Put up a fight...

Now that I'm in the process of getting better, I'm realizing I have no idea how to jump back into my former life.

I have no idea about my bills...no checking account...I'm not even clear on what I bring home every week, because Mom handles all my finances. How do I get that back?

I could call Britney Spears up, but I think her father is STILL handling her money.

OMG did I just compare myself to Britney Spears? Surely I'm not that crazy?

And now there's whispering in the back of my head...'no, you're WAY more crazy than she ever was!'

I just want to buy stuff on the internet, and be able to order pizza.

Okay, maybe she should keep handling my money a little while longer.

Driving? No. Music? No.

How can I want to get better and hold myself back at the same time?

Straight Talk: The Fight Against Depression

I AM getting better. Every day. But there are still some things I'm working towards.

I don't drive anymore. At all. I've lost my confidence.

I don't play any of my instruments anymore. I just can't. I've lost my music.

I don't handle my money anymore. It goes to my mother, who pays my bills for me. I've basically lost my adulthood.

Just putting these things down on paper make it seem a little overwhelming. I really put myself in a deep dark hole to climb out of, right? And these are just the highlights.

But still. I am getting better. I really am. I'm getting up every day. I'm going to work. (mostly.) I'm doing something besides sleeping.

I won't be dragged back down. I am getting better.

Despite my best efforts...

I still didn't manage to get back in here in less than a week...
But I was busy!
1.  Playing with my kitty...
2.  Fighting 'THE MAN'..., the bank, who thought it would be a good idea to charge me 17 overdraft charges in two weeks.  That's $32.00 apiece.  I believe that makes the total right now at $544.00 and climbing...So I called them and sat on the phone for an hour and spoke with several different people and still didn't get my money back.  AND IT WASN'T MY ERROR!  I'm furious and hurt and I'm changing banks.
3.  Watching my kitty sleep...
4.  Fighting 'THE MAN', Part 2...in this case, my prescription insurance...I filled my daughter's monthly Rx, as usual, and when I went to pick it up from the pharmacy, I was informed that the insurance wouldn't pay it until they got some form faxed to them from her pediatrician's office...I had to spend an hour on the phone with them and speak with several different people and my daughter ended up going a whole day without her medicine.  Ooooooh, I was mad! 
5.  Luckily, when you have a kitty, you can pet them a lot and it makes you feel better...
6.  Fighting 'THE MAN', Part 3...Or not, actually...Part 3 is avoiding the man...I have to turn my car back in since my three-year lease is up.  But I haven't got it fixed yet from last year's accident.  I need to call the car place and find out...if I keep the car, do I still need to get it fixed?  Will I be allowed to keep the car?  (The howls of despair in the background are from D, who is dying at the thought of me keeping the car since I only got the oil changed on it twice in the three years that I've had it...)
7.  Kitty kitty kitty!
(sigh)
Today (Monday) was C's first day of eighth grade...all weekend, instead of one last relaxing time, she had a terrible cough and cold...on top of the fact that she finally got her braces on her top teeth on Friday...so she was UNHAPPY about starting school with new braces AND the chronic cough.  But she looked so pretty and grown up, in her blue shirt and her blond hair...right up until she refused to take her medicine this morning, and then we walked out of the house to the car and my grandma was outside, next door, waiting to take pictures of C's first day, and so then my daughter turned around and stuck her tongue out at me.  Several times.
Sooo grown up!  LOL!  What a reassurance! 
I dropped her off at school, came back home, and hugged my kitty some more before I went to work.