSY JERK THAT HE IS, was his regular mean self today...but somehow, the combination of C's pain and my headache and my family members who are sometimes so mean to each other and also that my medicine ran out Friday and I didn't have it yesterday or today culminated in a crying jag with D in the car that lasted a good ten minutes... poor D didn't know what to do, and so he decided toblame my brother, because it usually is him who makes people cry, me, or my mom, or my grandma, or my aunt, or my cousin... my brother just has a special talent for hurting people...
But families do that...particularly a close family like I have, my family members will go to bat for me whenever I need them, but they also feel they have the right to say whatever they want, whenever they feel like it, and who cares if it's true, or if it hurts?
If I can just make it to tomorrow, and get up, and take her to school, and go to Walgreens, and get my medicine, and take it, and get to work on time, I'm pretty sure I'll be okay and out of this funk...
On the plus side, I got to see my two favorite rednecks make it to the final two on Survivor tonight...It was like a dream come true, seeing both Chris AND Twila make it, because they've been my two favorites from way back. WOW! It's like I was psychic or something...
(History of my daughter's ear problems: She's twelve years old now...in her life, she's had tubes in both ears three different times. The last time was about four or five years ago... She seemed to outgrow the ear problems, except for her right ear...turned out that she had a hole in her right eardrum from the last time the tubes were in, that never healed up... She had to have surgery to repair the hole about three years ago, meaning cartilage taken from the outside of her ear grafted onto the hole in her eardrum... so now she has one cute little ear and one cute little slightly different ear because it's missing that bumpy thing and has a scar on it... and ever since then whenever she has an ear infection, it's always in that bad right ear that she had that fourth surgery in... the worst ear infection she ever had was about two years ago was when she had swimmer's ear...)
So we went to the acute care center today and sat back there for two hours, me with a massive headache (as usual) and herself with a massive earache...and himself sitting in the lobby getting more and more upset as he sees people come in after us and leave before us...and anyway, it turns out she has swimmer's ear again, which is extremely painful and I feel so stupid because she had it before and I should have caught it before now...
She cried alternatively off and on all day, the last time before she went to sleep...I know that this is my fault, every time she goes swimming at the Y this happens and I somehow forgot this, I just feel so terrible.
My brother and I somehow got off speaking terms today...my brother, or, to those who don't know him, BOSSY JERK THAT HE IS, was his regular mean self today...but somehow, the combination of C's pain and my headache and my family members who are sometimes so mean to each other and also that my medicine ran out Friday and I didn't have it yesterday or today culminated in a crying jag with D in the car that lasted a good ten minutes... poor D didn't know what to do, and so he decided toblame my brother, because it usually is him who makes people cry, me, or my mom, or my grandma, or my aunt, or my cousin... my brother just has a special talent for hurting people...
But families do that...particularly a close family like I have, my family members will go to bat for me whenever I need them, but they also feel they have the right to say whatever they want, whenever they feel like it, and who cares if it's true, or if it hurts?
If I can just make it to tomorrow, and get up, and take her to school, and go to Walgreens, and get my medicine, and take it, and get to work on time, I'm pretty sure I'll be okay and out of this funk...
On the plus side, I got to see my two favorite rednecks make it to the final two on Survivor tonight...It was like a dream come true, seeing both Chris AND Twila make it, because they've been my two favorites from way back. WOW! It's like I was psychic or something...
On the run...
I haven't had time lately.
I NEED MORE TIME.
And now someone's knocking at the door...
Sheesh...
It's himself, of course.
And my daughter's ear still isn't better. It's worse. I just don't know what to do.
I guess I'll go let him in now, he's still knocking...
I NEED MORE TIME.
And now someone's knocking at the door...
Sheesh...
It's himself, of course.
And my daughter's ear still isn't better. It's worse. I just don't know what to do.
I guess I'll go let him in now, he's still knocking...
Wednesday, December 8, 2004
Blessing for today...
May the God of heaven's vault bless you
May the God of shimmering moonlight love you
May the God of sparkling stars lead you
May the God of haunting songs cheer you
May the God of strange shadows calm your nerves
May the God of straight roads bring you home
May God be watching from a familiar window
And hand in hand with Him may you wait for dawn.
May the God of shimmering moonlight love you
May the God of sparkling stars lead you
May the God of haunting songs cheer you
May the God of strange shadows calm your nerves
May the God of straight roads bring you home
May God be watching from a familiar window
And hand in hand with Him may you wait for dawn.
Sunday, December 5, 2004
Wishing to be, um, not me...
I got a ticket Friday.
The very nice police officer gave me a ticket for not having my new sticker thingy. My tags expired in August.
I also didn't have my latest insurance card with me, but he didn't cite me for that. He was very, very nice.
This is what I DIDN'T say to the very nice police officer:
"Thank you so much, sir, for pulling me over, because I delay and delay getting my tags every year until I'm made to do it, usually by one of your esteemed colleagues..."
I'm tired of being me. I'm tired of driving around with expired tags all the time because I forget to do anything about it, and I'm not even really clear on how to do it because I'm leasing my car (and leasing is a very stupid thing to do, it's right at the top of the list)...and how can I remember anyway because my birthday is in February and the tags expire in August, that's totally nonsensical...and I'm tired of not having my insurance card because I lost it right after it came in the mail and I haven't had it in four months...and I could go on and on...
I'm a college graduate, for goodness' sake, and I'm very successful at my job ... I'm the mother of an almost teenager (!) ... I'm in my THIRTIES now (I can't believe I just said that) ...
So WHY do I need a keeper?
Sheesh, I feel like Arthur.
Good night.
p.s. Once I got pulled over for expired tags (I think I've been pulled over four different times over the years for expired tags...) and I HAD the tags, they had been in my glove compartment for months, I just hadn't put them on my license plate yet. I have never seen anyone look as exasperated as that police officer did, when he ordered me to get out of the car right then and there, and go around to the back, and PUT THAT STICKER ON MY CAR. :)
Tuesday, November 30, 2004
Being normal...
I didn't go to bed last night until about 2 a.m. ... I had my alarms set for 6 a.m. ... I woke up (I thought) without my alarm and enjoyed a few seconds of smugness, as in, "Ha! I didn't even need my alarm clocks today!", before I realized that I didn't feel the least bit tired and that there was a gray light shining through my windows.
!#$%^&!!! I overslept!
:(
I knew that I'd be out of sorts the rest of the day. I hate that! I got my daughter to school late, and she forgot her binder...I had to run out the door to work without blow drying my hair...when I got to work, I realized I had forgotten my daily meds (you know, the ones that keep me sane and pain-free), and, even worse, I didn't have my book to read during my lunch!
And plus, it was doing that cold, rainy, drizzle thing all day.
But, thankfully, I survived the day. After my hair dried, I went to the bathroom and combed it (it went from long tangly curls to long frizzy curls, but that's okay...). I had some emergency pills in my purse, not quite as effective but at least they got me through the day...as did the emergency books I had in my car...
I went to the gym tonight...my daughter came with me, climbed the rock climbing wall, did her homework in the teen room and then went swimming while I worked out. Being as it was cold and drizzly and 8:30 p.m., she was the only one in the pool, but she insisted!
Hadn't been to the gym in a while, since I suddenly got busy-er than I was before...so at first tonight my body hated me, and my mind was saying, "Please walk out now!"...but then after I finished my cardio, my body was saying, "Thank you! Thank you!", and my mind was saying, "I am so proud of you, Michelle, now get to that strength training!". Woo-hoo, I love going to the gym...a year ago I would NEVER have thought I would say that!
ANYWAY, I finished strength training, retrieved my daughter from the pool, and as we walked to the car I thought, "Wow, we did some normal things..." Last night, she went to the skating rink, and I dropped her off and picked her up...and tonight, we did all these activity-things... It feels like lately with all the worries and the doctor visits and the counselors and the issues and the dramas we've forgotten to do just 'normal' things. Like venturing out...
It feels really, really nice, kind of like a big accomplishment. I think it is...
:)
!#$%^&!!! I overslept!
:(
I knew that I'd be out of sorts the rest of the day. I hate that! I got my daughter to school late, and she forgot her binder...I had to run out the door to work without blow drying my hair...when I got to work, I realized I had forgotten my daily meds (you know, the ones that keep me sane and pain-free), and, even worse, I didn't have my book to read during my lunch!
And plus, it was doing that cold, rainy, drizzle thing all day.
But, thankfully, I survived the day. After my hair dried, I went to the bathroom and combed it (it went from long tangly curls to long frizzy curls, but that's okay...). I had some emergency pills in my purse, not quite as effective but at least they got me through the day...as did the emergency books I had in my car...
I went to the gym tonight...my daughter came with me, climbed the rock climbing wall, did her homework in the teen room and then went swimming while I worked out. Being as it was cold and drizzly and 8:30 p.m., she was the only one in the pool, but she insisted!
Hadn't been to the gym in a while, since I suddenly got busy-er than I was before...so at first tonight my body hated me, and my mind was saying, "Please walk out now!"...but then after I finished my cardio, my body was saying, "Thank you! Thank you!", and my mind was saying, "I am so proud of you, Michelle, now get to that strength training!". Woo-hoo, I love going to the gym...a year ago I would NEVER have thought I would say that!
ANYWAY, I finished strength training, retrieved my daughter from the pool, and as we walked to the car I thought, "Wow, we did some normal things..." Last night, she went to the skating rink, and I dropped her off and picked her up...and tonight, we did all these activity-things... It feels like lately with all the worries and the doctor visits and the counselors and the issues and the dramas we've forgotten to do just 'normal' things. Like venturing out...
It feels really, really nice, kind of like a big accomplishment. I think it is...
:)
Sunday, November 28, 2004
Big scary world...
What IS that feeling? When nothing feels right, and may never feel right, and the only possible option is getting in bed and pulling the covers over your head and never coming out...
Why does it come so suddenly? What triggers it? What makes it go away, and when it goes away, where does it go?
Everything's okay here, I'm just having one of those big scary world moments and I have to go to bed now. Good night...
Why does it come so suddenly? What triggers it? What makes it go away, and when it goes away, where does it go?
Everything's okay here, I'm just having one of those big scary world moments and I have to go to bed now. Good night...
Saturday, November 27, 2004
A few days late...
I took the beloved child back to the doctor Wednesday...he looked at her ear...and looked some more...said "hmm"...and, "We have a dilemma"...but easily remedied, thank goodness. New eardrops, this time antibiotic with steroids that DO NOT STING going in, as the Zithromax had not completely cleared up the infection. Two times a day, and things have been going great so far!
The migraines are back, but now I have medicine to combat them. If I would only take the medicine properly, I'm sure I would never have migraines at all anymore...
I got off early Wednesday for my doctor appointment, and then I went ahead and took her to the doctor, too. My appointment was...okay...I thought about cancelling it several times but the last time I had been in my doctor specifically told me to make sure I kept my next appointment. Every time I picked up the phone to cancel, I could hear his voice in my head saying, "Do NOT cancel this appointment, Michelle!". How do doctors know this stuff? It's scary...
My eczema started acting up on my hand Wednesday...it had to be nerves either from the appointment or Thanksgiving...by Thursday morning it was angry red hives...THAT'S a new one, it's never taken that form before...my boyfriend had to stop at Walgreens and get some Benadryl and hydrocortisone for me so I could try to get myself to normal before going to his mom's for Thanksgiving dinner. It's so embarassing when it flares up...and of course, by Thursday night, it was all back to mostly normal...it's terrible how your body gives you away sometimes!
Thanksgiving day was wonderful...went to D's mom's for dinner....then we went to my grandma's for dinner and stayed the rest of the day (that was a long journey LOL as my grandma lives all the way next door to my house)...All the members of my family were on their best behavior and so, thank goodness, no major drama like there have been at most of the recent family events, just good food and fun and playing with the kids. I'm so very thankful for my family, hard-headed and stubborn though they are, they're mine and I love them all, my daughter and mother and grandparents and brother and SIL and nephew and cousin and aunts...and the rest of my family, my dad and my uncles and aunts and cousins...and D's family, they feel like my own and they love me and my daughter like we're theirs...and I'm thankful for all my wonderful friends, I feel very blessed!
The migraines are back, but now I have medicine to combat them. If I would only take the medicine properly, I'm sure I would never have migraines at all anymore...
I got off early Wednesday for my doctor appointment, and then I went ahead and took her to the doctor, too. My appointment was...okay...I thought about cancelling it several times but the last time I had been in my doctor specifically told me to make sure I kept my next appointment. Every time I picked up the phone to cancel, I could hear his voice in my head saying, "Do NOT cancel this appointment, Michelle!". How do doctors know this stuff? It's scary...
My eczema started acting up on my hand Wednesday...it had to be nerves either from the appointment or Thanksgiving...by Thursday morning it was angry red hives...THAT'S a new one, it's never taken that form before...my boyfriend had to stop at Walgreens and get some Benadryl and hydrocortisone for me so I could try to get myself to normal before going to his mom's for Thanksgiving dinner. It's so embarassing when it flares up...and of course, by Thursday night, it was all back to mostly normal...it's terrible how your body gives you away sometimes!
Thanksgiving day was wonderful...went to D's mom's for dinner....then we went to my grandma's for dinner and stayed the rest of the day (that was a long journey LOL as my grandma lives all the way next door to my house)...All the members of my family were on their best behavior and so, thank goodness, no major drama like there have been at most of the recent family events, just good food and fun and playing with the kids. I'm so very thankful for my family, hard-headed and stubborn though they are, they're mine and I love them all, my daughter and mother and grandparents and brother and SIL and nephew and cousin and aunts...and the rest of my family, my dad and my uncles and aunts and cousins...and D's family, they feel like my own and they love me and my daughter like we're theirs...and I'm thankful for all my wonderful friends, I feel very blessed!
Wednesday, November 24, 2004
Spinning...
I'm stealing time from getting ready to work to write this...that's bad.
I hate not having time to write here. :(
Too bad I'll get in trouble if I access it from work, I have lots of time there! LOL
Well, my daughter is STILL sick...I thought the antibiotic worked, but then her ear started itching uncontrollably...the doctor called her in eardrops...I put the eardrops in last night and she screamed from the pain! I have no idea, the eardrops are supposed to be numbing and RELIEVE pain. So I will have to call the doctor again today and probably take her in. Thank goodness it's Wednesday...
It's 8:54 a.m. and I have to leave in six minutes and I still have to get dressed and blow dry my hair. I can do it! I can do it!
I hate not having time to write here. :(
Too bad I'll get in trouble if I access it from work, I have lots of time there! LOL
Well, my daughter is STILL sick...I thought the antibiotic worked, but then her ear started itching uncontrollably...the doctor called her in eardrops...I put the eardrops in last night and she screamed from the pain! I have no idea, the eardrops are supposed to be numbing and RELIEVE pain. So I will have to call the doctor again today and probably take her in. Thank goodness it's Wednesday...
It's 8:54 a.m. and I have to leave in six minutes and I still have to get dressed and blow dry my hair. I can do it! I can do it!
Saturday, November 20, 2004
I hate it when my eyes won't stay open...
One of my favorite artists is Grimshaw...
Well, my daughter missed school Monday and I took her to the doctor...came home without an antibiotic, I knew we would....just like last time, and I knew she would get sicker and end up on it anyway...sure enough, by Thursday, she had the ear infection to end all ear infections and missed school again, and is back on an antibiotic (sigh)...but by Friday evening she seemed to be feeling a lot better, so that's good. At least she wasn't on the bed, holding her ear and crying anymore. I know it's not the doctors' fault, so it's no use being upset with them, right? !!!
I'm done! I'm done! I started painting my daughter's room...two weeks ago...and we're finally done! Last night, I was painting the baseboards and got closer and closer to the end, I kept hearing the "Hallelujah" chorus in my head...I'm done! I'm done!
Well, sort of. She wants to sponge paint purple and pink designs on the new white walls...that's fine...and all her furniture is still spread throughout the rest of the house...that's fine, too...so okay, I'm MOSTLY done! I'm MOSTLY done!
I think I slept the whole night through last night. I'm so proud of myself! (LOL just like a new baby...) Well, I vaguely remember getting up once to use the bathroom and then bumping into the wall and saying "Ouch" and then falling back into bed, but that doesn't count since I went right back to sleep.
The lightbulb is still out in my room. It's hard to get anything done when it's dark in here all the time. Will someone change it already? Do I have to do everything around here?! Wait...(looking around)....(signs are pointing to 'Yes')...(unless I make the short 12-year old do it)...okay...maybe I'll change it today.
Since it's Saturday and 7:30 a.m., I think I'm going to make myself a Diet Pepsi and get back in bed and read my book for a couple hours...with a flashlight.
Wednesday, November 17, 2004
Great Fun
Found this in Becky's journal, and I love it!:
Assignment
Your Random Mix, 2004
1. Open up the music player on your computer.
2. Set it to play your entire music collection.
3. Hit the "shuffle" command.
4. Tell us the title of the next ten songs that show up (with their musicians), no matter how embarassing. That's right, no skipping that Carpenters tune that will totally destroy your hip credibility. It's time for total musical honesty. You can put the list in the comment thread, or write it up in your Journal and then post a link in the comments.
Here's what I came up with:
1.Redeemer - Nicole C. Mullen
2.Border Song - Elton John
3.Sad But True - Metallica
4.The Legend Spreads-The London Symphony Orchestra ('Braveheart' Soundtrack)
5.Dreaming of You - Selena
6.I'll Be Home With Bells On - Dolly Parton & Kenny Rogers (Hey! Be quiet! I LOVE this song!)
7.I'll Be - Edwin McCain
8.Il Mistero dell'Amore - Andrea Bocelli (Huh?)
9.Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata performed by Bettine Clemen and Richard Patterson
10.Feelin' Groovy - Simon & Garfunkel
So I tried the next ten, hoping to be a little less, I don't know, BLAND, and here's what came up:
1.All This Time - Sting
2.For Whom The Bell Tolls - Metallica
3.Dreams - The Cranberries
4.I'll Try - Jonatha Brooke ('Return to Neverland' Soundtrack) (Definitely my daughter's...but I like it :)...)
5.The Great Gig in the Sky - Pink Floyd
6.Do They Know It's Christmas - Band Aid
7.Hazy Shade of Winter - The Bangles
8.Winnie-the-Pooh - Disney Studio Chorus (My daughter has infiltrated my computer, obviously...)
9.Sad Songs (Say So Much) - Elton John
10.If I Should Fall Behind - Bruce Springsteen
See, great fun!
Assignment
Your Random Mix, 2004
1. Open up the music player on your computer.
2. Set it to play your entire music collection.
3. Hit the "shuffle" command.
4. Tell us the title of the next ten songs that show up (with their musicians), no matter how embarassing. That's right, no skipping that Carpenters tune that will totally destroy your hip credibility. It's time for total musical honesty. You can put the list in the comment thread, or write it up in your Journal and then post a link in the comments.
Here's what I came up with:
1.Redeemer - Nicole C. Mullen
2.Border Song - Elton John
3.Sad But True - Metallica
4.The Legend Spreads-The London Symphony Orchestra ('Braveheart' Soundtrack)
5.Dreaming of You - Selena
6.I'll Be Home With Bells On - Dolly Parton & Kenny Rogers (Hey! Be quiet! I LOVE this song!)
7.I'll Be - Edwin McCain
8.Il Mistero dell'Amore - Andrea Bocelli (Huh?)
9.Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata performed by Bettine Clemen and Richard Patterson
10.Feelin' Groovy - Simon & Garfunkel
So I tried the next ten, hoping to be a little less, I don't know, BLAND, and here's what came up:
1.All This Time - Sting
2.For Whom The Bell Tolls - Metallica
3.Dreams - The Cranberries
4.I'll Try - Jonatha Brooke ('Return to Neverland' Soundtrack) (Definitely my daughter's...but I like it :)...)
5.The Great Gig in the Sky - Pink Floyd
6.Do They Know It's Christmas - Band Aid
7.Hazy Shade of Winter - The Bangles
8.Winnie-the-Pooh - Disney Studio Chorus (My daughter has infiltrated my computer, obviously...)
9.Sad Songs (Say So Much) - Elton John
10.If I Should Fall Behind - Bruce Springsteen
See, great fun!
Tuesday, November 16, 2004
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