When I went to the dentist last week, I thought I had a cavity.
But no, it was much worse...I needed a root canal.
So I went to the dreaded appointment this morning. I've never had a root canal before. I was terrified.
The procedure itself was painless, though nerve-wracking.
It wasn't until I was standing at the receptionist's desk, writing out the check for my co-payment and getting ready to go, when I felt the pain.
OH, MY!
They had assured me that I would be able to go to work afterwards. WHAT? Not only is the left side of my face paralyzed from the anesthetic, but I'm in sooo much pain. Ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch...
I called work and let them know I was going to go home for a couple of hours to lie down and then I would try my hardest to come in and work half a day.
(Okay, I'm actually not lying down right now, but I will in a minute - just trying to take advantage of an unexpected couple of free hours in the middle of the day!)
So, I'm off to lie down and practice pain management techniques in preparation for work. I have to try to go in there today and get some things done, because tomorrow is TAKE YOUR KID TO WORK DAY, and while it's a very very fun day to have my daughter there with me, not much WORK gets done!
Thursday, June 17, 2004
Tuesday, June 15, 2004
Tuesday
When I came home today, there were two police cars parked in front of my neighbor's house. I found out later that the police, and later an ambulance, were there to take him away due to a mental inquest.
Everyone knew that things weren't quite right with him, and haven't been for a while. Both my grandparents (next door), and Johnnie and Dwayne (across the street), have been checking in on him, bringing him food, etc., for at least the last month, and his mom has been over there too, checking on him.
How do people go downhill like this? It's terrifying, how easy it can happen...five years ago, we were a team on a bowling league with him and his wife. Then he started drinking more and more, and his wife left him, and he lost his job, and the next thing you know, the police are at his door, and he's sitting on the chair staring straight ahead, and there's blood all over the floor and he hasn't washed in days and he doesn't know anyone.
I hope he gets the help he needs, and I hope he can get back to the way he used to be.
Everyone knew that things weren't quite right with him, and haven't been for a while. Both my grandparents (next door), and Johnnie and Dwayne (across the street), have been checking in on him, bringing him food, etc., for at least the last month, and his mom has been over there too, checking on him.
How do people go downhill like this? It's terrifying, how easy it can happen...five years ago, we were a team on a bowling league with him and his wife. Then he started drinking more and more, and his wife left him, and he lost his job, and the next thing you know, the police are at his door, and he's sitting on the chair staring straight ahead, and there's blood all over the floor and he hasn't washed in days and he doesn't know anyone.
I hope he gets the help he needs, and I hope he can get back to the way he used to be.
Monday, June 14, 2004
Until I do I'm telling you so you'll understand...
I grew up hearing this song sung to me, over and over, by my parents. They swear that they didn't name me after the song...but I find it very suspicious that, in my mom's massive stack of old albums, the only Beatles one that she had is, you guessed it, 'Rubber Soul'.
I've got the third load of clothes in the washer now and I'm going to bed! I'll have to finish things up tomorrow when I get home from work.
It's so surreal getting back to the real world when you've been away. It's like you're caught in the middle. Which is the 'real world'? I was walking in the woods today, gazing at the most beautiful place in the world, and now I'm sitting in my bedroom in front of my computer. How can that be? How did I get from there to here?
(Well actually, that part's easy...I slept while he drove!)
I've got the third load of clothes in the washer now and I'm going to bed! I'll have to finish things up tomorrow when I get home from work.
It's so surreal getting back to the real world when you've been away. It's like you're caught in the middle. Which is the 'real world'? I was walking in the woods today, gazing at the most beautiful place in the world, and now I'm sitting in my bedroom in front of my computer. How can that be? How did I get from there to here?
(Well actually, that part's easy...I slept while he drove!)
Barely here, am I here?
I'm back home...barely...so many clothes to wash, so little time...I wish I had taken tomorrow off!
Friday, June 11, 2004
I wanna be there, in my city...
I'm sitting in a hotel room, in Eastern Kentucky, in the foothills of the Appalachians. This area of the country is so beautiful, I'm proud to be a part of it...
I'm probably not going to have much time to be online for the rest of the weekend. Hopefully, we'll be out and about, visiting old places, and new ones. And hopefully my mom and my aunt, who are both ill right now, will be restored by being down here in the place of their birth.
The trip here today was great fun, as usual. My SO was grumpy because I grabbed the wrong case of CDs, and so all our main favorites were left at home, in my car. We had to alternate our listening preferences on the way down with a shortlist of acceptable CDs (my daughter, thankfully, was not there to complain about the music selection, as she opted to drive down with my mom, who has a TV and a VCR in her auto. All the kids always want to go with my mom, for some reason...).
It took four CDs to get here:
1. Johnny Cash - American Recordings IV (My pick)
2. Johnny Cash - American Recordings III (My pick again, I snuck that in when he wasn't looking. Who can complain about Cash?)
3. George Jones - Greatest Hits (His pick. Pain and torture for me! I mean, yes, the Possum is cool, but try listening to a whole CD of mournful, slow, mournful, slow...I think that CD is going to have to disappear.)
4. Elvis Presley - Greatest Hits (My pick. I got an extra turn because of the dud he picked. But it really wasn't fair, because he refused to listen to my Moulin Rouge soundtrack. Elvis was his concession.)
I love the incongruity of using my laptop and listening to CDs down here, when tomorrow we're going to go visit my grandma's childhood home, which is deep in the holler...a one-room farmhouse, where she grew up with her parents and her five siblings, and electricity and running water was a thing of the future for them. The house is now used to store hay!
My family's in a fragile state right now, hopefully things will become more clear down here. We really need this!
I'm probably not going to have much time to be online for the rest of the weekend. Hopefully, we'll be out and about, visiting old places, and new ones. And hopefully my mom and my aunt, who are both ill right now, will be restored by being down here in the place of their birth.
The trip here today was great fun, as usual. My SO was grumpy because I grabbed the wrong case of CDs, and so all our main favorites were left at home, in my car. We had to alternate our listening preferences on the way down with a shortlist of acceptable CDs (my daughter, thankfully, was not there to complain about the music selection, as she opted to drive down with my mom, who has a TV and a VCR in her auto. All the kids always want to go with my mom, for some reason...).
It took four CDs to get here:
1. Johnny Cash - American Recordings IV (My pick)
2. Johnny Cash - American Recordings III (My pick again, I snuck that in when he wasn't looking. Who can complain about Cash?)
3. George Jones - Greatest Hits (His pick. Pain and torture for me! I mean, yes, the Possum is cool, but try listening to a whole CD of mournful, slow, mournful, slow...I think that CD is going to have to disappear.)
4. Elvis Presley - Greatest Hits (My pick. I got an extra turn because of the dud he picked. But it really wasn't fair, because he refused to listen to my Moulin Rouge soundtrack. Elvis was his concession.)
I love the incongruity of using my laptop and listening to CDs down here, when tomorrow we're going to go visit my grandma's childhood home, which is deep in the holler...a one-room farmhouse, where she grew up with her parents and her five siblings, and electricity and running water was a thing of the future for them. The house is now used to store hay!
My family's in a fragile state right now, hopefully things will become more clear down here. We really need this!
Thursday, June 10, 2004
Now, wait a minute...
Dear Ray Charles,
Thank you.
Thank you for using your talent and making millions of people happy every time they ever heard one of your songs.
Thank you for 'Georgia On My Mind'.
Thank you for collaborating with artists of every genre, through many decades, and spreading the wealth of your talents, from 'Baby Grand' with Billy Joel, to 'Seven Spanish Angels' with Willie Nelson.
Thank you for 'Come Rain or Come Shine' and 'That Spirit of Christmas'.
And thank you for taking 'America the Beautiful' and making it, still beautiful, and wholly yours.
I can't imagine a world without you, and you will be greatly missed.
Thank you.
Thank you for using your talent and making millions of people happy every time they ever heard one of your songs.
Thank you for 'Georgia On My Mind'.
Thank you for collaborating with artists of every genre, through many decades, and spreading the wealth of your talents, from 'Baby Grand' with Billy Joel, to 'Seven Spanish Angels' with Willie Nelson.
Thank you for 'Come Rain or Come Shine' and 'That Spirit of Christmas'.
And thank you for taking 'America the Beautiful' and making it, still beautiful, and wholly yours.
I can't imagine a world without you, and you will be greatly missed.
Wednesday, June 9, 2004
Tuesday, June 8, 2004
If you wait long enough...
For a couple years in a row, a bird tried to build a nest on the outside light by my front door. My grandpa would come over every day and take away all the grass that the bird had put there the previous day. I just couldn't see having a nest there right where we open the door.
Two years ago, the bird never did get the message, and laid her eggs there even though her nest was gone.
I felt so terrible. I swore that, the next time I saw a bird's nest, I didn't care where it was, no one was removing it.
I changed lights so the birds would no longer have a platform to be tempted by, and I waited to see if they would pick another place on my porch.
Last year, the birds didn't come, and I figured they were traumatized by the mean human living here, and they would never come back.
So early this year, when they started building a nest on the opposite side of my door, on the outside of the porch overhang, we were thrilled!
We waited, and waited, and waited. There was a perfect little nest there. We could only see grass hanging down from the porch...you had to go to the yard to see the nest from the outside. It's the perfect place!
After a while, both the mommy and the daddy bird were sitting on the nest all the time. I didn't know both of them did that. They were so valiant!
Then they stopped sitting on the nest all the time, and I was confused. Where did they go? Did that mean the eggs were not going to hatch? For a couple weeks I was sure that the baby watch was over and something bad must have happened.
But yesterday, another mom from down the street came over yesterday to collect her child and said, "Did you know your babies were born?".
Yes!
I ran out to the yard, and, behold, I saw four little baby bird heads popping up out of the nest. It was dinnertime and the mom (or was it the dad?) were flying back and forth, fetching them dinner.
Whew! I'm glad all that pacing and worrying is over...
Oh wait! It's when they leave the nest that the worrying really starts, right?
Two years ago, the bird never did get the message, and laid her eggs there even though her nest was gone.
I felt so terrible. I swore that, the next time I saw a bird's nest, I didn't care where it was, no one was removing it.
I changed lights so the birds would no longer have a platform to be tempted by, and I waited to see if they would pick another place on my porch.
Last year, the birds didn't come, and I figured they were traumatized by the mean human living here, and they would never come back.
So early this year, when they started building a nest on the opposite side of my door, on the outside of the porch overhang, we were thrilled!
We waited, and waited, and waited. There was a perfect little nest there. We could only see grass hanging down from the porch...you had to go to the yard to see the nest from the outside. It's the perfect place!
After a while, both the mommy and the daddy bird were sitting on the nest all the time. I didn't know both of them did that. They were so valiant!
Then they stopped sitting on the nest all the time, and I was confused. Where did they go? Did that mean the eggs were not going to hatch? For a couple weeks I was sure that the baby watch was over and something bad must have happened.
But yesterday, another mom from down the street came over yesterday to collect her child and said, "Did you know your babies were born?".
Yes!
I ran out to the yard, and, behold, I saw four little baby bird heads popping up out of the nest. It was dinnertime and the mom (or was it the dad?) were flying back and forth, fetching them dinner.
Whew! I'm glad all that pacing and worrying is over...
Oh wait! It's when they leave the nest that the worrying really starts, right?
Monday, June 7, 2004
On Family Vacations
My aunt is home from the hospital and things are okay...she had surgery while she was in there, and lots of tests, and still no clear answers. But she is feeling better, and so we're thankful, and still praying.
We're going down to my mom's (and grandma's and aunt's) hometown down in the mountains of eastern Kentucky this weekend. For Decoration. Or, to the kids, for the vacation where the whole family hangs out by the pool for a few days, except on Sunday when we go to the family cemetery in the holler and decorate great-grandparent's and great-great-grandparent's and countless aunts', uncles', and cousins' graves.
The new twist to this story in the past couple of years is that both my aunt (the one who just got out of the hospital) and my mom have put up their tombstones already there, next to my great-grandparents. My mom and my aunt are still alive, but we can stand now over their gravesite.
I understand, them wanting to get this taken care of so we don't have to when the time comes. But it was such a shock the first year, walking up that hill to Ma and Pa's graves and coming across my mother's. I cried. That time will come soon enough without a reminder, you know? But I'm thankful my mother was there to comfort me, just like she always has been.
We're going down to my mom's (and grandma's and aunt's) hometown down in the mountains of eastern Kentucky this weekend. For Decoration. Or, to the kids, for the vacation where the whole family hangs out by the pool for a few days, except on Sunday when we go to the family cemetery in the holler and decorate great-grandparent's and great-great-grandparent's and countless aunts', uncles', and cousins' graves.
The new twist to this story in the past couple of years is that both my aunt (the one who just got out of the hospital) and my mom have put up their tombstones already there, next to my great-grandparents. My mom and my aunt are still alive, but we can stand now over their gravesite.
I understand, them wanting to get this taken care of so we don't have to when the time comes. But it was such a shock the first year, walking up that hill to Ma and Pa's graves and coming across my mother's. I cried. That time will come soon enough without a reminder, you know? But I'm thankful my mother was there to comfort me, just like she always has been.
Friday, June 4, 2004
Mood: Moody
I think AOL should add more moods up there. I'm hardly ever any of those moods they have listed.
I haven't had much time to stay on here, lately, with my aunt in the hospital...hopefully things will get back to normal soon. Not that normal is really normal, but anyway...
The washer broke Wednesday night and flooded my utility room. Now all the wood furniture that was in there is in the living room and there's about 1 foot of space to walk around. My grandpa did fix my washer, though, so yay! He's the best, he can fix anything, I don't know what I'd do without him.
My daughter went on a field trip with camp yesterday to the water park. I was so worried about her going there without me. She'll be 12 next month but she's still my baby! I dropped her off at camp and went on to work, worrying the whole day that she'd get a sunburn (she is extremely fair-skinned and doesn't tan) because she wouldn't remember to reapply her sunblock...worrying that she'd get in the wave pool and lose her glasses...worrying about anything that could go wrong. I was told at work to relax, stop worrying, and let her experience things.
So what happened? She has a terrible sunburn on her face now. She DID lose her glasses in the wave pool, but found them again. And, to top it off, she lost her inner tube in the wave pool, while the waves were on, couldn't handle the waves, and the lifeguard had to jump in and get her.
OH MY GOSH!
See? I KNEW it. I don't think I can let her go back, they go to this waterpark every Thursday. I think she's just too young to handle it without me.
I don't know. Maybe I'm still a little too stunned to think about this clearly...
I haven't had much time to stay on here, lately, with my aunt in the hospital...hopefully things will get back to normal soon. Not that normal is really normal, but anyway...
The washer broke Wednesday night and flooded my utility room. Now all the wood furniture that was in there is in the living room and there's about 1 foot of space to walk around. My grandpa did fix my washer, though, so yay! He's the best, he can fix anything, I don't know what I'd do without him.
My daughter went on a field trip with camp yesterday to the water park. I was so worried about her going there without me. She'll be 12 next month but she's still my baby! I dropped her off at camp and went on to work, worrying the whole day that she'd get a sunburn (she is extremely fair-skinned and doesn't tan) because she wouldn't remember to reapply her sunblock...worrying that she'd get in the wave pool and lose her glasses...worrying about anything that could go wrong. I was told at work to relax, stop worrying, and let her experience things.
So what happened? She has a terrible sunburn on her face now. She DID lose her glasses in the wave pool, but found them again. And, to top it off, she lost her inner tube in the wave pool, while the waves were on, couldn't handle the waves, and the lifeguard had to jump in and get her.
OH MY GOSH!
See? I KNEW it. I don't think I can let her go back, they go to this waterpark every Thursday. I think she's just too young to handle it without me.
I don't know. Maybe I'm still a little too stunned to think about this clearly...
Tuesday, June 1, 2004
Have to hurry, but I don't feel like it...
I just got in from staying the night at the hospital with my aunt, who's been there since Sunday. We're all taking turns so she won't be there by herself, and last night was my turn. We still don't know what's wrong with her, just waiting...
Now I have to get in the shower, go pick up my daughter from my grandparents' house, take her to camp, and then go to work. I have one hour to do all this.
So of course I'm writing in my journal!
Can I just say that I love Willie Nelson?
Now I have to get in the shower, go pick up my daughter from my grandparents' house, take her to camp, and then go to work. I have one hour to do all this.
So of course I'm writing in my journal!
Can I just say that I love Willie Nelson?
Sunday, May 30, 2004
Karmic weirdness
Today brought more tornados...yes, I really do feel like I live in Kansas now! At least seven tornado touchdowns in my part of the country, and the tornados sirens by my house went off three times. Scary...
So, after the first storms were over this evening, I had a babysitter, and my boyfriend and I decided to go to the movies. We figured we had at least three or four hours before the second round of storms got here.
What movie did we decide on? 'The Day After Tomorrow', of course! I love mindless disaster movies, and after surviving this week, it seemed a fitting choice.
So we're sitting in the movie theater, and the movie is almost over, and...the lights go out in the theater. Goodbye movie, hello emergency lights.
Yes, it was another tornado! (I can't believe in just a week's time I've become relatively calm about these things.)
How ironic is it that we missed the end of this weather disaster movie...because of a weather disaster?
The theater management made us stay inside until the storm passed. When we finally left, there was no electricity, no traffic lights, and there was debris everywhere.
I was very thankful when I got home and realized that my house was still okay, and I even had electricity. There are those around here who are not so lucky...some with no electricity, and some with no houses.
I hope and pray that things will get better tomorrow for everyone affected by today's storms.
So, after the first storms were over this evening, I had a babysitter, and my boyfriend and I decided to go to the movies. We figured we had at least three or four hours before the second round of storms got here.
What movie did we decide on? 'The Day After Tomorrow', of course! I love mindless disaster movies, and after surviving this week, it seemed a fitting choice.
So we're sitting in the movie theater, and the movie is almost over, and...the lights go out in the theater. Goodbye movie, hello emergency lights.
Yes, it was another tornado! (I can't believe in just a week's time I've become relatively calm about these things.)
How ironic is it that we missed the end of this weather disaster movie...because of a weather disaster?
The theater management made us stay inside until the storm passed. When we finally left, there was no electricity, no traffic lights, and there was debris everywhere.
I was very thankful when I got home and realized that my house was still okay, and I even had electricity. There are those around here who are not so lucky...some with no electricity, and some with no houses.
I hope and pray that things will get better tomorrow for everyone affected by today's storms.
Green
Some things to be thankful for...
I was thankful Friday morning taking my daughter to camp and myself to work...trees were down, EVERYWHERE, from Thursday night's storms. I only had to think of us, out, the night before, in the middle of it, to be incredibly grateful that we made it home safely.
Today, my 3-year old nephew fell from the top bunk (don't ask what he was doing up there to begin with!), breaking a window in the process, and landed on the floor WITHOUT A SCRATCH ON HIM...he and my daughter were incredibly freaked out about it and I didn't think I'd ever get them to stop crying, but then it was over and he was perfect as ever. Again, incredibly grateful, and humbled...
My boyfriend has had to work long hours this week, including today...all in all I think he ended the week at about 80 hours. (...Yes, I HATE his job, but I'll try not to rant about this now as this is a THANKFUL entry!) When he got off work today, he dragged his old, broken-down body (this is how he describes himself!) out to church so that he could do the weed-eating...I went to help him so he could get done faster...and that's what made me thankful. Tired as we were, our bodies are strong, and relatively healthy, and I'm so grateful I'm alive and well.
And, as much as I'm the hermit leave-me-alone type, I'm so very thankful for my family...who won't ever leave me alone and who sometimes get on my nerves, but I couldn't live without them. My mother is my everything...my grandmother, loves me so much...my grandfather, who I admire more than anyone in the world. I'd be lost without them.
I can go on and on...my beautiful daughter, who brings such joy to my life (and also other great feelings seeing as how she is now a moody, hormonal pre-teen)...my awesome boyfriend, who today surprised me with a brand-new air conditioner (awesome, right?!)...my church, my job...
I'm having a good time, right now. Not getting nearly enough sleep, still having the occasional panic attack, and completely overwhelmed with life stuff, but still...enjoying it while I can. Bad times are always soon to follow a good spell, my depression may come back at any time, and I'm feeling this urgent need to soak in as much happiness as possible, because pretty soon it may all go away...
So, while I can, accepting the hard things and all, I'm so thankful I'm here. Feeling like Hob Gadling these days...I choose life!
I was thankful Friday morning taking my daughter to camp and myself to work...trees were down, EVERYWHERE, from Thursday night's storms. I only had to think of us, out, the night before, in the middle of it, to be incredibly grateful that we made it home safely.
Today, my 3-year old nephew fell from the top bunk (don't ask what he was doing up there to begin with!), breaking a window in the process, and landed on the floor WITHOUT A SCRATCH ON HIM...he and my daughter were incredibly freaked out about it and I didn't think I'd ever get them to stop crying, but then it was over and he was perfect as ever. Again, incredibly grateful, and humbled...
My boyfriend has had to work long hours this week, including today...all in all I think he ended the week at about 80 hours. (...Yes, I HATE his job, but I'll try not to rant about this now as this is a THANKFUL entry!) When he got off work today, he dragged his old, broken-down body (this is how he describes himself!) out to church so that he could do the weed-eating...I went to help him so he could get done faster...and that's what made me thankful. Tired as we were, our bodies are strong, and relatively healthy, and I'm so grateful I'm alive and well.
And, as much as I'm the hermit leave-me-alone type, I'm so very thankful for my family...who won't ever leave me alone and who sometimes get on my nerves, but I couldn't live without them. My mother is my everything...my grandmother, loves me so much...my grandfather, who I admire more than anyone in the world. I'd be lost without them.
I can go on and on...my beautiful daughter, who brings such joy to my life (and also other great feelings seeing as how she is now a moody, hormonal pre-teen)...my awesome boyfriend, who today surprised me with a brand-new air conditioner (awesome, right?!)...my church, my job...
I'm having a good time, right now. Not getting nearly enough sleep, still having the occasional panic attack, and completely overwhelmed with life stuff, but still...enjoying it while I can. Bad times are always soon to follow a good spell, my depression may come back at any time, and I'm feeling this urgent need to soak in as much happiness as possible, because pretty soon it may all go away...
So, while I can, accepting the hard things and all, I'm so thankful I'm here. Feeling like Hob Gadling these days...I choose life!
Thursday, May 27, 2004
Isn't it swell
Wow, Tuesday's storm has nothing on tonight's. My electricity is in imminent danger of going out any time now. There's been at least four confirmed tornado touchdowns in the area so far. And the line of storms keep coming.
I was at the Y and was watching the storm's progression the whole time on the TVs there. It started out up in Indiana so I figured I had time before it got to Louisville. Then I lost track of time and when I came back around with four machines left, the line of storms was at the river.
I quickly whipped through my last sets, ran to the teen room, collected my daughter, and we ran to the car. It wasn't raining yet, but there was a very black ugly wide mass of clouds to the north.
When I got to the car I had about a million calls on my cell phone. In addition to my grandmother (just like last time), this time also my mom, my dad, and my boyfriend had all called me to see why I wasn't at home. They always do that...I know they love me, but sometimes I wonder why they don't call my brother and bug him like the way they bug me. Not sure why there's a difference there, but there is...
So I thought I'd make it home before we got hit, but by the time I was driving by the southwest side of the park leaves and sticks were flying through the air. Then I got to the north side of the park where it's not sheltered by hills and things were crazy. Everyone was stopped on the side of the road but I was too close to home to stop now!
So despite the wind and the rain, we made it home safely, again. It's becoming hazardous to go out in my city anymore!
My poor dad up in Indiana didn't fare so well...his electricity is out, and a tree fell on his car. He's very grumpy right now.
I think I'll go now before I hear the tornado sirens, and not after.
I was at the Y and was watching the storm's progression the whole time on the TVs there. It started out up in Indiana so I figured I had time before it got to Louisville. Then I lost track of time and when I came back around with four machines left, the line of storms was at the river.
I quickly whipped through my last sets, ran to the teen room, collected my daughter, and we ran to the car. It wasn't raining yet, but there was a very black ugly wide mass of clouds to the north.
When I got to the car I had about a million calls on my cell phone. In addition to my grandmother (just like last time), this time also my mom, my dad, and my boyfriend had all called me to see why I wasn't at home. They always do that...I know they love me, but sometimes I wonder why they don't call my brother and bug him like the way they bug me. Not sure why there's a difference there, but there is...
So I thought I'd make it home before we got hit, but by the time I was driving by the southwest side of the park leaves and sticks were flying through the air. Then I got to the north side of the park where it's not sheltered by hills and things were crazy. Everyone was stopped on the side of the road but I was too close to home to stop now!
So despite the wind and the rain, we made it home safely, again. It's becoming hazardous to go out in my city anymore!
My poor dad up in Indiana didn't fare so well...his electricity is out, and a tree fell on his car. He's very grumpy right now.
I think I'll go now before I hear the tornado sirens, and not after.
Wednesday, May 26, 2004
Tired tired tired
And it's raining, raining, raining all the time anymore.
And lightning and thunder, also.
I took my daughter to Penney's last night to get a bathing suit. We also bought a belt for her. It felt like such a normal thing to do... I never go shopping for clothes, but it seems my 11-year old does. I go to bookstores only, usually. I also do midnight visits to Wal-Mart and Walgreens.
After we (thankfully) left the mall, I decided we should go to Barnes & Noble to use the gift certificate I got for Mother's Day.
The nearest Barnes & Noble is on the other side of the world from where I live. I wasn't quite sure how to get there from where I was without backtracking to the Watterson. So I just decided to head east and figured I'd make it there eventually...
Until I made a wrong turn and found myself going towards the freeway. Okay, freeway it is!
We got on the freeway and then the skies opened up and dropped more rain on us. And it was such a beautiful thing...
The freeway we were on runs in a circle around the outside edge of the city...and it's a beautiful drive anytime, really...lots of hills and valleys and meadows and woods to see. Right when the rain started, the sun had set and it was that moment between light and dark...it was soft gray, and the rain made the greens of the trees and the hills stand out.
The semi trucks were causing fogs of mist to hang over the freeway, and we came over a hill and the valley opened up before us. I was so glad we came that way!
We did lots more that evening. We made it to the bookstore, where we couldn't even enjoy ourselves because it got dark and then the winds came at 50-60 mph, making eerie howling noises outside the store...and if I wasn't nervous enough, my grandmother called me three times while I was there, with "Where are you?", and "Did you know there was a flash flood watch?", etc...
We left the bookstore in the middle of the monsoon and drove for a nerve-wracking 30 minutes to get back home.
But before I went to sleep last night, I forgot all about the scariness of the storm...I only remembered the beauty of the twilight!
And lightning and thunder, also.
I took my daughter to Penney's last night to get a bathing suit. We also bought a belt for her. It felt like such a normal thing to do... I never go shopping for clothes, but it seems my 11-year old does. I go to bookstores only, usually. I also do midnight visits to Wal-Mart and Walgreens.
After we (thankfully) left the mall, I decided we should go to Barnes & Noble to use the gift certificate I got for Mother's Day.
The nearest Barnes & Noble is on the other side of the world from where I live. I wasn't quite sure how to get there from where I was without backtracking to the Watterson. So I just decided to head east and figured I'd make it there eventually...
Until I made a wrong turn and found myself going towards the freeway. Okay, freeway it is!
We got on the freeway and then the skies opened up and dropped more rain on us. And it was such a beautiful thing...
The freeway we were on runs in a circle around the outside edge of the city...and it's a beautiful drive anytime, really...lots of hills and valleys and meadows and woods to see. Right when the rain started, the sun had set and it was that moment between light and dark...it was soft gray, and the rain made the greens of the trees and the hills stand out.
The semi trucks were causing fogs of mist to hang over the freeway, and we came over a hill and the valley opened up before us. I was so glad we came that way!
We did lots more that evening. We made it to the bookstore, where we couldn't even enjoy ourselves because it got dark and then the winds came at 50-60 mph, making eerie howling noises outside the store...and if I wasn't nervous enough, my grandmother called me three times while I was there, with "Where are you?", and "Did you know there was a flash flood watch?", etc...
We left the bookstore in the middle of the monsoon and drove for a nerve-wracking 30 minutes to get back home.
But before I went to sleep last night, I forgot all about the scariness of the storm...I only remembered the beauty of the twilight!
Sunday, May 23, 2004
Old Friends
This weekend's assignment:
The summer before second grade I moved to another new place and had to make more new friends...life as an Army brat, you know.
My first day at my new house, I was outside watching the movers take the boxes in, and an older girl stopped by on her bike, and said, "You're the same age as my sister, I'll go get her."
The sister, Carrie, came over, and that was my first best friend in second grade. She lived across the street from me on the Army base, as did my other best friends Eileen and Crystal, and the four of us remained best friends until I moved away after 4th grade.
My memories of that friendship are precious to me, with lots of slumber parties, secret clubs, and gymnastics and skating sessions. Life was good.
I really didn't keep in touch very well with my friends after I moved, but our mothers did, for the most part! I last saw Eileen when she came to visit in 8th grade...she is now a mother living in New Mexico. I last saw Carrie when I went to visit her while I was in high school...she still lived in the same area, and has since married an Army GI (still living the life!). I haven't seen Crystal since my teen years, either, and we've unfortunately lost touch. But I'll always appreciate making such good friends so quickly in a new place, when I really needed it!
And for my extra credit, the 2nd grade me:
The summer before second grade I moved to another new place and had to make more new friends...life as an Army brat, you know.
My first day at my new house, I was outside watching the movers take the boxes in, and an older girl stopped by on her bike, and said, "You're the same age as my sister, I'll go get her."
The sister, Carrie, came over, and that was my first best friend in second grade. She lived across the street from me on the Army base, as did my other best friends Eileen and Crystal, and the four of us remained best friends until I moved away after 4th grade.
My memories of that friendship are precious to me, with lots of slumber parties, secret clubs, and gymnastics and skating sessions. Life was good.
I really didn't keep in touch very well with my friends after I moved, but our mothers did, for the most part! I last saw Eileen when she came to visit in 8th grade...she is now a mother living in New Mexico. I last saw Carrie when I went to visit her while I was in high school...she still lived in the same area, and has since married an Army GI (still living the life!). I haven't seen Crystal since my teen years, either, and we've unfortunately lost touch. But I'll always appreciate making such good friends so quickly in a new place, when I really needed it!
And for my extra credit, the 2nd grade me:
Friday, May 21, 2004
Paths
My daughter's first day of summer was today...I love how the first day of her summer, and my summer, is when school is out...the summer solstice is not for another month!
The weather seemed to know it, also, as it was 90 degrees here, which is unseasonably high, and sooo humid, as befitting living in the Ohio River valley.
A few hundred people around town ran out of gas this week, and it actually wasn't their fault! It seems a local distribution site for a major gas company was selling gas with high levels of sulfur, which messed with people's gas gauges and made them think they had half a tank of gas, right while they sputtered to a stop on the freeway. The gas company has said they will be spending the next few months spending lots of money on fixing people's cars.
Of course, the day the news came out, I had half a tank of gas, and I couldn't remember if I had gotten gas last at the "bad" company or not. It was stressful driving for a while...
I was in the breakroom on the 2nd floor today, and ran into a woman who had been in my class this semester. (She got an A- too, hmmm...). It's amazing we went the whole semester without knowing we both worked for the same company, but we do take several floors in a high rise building so maybe it's more surprising that I ran into her!
Anyway, she asked me if I had done the tuition reimbursement for this semester and last semester. Surprised, I answered "No", as I thought the company only paid for business classes. She just stared at me. "Well", she said, "I'm an English major, and they've been paying for MY classes."
What?!
To make a long story short, I quizzed several people upstairs, and the answer is, "Yes, they would have paid for this"...which made me want to beat my head on the wall for all the money I shelled out for U of L this year, that I really didn't have to...
...but my frustration turned to excitement when I was told that I can still get my money back! Yes! Yes! All I have to do is fill out some forms, along with copies of my grades, and a letter explaining how STUPID I am for not realizing that I should have done this a year ago, and I get my money back!
This means that not only am I going to be able to get my second degree without going broke, but also, if my employer is going to pay for it, I will get a third, and a fourth, and a fifth. They'll most likely be sorry sooner than later that they've hired an eternal student...LOL.
This also highlights what it's like to be me...I'm forever doing stuff, or, should I say, not doing stuff, and paying for it later, unless I somehow get bailed out of it by a miracle of coincidence (if I had not run into this woman, for instance, it never would have crossed my mind that I'd be eligible for this.)
For example, the last time I got a ticket, I put it out of my mind...kept ignoring it...tried not to think about it...until the time came that it was too late to pay it and I had to go to traffic court. So not only was I going to have to pay my ticket, I was going to have to pay court costs on top of it. I meekly went downtown, stood before the judge ready to write my check out for way more than it originally would have been...and the judge dismissed the case! I didn't have to pay anything, no ticket, no court costs!
I usually just passively let life toss me around, and only find out things when it comes to me, and only approach things when I have to. It'll be a struggle to make myself get this paperwork together (no, really), but the $1000 plus that I'll get back is a strong motivator...it'll come in handy toward fixing my car since my car wreck a few months ago (I have a $1000 deductible, don't ask), I've been waiting for money to drop in my lap so I can get my car fixed. See how this works!
The weather seemed to know it, also, as it was 90 degrees here, which is unseasonably high, and sooo humid, as befitting living in the Ohio River valley.
A few hundred people around town ran out of gas this week, and it actually wasn't their fault! It seems a local distribution site for a major gas company was selling gas with high levels of sulfur, which messed with people's gas gauges and made them think they had half a tank of gas, right while they sputtered to a stop on the freeway. The gas company has said they will be spending the next few months spending lots of money on fixing people's cars.
Of course, the day the news came out, I had half a tank of gas, and I couldn't remember if I had gotten gas last at the "bad" company or not. It was stressful driving for a while...
I was in the breakroom on the 2nd floor today, and ran into a woman who had been in my class this semester. (She got an A- too, hmmm...). It's amazing we went the whole semester without knowing we both worked for the same company, but we do take several floors in a high rise building so maybe it's more surprising that I ran into her!
Anyway, she asked me if I had done the tuition reimbursement for this semester and last semester. Surprised, I answered "No", as I thought the company only paid for business classes. She just stared at me. "Well", she said, "I'm an English major, and they've been paying for MY classes."
What?!
To make a long story short, I quizzed several people upstairs, and the answer is, "Yes, they would have paid for this"...which made me want to beat my head on the wall for all the money I shelled out for U of L this year, that I really didn't have to...
...but my frustration turned to excitement when I was told that I can still get my money back! Yes! Yes! All I have to do is fill out some forms, along with copies of my grades, and a letter explaining how STUPID I am for not realizing that I should have done this a year ago, and I get my money back!
This means that not only am I going to be able to get my second degree without going broke, but also, if my employer is going to pay for it, I will get a third, and a fourth, and a fifth. They'll most likely be sorry sooner than later that they've hired an eternal student...LOL.
This also highlights what it's like to be me...I'm forever doing stuff, or, should I say, not doing stuff, and paying for it later, unless I somehow get bailed out of it by a miracle of coincidence (if I had not run into this woman, for instance, it never would have crossed my mind that I'd be eligible for this.)
For example, the last time I got a ticket, I put it out of my mind...kept ignoring it...tried not to think about it...until the time came that it was too late to pay it and I had to go to traffic court. So not only was I going to have to pay my ticket, I was going to have to pay court costs on top of it. I meekly went downtown, stood before the judge ready to write my check out for way more than it originally would have been...and the judge dismissed the case! I didn't have to pay anything, no ticket, no court costs!
I usually just passively let life toss me around, and only find out things when it comes to me, and only approach things when I have to. It'll be a struggle to make myself get this paperwork together (no, really), but the $1000 plus that I'll get back is a strong motivator...it'll come in handy toward fixing my car since my car wreck a few months ago (I have a $1000 deductible, don't ask), I've been waiting for money to drop in my lap so I can get my car fixed. See how this works!
Tuesday, May 18, 2004
I can't stop the world...
I checked my grade online, and I got an A-...yay! I guess that means I got an A- on my paper. It also makes me wonder if my professor actually read my paper, because it was actually 14 pages of desperation and not really deserving of an A. But I'll take it!
Now, my daughter only has two more days left of school, and then, thankfully, school is out for her too! I say thankfully because this has been a VERY hard year for her, and I'm just thankful she made it through okay. She went to the doctor today and we have some new things to try and hopefully this summer will be a good, healing one.
I have her in day camp for most of the summer...I wish so much that I could be home with her right now, but I have to work. The best summer I've had in recent memory was in 1998, when I was laid off in May, had the whole summer off, and then went back to work in August! At first, of course, I didn't view being laid off as a blessing, but it turned out to be just that, as we had a great summer together.
I've been going to the gym and working out pretty faithfully since last December, and now, for once, I'm kind of looking forward to the summer. I was pretty much the most out of shape person in the world when I started working out. The only reason I started was because I was taking my daughter to the Y every time the doors opened, it seemed, and one of the workers there just really badgered me about just sitting there when I could be doing something...(to which I said, I am doing something, I'm READING!)...
Why didn't anyone ever tell me about this whole working out thing before? Maybe they did, actually, but I never paid attention... I can't believe I didn't do it sooner, and I'm so mad at myself for all the time I wasted. After five months, I'm stronger, I have more stamina, I look better, I feel about a million times better, and I'm even more coordinated (had nowhere to go but up, there)!
So this summer, I'm ready! Mother-daughter hiking excursions, here we come! And I'm really excited about whitewater rafting, it's something I always love to do in the summer, but this time I may actually be effective at it (I've been doing the row/rear delt machine, you know!).
Only three problems remain with this summer and my new active outdoor lifestyle, now that we've gotten the whole shortness of breath and gasping for air issues out of the way:
1. THE HEAT. I would prefer to live in Alaska, but since I can't, I'm going to suck it up and be happy. And maybe duck into an air-conditioned room every chance I get.
2. THE BUGS. I guess my problems with bugs are pretty well-documented here. I resolve to use OFF and ignore the smell and stickiness!
3. THE SUN. I usually only go out at night...I'm one of those cave-dwellers. I can use sunblock, but it's the whole principle of the thing...the sun is just far too bright to comfortable be in it. (you know, heavenly hurt...) But I will try very hard to be a sun-lover this summer and leave the cave-dwellers behind!
I hope this summer can be a new beginning for my family, and for anyone else, who really needs this...
Now, my daughter only has two more days left of school, and then, thankfully, school is out for her too! I say thankfully because this has been a VERY hard year for her, and I'm just thankful she made it through okay. She went to the doctor today and we have some new things to try and hopefully this summer will be a good, healing one.
I have her in day camp for most of the summer...I wish so much that I could be home with her right now, but I have to work. The best summer I've had in recent memory was in 1998, when I was laid off in May, had the whole summer off, and then went back to work in August! At first, of course, I didn't view being laid off as a blessing, but it turned out to be just that, as we had a great summer together.
I've been going to the gym and working out pretty faithfully since last December, and now, for once, I'm kind of looking forward to the summer. I was pretty much the most out of shape person in the world when I started working out. The only reason I started was because I was taking my daughter to the Y every time the doors opened, it seemed, and one of the workers there just really badgered me about just sitting there when I could be doing something...(to which I said, I am doing something, I'm READING!)...
Why didn't anyone ever tell me about this whole working out thing before? Maybe they did, actually, but I never paid attention... I can't believe I didn't do it sooner, and I'm so mad at myself for all the time I wasted. After five months, I'm stronger, I have more stamina, I look better, I feel about a million times better, and I'm even more coordinated (had nowhere to go but up, there)!
So this summer, I'm ready! Mother-daughter hiking excursions, here we come! And I'm really excited about whitewater rafting, it's something I always love to do in the summer, but this time I may actually be effective at it (I've been doing the row/rear delt machine, you know!).
Only three problems remain with this summer and my new active outdoor lifestyle, now that we've gotten the whole shortness of breath and gasping for air issues out of the way:
1. THE HEAT. I would prefer to live in Alaska, but since I can't, I'm going to suck it up and be happy. And maybe duck into an air-conditioned room every chance I get.
2. THE BUGS. I guess my problems with bugs are pretty well-documented here. I resolve to use OFF and ignore the smell and stickiness!
3. THE SUN. I usually only go out at night...I'm one of those cave-dwellers. I can use sunblock, but it's the whole principle of the thing...the sun is just far too bright to comfortable be in it. (you know, heavenly hurt...) But I will try very hard to be a sun-lover this summer and leave the cave-dwellers behind!
I hope this summer can be a new beginning for my family, and for anyone else, who really needs this...
Monday, May 17, 2004
Meltdown in the produce section
Who knew?
This latest time, it was at Kroger...late...the store was empty, especially the huge produce section. My boyfriend had wandered off, leaving me to get my daughter's bananas.
Apparently, the stress of picking bananas can trigger a panic attack.
There were rows, and rows, of bananas. Groups of two, three, four, five, etc. Yellow ones, slightly green ones, green ones. Big ones, small ones.
I couldn't decide. The task of actually having to pick something out of this mass of yellow and green suddenly seemed like a matter of life and death, and I couldn't do it...
(and I can't believe, that just sitting here writing this, I'm starting to hyperventilate again.)
I don't know how long I stood there, completely helpless. Finally, I saw my boyfriend staring at me from the other end of the section, with an 'are you dawdling again and hurry up!' look on his face, which was sufficiently normal enough to get me to grab some bananas, any bananas!, and get out of that aisle.
This has been happening to me a lot lately, only not usually with bananas. I even called my doctor about it, but flaked out at the last minute and didn't go to the appointment. It's just too embarrassing...because these moments I've been having are triggered by the silliest things...and then it's over and it's like it never happened.
Except that I don't know if I can ever go to that banana section again. Maybe if I went to a different store it would be okay...does Walgreens carry bananas?
This latest time, it was at Kroger...late...the store was empty, especially the huge produce section. My boyfriend had wandered off, leaving me to get my daughter's bananas.
Apparently, the stress of picking bananas can trigger a panic attack.
There were rows, and rows, of bananas. Groups of two, three, four, five, etc. Yellow ones, slightly green ones, green ones. Big ones, small ones.
I couldn't decide. The task of actually having to pick something out of this mass of yellow and green suddenly seemed like a matter of life and death, and I couldn't do it...
(and I can't believe, that just sitting here writing this, I'm starting to hyperventilate again.)
I don't know how long I stood there, completely helpless. Finally, I saw my boyfriend staring at me from the other end of the section, with an 'are you dawdling again and hurry up!' look on his face, which was sufficiently normal enough to get me to grab some bananas, any bananas!, and get out of that aisle.
This has been happening to me a lot lately, only not usually with bananas. I even called my doctor about it, but flaked out at the last minute and didn't go to the appointment. It's just too embarrassing...because these moments I've been having are triggered by the silliest things...and then it's over and it's like it never happened.
Except that I don't know if I can ever go to that banana section again. Maybe if I went to a different store it would be okay...does Walgreens carry bananas?
Saturday, May 15, 2004
Weekend Assignment #5
Weekend Assignment #5: Recount your most memorable encounter with celebrity.
I CAN'T! I live in Kentucky, the only encounters with celebrities around here involve being cut off by limos during Derby time.
(sigh)
Okay. This celebrity encounter involves, of course, the Derby, and this will hopefully be my last Derby entry until next year.
It was May, 1997, and the night after Silver Charm had won the Kentucky Derby. My boyfriend, my brother, my sister-in-law, and I, had gone out to eat at my favorite place in the world. We're sitting there, enjoying our dining experience, until we hear a sudden uproar and the place, if possible, gets louder than it already was.
What? Who?
Yes, of course, it was BOB BAFFERT and MIKE PEGRAM, plus entourage, enjoying their night on the town after winning the Kentucky Derby. (For the uneducated, Bob Baffert is the trainer, Mike Pegram is the owner.) It was very exciting, particularly for those in our group who had won money on Silver Charm.
And, you ask, where do million dollar winners go to celebrate their Derby victory?
Why, the OUTBACK STEAKHOUSE, of course!
It was a really cool thing.
I CAN'T! I live in Kentucky, the only encounters with celebrities around here involve being cut off by limos during Derby time.
(sigh)
Okay. This celebrity encounter involves, of course, the Derby, and this will hopefully be my last Derby entry until next year.
It was May, 1997, and the night after Silver Charm had won the Kentucky Derby. My boyfriend, my brother, my sister-in-law, and I, had gone out to eat at my favorite place in the world. We're sitting there, enjoying our dining experience, until we hear a sudden uproar and the place, if possible, gets louder than it already was.
What? Who?
Yes, of course, it was BOB BAFFERT and MIKE PEGRAM, plus entourage, enjoying their night on the town after winning the Kentucky Derby. (For the uneducated, Bob Baffert is the trainer, Mike Pegram is the owner.) It was very exciting, particularly for those in our group who had won money on Silver Charm.
And, you ask, where do million dollar winners go to celebrate their Derby victory?
Why, the OUTBACK STEAKHOUSE, of course!
It was a really cool thing.
Thursday, May 13, 2004
What is a Time Mage?
What type of mage are you?
You are the time mage: You have a second site that allows you to see situations from a point of view that others cannot. Although you can't exactly "see the future" you can predict the outcomes of certain situations better than most.
VICE: You tend to be detached or unemotional. You also have a problem with understanding specific viewpoints because you can see a bigger picture than most people.
Most of this is pretty accurate, but...are detached and unemotional the same thing?
The unemotional thing is way off base, of course...I cry too much, for one thing. But detachment is something else. When something is too painful to bear, I think I do detach. Doesn't everybody? I hope? You can't stay detached forever, but it's a very good defense mechanism until you're ready to join life again. I think I've jumped back in, though, haven't I?
I can't believe I'm questioning my life now over the results of a quiz! I'll have to think about this more...
Wednesday, May 12, 2004
Michelle vs. Crickets, or The Crickets Are Winning the War
Since 1996, I have had cricket issues.
I don't know what made 1996 the magic year for them to come and then never really go away.
Inside and outside, they always...are.
I have sprayed, and had professionals come spray, and they always go away for a few months.
But then they come back. They always come back.
Two or three months ago, they came back again. I called my trusty Dad with his bag of tricks, and he came over and sprayed for me. And it worked, for a while. I had won the battle.
But the crickets are winning the war.
For over two months, there was no sign of a cricket anywhere. Life has been good, and peaceful. I even got out of the habit of clearing a room before I walked into it, and stopped leaving the bathroom light on.
And so things have been going great, until this morning, when I walked into the bathroom and felt a suspicious tickling sensation on my foot. A CRICKET WAS ON ME!
After much screaming and yelling around and banging the wall, I finally killed the cricket. Then I collapsed in a quivering heap on the couch and stared blankly at the wall, finally rousing myself to get up and take my daughter to school.
So now I'm back to being the cricket cop, taking my Raid with me everywhere I go in my house, just in case. Other people have termites, or mice...I have crickets.
Eternally, it seems. :(
I don't know what made 1996 the magic year for them to come and then never really go away.
Inside and outside, they always...are.
I have sprayed, and had professionals come spray, and they always go away for a few months.
But then they come back. They always come back.
Two or three months ago, they came back again. I called my trusty Dad with his bag of tricks, and he came over and sprayed for me. And it worked, for a while. I had won the battle.
But the crickets are winning the war.
For over two months, there was no sign of a cricket anywhere. Life has been good, and peaceful. I even got out of the habit of clearing a room before I walked into it, and stopped leaving the bathroom light on.
And so things have been going great, until this morning, when I walked into the bathroom and felt a suspicious tickling sensation on my foot. A CRICKET WAS ON ME!
After much screaming and yelling around and banging the wall, I finally killed the cricket. Then I collapsed in a quivering heap on the couch and stared blankly at the wall, finally rousing myself to get up and take my daughter to school.
So now I'm back to being the cricket cop, taking my Raid with me everywhere I go in my house, just in case. Other people have termites, or mice...I have crickets.
Eternally, it seems. :(
Monday, May 10, 2004
It's May 10....
and after I get some sleep tonight I think I may have my life back!
My daughter gave me a giant balloon for Mother's Day. We were out shopping Saturday (Walgreens, of course), and she comes running and asks to borrow ten dollars so she could get my Mother's Day present, and my keys so she could put it in the car.
I give her the money and the keys, continue shopping, and turn the corner and catch a glimpse of a blond-haired girl wrestling with a giant balloon. I KNEW it was my daughter.
Pretending I didn't see anything, she comes back with my keys, I buy my cards, and we get in the car, where for the whole way home she is holding the balloon down in the backseat and I have to pretend I don't see it, or hear it.
Then she puts it in her room in the closet, where I had to pretend I didn't see it when I was putting her clothes away.
Finally, yesterday, she took it over to my grandparent's house (next door) where we always have Mother's Day, so she could give it to me there. Next thing I know, my 3-year old nephew that I was watching came to me, saying, "Aunt Michelle, the balloon went up in the sky, she dropped it!"
I dashed to the phone to call next door and speak to my daughter, who I knew would be devastated by this. I was going to let her know that I had at least seen the balloon and I thought it was beautiful and it was okay!
But I didn't get to speak to her, because she had dashed through my grandmother's house to the backyard, then dashed back through and said she was coming back home, then into my house yelling, "I need to get into the backyard!"
I unlocked the back door and she ran into the backyard, grabbing the balloon that had flown OVER the house and gotten caught in the BACKYARD FENCE! The balloon was still with us!
About an hour later, with great ceremony, she finally presented the balloon to me. It really is a beautiful gift from my beautiful daughter, and I was so happy to finally get to see it!
My daughter gave me a giant balloon for Mother's Day. We were out shopping Saturday (Walgreens, of course), and she comes running and asks to borrow ten dollars so she could get my Mother's Day present, and my keys so she could put it in the car.
I give her the money and the keys, continue shopping, and turn the corner and catch a glimpse of a blond-haired girl wrestling with a giant balloon. I KNEW it was my daughter.
Pretending I didn't see anything, she comes back with my keys, I buy my cards, and we get in the car, where for the whole way home she is holding the balloon down in the backseat and I have to pretend I don't see it, or hear it.
Then she puts it in her room in the closet, where I had to pretend I didn't see it when I was putting her clothes away.
Finally, yesterday, she took it over to my grandparent's house (next door) where we always have Mother's Day, so she could give it to me there. Next thing I know, my 3-year old nephew that I was watching came to me, saying, "Aunt Michelle, the balloon went up in the sky, she dropped it!"
I dashed to the phone to call next door and speak to my daughter, who I knew would be devastated by this. I was going to let her know that I had at least seen the balloon and I thought it was beautiful and it was okay!
But I didn't get to speak to her, because she had dashed through my grandmother's house to the backyard, then dashed back through and said she was coming back home, then into my house yelling, "I need to get into the backyard!"
I unlocked the back door and she ran into the backyard, grabbing the balloon that had flown OVER the house and gotten caught in the BACKYARD FENCE! The balloon was still with us!
About an hour later, with great ceremony, she finally presented the balloon to me. It really is a beautiful gift from my beautiful daughter, and I was so happy to finally get to see it!
Thursday, May 6, 2004
I miss everything...
I have a paper due Monday.
It's a final paper. It's also 100 percent of the grade for the class. All semester long our instructor kept dropping assignments and tests until he finally said, "Well, why don't you just do your final paper and that's all."
Easy for him, terrible for me. I have performance anxiety. I have writer's block. I have a big dark cloud hanging over my head as the days tick by until the day it's due and I still haven't got it done. I can't do it. It's like my mind cannot connect the necessary synapses to write intelligently about this topic (Positive and negative aspects of Naturalist post-Civil War American literature).
And I haven't even been able to keep up with my journal and other journals I visit, because I feel so guilty about writing and commenting on AOL and not on my 14-page imminently due paper.
See? Right now, feeling guilt.
Also despair, fear, inadequacy...
I guess I'll end this cheerful entry now and go to bed. I'll be back in top form by Monday, I hope, having written my stupid paper and going on with my life.
Why did I ever decide to go back to school? I think I've lost brain cells, which explains the lack of synaptic firing and the making of bad decisions...
It's a final paper. It's also 100 percent of the grade for the class. All semester long our instructor kept dropping assignments and tests until he finally said, "Well, why don't you just do your final paper and that's all."
Easy for him, terrible for me. I have performance anxiety. I have writer's block. I have a big dark cloud hanging over my head as the days tick by until the day it's due and I still haven't got it done. I can't do it. It's like my mind cannot connect the necessary synapses to write intelligently about this topic (Positive and negative aspects of Naturalist post-Civil War American literature).
And I haven't even been able to keep up with my journal and other journals I visit, because I feel so guilty about writing and commenting on AOL and not on my 14-page imminently due paper.
See? Right now, feeling guilt.
Also despair, fear, inadequacy...
I guess I'll end this cheerful entry now and go to bed. I'll be back in top form by Monday, I hope, having written my stupid paper and going on with my life.
Why did I ever decide to go back to school? I think I've lost brain cells, which explains the lack of synaptic firing and the making of bad decisions...
Tuesday, May 4, 2004
Empty entry...
Because I'm so tired, as always. I feel so inadequate, lately, as I seem so busy and yet I can't get anything done, and all I have to show for anything is exhaustion.
We went to the sneak preview of New York Minute today. It was great! Because of the way I love these girly preteen movies, I think my mental age is about 12. And that's okay, because my daughter and I can hang out and stuff. At least, until she gets older than me.
Here's my results from the quiz I took from John Scalzi's page:
WILLOW You are compassionate and independent. You're the kind of tree who wants to help other trees find themselves in a crazy world you know all too well. You love the gentler side of nature and like things simple and elegant. A night owl, you like things peaceful all the time and are often vexed when others invade your solitude. You love the water as much as the land, feeling at home in both. Often shy, you always want to do things right, and crave attention every now and then. You fear that what you love most may one day turn on you, but it doesn't stop you from getting close to others. You are a good listener and other trees often come to you for advice or someone to talk to. You admire others who freely share themselves. When you leave the world, you want others to remember your example and follow it.
What's Your Inner Tree? brought to you by Quizilla
We went to the sneak preview of New York Minute today. It was great! Because of the way I love these girly preteen movies, I think my mental age is about 12. And that's okay, because my daughter and I can hang out and stuff. At least, until she gets older than me.
Here's my results from the quiz I took from John Scalzi's page:
WILLOW You are compassionate and independent. You're the kind of tree who wants to help other trees find themselves in a crazy world you know all too well. You love the gentler side of nature and like things simple and elegant. A night owl, you like things peaceful all the time and are often vexed when others invade your solitude. You love the water as much as the land, feeling at home in both. Often shy, you always want to do things right, and crave attention every now and then. You fear that what you love most may one day turn on you, but it doesn't stop you from getting close to others. You are a good listener and other trees often come to you for advice or someone to talk to. You admire others who freely share themselves. When you leave the world, you want others to remember your example and follow it.
What's Your Inner Tree? brought to you by Quizilla
Sunday, May 2, 2004
Replacement assignment
I'm going to have to ditch John Scalzi's weekend assignment, I've wracked my brain all weekend and am coming up with a blank on the bad advice. I'm doing Anna's assignment, instead. It's still not easy for me to answer some of these questions, either, and also, my answers all seem pretty bland. I'm trying to avoid the connection between my answers and what that says about my personality. :(
Here we go:
1. What year was the best year of your life? See, already this is hard. I have no idea. Maybe 1989-1990?
2. One animal or insect that Noah should have left off the ark? ALL INSECTS ARE BAD. They can crawl on you while you sleep.
3. Do you make a wish before blowing out your birthday candles? Yes. I remember every wish I ever made on my birthday.
4. Do you generally open your bills on the day that you receive them? hahahahahaha
5. How many pillows are on your bed? Three. Two regular ones, and one wonderful one that makes me so happy.
6. Favorite ice cream flavor? Ice cream questions are always hard, since I hardly ever eat it. I like chocolate-peanut butter milkshakes. And I like homemade vanilla ice cream once a year on Fourth of July.
7. What is the most dominant color in your wardrobe? Black. Everything is black.
8. Have you ever seen a ghost? No.
9. Would you rather go to a carnival or circus? A carnival.
10. Favorite meal: breakfast, lunch, or dinner? Dinner. There's more options, I think.
11. Your favorite fictional animal? This is another hard question. A mythical animal like a unicorn? Or something like Rafiki from "The Lion King"?
12. Have you ever flown first-class? No. I wish. Especially the long flights to and from Germany.
13. Would you go on a reality show? Never. I don't want to be on TV. And I don't want to eat bugs, camp out, and/or be stuck with the same people for weeks. Remember Sartre's "No Exit"?
14. Are you more optimistic or pessimistic about the future? Pessimistic. What future?
15. Pancakes or waffles? Nice, crispy waffles.
16. If you could own a home anywhere in the world, where would it be? I want that house on that island in "The Thomas Crown Affair". I would also like a house in the mountains of Eastern Kentucky where my mother's family came from, and a house in Scotland where their family came from.
17. Your favorite Soup of the Day? I don't eat soup. Except for when I'm sick, then I'll eat only Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup.
18. What site is a must see for all visitors to your city? First, the view from I-65 South crossing the Ohio River into Louisville at night, this is the best view of our beautiful skyline. Cave Hill Cemetery. Churchill Downs. There's also a gigantic baseball bat outside the Louisville Slugger Museum down on Main Street. And you should go down to the river and visit the Waterfront Park, Slugger Field, and take a cruise.
19. Can you recommend a good restaurant in your city? My favorite non-chain restaurant in Louisville is the CHINA INN by U of L. It's the favorite hangout of all police officers and college students. It's not fancy, but it's awesome.
20. You go to the zoo; What is the one animal that you want to see? The penguins and the polar bears. Also the gorillas.
21. Potatoes, rice, or pasta; Whichis your favorite? Pasta, it's always pasta.
22. What is the best movie that you've seen this year? I liked Lost in Translation.
23. One of your favorite books when you were a child? This is hard, because I read everything, basically, when I was a child, and I still have my old books and I still love to re-read them. But specifically, I would have to say the Little House books. I loved Laura Ingalls Wilder so much that I made a pilgrimage a couple of years ago to her childhood homes in South Dakota and Minnesota. It was thrilling to see all these places I knew by heart from reading her books.
24. What in your life are you most grateful for? My family.
25. You are home alone and use the bathroom; do you close the door? Yes.
26. What is your favorite small appliance? I love my washer and dryer. Um, that's not very small, is it? Okay, the only other thing I use is the microwave.
27. Salty snacks or sweet treats? Both, together.
28. Are you usually a little early, a little late, or right on time? Late late late.
29. What is the most daring thing that you have ever done? The list is too long. Really.
30. Have you ever met someone famous? No.
31. What was one of your favorite games as a child? Now I'm getting depressed. I can't remember having a favorite game. I know I must have, but I'm drawing a blank. I'm really not that old, what is wrong with me?!!!
32. At what age have you looked your best? 18, and 20-21.
33. One person that never fails to make you laugh? My funny, silly daughter.
34. What was the first music that you ever bought? AAAAGH! I have no idea. It would have had to be something heavy metal...
35. If you could change one thing about your family life when you were a child, what would it be? The skeletons are too deep in the closet for me to talk about this one.
36. What is the one thing that you cook that always receives compliments? Heath Bar cake.
37. From what news source do you receive the bulk of your news? News radio.
38. In the last calendar year, how many people have you told that you love them? 14, I think.
39. Who received your first kiss? Terry.
40. The single most important quality in a mate? That he loves me.
41. What do you value most in a relationship? Love. Honesty. No fear.
42. Do you believe that you have a soulmate? Yes. He's a good friend of mine.
43. Do you consider yourself well organized? At work, yes. At home, I need help.
44. On average, how many times a day do you look at yourself in the mirror? In the morning. And, I guess when I'm washing my hands in the bathroom at work.
45. Did you ever make a prank phone call? Yes, when I was young before callerID was invented.
46. What one quality do you seek in a friend? I'm not sure. We have to be 'kindred spirits'...you know it when you feel it.
47. Have you ever killed an animal? No.
48. When you were twelve years old, what did you want to be when you grew up? I didn't know. I STILL don't know.
49. Do you believe in an afterlife? Yes.
50. What would you like to accomplish with the remaining years of your life? I want to successfully raise my daughter to be a beautiful, strong, independent woman. And I just want to be happy. Maybe someday...
Here we go:
1. What year was the best year of your life? See, already this is hard. I have no idea. Maybe 1989-1990?
2. One animal or insect that Noah should have left off the ark? ALL INSECTS ARE BAD. They can crawl on you while you sleep.
3. Do you make a wish before blowing out your birthday candles? Yes. I remember every wish I ever made on my birthday.
4. Do you generally open your bills on the day that you receive them? hahahahahaha
5. How many pillows are on your bed? Three. Two regular ones, and one wonderful one that makes me so happy.
6. Favorite ice cream flavor? Ice cream questions are always hard, since I hardly ever eat it. I like chocolate-peanut butter milkshakes. And I like homemade vanilla ice cream once a year on Fourth of July.
7. What is the most dominant color in your wardrobe? Black. Everything is black.
8. Have you ever seen a ghost? No.
9. Would you rather go to a carnival or circus? A carnival.
10. Favorite meal: breakfast, lunch, or dinner? Dinner. There's more options, I think.
11. Your favorite fictional animal? This is another hard question. A mythical animal like a unicorn? Or something like Rafiki from "The Lion King"?
12. Have you ever flown first-class? No. I wish. Especially the long flights to and from Germany.
13. Would you go on a reality show? Never. I don't want to be on TV. And I don't want to eat bugs, camp out, and/or be stuck with the same people for weeks. Remember Sartre's "No Exit"?
14. Are you more optimistic or pessimistic about the future? Pessimistic. What future?
15. Pancakes or waffles? Nice, crispy waffles.
16. If you could own a home anywhere in the world, where would it be? I want that house on that island in "The Thomas Crown Affair". I would also like a house in the mountains of Eastern Kentucky where my mother's family came from, and a house in Scotland where their family came from.
17. Your favorite Soup of the Day? I don't eat soup. Except for when I'm sick, then I'll eat only Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup.
18. What site is a must see for all visitors to your city? First, the view from I-65 South crossing the Ohio River into Louisville at night, this is the best view of our beautiful skyline. Cave Hill Cemetery. Churchill Downs. There's also a gigantic baseball bat outside the Louisville Slugger Museum down on Main Street. And you should go down to the river and visit the Waterfront Park, Slugger Field, and take a cruise.
19. Can you recommend a good restaurant in your city? My favorite non-chain restaurant in Louisville is the CHINA INN by U of L. It's the favorite hangout of all police officers and college students. It's not fancy, but it's awesome.
20. You go to the zoo; What is the one animal that you want to see? The penguins and the polar bears. Also the gorillas.
21. Potatoes, rice, or pasta; Whichis your favorite? Pasta, it's always pasta.
22. What is the best movie that you've seen this year? I liked Lost in Translation.
23. One of your favorite books when you were a child? This is hard, because I read everything, basically, when I was a child, and I still have my old books and I still love to re-read them. But specifically, I would have to say the Little House books. I loved Laura Ingalls Wilder so much that I made a pilgrimage a couple of years ago to her childhood homes in South Dakota and Minnesota. It was thrilling to see all these places I knew by heart from reading her books.
24. What in your life are you most grateful for? My family.
25. You are home alone and use the bathroom; do you close the door? Yes.
26. What is your favorite small appliance? I love my washer and dryer. Um, that's not very small, is it? Okay, the only other thing I use is the microwave.
27. Salty snacks or sweet treats? Both, together.
28. Are you usually a little early, a little late, or right on time? Late late late.
29. What is the most daring thing that you have ever done? The list is too long. Really.
30. Have you ever met someone famous? No.
31. What was one of your favorite games as a child? Now I'm getting depressed. I can't remember having a favorite game. I know I must have, but I'm drawing a blank. I'm really not that old, what is wrong with me?!!!
32. At what age have you looked your best? 18, and 20-21.
33. One person that never fails to make you laugh? My funny, silly daughter.
34. What was the first music that you ever bought? AAAAGH! I have no idea. It would have had to be something heavy metal...
35. If you could change one thing about your family life when you were a child, what would it be? The skeletons are too deep in the closet for me to talk about this one.
36. What is the one thing that you cook that always receives compliments? Heath Bar cake.
37. From what news source do you receive the bulk of your news? News radio.
38. In the last calendar year, how many people have you told that you love them? 14, I think.
39. Who received your first kiss? Terry.
40. The single most important quality in a mate? That he loves me.
41. What do you value most in a relationship? Love. Honesty. No fear.
42. Do you believe that you have a soulmate? Yes. He's a good friend of mine.
43. Do you consider yourself well organized? At work, yes. At home, I need help.
44. On average, how many times a day do you look at yourself in the mirror? In the morning. And, I guess when I'm washing my hands in the bathroom at work.
45. Did you ever make a prank phone call? Yes, when I was young before callerID was invented.
46. What one quality do you seek in a friend? I'm not sure. We have to be 'kindred spirits'...you know it when you feel it.
47. Have you ever killed an animal? No.
48. When you were twelve years old, what did you want to be when you grew up? I didn't know. I STILL don't know.
49. Do you believe in an afterlife? Yes.
50. What would you like to accomplish with the remaining years of your life? I want to successfully raise my daughter to be a beautiful, strong, independent woman. And I just want to be happy. Maybe someday...
Thursday, April 29, 2004
Derby: Two days left...
All the famous people have been coming to town this week. Or that's what I'm told: I hear them on our local radio stations and read about them in the newspaper. At this time of year, we begin to see limos in abundance, and all the media people ask all the famous people the same question: "What's your Derby pick?".
I won't even make a joke about asking people from out of town what their Derby pick is, because EVERYBODY ALWAYS asks EVERYBODY ELSE what their Derby pick is. Even strangers on the street. Because you never know, someone might have the inside scoop and make this year's Derby a happy one!
(Okay, every Derby is a good one, and always exciting. But it's a fact, the ones that you remember most fondly are the ones in which your horse wins it. For me, it was Winning Colors in 1988 and Charismatic in 1999.)
Here are some different ways of picking your horse for the Derby:
1. Dosage index, Rasmussen factor, tip and finger sheets - these are all scientific and insider tips that usually...don't really work. Either a horse fails the chart and wins, or, in the case of Charismatic, it made the chart on dosage but the experts all said he wasn't good enough, and he still won. I guess these horses didn't know they were supposed to lose!
2. Go to the dawn workouts at the track - I've never done this, but many people do and swear by a horse's good workout. Doesn't work.
3. Know an owner or trainer and pledge your allegiance to them by betting their horse. Works as well as anything else.
4. Pick your horse by the name or the colors. Most normal, non-fanatical people do this. This also works as well as anything else.
5. Close your eyes and hit your program with a pencil. Whatever it lands on is your horse. I HAVE BEEN MOST SUCCESSFUL WITH THIS!
I'm going to go look at the post positions now...
I won't even make a joke about asking people from out of town what their Derby pick is, because EVERYBODY ALWAYS asks EVERYBODY ELSE what their Derby pick is. Even strangers on the street. Because you never know, someone might have the inside scoop and make this year's Derby a happy one!
(Okay, every Derby is a good one, and always exciting. But it's a fact, the ones that you remember most fondly are the ones in which your horse wins it. For me, it was Winning Colors in 1988 and Charismatic in 1999.)
Here are some different ways of picking your horse for the Derby:
1. Dosage index, Rasmussen factor, tip and finger sheets - these are all scientific and insider tips that usually...don't really work. Either a horse fails the chart and wins, or, in the case of Charismatic, it made the chart on dosage but the experts all said he wasn't good enough, and he still won. I guess these horses didn't know they were supposed to lose!
2. Go to the dawn workouts at the track - I've never done this, but many people do and swear by a horse's good workout. Doesn't work.
3. Know an owner or trainer and pledge your allegiance to them by betting their horse. Works as well as anything else.
4. Pick your horse by the name or the colors. Most normal, non-fanatical people do this. This also works as well as anything else.
5. Close your eyes and hit your program with a pencil. Whatever it lands on is your horse. I HAVE BEEN MOST SUCCESSFUL WITH THIS!
I'm going to go look at the post positions now...
Tuesday, April 27, 2004
Freedom
When did it become decided that we are the way we are?
What if we just refused to be what people expect us to be, and instead be what we want to be?
Maybe more later on this, it's just a thought...
What if we just refused to be what people expect us to be, and instead be what we want to be?
Maybe more later on this, it's just a thought...
Sunday, April 25, 2004
My 2nd favorites: the list
I'm turning my assignment in on time now, some of these really gave me trouble. Now I'll go do my real homework that's due tomorrow...
John's Weekend Assignment #2: Describe your second-favorite of the following:
(Here's my Disclaimer: Second favorites may change at any time as tastes change and people grow up. That said, here is my pretty juvenile list:)
Movie:
The Shawshank Redemption
This was a hard decision, but I'm basing this on the number of times I've seen it. And nothing can top the last 20 minutes of the movie.
Book:
I'm a reader and it's very hard to pick favorites when I love them all. Ask me any day my second favorite and I will tell you a different book. Today I'm going to say
Dolphin Island by Arthur C. Clarke
Album:
Buffy The Vampire Slayer: Once More, With Feeling. We listen to it the most because it's something my daughter and I both enjoy. 'Under Your Spell' is my favorite track, 'I've Got A Theory' is hers.
School teacher:
Mrs. Graham, 2nd & 3rd grades. I'll never forget how caring she was.
Ice cream flavor:
I'm not a real ice cream fan, and I hardly ever eat it, but...I like Reese's Blizzards from Dairy Queen. Does that count?
Sports team:
Chicago Cubs - It's probably Wrigley Field that does it for me.
Comfort food:
The thing I make most often after peanut butter & jelly? That would be KRAFT Original Macaroni Cheese.
Celebrity crush:
Ed Harris. You know why. He's ED HARRIS.
Cartoon character:
Lilo from Lilo & Stitch. She's so cute, and she loves Elvis.
Way to relax:
Playing the piano. You forget all your worries and just play.
John's Weekend Assignment #2: Describe your second-favorite of the following:
(Here's my Disclaimer: Second favorites may change at any time as tastes change and people grow up. That said, here is my pretty juvenile list:)
Movie:
The Shawshank Redemption
This was a hard decision, but I'm basing this on the number of times I've seen it. And nothing can top the last 20 minutes of the movie.
Book:
I'm a reader and it's very hard to pick favorites when I love them all. Ask me any day my second favorite and I will tell you a different book. Today I'm going to say
Dolphin Island by Arthur C. Clarke
Album:
Buffy The Vampire Slayer: Once More, With Feeling. We listen to it the most because it's something my daughter and I both enjoy. 'Under Your Spell' is my favorite track, 'I've Got A Theory' is hers.
School teacher:
Mrs. Graham, 2nd & 3rd grades. I'll never forget how caring she was.
Ice cream flavor:
I'm not a real ice cream fan, and I hardly ever eat it, but...I like Reese's Blizzards from Dairy Queen. Does that count?
Sports team:
Chicago Cubs - It's probably Wrigley Field that does it for me.
Comfort food:
The thing I make most often after peanut butter & jelly? That would be KRAFT Original Macaroni Cheese.
Celebrity crush:
Ed Harris. You know why. He's ED HARRIS.
Cartoon character:
Lilo from Lilo & Stitch. She's so cute, and she loves Elvis.
Way to relax:
Playing the piano. You forget all your worries and just play.
Friday, April 23, 2004
Ode To My Neighbors
My neighbors across the street have been remodeling their house for the last few months, and it is turning out gorgeous. I stepped out on my porch a while ago and watched their TV for a few seconds - they have big picture windows all the way across the front of their house now and we now have a great view of their giant widescreen TV. I can almost see it flickering through the windows of my house, it's that big.
All kidding aside, and besides the fact that they let us watch their TV, I'm always struck by how lucky I am to have neighbors like this. They are quite possibly the best neighbors, anywhere, ever. I'm very lucky, let me tell you...
One day it had snowed 20 inches here in Louisville. I was coming home from work early in the morning, and GOT STUCK TRYING TO GET IN MY DRIVEWAY. It's been documented, I'm a bad driver - I had no idea how to get unstuck. I go back and forth, back and forth...suddenly I see a figure come up beside my car. It's Johnnie with his shovel. He's a hero! He digs, and digs, and digs...and finally I get out of the street and all is well.
I used to leave my headlights on all the time in my old car. Johnnie would come over, open my car door, and turn them off for me.
Johnnie's husband, Dwayne, is who my daughter goes to when she's fundraising. He always buys a ton of stuff from her, and says, "Whenever you're selling something like this, always come to us, we'll buy whatever it is".
One time I had a box sitting on my front porch. I wasn't home. Johnnie and Dwayne were. They saw a stranger come up to my porch, grab the box, and take off down the street. Johnnie (and please don't do this at home) takes off after the guy and confronts him a couple of blocks down. Johnnie: "I saw you take that from my neighbor's porch, I need it back!" The thief: "Oh, did they want this box?" Johnnie retrieved the box from the thief and kept it for safekeeping until we got home. I couldn't believe Johnnie did that, he could have been hurt! But he did it anyway.
The list goes on. I can only hope that I've been as good a neighbor to them as they've been to me. It's so comforting to know that they're there, watching over me... that's what being neighborly is all about.
We all need to watch out for each other like this.
All kidding aside, and besides the fact that they let us watch their TV, I'm always struck by how lucky I am to have neighbors like this. They are quite possibly the best neighbors, anywhere, ever. I'm very lucky, let me tell you...
One day it had snowed 20 inches here in Louisville. I was coming home from work early in the morning, and GOT STUCK TRYING TO GET IN MY DRIVEWAY. It's been documented, I'm a bad driver - I had no idea how to get unstuck. I go back and forth, back and forth...suddenly I see a figure come up beside my car. It's Johnnie with his shovel. He's a hero! He digs, and digs, and digs...and finally I get out of the street and all is well.
I used to leave my headlights on all the time in my old car. Johnnie would come over, open my car door, and turn them off for me.
Johnnie's husband, Dwayne, is who my daughter goes to when she's fundraising. He always buys a ton of stuff from her, and says, "Whenever you're selling something like this, always come to us, we'll buy whatever it is".
One time I had a box sitting on my front porch. I wasn't home. Johnnie and Dwayne were. They saw a stranger come up to my porch, grab the box, and take off down the street. Johnnie (and please don't do this at home) takes off after the guy and confronts him a couple of blocks down. Johnnie: "I saw you take that from my neighbor's porch, I need it back!" The thief: "Oh, did they want this box?" Johnnie retrieved the box from the thief and kept it for safekeeping until we got home. I couldn't believe Johnnie did that, he could have been hurt! But he did it anyway.
The list goes on. I can only hope that I've been as good a neighbor to them as they've been to me. It's so comforting to know that they're there, watching over me... that's what being neighborly is all about.
We all need to watch out for each other like this.
Thursday, April 22, 2004
Goodbye, Gray Zones
I hadn't recovered from our trip...as the days went by, I became more and more tired. I had finally entered a new floaty state of exhaustion by Wednesday. I fell asleep at stoplights, in a meeting at work, and in class Wednesday night.
So I went to bed early Wednesday, and slept for eight hours last night! Who knew the wonders that a good night's sleep can do for your disposition? I should do this more often!
My daughter left her Lizzie McGuire CD in my car, and of course I listened to it all the way to work today. It's so great, full of innocence and joy...it's all about experiencing the moment and taking chances. You know, living. It made me wonder about my own life. How am I living? Am I experiencing the moment and taking chances? I don't think so. I do a lot of stuff, and have a lot of interests, but I'm not experiencing any moments. Everything is a blur, anymore.
I remember my first kiss. I was 16 years old (late starter, I know). It was springtime, outside at Iroquois Park. I remember the time of day, the exact location in the park, everything. My romance with the boy soon ended, but he'll always have a special place in my heart.
It's just telling how I remember this so vividly. In my mind, life seemed to speed up after that, through other relationships and experiences, to my present long-term attachment. (I can hardly ever talk about my boyfriend in here because he would be mortified. He's taking my word that I won't discuss him, because he doesn't even go online, usually.) But the speeding up is the same for everything, first kiss, first day of work, first day of school...
I don't want to be speeding up. I don't want my life to be a blur. I want to be able to wear gold instead of yellow! (Well really, I stick with black, but you get my point... .)
I want to experience every moment like it's the first time.
So I went to bed early Wednesday, and slept for eight hours last night! Who knew the wonders that a good night's sleep can do for your disposition? I should do this more often!
My daughter left her Lizzie McGuire CD in my car, and of course I listened to it all the way to work today. It's so great, full of innocence and joy...it's all about experiencing the moment and taking chances. You know, living. It made me wonder about my own life. How am I living? Am I experiencing the moment and taking chances? I don't think so. I do a lot of stuff, and have a lot of interests, but I'm not experiencing any moments. Everything is a blur, anymore.
I remember my first kiss. I was 16 years old (late starter, I know). It was springtime, outside at Iroquois Park. I remember the time of day, the exact location in the park, everything. My romance with the boy soon ended, but he'll always have a special place in my heart.
It's just telling how I remember this so vividly. In my mind, life seemed to speed up after that, through other relationships and experiences, to my present long-term attachment. (I can hardly ever talk about my boyfriend in here because he would be mortified. He's taking my word that I won't discuss him, because he doesn't even go online, usually.) But the speeding up is the same for everything, first kiss, first day of work, first day of school...
I don't want to be speeding up. I don't want my life to be a blur. I want to be able to wear gold instead of yellow! (Well really, I stick with black, but you get my point... .)
I want to experience every moment like it's the first time.
Monday, April 19, 2004
More Chicago Notes
I can't ever seem to start writing until I'm exhausted and incoherent from lack of sleep. It's very interesting.
The most beautiful thing we saw on our trip:
How to choose? I think that by far the most beautiful thing in Chicago is the LAKE. Impossibly blue and, to the eyes, as big as the ocean, it's hard to look away from it. And sometimes there's fog in the distance and you can't tell where the water ends and the sky begins. The trip is worth it for the view alone.
The other beautiful thing is the "American Windows" by Chagall at The Art Institute of Chicago. Stained glass, more blue, and light, and hints of reds, pinks, greens, yellows. It's just wonderful. How did I go to Chicago twice before now and miss this?
The best moments of our trip:
For me? The tour guide dropped us off at the RainForest Cafe and uncharacteristically gave us more time than we needed. My daughter and I seized the moment, ditched the restaurant as quickly as we could, and ventured out on our own. It was only an hour to ourselves, unscripted, but it was the most fun we had all week. It was like playing hooky, and I got to go to Walgreens.
My daughter says the best moment was getting back to the hotel every night so she could lay down and watch TV.
It's the simple things...
The prize for the strangest thing we saw:
Goes to the big ugly black spider we saw hanging from the top of the building, outside the window on the 103rd floor of the Sears Tower. How did it get all the way up there? Everyone else was excited about it...while I was just happy that it was outside, not inside.
2nd place goes to the 6th grade girls' rendition of "Amelia, Amelia, Amelia".
The new favorite tourist thing that we've never done before but definitely want to do again:
That would be Medieval Times. I've always held out on going there because I thought it would be cheesy. And it is! But great fun, as well! Where else can you get a great meal and front row seating to jousting and some great Buffy-worthy fighting?
The one thing I need to work on:
Where did my money go? Gift shops should be outlawed for people like me who have no sense of self-control when it comes to buying pencils and postcards. I think I have about 200 dollars worth of pencils and postcards still left to unpack.
My daughter is much smarter than me, she spent all her money on stuffed animals. At least she has something to hold!
The most beautiful thing we saw on our trip:
How to choose? I think that by far the most beautiful thing in Chicago is the LAKE. Impossibly blue and, to the eyes, as big as the ocean, it's hard to look away from it. And sometimes there's fog in the distance and you can't tell where the water ends and the sky begins. The trip is worth it for the view alone.
The other beautiful thing is the "American Windows" by Chagall at The Art Institute of Chicago. Stained glass, more blue, and light, and hints of reds, pinks, greens, yellows. It's just wonderful. How did I go to Chicago twice before now and miss this?
The best moments of our trip:
For me? The tour guide dropped us off at the RainForest Cafe and uncharacteristically gave us more time than we needed. My daughter and I seized the moment, ditched the restaurant as quickly as we could, and ventured out on our own. It was only an hour to ourselves, unscripted, but it was the most fun we had all week. It was like playing hooky, and I got to go to Walgreens.
My daughter says the best moment was getting back to the hotel every night so she could lay down and watch TV.
It's the simple things...
The prize for the strangest thing we saw:
Goes to the big ugly black spider we saw hanging from the top of the building, outside the window on the 103rd floor of the Sears Tower. How did it get all the way up there? Everyone else was excited about it...while I was just happy that it was outside, not inside.
2nd place goes to the 6th grade girls' rendition of "Amelia, Amelia, Amelia".
The new favorite tourist thing that we've never done before but definitely want to do again:
That would be Medieval Times. I've always held out on going there because I thought it would be cheesy. And it is! But great fun, as well! Where else can you get a great meal and front row seating to jousting and some great Buffy-worthy fighting?
The one thing I need to work on:
Where did my money go? Gift shops should be outlawed for people like me who have no sense of self-control when it comes to buying pencils and postcards. I think I have about 200 dollars worth of pencils and postcards still left to unpack.
My daughter is much smarter than me, she spent all her money on stuffed animals. At least she has something to hold!
Sunday, April 18, 2004
10 things
I missed this weekend's assignment by an hour, maybe I can get an extension on my homework because I was out of town... here's 10 things (I'm too tired to even fathom doing 25 things right now)...
1. I had my jaw broken in four places and wired shut for six weeks the summer I was 15.
2. I started taking college classes at 16 years old and I didn't graduate until I was 27. Now I'm going back for my second degree.
3. I once broke up with somebody on his voicemail. I'm not proud of it, it's one of the worst things I've ever done.
4. I gave birth to my daughter via natural childbirth, no drugs. It's not that I didn't want the drugs!, but I made it to the hospital almost too late, and definitely too late for painkillers.
5. I am a very bad driver.
6. I lived in Germany for three years as a child.
7. I play the piano.
8. I am a card-carrying member of the Planetary Society.
9. I've been dating my boyfriend for eight years but I've known him for 17 years.
10. I am a Christian. My goal is to live up to His example of love. I often fail (emphasis on often) but I'll never stop trying.
1. I had my jaw broken in four places and wired shut for six weeks the summer I was 15.
2. I started taking college classes at 16 years old and I didn't graduate until I was 27. Now I'm going back for my second degree.
3. I once broke up with somebody on his voicemail. I'm not proud of it, it's one of the worst things I've ever done.
4. I gave birth to my daughter via natural childbirth, no drugs. It's not that I didn't want the drugs!, but I made it to the hospital almost too late, and definitely too late for painkillers.
5. I am a very bad driver.
6. I lived in Germany for three years as a child.
7. I play the piano.
8. I am a card-carrying member of the Planetary Society.
9. I've been dating my boyfriend for eight years but I've known him for 17 years.
10. I am a Christian. My goal is to live up to His example of love. I often fail (emphasis on often) but I'll never stop trying.
Chicago working backwards
We got back from Chicago late last night, and I'm still exhausted. How long does it take to get over a trip like this?
We had dinner in Indianapolis on the way home. The experience there made both my daughter and I feel a lot better about the trip. The two of us sat down at a table alone since her six classmates were sitting with each other, and, as usual, they hadn't left any room for her. We had just been there a couple of seconds, though, before the girls noticed where she was and shoved a bunch of seats together and called her to sit with them.
I was so thankful to see it, and trying hard to get over my resentment of the fact that they could have done that the whole trip, instead of the last day. I had really taken everything a lot worse than my daughter had. She is the eternal optimist and always ready to forgive and forget.
So, my daughter deserted me, and I was stuck eating dinner by myself, but that was okay because she was happy.
Then I hear someone say, "Are you eating alone? Come sit with us!". I look over and it's one of the other mothers from my bus, at a table with her son and his friend.
I had seen and heard this woman, Allison, talking on the bus for the last four days, and she was by far the most intimidating person of all on this trip. Older, beautiful, self-confident, and loud - totally opposite from me.
With trepidation, I sat down with her, and we talked through supper. And to my surprise, she was absolutely approachable and nice. Not only that, but she had a lot of the same concerns that I did about the trip and how the other kids were treating her child. And also the same concerns about not really knowing the other people on the trip, and the same relief that the trip was almost over!
(Anna: I was thinking of you as I was talking to Allison through this dinner, and how right you were. This person wasn't intimidating at all once I talked to her, but very nice and normal. Thank you again!)
As for the last leg of the trip home, Derby Time struck again. I-65 was closed for THUNDER OVER LOUISVILLE, the nation's largest annual fireworks show and the official kickoff of the KY DERBY FESTIVAL. The fireworks show is held over the Ohio River. That's the river we have to cross to get back to Kentucky.
With I-65 closed, we backtrack our way on the Detour to get on I-64, where traffic was at a standstill. So the bus got off the interstate and drove through the back roads to get back on I-64 at mile marker 1, which is the last entrance to the interstate before it crosses the river.
So we get on the Interstate and are soon stuck on the bridge over the Ohio River, which is where we happen to be when the fireworks start.
And that's how we got great seats for the 40-minute fireworks extravaganza, keeping the kids and adults close to the windows, and the conversation on the bus soon limited to "OOOH...AHHH...OOOH...AHHH".
The tour guides insisted that they planned it that way, hour delay and all.
I'll write more on the trip next time, working backwards. I am so happy to be home.
We had dinner in Indianapolis on the way home. The experience there made both my daughter and I feel a lot better about the trip. The two of us sat down at a table alone since her six classmates were sitting with each other, and, as usual, they hadn't left any room for her. We had just been there a couple of seconds, though, before the girls noticed where she was and shoved a bunch of seats together and called her to sit with them.
I was so thankful to see it, and trying hard to get over my resentment of the fact that they could have done that the whole trip, instead of the last day. I had really taken everything a lot worse than my daughter had. She is the eternal optimist and always ready to forgive and forget.
So, my daughter deserted me, and I was stuck eating dinner by myself, but that was okay because she was happy.
Then I hear someone say, "Are you eating alone? Come sit with us!". I look over and it's one of the other mothers from my bus, at a table with her son and his friend.
I had seen and heard this woman, Allison, talking on the bus for the last four days, and she was by far the most intimidating person of all on this trip. Older, beautiful, self-confident, and loud - totally opposite from me.
With trepidation, I sat down with her, and we talked through supper. And to my surprise, she was absolutely approachable and nice. Not only that, but she had a lot of the same concerns that I did about the trip and how the other kids were treating her child. And also the same concerns about not really knowing the other people on the trip, and the same relief that the trip was almost over!
(Anna: I was thinking of you as I was talking to Allison through this dinner, and how right you were. This person wasn't intimidating at all once I talked to her, but very nice and normal. Thank you again!)
As for the last leg of the trip home, Derby Time struck again. I-65 was closed for THUNDER OVER LOUISVILLE, the nation's largest annual fireworks show and the official kickoff of the KY DERBY FESTIVAL. The fireworks show is held over the Ohio River. That's the river we have to cross to get back to Kentucky.
With I-65 closed, we backtrack our way on the Detour to get on I-64, where traffic was at a standstill. So the bus got off the interstate and drove through the back roads to get back on I-64 at mile marker 1, which is the last entrance to the interstate before it crosses the river.
So we get on the Interstate and are soon stuck on the bridge over the Ohio River, which is where we happen to be when the fireworks start.
And that's how we got great seats for the 40-minute fireworks extravaganza, keeping the kids and adults close to the windows, and the conversation on the bus soon limited to "OOOH...AHHH...OOOH...AHHH".
The tour guides insisted that they planned it that way, hour delay and all.
I'll write more on the trip next time, working backwards. I am so happy to be home.
Thursday, April 15, 2004
Midnight in Chicago
I brought my laptop along just in case I had time. My beautiful girl crashed asleep as soon as we got back to the hotel tonight.
Going on a four-day field trip with a bunch of middle school kids (average age: 13) has been all kinds of fun so far.
That was a joke.
I'm separate from the other parents, and I'm not quite sure why. I have my theories. A lot of it is on purpose, on my part. I tend to hold people at arm's length. I've always been a loner, but lately it's been rather extreme.
Also, this is a small, private, Christian school that my daughter goes to. The other moms are, for the most part, older than me and married, and they have short coiffed hair. I feel massively inferior and different on this trip. I was a mother at 19, I've never been married (though I have been with my boyfriend for eight years now, which is a very long time and I've heard the "when are you getting married" thing about a million times now), I haven't had short hair since eighth grade, and I don't usually wear pastels.
Being separate has never bothered me before. But now, I see my daughter going through the same thing with the other girls that did come on this trip. I'm watching her, and she's separate from them. And it really bothers her.
And it makes me feel terrible, because it has to be my fault.
Chicago is such a great city and I hate to be feeling like this while we're here. I don't know how to fix it, or if it can be fixed. It's times like this, when watching her heart be broken is breaking my heart, that really makes me feel the loneliness of being a single parent. I wish I didn't have to worry over this alone.
Hopefully Friday will be a better day. We'll be visiting some of our favorite places, and I'll try harder to keep her company so maybe she'll forget that she was on the outside. It's always about good memories. What else will you have when it's all over? This will be my mission for her for the rest of this trip.
I'll try my hardest. Good memories.
Going on a four-day field trip with a bunch of middle school kids (average age: 13) has been all kinds of fun so far.
That was a joke.
I'm separate from the other parents, and I'm not quite sure why. I have my theories. A lot of it is on purpose, on my part. I tend to hold people at arm's length. I've always been a loner, but lately it's been rather extreme.
Also, this is a small, private, Christian school that my daughter goes to. The other moms are, for the most part, older than me and married, and they have short coiffed hair. I feel massively inferior and different on this trip. I was a mother at 19, I've never been married (though I have been with my boyfriend for eight years now, which is a very long time and I've heard the "when are you getting married" thing about a million times now), I haven't had short hair since eighth grade, and I don't usually wear pastels.
Being separate has never bothered me before. But now, I see my daughter going through the same thing with the other girls that did come on this trip. I'm watching her, and she's separate from them. And it really bothers her.
And it makes me feel terrible, because it has to be my fault.
Chicago is such a great city and I hate to be feeling like this while we're here. I don't know how to fix it, or if it can be fixed. It's times like this, when watching her heart be broken is breaking my heart, that really makes me feel the loneliness of being a single parent. I wish I didn't have to worry over this alone.
Hopefully Friday will be a better day. We'll be visiting some of our favorite places, and I'll try harder to keep her company so maybe she'll forget that she was on the outside. It's always about good memories. What else will you have when it's all over? This will be my mission for her for the rest of this trip.
I'll try my hardest. Good memories.
Monday, April 12, 2004
What am I doing?
I'm sitting here instead of being constructive. I'm leaving for Chicago in 36 hours, and I haven't even started our packing.
I know exactly why I'm nervous about this trip. Usually, I'm traveling in my car, and I have control over what I'm doing, or else I'm traveling with some other responsible person.
This time, it's just me. I'm traveling with my daughter, on a bus to Chicago, with some other students from her school, for a field trip. Essentially, it's just me and her. Very few people she knows are going on this trip, and I'll only know some of the people in passing.
(This is how you get scammed into agreeing to a trip like this. Your lovely 11-year old daughter comes home in September soooo excited about this middle school field trip to Chicago. And EVERYONE'S GOING! And she can't possibly be the only one not to go. And you will ruin her life if she's left out of this.
So you agree to go. And you send lots and lots of money in, and bake hundreds of brownies for bake sales. And then she mentions her two best friends aren't going. And you say, "Oh, who is going, then?" And she mentions maybe, oh, five people from her class are actually going. Everyone else had dropped out long ago. Because they knew better.)
It's really simple. I'm terrified that I'm going to forget something essential and I won't have my car to go and buy it from Wal-Mart. And I'm extremely nervous about the fact that I won't know anybody. Who will talk to me? (Interject my daughter: "I'll talk to you, Mommy!".)
I've been to Chicago twice before and it's a really wonderful place. I'm sure once we get there I'll be feeling better about the situation. Wouldn't it be cool if we could just skip over the apprehension we feel sometimes, and get right to the thing?
I know exactly why I'm nervous about this trip. Usually, I'm traveling in my car, and I have control over what I'm doing, or else I'm traveling with some other responsible person.
This time, it's just me. I'm traveling with my daughter, on a bus to Chicago, with some other students from her school, for a field trip. Essentially, it's just me and her. Very few people she knows are going on this trip, and I'll only know some of the people in passing.
(This is how you get scammed into agreeing to a trip like this. Your lovely 11-year old daughter comes home in September soooo excited about this middle school field trip to Chicago. And EVERYONE'S GOING! And she can't possibly be the only one not to go. And you will ruin her life if she's left out of this.
So you agree to go. And you send lots and lots of money in, and bake hundreds of brownies for bake sales. And then she mentions her two best friends aren't going. And you say, "Oh, who is going, then?" And she mentions maybe, oh, five people from her class are actually going. Everyone else had dropped out long ago. Because they knew better.)
It's really simple. I'm terrified that I'm going to forget something essential and I won't have my car to go and buy it from Wal-Mart. And I'm extremely nervous about the fact that I won't know anybody. Who will talk to me? (Interject my daughter: "I'll talk to you, Mommy!".)
I've been to Chicago twice before and it's a really wonderful place. I'm sure once we get there I'll be feeling better about the situation. Wouldn't it be cool if we could just skip over the apprehension we feel sometimes, and get right to the thing?
Saturday, April 10, 2004
It's Derby time...
I had to go to an Easter egg hunt at 10 this (Saturday) morning. I'm rushing, rushing, run out to my car, tear down the street, around the corner, up the street, and...stop.
The road is blocked by some kind of race. I go around a different way and it's blocked there too. I manage to make a huge backwards square in a way that's not blocked and finally get to where I'm going.
This happens to me every year, and signals the advent of DERBY TIME.
I live in Louisville, KY, home of the Kentucky Derby. While most people know about this horse race, most people probably don't know that this city throws a huge three-week party up to the start of the Derby, consisting of festivals, chow wagons, walks, runs, a balloon race, and a huge fireworks display. There is also no school on the day before the Derby (Derby Eve). The Derby is the big thing here.
I really love this city, it's beautiful. I didn't always live here, because I was an Army brat and moved around on the average of every 1 to 3 years growing up, in the US and in Germany. I was very thankful to settle back down here when I was almost 13 and I've been here ever since. I've lived in other beautiful places, cities with castles and 1000-year histories, but there's really no place like home.
However, for three weeks every year at this time, I'm kind of slightly frustrated being here, when I deal with the inconvenience of living in the South End of Louisville, where Churchill Downs happens to be, and the roads are closed down ALL THE TIME.
When I was working nights a few years ago, I got off early one morning and actually had to leave my car parked a mile and a half away, and walk home. Culprit: the mini-marathon. And I don't even want to talk about OAKS day, when for the past two years my exit off the expressway on my way home from work has been blocked, and backtracking my way home has taken an extra hour.
And I guess I'll stop complaining, because I wouldn't trade the inconvenience for anything... since along with it comes the excitement of being in the middle of something really great!
This city wouldn't be as charming without all the Derby craziness. It's springtime, and the trees and flowers are blooming, the drabness of winter is being painted over with greens and pinks and purples, and my city prepares to put its best face forward to the world who watches us for two minutes every year.
And there's lots of helicopters.
Wednesday, April 7, 2004
Yours, Anne
I first read Anne Frank when I was in middle school, I think everyone did. I loved Anne, she was my friend. I've reread her diary several times in my life.
Then last semester I took a class on Holocaust literature. I didn't know that the Holocaust was going to be the subject matter, because the class was labeled only as Writing About Literature. It was a surprise.
I started out with Elie Wiesel's Night. I didn't make it through the first chapter without crying, and that set the tone for my state of mind through the entire semester.
Night was the first real glimpse I had ever seen of the concentration camp. I don't know how it affected other people reading it for the first time. All I knew was that my dear friend, Anne Frank, encountered these unspeakable horrors after she and her family were arrested from their Secret Annex. The horrors of the death camps had become personal.
Anne, of course, never got to write her testimony about the camps. I had to read someone else's for it to become real to me.
The point of this is, my 11-year old asked for some books from her school's book fair this week. I let her have two that she wanted and I added one I thought she would like, entitled Yours, Anne. It's kind of a mini-biography/synopsis of Anne's life and writings, geared toward young girls. It's a really good book to start with for background.
I was looking through the book last night, and by the time I got to the last two or three chapters, I was crying. Hard. I finished the book and went to kiss my daughter good night and she was completely alarmed by my face. I explained nothing was wrong, I was just crying from reading her new Anne Frank biography.
Hopefully I haven't scared her off from reading it now. I obviously haven't yet gotten over the five months of intensive study of the Holocaust from last semester.
I hope I never get over it.
Monday, April 5, 2004
It's not working...
It suddenly hit me today that I'm not prepared for our trip next week. I can't seem to get my mind around the fact that I have a million things to do to get ready. This week is a very bad time for another one of these sit-on-the-bed-and-don't-move episodes.
I'm too tired to do a proper entry tonight. You know how when you get really tired you close one eye, and then the other, and so while you're looking at the monitor your head keeps tilting back and forth?
Or is that just me?
Venus is on the other side of the Pleiades now, it's quite exciting.
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