Missed.

Two years ago, we celebrated Fourth of July at my grandparents house. My grandma was in the last weeks of her two-year struggle with ovarian cancer, and we were all aware that this was likely the last holiday we would all be together.

As I sat and gazed at my beautiful grandmother, I thought about Thornton Wilder's "Our Town". I felt like the young female protagonist who died and visited her life as a ghost, and implored everyone to appreciate their life and loved ones while they could.

I struggled to take in every moment of the day: my family laughing as we cooked out in the backyard; sitting in the family room with my grandma and my daughter; setting off fireworks in the street while my grandma watched from the porch. She had to be so exhausted, but she stayed up and with us every moment of the day.

Eight days later, my grandmother slipped into a coma. She died on July 16, 2011.

We didn't celebrate Independence Day at all the next year.

This year we did get together for our family thing. The pain is still there but time has eased it, and now we can smile and laugh and remember without our heart always breaking in two.

This holiday, though, is no longer just a holiday. It's the last holiday I spent with my grandmother, and will always be the most precious to me.

Happy Fourth...

My brother wanted me to make a CD to play during the $400 family fireworks show tonight...his special request was a 'Star Wars / Patriotic' CD, with the emphasis on the 'Star Wars'.

Didn't work...I played around with the playlist for two days, and mostly 'Star Wars' meant mostly BORING for 99% of our guests who would not be Star Wars fans.  I eliminated all but four songs from various Star Wars soundtracks, put a few Star Wars sound clips in, and the rest were some of my favorite patriotic songs.

I had to, regrettably, leave out Jimi Hendrix' version of the Star-Spangled Banner...I was told the senior citizens wouldn't appreciate it...

Playlist:

1. The Star-Spangled Banner - Whitney Houston

2. Sound Effect - 'Star Wars' Lightsaber

3. 'Star Wars' Main Theme

4. Sound Effect - 'Star Wars'...You must learn the ways of the force...

5. Song of the Patriot - Johnny Cash

6. America: Why I Love Her - John Wayne

7. 'Star Wars' Anakin v. Obi-Wan ('Revenge of the Sith' Soundtrack)

8. Sound Effect - 'Star Wars' Darth Vader breathing

9. Fourth of July - Shooter Jennings

10. America - Waylon Jennings

11. Some Gave All - Billy Ray Cyrus

12. America the Beautiful - Ray Charles

13. 'Star Wars' Duel of the Fates ('The Phantom Menace' Soundtrack)

14. Sound Effect - 'Star Wars' Do or do not, there is no try...

15. 'Top Gun' Anthem

16. God Bless the USA - Lee Greenwood

17. Coming to America - Neil Diamond

18. 'Superman' Theme

19. Ragged Old Flag - Johnny Cash

20. If I Can Dream - Elvis Presley

21. America the Beautiful - Willie Nelson

22. 'Star Wars' Yoda's Death ('Return of the Jedi' Soundtrack)

23. Sound Effect - 'Star Wars' If you strike me down...

24. Where Were You (When the World Stopped Turning) - Alan Jackson

25. God Bless America - Celine Dion

I spent most of my time inside...my hand is killing me.  I'm calling the doctor tomorrow, I think I have some nerve damage in my middle and ring fingers.

The space shuttle lifted off!  It was beautiful...

p.s. I've told everyone I know about how Laura Ingalls Wilder spent one Independence Day in De Smet, SD...because nobody I know (except for me) has read her books.  The most significant part to me has always been where everyone at the celebration in town is able to recite the Declaration of Independence.

I need a blanket...

I think I'm done writing about the trip, for now...at least until I get my pictures developed.. I had a very productive week...I caught up on the laundry...worked overtime and finally caught up at work...and I gathered up all the disposable cameras we took to NYC and put them on top of the piano by the front door.
I'm trying to avoid a repeat of the shame that I have over last year's field trip to Chicago...I'm sure we probably have very nice pictures of that trip, but I wouldn't know, would I, because I've NEVER GOTTEN THOSE PICTURES DEVELOPED, EITHER...
I have just a tiny little problem with procrastination.
Whatever.
Moving forward...for the past month it's been 70-80 degrees...everything is in full bloom...it was summertime here!  Then this freak cold front moved through...high winds...thunderstorms...hail...a funnel cloud touched down in downtown Louisville...and behind the cold front, oh no, it's so cold!  It's like I'm back in New York!
30 degrees yesterday and SNOWING, when it reached 80 the week before.  That's the Ohio Valley for you...
I'm standing in my living room yesterday, and I hear this airplane flying low over my house, and I think, "Hmm, that's weird."  It wasn't until I got in the car and turned on the radio that I remembered it was THUNDER OVER LOUISVILLE, the kickoff to the Kentucky Derby Festival, starting with the air show downtown over the river,and culminating in the largest fireworks display in the country last night.
We never go down there...last year, roughly 750,000 people flocked to the riverfront for the festivities..the crowds and the traffic getting home always seem just too daunting.  This year, though, because it was SNOWING, there was not that big of a crowd at all...I tried to convince D that this is the year we should go, since there'd be hardly any traffic getting back home, but he told me off pretty good...something about freezing to death/am I crazy/what's wrong with you...we didn't have one of those silver survival blankets like one of those crazy people down there...LOL!
So we were at home, watching it on TV, as usual...my favorite part is the music...my daughter likes to watch out the window, because we live close enough to downtown that she can see the sky glowing even though she can't see the actual fireworks...
"I see green, are they doing green now, Mommy?"...
"Yes, honey..."
"Ooh, red, I bet they're doing red now, aren't they..."
"Yes, sweetheart..."
"Ooh, yellow..."
This is the point where I break down and say, will you please come and watch it on the TV? Please please please... LOL!
After the show's big finale, it lives up to its name, as the shock waves from all the explosives downtown move through the city...it really does sound like thunder, and as it moves through the house, it actually shakes the walls...
Thus the annual two week party that my city lives for is kicked off...
All this for a two-minute horse race.
Here we go...

Chicago working backwards

We got back from Chicago late last night, and I'm still exhausted. How long does it take to get over a trip like this?
We had dinner in Indianapolis on the way home. The experience there made both my daughter and I feel a lot better about the trip. The two of us sat down at a table alone since her six classmates were sitting with each other, and, as usual, they hadn't left any room for her.  We had just been there a couple of seconds, though, before the girls noticed where she was and shoved a bunch of seats together and called her to sit with them. 
I was so thankful to see it, and trying hard to get over my resentment of the fact that they could have done that the whole trip, instead of the last day. I had really taken everything a lot worse than my daughter had. She is the eternal optimist and always ready to forgive and forget.
So, my daughter deserted me, and I was stuck eating dinner by myself, but that was okay because she was happy.
Then I hear someone say, "Are you eating alone? Come sit with us!". I look over and it's one of the other mothers from my bus, at a table with her son and his friend.
I had seen and heard this woman, Allison, talking on the bus for the last four days, and she was by far the most intimidating person of all on this trip. Older, beautiful, self-confident, and loud - totally opposite from me.
With trepidation, I sat down with her, and we talked through supper. And to my surprise, she was absolutely approachable and nice. Not only that, but she had a lot of the same concerns that I did about the trip and how the other kids were treating her child. And also the same concerns about not really knowing the other people on the trip, and the same relief that the trip was almost over!
(Anna: I was thinking of you as I was talking to Allison through this dinner, and how right you were.  This person wasn't intimidating at all once I talked to her, but very nice and normal.  Thank you again!)
As for the last leg of the trip home, Derby Time struck again.  I-65 was closed for THUNDER OVER LOUISVILLE, the nation's largest annual fireworks show and the official kickoff of the KY DERBY FESTIVAL.  The fireworks show is held over the Ohio River.  That's the river we have to cross to get back to Kentucky. 
With I-65 closed, we backtrack our way on the Detour to get on I-64, where traffic was at a standstill.  So the bus got off the interstate and drove through the back roads to get back on I-64 at mile marker 1, which is the last entrance to the interstate before it crosses the river.
So we get on the Interstate and are soon stuck on the bridge over the Ohio River, which is where we happen to be when the fireworks start.
And that's how we got great seats for the 40-minute fireworks extravaganza, keeping the kids and adults close to the windows, and the conversation on the bus soon limited to "OOOH...AHHH...OOOH...AHHH".
The tour guides insisted that they planned it that way, hour delay and all.
I'll write more on the trip next time, working backwards. I am so happy to be home.