Darkness? ...

or, as the name of the Douglas Adams book: "The Long Dark Teatime of the Soul"...
Suddenly there's secrets back in my life, and I don't like it at all...I had secrets from long ago, of course...things I did when I was young and stupid that I wouldn't want discussed and that the people who know me today would never believe of me anyway.  But since I became, you know, a grown-up...or so I thought...I thought I'd be living my life without the need for deception.  Wrong! 
And I'm so !#$%^ tired it's hard to identify exactly where things have gone wrong so I can fix the problem...I definitely need a clear head for this one!
I don't know if it's secrets exactly...maybe distance, or a wall...I need sleep to figure it out...or maybe lack of sleep is the cause of the problem!
I bought my daughter's medicine again...because it was so close to the last time, the insurance wouldn't pay for it even though I explained we lost it.  So I had to pay for it in full...$120+...I'm keeping it under lock and key!  Very expensive, but well worth it.  She's doing wonderful at school and at home now...she's doing things like carrying on conversations with people, and studying and doing homework, stuff she just wasn't capable of before.  I feel so dumb for not realizing sooner that her other medicine had stopped working.  Dumb...
Every night I walk outside and I wish that I could see more than just the handful of stars that we see...it's always followed by the thought that there are those who've never left the city and have never seen the REAL night sky, alive with stars and dominated by the Milky Way...those of us who know it's there, even if we can't always see it, are very lucky...
Beauty like that stays in our hearts and our minds, even when we don't physically see it anymore. 
Last thing tonight! or rather, this morning! Quiz I found in Angel's journal, which was first in Anna's journal...
  
Your inner soul is calling for help!  You always seems so depressed, lonely, and feel like an outsider.  You may have a cold, sad exterior, but in all reality you are hurt inside and are bottling up all of your anger.  Everyday you wonder why are you still here when there is nothing left?  You used to once be a happy, loving soul, but it was damaged by 'them' and seems like it never can be fixed again.  However, you have yet seemed to realize that there are people out there that deeply care for you.  They secretly have a thing for you because they find you to be dark, mysterious, and full of secrets, not to mention being the prettiest person in the world!  You like to enjoy your time by yourself expressing your feelings through forms of art, and enjoy nice quiet sceneries that just dazzle your mind with awe.  Your bedroom is basically your sanctuary where you can hide out, hidden from those who gave you all of the pain.  Try to loosen up and have some fun!  Never start frowning because you never know who's falling in love with your smile :)   
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